Page 5 | To worry about family dogs when kids visit friends' houses?

DogVisitingConcern · 2022-05-28T17:31:22+00:00

My DC (13) has been invited to someone's house for the first time, they have a dog and I have no idea what the dog is like. I have no reason to assume it will be an unpleasant dog, or the family not responsible with the dog, but it really makes me uneasy because: I have been bitten by a dog My DH has been bitten by a dog My youngest was almost bitten but we managed to lift them out of the way in time (they were small when it happened) My extended family have had dogs that were a bit moody Do you worry about dogs when sending your kid round to new homes? I am not into dogs, I grew up with them, I consider them a PITA but I don't quake around them. YABU = I don't worry about unknown pet dogs when my kids go to friends' houses YANBU = I do worry about unknown pet dogs when my kids go to friends' houses

autienotnaughty · 29/05/2022 00:02

It's never crossed my mind. I I'm always careful with my dog as although he's friendly he's huge and likes to jump. That can be scary.

Original poster

DogVisitingConcern · 29/05/2022 00:05

The thing is, when your child is a teenager and starts to go to people’s houses where you don’t know them you pretty much just have to trust that they’re aware enough and sensible enough to judge dangers for themselves or leave or contact you if something isn’t ok.

This is not my oldest child so have been through the normal teenage concerns - but this is (maybe strangely) the first time one of mine has gone to a friend's with an unknown dog.

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XelaM · 29/05/2022 00:11

Polyanne · 28/05/2022 23:59

Depends what sort of dog. Pug - no problem. Pitbull - he wouldn’t be allowed to go.

Ok, I agree with this, especially as we own a pug and it's the kid-friendliest, most loving breed. I probably would advise to avoid invitations to families with scary breeds like XL bullies, Pittbulls, Rottweilers etc. Although all can be amazingly-trained family dogs, they are pure muscle and stronger than most grown men, so it's best not to test their temperament. If you post a picture of the dog that your son received we will be able to advise better.

Original poster

DogVisitingConcern · 29/05/2022 00:16

XelaM · 29/05/2022 00:11

Ok, I agree with this, especially as we own a pug and it's the kid-friendliest, most loving breed. I probably would advise to avoid invitations to families with scary breeds like XL bullies, Pittbulls, Rottweilers etc. Although all can be amazingly-trained family dogs, they are pure muscle and stronger than most grown men, so it's best not to test their temperament. If you post a picture of the dog that your son received we will be able to advise better.

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He said it was mid height and 'yellow' - yellow sounded encouraging to me.
His dad showed him pics of muscley dogs and he said not those. His dad also showed him a GSD and again he said not that.

Sorry I have no more info - he was shown the pic at school not sent the pic.

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Mellowyellow222 · 29/05/2022 00:17

When I was your sons age I volunteered at an animal shelter for the duke of Edinburgh. I walked dogs for them.

maybe you could do something like this with your son? Do a little good and learn some life skills, how to be comfortable around dogs.

a fear of dogs and going to peoples homes could be crippling as he gets older. It could also rule out some careers.

hopefully the parents will be discrete if you phone to check about the dog, but honestly OP he is getting to old for you to check each home before he visits.

Mellowyellow222 · 29/05/2022 00:18

Could he not text his mate in a chatty way and ask what his dog is called and what type it is?

Isausernameavailable · 29/05/2022 00:20

I would expect people to let me know that they have a dog when inviting them. It's just decent to let people know so they can make a decision. I personally would politely decline any invitation to a house with a dog.

Original poster

DogVisitingConcern · 29/05/2022 00:24

Mellowyellow222 · 29/05/2022 00:17

When I was your sons age I volunteered at an animal shelter for the duke of Edinburgh. I walked dogs for them.

maybe you could do something like this with your son? Do a little good and learn some life skills, how to be comfortable around dogs.

a fear of dogs and going to peoples homes could be crippling as he gets older. It could also rule out some careers.

hopefully the parents will be discrete if you phone to check about the dog, but honestly OP he is getting to old for you to check each home before he visits.

I think you maybe misunderstood - he is not scared.

I am the sceptical one.

I am not scared when around dogs, but I don't feel great dropping him off in a new house with an unknown dog.

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Polyanne · 29/05/2022 00:26

a fear of dogs and going to peoples homes could be crippling as he gets older
A fear of dogs is different to a healthy fear of dogs. I’m not afraid of dogs but I never put my face next to one. I’m not afraid of dogs which are too small to overpower me or jump up and reach my face. But I’d be wary of a big powerful dog or one that could stand on its hind legs and reach my face. And I’m wary of certain breeds that are known to be vicious, if one of those entered the room I’d get out of there. That’s just common sense.

Original poster

DogVisitingConcern · 29/05/2022 00:26

Isausernameavailable · 29/05/2022 00:20

I would expect people to let me know that they have a dog when inviting them. It's just decent to let people know so they can make a decision. I personally would politely decline any invitation to a house with a dog.

This is interesting as this is what I would want to do! It felt a bit odd there was no mention of the dog.

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QueenCamilla · 29/05/2022 00:27

FFS! It's not "crippling" to choose to not be around dogs for whatever reason.

I don't like dogs and avoid all situations (and boyfriends ) with them. My life is only better for it!

I'd not shy away from phoning the parents and asking what dog / where will it be.

Isausernameavailable · 29/05/2022 00:34

Tbf though, presumably the dog isn't allowed indoors so the risk should be minimal as long as the kids are inside.

tabulahrasa · 29/05/2022 00:36

DogVisitingConcern · 29/05/2022 00:05

The thing is, when your child is a teenager and starts to go to people’s houses where you don’t know them you pretty much just have to trust that they’re aware enough and sensible enough to judge dangers for themselves or leave or contact you if something isn’t ok.

