Page 2 | To worry about family dogs when kids visit friends' houses?

DogVisitingConcern · 2022-05-28T17:31:22+00:00

My DC (13) has been invited to someone's house for the first time, they have a dog and I have no idea what the dog is like. I have no reason to assume it will be an unpleasant dog, or the family not responsible with the dog, but it really makes me uneasy because: I have been bitten by a dog My DH has been bitten by a dog My youngest was almost bitten but we managed to lift them out of the way in time (they were small when it happened) My extended family have had dogs that were a bit moody Do you worry about dogs when sending your kid round to new homes? I am not into dogs, I grew up with them, I consider them a PITA but I don't quake around them. YABU = I don't worry about unknown pet dogs when my kids go to friends' houses YANBU = I do worry about unknown pet dogs when my kids go to friends' houses

badhappening · 28/05/2022 20:01

YANBU
Nothing wrong with airing on the side of caution with so many dog attacks being an every day thing.
I would enquire more about the dog so that you feel comfortable with the situation.
IF you don't feel comfortable, why on earth would you risk it.
Your his mother and guardian and therefore you have the right to know.

Noonado · 28/05/2022 20:02

I was bitten at the age of 9; my mum and I met a neighbour and her dog in the street and stopped to chat. I paid the dog no attention at all, and as we turned to leave the dog jumped up and bit my hand. When I see posts on here about how dog bites are always the fault of humans, I always wonder what on earth I did wrong and how I could have avoided it. Can anyone enlighten me please?

Original poster

DogVisitingConcern · 28/05/2022 20:05

@coffeecupsandfairylights

He isn't going to spend lots of time around dogs, the thread is about my child going to a friend's house - I don't think a visitor should have to watch to this extent, the dog should be watched by the owner, but obviously I don't know if that will happen.

Regarding dogs in the family, we just avoid them. If you don't interact with the dogs and if you are not in their space, how can you watch what they are doing anyway?

I think it is unreasonable/unrealistic to expect a visiting child to be scrutinising the dog's ears/eyes/mouth tbh.

OP posts:

ProclivityForPyrotechnics · 28/05/2022 20:08

Why don't you keep him at home til 20 then so he doesn't ever encounter a dog without you being there. I bet he'll be well popular

XelaM · 28/05/2022 20:10

No. I struggle to think of any friends of my daughter who don't have dogs and all are small, fluffy and lovely. We have a small dog ourselves who is an absolute sweetheart. A 13-year-old will be fine!

Original poster

DogVisitingConcern · 28/05/2022 20:10

ProclivityForPyrotechnics · 28/05/2022 20:08

Why don't you keep him at home til 20 then so he doesn't ever encounter a dog without you being there. I bet he'll be well popular

Yes good idea

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LynneBenfield · 28/05/2022 20:16

My dog can be a bit barky and over keen with new people. He isn’t bitey but is big, noisy, clumsy and slobbery, so I put him in the kitchen when strangers or nervous visitors come. It gives him a chance to settle down and the visitor a chance to get through the door and either release the hound to say hello or leave him where he is if the visitor prefers or it isn’t appropriate.

Original poster

DogVisitingConcern · 28/05/2022 20:20

LynneBenfield · 28/05/2022 20:16

My dog can be a bit barky and over keen with new people. He isn’t bitey but is big, noisy, clumsy and slobbery, so I put him in the kitchen when strangers or nervous visitors come. It gives him a chance to settle down and the visitor a chance to get through the door and either release the hound to say hello or leave him where he is if the visitor prefers or it isn’t appropriate.

This is what I hope will happen. It is just I don't know them (or the dog).

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Spellcheck · 28/05/2022 20:29

I absolutely love dogs, and have a large dog myself. He’s well trained and extremely soppy. He also adores children, or anyone really.
However I feel the same as you!
I’ve never been bitten by a dog or anything like that, but I know that sometimes there can be miscommunication between humans and dogs which can result in a bite. It’s so rare but I know people and dogs well enough to know that it can never be totally ruled out. I always keep our dog away when we have other children round. I let them meet him and then he goes away. It’s just for everyone’s peace of mind. Hopefully they’ll keep the dog away - perhaps your son could mention it to his friend and ask more about the dog?

MargaretThursday · 28/05/2022 20:31

I do feel nervous because at about that age I was at a friend's house, that I'd been to lots of times before with no problems and their dog out of nowhere went for me. Luckily I had baggy trousers on, and their dad was there to grab the dog really quickly, but it could have been nasty. It was a large ridgeback with no history of having bitten before and very well trained, so no expectation of doing that.
After that when they had visitors they used to put him in the kitchen.

