AIBU to be annoyed partner keeps pictures of his ex because their child is in it?

[Suddenlypoor]

As the title says really.
Partner has a picture on display in his office of him, his ex, their son and his parents.
For context, me and him together 3 years. He divorced wife 6 years ago. No pictures of me/us anywhere in the house (we don’t live together)
Ah I right to be annoyed?

Ps, I have photos in display with DS and his dad and DS and my exP who was like a father to him but no, I wouldn’t have a family photo including my ex in my office if it didn’t include my partner.

I don't know a single person who has photos of their ex framed in their house.
It's bizarre op your not wrong for feeling sad about it, especially as he won't do the same for you.

YANBU.

People on here are weird about this. 'The mother of his child' is the pinnacle relationship that must be respected above everything else. You are merely his girlfriend not 'the mother of his child'. Makes me cringe personally when people go on about it.

Agree

But only the mother of his first children obviously. Don't expect the same respect if you dare to have a child with him 🤣

I don't think you're unreasonable. He should choose another picture that doesn't include his ex wife. Just because he doesn't have a picture of the ex wife displayed does not imply he's trying to erase her from his child's memory. And why should the ex-wife care if her picture is on display in her ex husband's office anyways unless she is still in love with him. If you wouldn't have a solo picture of someone on display then why would you have one of them with other people in it on display? How is he going to move on from the divorce if he's clinging on to happy moments with his parents and ex-wife?

I think you're unreasonable to think he shouldn't have pictures of his ex and I don't think you're unreasonable for not liking him having one on display. Both I and my DH were married before, and both have children from a previous message. There's no way I would think it was usual for him to have a photo of his ex still on display. In a photo album etc yeah sure, but on display? No.

Agree! No need for it to be on display, especially somewhere like on his desk in his office, just why? That's not even for his child.

I have pictures of me and ex in an album, I also have pictures of my long divorced parents together. No one is suggesting DC should never be able to see a picture of their parents together of course they should! My DC can look at pictures whenever they like and we have all sat down before and looked through old albums/home videos ect..

But on display is odd, even more so in an office where your child is unlikely to be, and then even more so when you're refusing to have a picture up with your now partner.

That's not 'respect she's the mother of my child' that's him being a dick and not respecting his now partner.

Not just with him. I’m like this in general with everyone

@Suddenlypoor Ok, I was a bit like that too when I was younger. Be brave and speak up and remember your feelings are just as important as everyone else’s feelings. It’s something you get better at with practice. 😊

Drop him like a hot rock. After three years, if he hasn't already started displaying photos of his new life with you, he isn't ready to move on, especially if he's still clinging to that one, ancient portrait of his ex, like some kind of sick trophy.

If his son was deceased, it would make sense, but he's not. There's absolutely no reason he can't update the portrait or, at the very least, add some photos that include you.

As long as you're willing to put up with it, he will continue to dismiss and gaslight you. You deserve better than that. You are NOT being unreasonable.

It’s actually worse than I originally thought. I’ve had another look and it isn’t even the son from the marriage. It is a picture of my dp and his ex wife with his oldest son - who he had with a previous partner! There are also pictures of this son on his own around the house- this is not the only picture of him. This makes it even worse for me 😞

You say that as if it means something.

Insecurities are not always unwarranted. What you’re doing is the same lame gaslighting her boyfriend is throwing at her.

It’s perfectly reasonable for her to feel insecure about the relationship when they’ve been dating for three years and he’s failed to either update the photo of his son, to one without his ex wife, or at the very least, display photos that include her.

He’s obviously never going to respect her feelings, especially if she continues to tolerate his gaslighting.

She should cut her losses and thank her lucky stars that she only wasted three years and not the rest of her life.

Calling someone, “insecure,” is simply a cop out used to gaslight and manipulate others when they have no excuse for their behavior and refuse to admit fault or take responsibility.