This is not my oldest child so have been through the normal teenage concerns - but this is (maybe strangely) the first time one of mine has gone to a friend's with an unknown dog.

So why is a dog different than anything else?

Original poster

DogVisitingConcern · 29/05/2022 00:39

tabulahrasa · 29/05/2022 00:36

So why is a dog different than anything else?

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Because some dogs are horrible!

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Original poster

DogVisitingConcern · 29/05/2022 00:40

Isausernameavailable · 29/05/2022 00:34

Tbf though, presumably the dog isn't allowed indoors so the risk should be minimal as long as the kids are inside.

If this was the case I would not be concerned but most people let their dogs wherever they like in the house IME.

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Mellowyellow222 · 29/05/2022 00:43

QueenCamilla · 29/05/2022 00:27

FFS! It's not "crippling" to choose to not be around dogs for whatever reason.

I don't like dogs and avoid all situations (and boyfriends ) with them. My life is only better for it!

I'd not shy away from phoning the parents and asking what dog / where will it be.

A fear of dogs can be limiting though. About a third of families have a dog.

here we have a teenager going through pictures of dogs with his dad to try and find the breed, while his mum seeks advice on the internet about how to handle this visit. That seems OTT. Especially now the mum has clarified the boy isn’t scared of dogs. So why this fuss? Could he not text his mate and ask?

he is reaching the age where he will be calling into mates houses without a parental play date arranged. How will that be managed?

Original poster

DogVisitingConcern · 29/05/2022 00:54

Mellowyellow222 · 29/05/2022 00:43

A fear of dogs can be limiting though. About a third of families have a dog.

here we have a teenager going through pictures of dogs with his dad to try and find the breed, while his mum seeks advice on the internet about how to handle this visit. That seems OTT. Especially now the mum has clarified the boy isn’t scared of dogs. So why this fuss? Could he not text his mate and ask?

he is reaching the age where he will be calling into mates houses without a parental play date arranged. How will that be managed?

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I think you are over egging it, none of this feels as dramatic from here as you are portraying it.

They looked at dogs for about 90 seconds.

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paintingcolors · 29/05/2022 00:59

Depends on the breed. I won't allow my kids to go to friends houses with any American bullies or similar. I know all dogs can bite but not all dogs can shred a child to pieces in minutes.

StarDolphins · 29/05/2022 01:03

The vast majority of people are responsible, like 99% I would think are responsible so I don’t give it much thought. I’d be more concerned they’d get hurt on the journey!

Original poster

DogVisitingConcern · 29/05/2022 01:09

paintingcolors · 29/05/2022 00:59

Depends on the breed. I won't allow my kids to go to friends houses with any American bullies or similar. I know all dogs can bite but not all dogs can shred a child to pieces in minutes.

Do you know anyone with these dogs? I would be surprised if their dog is one of the muscley breeds tbh.

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villainousbroodmare · 29/05/2022 01:45

My 6yo's best mate's family have a Shar Pei bitch who is very gentle and kind. They recently got a male Shar Pei puppy which I last saw as a friendly 4mo. When visiting here last weekend they mentioned that the dog, now a big strong minimally socialized 7mo, is growling at everyone except the immediate family. They seem to think that's kind of funny. So that's a house that my kid will no longer be visiting, unfortunately.

mathanxiety · 29/05/2022 02:00

A wagging tail also isn't necessarily a sign of a happy dog - it can be a sign of aggression or over-arousal too.
This demonstrates it is not easy to interpret an animal.

No it doesn't.

It demonstrates that this is news to you.

You really are looking for problems here.

What was said was:
Watch for the whites of its eyes showing.
Watch for yawning,
Watch for looking away.
Assess tail wagging too if you wish, but you put several observations together, just as you assess the body language of a human along with tone of voice and facial expression.

And if you do not know a dog and it lives only with adults, assume it doesn't have experience around children.

mathanxiety · 29/05/2022 02:08

I think you are over egging it, none of this feels as dramatic from here as you are portraying it.

They looked at dogs for about 90 seconds.

How it feels on your end is very different from how it looks here, and to be blunt, from here it sounds like a really bizarre response to the fact that a friend of your teenage son has a dog and he intends to visit their house.

If your son isn't afraid of dogs, then this is really all about your feelings wrt dogs, and how you are failing to manage them.

MangyInseam · 29/05/2022 03:00

mathanxiety · 29/05/2022 02:08

I think you are over egging it, none of this feels as dramatic from here as you are portraying it.

They looked at dogs for about 90 seconds.

How it feels on your end is very different from how it looks here, and to be blunt, from here it sounds like a really bizarre response to the fact that a friend of your teenage son has a dog and he intends to visit their house.

If your son isn't afraid of dogs, then this is really all about your feelings wrt dogs, and how you are failing to manage them.

Yeah, it's actually bizarre. This is someone who is 13, not three, or even 7.

CandleSchtick · 29/05/2022 03:08

but this is (maybe strangely) the first time one of mine has gone to a friend's with an unknown dog
I don't think it's all that strange, at least not in the past. Maybe now the world and his wife seem to have a dog it's more tricky. Contrary to what I've read here, it's quite usual to not want to visit a house that contains a dog. I've managed it for years and so have my children. At 13 they would have decided for themselves not to visit with a dog they didn't know. I totally avoid them wherever they are. And that seems to be bloody everywhere.