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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed partner keeps pictures of his ex because their child is in it?

138 replies

Suddenlypoor · 27/05/2022 21:15

As the title says really.
Partner has a picture on display in his office of him, his ex, their son and his parents.
For context, me and him together 3 years. He divorced wife 6 years ago. No pictures of me/us anywhere in the house (we don’t live together)
Ah I right to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 27/05/2022 21:44

A relative has wedding pictures up of her and her ex. He is invited to various family dos, is in the family WhatsApp etc.

Both have new long-term partners and manage all of the logistics very well. Lots of respect and shared love of the children.

I actually think someone who can remember good times with an ex whilst fully moving on is very mature and I’d see it very positively.

aSofaNearYou · 27/05/2022 21:45

And when I suggested we put a nice photo of us two somewhere, he poo-pooed the idea.

What was his reason for this?

Notimeforaname · 27/05/2022 21:47

And when I suggested we put a nice photo of us two somewhere, he poo-pooed the idea.

You just ask him straight.."Would you like a photo of us in the house? If no,why?"

Then you'll know.

HikingforScenery · 27/05/2022 21:48

Yanbu OP. A bis strange that he doesn’t have any photos of you up, if he’s other photos in his office

Original poster
Suddenlypoor · 27/05/2022 21:48

He said it was ‘cheesy’ and ‘common’.
oh and yes, they are on ok terms now but the break-up was because she cheated on him apparently.

OP posts:
HikingforScenery · 27/05/2022 21:49

Suddenlypoor · 27/05/2022 21:43

Fair enough. I was obviously wrong so thanks for pointing it out. I’ve not said anything to him about it, it’s just something that irked me. Glad I hadn’t!
But for more context, he has lots of pictures of his son around the house, both on his own and himself with his son. It’s not as if this is the only photo of him anywhere.
And when I suggested we put a nice photo of us two somewhere, he poo-pooed the idea.

Hmm the last paragraph would make me uncomfortable tbh.

easyday · 27/05/2022 21:52

No. My husband had a pic of his ex, pregnant with their second baby, and older son in his office. They were married you can't wipe out that part of his life. Should have a pic of you though perhaps.

Hawkins001 · 27/05/2022 21:54

Suddenlypoor · 27/05/2022 21:43

Fair enough. I was obviously wrong so thanks for pointing it out. I’ve not said anything to him about it, it’s just something that irked me. Glad I hadn’t!
But for more context, he has lots of pictures of his son around the house, both on his own and himself with his son. It’s not as if this is the only photo of him anywhere.
And when I suggested we put a nice photo of us two somewhere, he poo-pooed the idea.

With that context, I understand your perspectives op. All the best

aSofaNearYou · 27/05/2022 21:55

Suddenlypoor · 27/05/2022 21:48

He said it was ‘cheesy’ and ‘common’.
oh and yes, they are on ok terms now but the break-up was because she cheated on him apparently.

Bit of a weird thing to say given all the other pictures he has up. Doesn't sound good to me.

WishILivedInThrushGreen · 27/05/2022 21:56

His son has every right to have photos of his mum on display.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/05/2022 21:59

I have photos up all over my house of my ex, me and our children. Because they're my childrens memories.

SuziSecondLaw · 27/05/2022 22:05

Erm, I think this is weird..
I get on very well with my ex (we were married, divorced 11 years ago), we have 2 dcs who get annoyed if we chat for too long during drops offs etc. But I don't have photos of my ex in the house.. I personally think it'd be strange to do that.. I have a new partner and we have a dc together, but I don't even think my dp would care.. I just wouldn't.

malificent7 · 27/05/2022 22:06

I think he shiuld have pictures of you too op. For balance.

topshotta · 27/05/2022 22:10

Suddenlypoor · 27/05/2022 21:48

He said it was ‘cheesy’ and ‘common’.
oh and yes, they are on ok terms now but the break-up was because she cheated on him apparently.

common?? wtf??

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/05/2022 22:12

WishILivedInThrushGreen · 27/05/2022 21:56

His son has every right to have photos of his mum on display.

I’m his dad’s office?

ventreàterre · 27/05/2022 22:13

I'd be more annoyed that he actively didn't want any photos of me! If his ex was in one of many displayed photos, not singled out in any way, I'd try not to mind. It's his past, part of his child's past, etc. But in the context of his not wanting any photos of the two of you together, I'd find that hurtful. Weird double standard, since he clearly has no problem with "common" photos taken earlier in his life.

Is this a symptom of how he treats you, generally? Are you not as important to him as you'd like to be? Does he not seem to value you or take you seriously?

Datgal · 27/05/2022 22:16

Yeah, that's weird op.

Yourearealboy · 27/05/2022 22:17

No reason that particular picture needs to be on display

other than the fact he likes it and it also has his parents in it.

aSofaNearYou · 27/05/2022 22:19

Yourearealboy · 27/05/2022 22:17

No reason that particular picture needs to be on display

other than the fact he likes it and it also has his parents in it.

He doesn't have any picture of him, his kids and his parents?

He might like it but he needs to weigh that up against consideration for the new partner he has chosen to become serious with.

Something he and a lot of people here choose not to give a shit about, but that doesn't make it reasonable.

HeckyPeck · 27/05/2022 22:23

It's definitely weird to not want a picture of his current partner, but have a picture of him with the person who cheated on him on his desk!

Original poster
Suddenlypoor · 27/05/2022 22:23

Yourearealboy · 27/05/2022 22:17

No reason that particular picture needs to be on display

other than the fact he likes it and it also has his parents in it.

It’s actually his mum and step-dad, both of whom he does not get on with

OP posts:
octobersunshine · 27/05/2022 23:05

Unreasonable really. They have a child and it's important for their child to understand their own life story. I loathe my son's father with a passion. He was abusive and cruel to me both when we were together and after separation. But I have kept all the photos - albeit not in frames in the house - but so my son can understand when he's older his life and his family and the experiences he had and places he went when he was too young to hold it in his memory. We have a very acrimonious relationship know, and I feel that for him to see those photos of us together whilst we were are all the more important because of this

Ihatethenewlook · 27/05/2022 23:10

aSofaNearYou · 27/05/2022 21:28

I disagree with other posters and think YANBU. It wouldn't be reasonable to expect him to get rid of these pictures but it would be more respectful of him to choose pictures of just his kids rather than with his ex, or to at least have pictures of you, too.

I think this is pretty shitty of him.

So you think it’s right to put his girlfriends feelings above his own child’s?

PleaseGoDontGoAgain · 27/05/2022 23:15

I fucking despise my boys father. He was an abusive arsehole, so I don't look at the photos of him and my sons despite my son having one above his bed.

I fucking hate him but I don't have the right to pretend he doesn't exist and neither do you.
If you don't like it take the simpsons advice and

PleaseGoDontGoAgain · 27/05/2022 23:21

Suddenlypoor · 27/05/2022 22:23

It’s actually his mum and step-dad, both of whom he does not get on with

Show quote history

IF he doesn't like the adults in the picture where is your problem? Photos represent memories, you are allowed to enjoy your kids memories even if you don't like the adults involved.

If you thought he was looking at it and fantasising about her I could understand, but I would still feel yabu.

How would you feel if you split up and he burns every photo of his kid that you are in?