To worry about family dogs when kids visit friends' houses?

[DogVisitingConcern]

My DC (13) has been invited to someone's house for the first time, they have a dog and I have no idea what the dog is like.

I have no reason to assume it will be an unpleasant dog, or the family not responsible with the dog, but it really makes me uneasy because:

• I have been bitten by a dog


• My DH has been bitten by a dog


• My youngest was almost bitten but we managed to lift them out of the way in time (they were small when it happened)


• My extended family have had dogs that were a bit moody

Do you worry about dogs when sending your kid round to new homes? I am not into dogs, I grew up with them, I consider them a PITA but I don't quake around them.

YABU = I don't worry about unknown pet dogs when my kids go to friends' houses
YANBU = I do worry about unknown pet dogs when my kids go to friends' houses

You could check with one of the parents what will be happening with dog when.ypur child is there. Maybe dog will be shut in utility room or somewhere when your son is there

from here it sounds like a really bizarre response to the fact that a friend of your teenage son has a dog and he intends to visit their house

Doesn't sound bizarre to me. It sounds like common sense.

A fear of dogs can be limiting though. About a third of families have a dog

There are lots of people not particularly scared of dogs, who just don't want to be around them. I don't visit friends who have dogs.That's my choice and I'm happy with it. They do often take offence, but that's their problem

I think at 13 you don't have much to worry about. I definitely wouldn't leave my toddler with his aunt due to a dog I don't trust though. I'd never forgive myself if something happened.

Some people are horrible.

I’m trying to point out btw, that being that concerned over someone owning a dog out of all the things that could happen in someone else’s house - honestly seems a bit irrational.

It's most likely a poodle mix, a Labrador or a cocker spaniel of sorts - just by virtue of those being the most common mid-sized family dogs nowadays.

Why on earth does that matter in this situation? Even if it was 'human error' on the part of OP's child, she doesn't want him getting bitten. Children make mistakes, so therefore best to keep them away from dogs right?!

Judge the parents not the dog!
I have a dog, I have a child - when friends come over to play, I lock the dog away from them, not because dog can't be trusted but because it's the responsible thing to do, my dog doesn't know new child and child doesn't know dog.

Many people get bit because of they way they approach/treat dogs.
its not just simply a matter of a bad/agressive dog

but seriously?? Being anxious about having your kids go to a home with a dog.??? You should not project YOur fear on them.

Why don’t you find out more about the dog? It’d be horribly embarrassing for a thirteen year old but ask to speak to the parents, say you’re very phobic of dogs so can only feel comfortable if you know more about their dog. I’ve got a thirteen year old son and two very soppy Labradors. In that situation I’d reassure you and say he’d be more likely to be mauled by a wandering hen (which is incredibly unlikely too, but even chickens scare some!). Our dogs are about as pleasant as they can be,I’d be far more worried about people.

My son’s friend has five dogs. Didn’t occur to me to be worried at all, my son is huge now at thirteen and seems to be really capable. Maybe it’s a case of letting go a bit now your son is thirteen, the stats are so low for serious dog attacks. Other teenagers are quite another matter, but you can’t shield him from them!

YANBU anything bigger than knee high that can do serious damage or kill should be avoided. Just txt the mother and ask what dog it is.

My dad had facial reconstruction from a dog bite it's just not worth the risk. I don't like dogs around my toddlers I do allow if it's a small breed and family or close friends but I am uncomfortable with it.

I will definitely be checking when the time comes for unsupervised play dates and any homes with large dogs will be declined and invited to ours instead.

I am also close to Caerphilly there are lots of these XXL bullies about. One was off lead recently in the park it was staring with an alert look poised to run over us and wouldn't listen to the owner I picked my toddler up was absolutely terrified. No idea what it's Body language was saying but I really didn't want to find out, my instinct was telling me it was not friendly. Absolute idiot running it through a kids park off lead.

there are breeders the next village down they make an absolute fortune on them so the problem is only getting worse. I've also seen a trend for wolves but apparently you need a licence which is something I suppose.

I never used to because dogs weren't quite as common and most people I knew with one were serious about proper training, bought suitable breeds etc. I never knew anyone with a rescue dog with the sorts of issues that seem so common now.

Now where I live fucking everyone got a lockdown puppy or a rescue dog. Lots of the people with rescues have had to resort to special leads warning that the dog is reactive etc. Most of the lockdown puppies are poorly trained- owners who think because they will sit on command they are sorted, no recall, pulling on the lead constantly etc.

I worry sending my kids to these houses as we dont have a dog at home so my kids wouldnt instinctively know how to react to a nervy or overly bouncy dog, and no one would be happy.

Mid size and yellow - putting my cash on it being a yellow Labrador, in which case your biggest problem will be your son wondering why you can’t have one too.

I’ve just had a party for my 8yo, nobody batted an eyelid over the dogs, wondering if this hoohaa over dogs is an urban thing? Not one kid or parent was worried at all, lab youngest spent most of her time on her back having her tummy tickled, lab the elder got given loads of pizza.

two very soppy Labradors.

