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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed partner keeps pictures of his ex because their child is in it?

138 replies

Suddenlypoor · 27/05/2022 21:15

As the title says really.
Partner has a picture on display in his office of him, his ex, their son and his parents.
For context, me and him together 3 years. He divorced wife 6 years ago. No pictures of me/us anywhere in the house (we don’t live together)
Ah I right to be annoyed?

OP posts:
bobbythevet · 27/05/2022 21:17

No, you're not right to be annoyed. Yes, you are being massively unreasonable.

galacticpixels · 27/05/2022 21:19

You're being very unreasonable. She's his son's mother. You'll need to move past this because they'll probably be in plenty pictures together over the years - the son's graduation, wedding etc.

Redglitter · 27/05/2022 21:20

No youre not. Its in his study, not framed above the fire. You can't erase his history & it's not as if it's a photo of just her.

If it bothers you, get a nice photo taken of you both & frame it

thevanilla · 27/05/2022 21:20

YABU. She’s the mother of his child and always will be. You sound immature

MelonsMelonsMelons · 27/05/2022 21:21

Sorry, you’re being unreasonable. I wouldn’t have a problem with this at all.

Ihatethenewlook · 27/05/2022 21:24

I can’t believe you actually think you have the right to be annoyed here. That is his child and she will always be the mother of his child. Presumably the child goes to his house (which you don’t live at)? Do you want him to tear down all the photos of him and his mum and replace them of ones of you?

summer712 · 27/05/2022 21:26

Are they on good terms? Presumably they are?

I had a few up of my Dd with her dad but as he became more and more lax with the contact they got removed.

If they are on good terms then no I wouldn't be bothered. It's a family photo. Not one singular photo of his ex.

smileyworld · 27/05/2022 21:27

That child, as they enter their teens and adulthood, will need to know that they were born out of love, there were good times and to hang in to them.

And I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why you would ever have a problem with that.

Grow up. YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVU

Waxonwaxoff0 · 27/05/2022 21:27

YABU and quite pathetic to be honest.

chipspeasorbeans · 27/05/2022 21:28

Yep sorry op get a grip

HumunaHey · 27/05/2022 21:28

You're jealous. It's a normal human emotion, but you are being unreasonable. You can't erase nor replace the mother of his child.

aSofaNearYou · 27/05/2022 21:28

I disagree with other posters and think YANBU. It wouldn't be reasonable to expect him to get rid of these pictures but it would be more respectful of him to choose pictures of just his kids rather than with his ex, or to at least have pictures of you, too.

I think this is pretty shitty of him.

Heronwatcher · 27/05/2022 21:28

Good grief, I really have heard it all now. She’s the mother of his child FGS. Sounds like it might have been a special occasion if his parents were there. What do you expect him to do, go round with a pen and a pair of scissors or a poo emoji and block her face out? Plus it must be really lovely for his son to see he really cares about his mum still- have you thought about that? Plus you don’t even live there. Unbelievable.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 27/05/2022 21:29

aSofaNearYou · 27/05/2022 21:28

I disagree with other posters and think YANBU. It wouldn't be reasonable to expect him to get rid of these pictures but it would be more respectful of him to choose pictures of just his kids rather than with his ex, or to at least have pictures of you, too.

I think this is pretty shitty of him.

Only an insecure person would think that way.

negomi90 · 27/05/2022 21:31

YABU to ask him to take the photo down, but you could find a nice picture of him and his child or the 3 of you together and suggest updating it. He doesn't have to agree though, that pic may be important to him or he may want his child to see a photo of the 3 of them to prove to the child that they can still talk about mum and remember the good times

Aquamarine1029 · 27/05/2022 21:31

Of course you're being unreasonable.

aSofaNearYou · 27/05/2022 21:31

Only an insecure person would think that way

In your opinion. In mine, it's about being respectful to your long term partner. No reason that particular picture needs to be on display.

Only an insecure person would be so insistent new, long term partners "know their place".

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/05/2022 21:34

Does he not have any photos of just him and the kids he could put up?

If you want him to have a photo of the two of you then give him a nice one in a frame.

I assume he and his ex are pretty amicable. My husband has children with his, of course she’ll always be their mum but they can’t stand each other so he has photos of him with the kids, just the kids, him me and the kids, his kids and our one together. He wouldn’t have one of her just because they happen to have had kids when they were together.

ShaneTwane · 27/05/2022 21:34

He isn't unreasonable to have photos displayed of his ex with their child, but equally he should have at least one of the pair of you together.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 27/05/2022 21:34

aSofaNearYou · 27/05/2022 21:31

Only an insecure person would think that way

In your opinion. In mine, it's about being respectful to your long term partner. No reason that particular picture needs to be on display.

Only an insecure person would be so insistent new, long term partners "know their place".

Well, you seem to be in the very minority so that tells you something.

aSofaNearYou · 27/05/2022 21:35

Well, you seem to be in the very minority so that tells you something.

Not really, huge amounts of people on MN have pretty batshit views in this area.

Notimeforaname · 27/05/2022 21:36

Unreasonable. They have a child. Its nice to have family pictures around.

Put a photo of you and your partner in a frame and give it to him. Problem solved

Waxonwaxoff0 · 27/05/2022 21:39

aSofaNearYou · 27/05/2022 21:35

Well, you seem to be in the very minority so that tells you something.

Not really, huge amounts of people on MN have pretty batshit views in this area.

I would save myself the hassle by not dating men with kids in the first place. Always some nonsensical drama.

aSofaNearYou · 27/05/2022 21:41

I would save myself the hassle by not dating men with kids in the first place. Always some nonsensical drama.

Well I've dated someone with a kid for years without any such nonsensical drama!

It is possible to have a child from a former relationship and still manage to consider and be respectful towards your current partner.

Original poster
Suddenlypoor · 27/05/2022 21:43

Fair enough. I was obviously wrong so thanks for pointing it out. I’ve not said anything to him about it, it’s just something that irked me. Glad I hadn’t!
But for more context, he has lots of pictures of his son around the house, both on his own and himself with his son. It’s not as if this is the only photo of him anywhere.
And when I suggested we put a nice photo of us two somewhere, he poo-pooed the idea.

OP posts: