To be amazed how much women benefit financially from marriage

[Singleparent78]

I've been single most of my adult life, worked FT and built up a good career but despite this... I'm always struck how much better off women who are married are than me.

It's not just about the merging together of two salaries, but about how much easier financial life is when you have the benefit of a man's higher average income, giving many women a lifestyle they could never afford on their own salaries.

Consider:

• the many women I work with on low salaries or working part-time who are living much nicer lifestyles than I as they have a man significantly supplementing them.

• the married women I know at 45+ who have moved to part-time or stopped working as they have accrued significant savings with their dh but, critically, their dh is now a high earner who can pay for both of them.

• the girls from school who didn't go onto further education, got married soon out of school and haven't worked at all or a bit of p-time - they mostly live in nice houses and cars, have enjoyed nice holidays etc. There hasn't been much 'penalty' for not being independent or not having a career.

All in all these women, by way of marriage, seem to have an easier go than solo me slogging it out for 30 years working FT and trying my best to be independent.... like the teachers at school told us girls to be!

I understand: all the constraints on women to generate their own income esp the gender pay gap and the impact of childrearing; that the above scenarios don't apply to all couples; that I'm assuming a heterosexual set up; that women contribute within marriages in other way than bringing in income; and that assets in a marriage are shared as is any income that comes into a marriage. I know people might think I'm being anti-women for challenging women's choices or women's rights or just plain bitter...

Still, AIBU to wonder:.......Is it not depressing that the best or most common way for women to be financially comfortable or create wealth is still through marriage and the merging of assets with a man?

I'm still not entirely sure what your point is.

There are millions of men on low wages. You're just picking out your friends who have married men who earn well.

Also, nothing is free. A lot of these women you mention will feel trapped in their marriages. I'd rather my freedom.

YABU you’ve made huge generalisations. Most of women I know who are single and in their late 40s/50s have a great standard of living. They’ve worked hard, not had children and had fantastic careers without a break for children.

You've also forgotten that the best or most common way for men to be financially comfortable and professionally successful is still through marriage? A woman at home can enable a man ti be able to go on business trips or work hours much longer than any nursery can provide.

Nice house-vs-living with man.
Easy one for me.

I out earn my husband and brought a property to our marriage, he did not. I know very few women who are financially dependent on anyone other than themselves, and that includes women on low incomes (possibly even more so in this bracket as they know they can only truly rely on themselves), but I guess it depends on who you choose to socialise with, I obviously surround myself with very independent women.

A lot of woman have put in an awful lot of hard graft at home supporting children and have given their careers up to do so.

We have also given what we earn to the children, higher education anyone?

If I were single my money would have been spent on fantastic travel, clothes and makeup - instead I work to support those around me.

It isn’t always black and white.

@LizzieSiddal Most people posting on here make generalizations for simplicity's sake.

Statistically married women hold more wealth/assets than single women - I'm scrambling to find the data (saved somewhere in my bookmarks) but will post on here when I can find it. Not prepared!

Two incomes will always make things more comfortable than one.

Not all men are high earners.

Not all women earn the lower of the two household salaries.

It is not the best way. I know a few women in those situations you describe, and do you know what. It's a gilded cage. I'm not saying for everyone of course.

Me and my ExH earned similar (middle earners). I didn't go part time after my daughter, I paid childcare and slogged it out. When I realised I was utterly unhappy I walked away, and five years on I'm kicking ass. Mortgage being paid down, excellent holidays with me and DD and loads of time for us both to do what we want. I will never marry again, no guy is getting his hands on my hard earned wealth.

I've been clear to DD, get a career and be independent. In fact, don't bloody marry, unless it's an equal benefit.

I also do tons of STEM stuff with schools and try and promote it hugely about career choices, being independent, and the lifestyle you can have.

Your proposition is full of holes. You’ve been extremely selective.

It's more to do with running one household instead of two. The daily standing charge for gas, for example, has only to be paid once if you live together. Sadly, this is the main reason people are so keen to live together these days.

It's not about having a man it's about having 2 incomes in one household. Of course it's easier if there are 2 adults bringing in money. It means that either 1 can earn lots without having to worry too much about household stuff, or 2 can earn a smaller amount each and combine, or both can earn lots and be well off....... and many other combinations.

In our household I earn 4 times what my husband does, my job is bigger and means longer days and occasional travel and he picks up more of the household/childcare stuff when those things mean I can't do it.

Being financially independent gives you choices.

It works both ways because it's the two adults in a single household that brings the most benefit. So men benefit financially from marriage too, not only if their wife also earns but also if she's providing childcare etc.

However, what's also evident is that men still earn more than women so if you hook up with a man then you are effectively mitigating the gender pay gap.

Now that's depressing.

Massive generalisations here.
I'm the higher earner in my marriage. We are a team and have gone through highs and lows together as a team. Marriage takes work.
And if we look on the flip side, there are numerous posts here every single day of women who are left vulnerable by not working or working PT in marriages because if they feel trapped or have an abusive husband, they massively struggle with getting out.
Single parenting has its difficulties. Parenting with your spouse has its difficulties. Not having children and focusing on a career has its difficulties. It's not a competition. Things are just different.

Most women I know earn more than their husbands. Those that went part-time while they had small children did so because they themselves had accrued considerable savings in their careers.

And most married men do too.

You are also getting your data wrong, women out-earn mean until they are in their thirties.

I agree @PeekAtYou, men of course do benefit from having a SAHW. In that situation you have each person in the couple enabling each other. Ah, love!

And they are in precarious positions if their marriages end.

you are focussing on one aspect and that doesn’t take Into account sacrifices in career / pension.

in your scenario the husband gains childcare, housekeeper Etc
Add up the cost of those if you were to pay.

This would be the same whether you were talking about women in heterosexual or same sex marriages because, as you stated, two incomes obviously make things easier than one.

Married couples who are both working with often be better off than single men too. It's basic maths.

It's true. I got married and now only have to make a bit of money as my husband works for the main wage.

In my experience men enjoy this. As society grows our in-built natures grow less quickly.

I could go out and have a career but instead I'm happy to have lots more free time, get up later, enjoy projects alongside work.

It really is a dream. The family unit is a dream.

In my group of friends we all have the same education more or less, 3 are married with kids, one married without kids and 2 single. Within the kids couples 1 is sahm and the other 2 work ft.

I'd say in terms of financial positions the couple without the kids are top, and hard to say who's next. The two singles are in their own homes and have lovely lifestyles but obvs no one to fall back on if anything happens. The ones with kids can share the load but will have more outgoings. The sahm is in the riskiest position I'd say. But it's all relative isn't it. But then in quality of life I think the couple with the sahp has an easier life.

I'm married, I earn double what my husband does, had a property before we got married this year and have significant savings. My husband is 16 years older than me, no house, no savings. He has most definitely benefited from marriage rather than myself!

Most women I know work hard full time and don't have high earning husband's, although I know they do exist!

How many men are able to earn high salaries because they are being facilitated by a woman at home who picks up all the childcare and housework?

@SlightlyGeordieJohn Earnings and wealth/assets are two different things, though. Married women have more wealth vs single women.