It's this kind of humanising etc that is most worrying.

You have a large dog. To you it seems soppy but you've probably never seen it reacting in a situation where its scared, or angry.

The dog I got badly knocked down by as a child was a happy soppy labrador. It didnt mean I wasnt hurt and scared by it but the owner seemed to think a child was less important than their fur baby.

My dog is unpredictable. A rescue with a history.
She's wonderful around my children and has never done anything to them but she has fear aggression so can be scared of new people and not react well to them being in her home.
We keep her locked in a separate part of the house and the kids can't reach the lock for the door on the outside. She does bark for a bit and my other half will go and sit with her so she's not on her own if he's not at work.
I'm conscious about keeping everyone safe but I'm also conscious that my kids need to live a normal life and be able to have friends round to the house.

I don't know, your initial response was odd from my perspective.

I think it is easy to jump to 'you're bizarre' when what it really is is 'you're different to me'.

I've been interested to think about it. I'm a person who likes to investigate my thoughts when I realise I'm bothered about something, thinks about why it's bothering me, whether I need to be bothered or if it is something else underlying it.

I disagree that I am 'failing to manage' my feelings - what you perhaps mean is I'm having feelings you disagree with. That's not the same thing at all. Feelings are not bad in themselves. My starting a thread about it is a way of checking whether feelings are common, getting input, and therefore actively managing my feelings.

But I have digressed from the dog topic!

I have a dog, she is as soppy as anything but I always tell a parent before the child comes over that we have a dog so that they are aware. Every parent has always been fine with it and were more shocked that I had informed them to begin with.
When a child comes over if they feel uncomfortable I put the dog away in another room. If they are happy for her to be in the house loose then they usually cuddle her to say hi and then she plods off to her bed and doesn’t bother them again.

My son has been brought up around dogs and knows how to interact with them. He has only ever had one problem when visiting a friend who had a yappy little dog that had been known to go for ankles. He asked the mum if she could put the dog in another room so he didn’t have to worry about it. She happily did.

I've woken up understanding much more about why I'm worried about it, so thanks to all who posted as it was helpful to have everyone's input.

The voting was interesting too as more were worried than I expected, but still a clear majority not worried.

This - I honestly don't understand people who allow their dogs around other people's children tbh.

I've spent my whole life around wild animals, pets, and livestock, so I certainly wouldn't say I'm afraid of any animal. Instead, I have a healthy respect for them. Dogs are living, breathing things with rational and irrational feelings and instincts. They don't always react the way you think they're going to, and even the most "soppy", docile dog is capable of doing damage if it wants to, especially to a small child. I am wary of any dog around a baby or toddler, and I'm wary of any dog over a certain size and strength around children.

There's a lady who lives not far from me with a baby of the same age as mine who I've been getting friendly with. Her boyfriend has a breed of dog that many people would (probably correctly) assume he purchased to intimidate people (can you tell that I think he's a nob?). I've had to lie to her and say the reason I don't want to take my baby into her house with her dog is because I'm phobic*, because I know they will be ever so offended if I point out that I don't want a strong, powerful animal with sharp teeth around my baby no matter how well trained and "soppy" you claim it is.

*not a particularly well thought through lie given that my social media makes my family's background with regards to animals quite evident 😬

Yanbu. I definitely think about this. There are a lot of irresponsible owners out there who treat their dogs like babies and not the potentially dangerous animal that they are.

You clearly do have a fear of dogs. Quite an extreme one as well. It would never even occur to me to be concerned about a family dog like this. You are not scared clearly of your own family dogs you tolerate them but you are scared of all other dogs and think they might all bite you and are suffering anxiety because of it.

I also struggle to believe that on three seperate occasions three different dogs randomly ran up and bit you, then your husband and nearly bit your child, when you were all doing nothing. So either that’s nonsense or there is something unsaid.

just get your son to text his mate and ask what kind of dog it is, say his mums scared of dogs so wants to know. And own the fact you’re scared of dogs instead of trying to pretend you’re not like this.

I agree with @mathanxiety !! And I give up!

I hope your son finds out what type of dog it is so this non fear can be put to rest and has a great time visiting his friend.

Yes this is a key aspect, we had quite a working relationship with our dogs, and the farm dogs are all fine, but the way so many family dogs are treated seems a bit alien to me.

My son is going, I never said he wasn't, the thread was asking if other parents worried about this. It has been interesting for me to see that more people do worry about it than I imagined, but still most people don't worry.

My dd made a new friend who has two German Shepherds and I felt worried about her going round. So far she hasn’t as they go out rather than to anyone’s house but it’s definitely something I’d worry about. Lots of small dogs can be snappy too so it’s not just the big ones I’d worry about. 13 is a tricky age because they are arranging their own social lives and make new friends at school and you have no idea what the parents are like.