MissChanandlerBong80 · 28/05/2022 20:32

No, I don’t think I’d worry at 13 - he’s old enough not to do anything stupid like poke the dog in the eye. At 10 or under I might be slightly more concerned.

N4ish · 28/05/2022 20:35

Yes, definitely a concern for me. I’ve stopped my DD going to a friend’s house as they have a big dog in a small flat and the situation feels unsafe. The mum has been noticeably off with me as a result but my priority is keeping my small child safe.

Thereisnolight · 28/05/2022 20:36

MargaretThursday · 28/05/2022 20:31

I do feel nervous because at about that age I was at a friend's house, that I'd been to lots of times before with no problems and their dog out of nowhere went for me. Luckily I had baggy trousers on, and their dad was there to grab the dog really quickly, but it could have been nasty. It was a large ridgeback with no history of having bitten before and very well trained, so no expectation of doing that.
After that when they had visitors they used to put him in the kitchen.

The very fact that the family kept the dog in the house with their children after it had attacked a child (you) just shows what idiots some people are and how it is often the humans who cause the problem.

You can never be sure, but if you know that the family is sensible then their dog probably will be too.

Original poster

DogVisitingConcern · 28/05/2022 20:53

I realise I mostly wish they had not invited him, which is really a sorry state of affairs.

Bottom line is I do not trust all people to be careful, and dog people often assume you are not bothered unless you say you are 'scared of dogs' which he is not.

OP posts:

Veol · 28/05/2022 20:59

coffeecupsandfairylights · 28/05/2022 19:28

It's not victim blaming to say that many dog bites are down to human error and poor judgement.

Lots of people know nothing about canine body language and therefore don't know when their behaviour is making a dog uncomfortable. The dog, feeling ignored and overwhelmed, then escalates to a growl, snap or bite (to get the human away). Of course, the human does then go away and the dog thinks "excellent, next time all I need to do is growl/snap/bite when they won't leave me alone."

If you're going to spend time around dogs, it's never a bad thing to learn about their body language so you can de-escalate a situation and learn what the dog does or doesn't like.

Show quote history

Some dogs are placid and calm, others are instinctively aggressive and some are spoiling for a fight. You can’t expect everyone to be dog whisperers.

Lsmummy1 · 28/05/2022 21:05

It seem ironic that some people are saying YABU but also that their dogs aren't great around people they don't know. Unfortunately not all dog owners are so responsible and will actively keep them away. I think as a parent that can be a genuine concern. People absolutely get bitten by dogs through no fault of their own

A580Hojas · 28/05/2022 21:09

Yanbu. It's totally normal to be concerned about dog attacks, I have no idea why anyone would argue it isn't. I would never willingly go near any dog unless I knew it very well.

Why we should expect children to just adapt to dog world, especially a stranger's dog world, I will never understand.

Just10moreminutesplease · 28/05/2022 21:12

For me, it would depend on the breed of dog and whether I knew/trusted the owners.

The risk of a bite from a badly trained westie wouldn’t be enough for me to stop a 13 year old visiting a friend… But if it was a strong breed (especially one bred to be protective over its family/home), I’d think twice.

Unfortunately not all dog owners are responsible and even dogs who are good with children they know can turn on strangers.

CandleSchtick · 28/05/2022 21:13

But I bet way more children are bitten by dogs than seriously injured in cars

I'd agree with that. I know quite a few children who've been bitten by dogs. I have been bitten myself and so has my brother. Whilst completely minding our own business. This current dog ridiculousness is coming to a head and will have to be dealt with. Way too many pointless dogs around.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 28/05/2022 21:14

He isn't going to spend lots of time around dogs, the thread is about my child going to a friend's house - I don't think a visitor should have to watch to this extent, the dog should be watched by the owner, but obviously I don't know if that will happen.

But if your son is 13, the parents may not be home, and if they are, they certainly aren't going to be in the same room as visiting teenagers for the entire time, or supervise the dog constantly either - and I don't think they should be expected to.

Again, it's not about being constantly vigilant, just vaguely aware of what the signs are and what to look out for if the dog is in the room and does approach him.

Regarding dogs in the family, we just avoid them. If you don't interact with the dogs and if you are not in their space, how can you watch what they are doing anyway?

But life should tell you that you can't always avoid dogs or expect them to avoid you, so IMO it's just common sense to teach your child how to behave around dogs (or any animal) and what to watch out for - just in case - to give them the best chance of staying safe if there's an issue.

I think it is unreasonable/unrealistic to expect a visiting child to be scrutinising the dog's ears/eyes/mouth tbh.

At 13, you need to be realistic - parents won't always be around and it's pretty normal to leave a teenager in sole charge of a dog, so knowing basic body language is never going to be a bad thing. I never said they need to sit there and constantly monitor the dog, lol.

mathanxiety · 28/05/2022 21:15

I think it is unreasonable/unrealistic to expect a visiting child to be scrutinising the dog's ears/eyes/mouth tbh.

I think it is unreasonable of you to have this opinion.

Knowing how to 'read' a dog is a life skill.

Dogs live around people. Your children are going to encounter them throughout their lives. If you want to avoid unpleasant interactions with them, then a little preparation goes a long way.

I don't have a dog and never will. Too needy, too much work for me, too much poop scooping, all the barking, etc... Plus, I was once bitten by a dog as a child, and I wouldn't like to have a pet capable of injuring someone. I'm much more of a cat person. However, I am the parent of children who know how to assess a dog's demeanour, how to behave around dogs, and how to keep themselves safe.

I think this is what I want to do, but feel like I would be limiting my DC.
Yes, you would be seriously limiting your DC.

Did you apply this even when they were in secondary?
If you think this is reasonable, then I urge you to get to grips with your fears around dogs so that your children can enjoy a normal social life.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 28/05/2022 21:17

Veol · 28/05/2022 20:59

Some dogs are placid and calm, others are instinctively aggressive and some are spoiling for a fight. You can’t expect everyone to be dog whisperers.

Show quote history

I'm not expecting people to be dog whisperers!

But how is knowing about dog body language EVER going to be a bad thing for a child? It's not, so for me it's common sense to teach them the basics so they can be as safe as possible IF the worst does happen and a dog does become aggressive or shows signs of discomfort.

IME it's just part of raising smart and independent children - at some point, they will be unsupervised around dogs so it's best that they know the basics about their behaviour so that they understand (to an extent) what the dogs intentions are and what to do if, God forbid, the dog DOES attack or bite or growl.

Original poster

DogVisitingConcern · 28/05/2022 21:17

coffeecupsandfairylights · 28/05/2022 21:14

He isn't going to spend lots of time around dogs, the thread is about my child going to a friend's house - I don't think a visitor should have to watch to this extent, the dog should be watched by the owner, but obviously I don't know if that will happen.

But if your son is 13, the parents may not be home, and if they are, they certainly aren't going to be in the same room as visiting teenagers for the entire time, or supervise the dog constantly either - and I don't think they should be expected to.

Again, it's not about being constantly vigilant, just vaguely aware of what the signs are and what to look out for if the dog is in the room and does approach him.

Regarding dogs in the family, we just avoid them. If you don't interact with the dogs and if you are not in their space, how can you watch what they are doing anyway?

But life should tell you that you can't always avoid dogs or expect them to avoid you, so IMO it's just common sense to teach your child how to behave around dogs (or any animal) and what to watch out for - just in case - to give them the best chance of staying safe if there's an issue.

I think it is unreasonable/unrealistic to expect a visiting child to be scrutinising the dog's ears/eyes/mouth tbh.

At 13, you need to be realistic - parents won't always be around and it's pretty normal to leave a teenager in sole charge of a dog, so knowing basic body language is never going to be a bad thing. I never said they need to sit there and constantly monitor the dog, lol.

I guess if this is the general expectation from dog owners, my child would be better not to go.

The parents will be home, though.

OP posts:

coffeecupsandfairylights · 28/05/2022 21:21

I guess if this is the general expectation from dog owners, my child would be better not to go.

I don't expect people to know about body language, but I really don't understand why children shouldn't know as much as possible in order to keep themselves safe.

It's not just about going to friends houses - what if he's approached by a dog in the park or out alone, or is chased while running or something?

To me, teaching a child how to be safe around dogs is no different to teaching them how to cross a road, or how to handle hot items and treat a burn - it's just common sense (to me anyway) to equip your child to be as safe as possible just in case the worst happens.

I didn't realise that was such a contentious thing to believe 🙈

CandleSchtick · 28/05/2022 21:22

When I see posts on here about how dog bites are always the fault of humans, I always wonder what on earth I did wrong and how I could have avoided it. Can anyone enlighten me please?

Dog people just like to think it must be somebody else's fault. I've been bitten whilst walking past an open garden gate and the dog tore out and bit my ankle. My brother walked past a dog on the bus and it bit him. Neither of us even knew there was a dog there. How can you recognise dog language when they just snap at you from nowhere? It's all a load of defensive crap.