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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Postnatal Ward Hell!

320 replies

Creditcrunch2243 · 27/05/2022 20:09

AIBU to ask if the postnatal word is actually the 7th circle of hell?

On a ward with 4 others. One has been scrolling through songs on their phone for the last two hours only listening to the first 5 seconds of each one. One couple have bought a tv pass and have the One Show on full volume, they are then making video calls over the top of the TV and rowing about why their newborn won't settle (because the poor thing is thinking wtf is all this shouting?). The poor midwives are so understaffed everything is running late, including everyone's painkillers which were due an hour and a half ago. I've had a c section and I'm absolutely boiling and for some reason the heating is on!

Maybe I'm just a grumpy old woman but I'm starting to lose my mind here! Why can't people just be quiet!

OP posts:
Charlavail · 28/05/2022 08:18

I gave birth with covid and I was chuffed as it meant a private room and I was allowed DH with me.

Takemetothemaldives · 28/05/2022 08:24

One good thing about my hospital is that never ever have any of the patients had their curtains open. Every single curtain is closed and we announce ourselves at the curtain so that you know we are entering first. Very rarely I get a woman who likes her curtain open but she is usually being monitored during pregnancy and isn’t breastfeeding or anything.

I could never ever understand why any trust would force women to have their curtain open??? That’s just traumatising being watched in your most vulnerable state by potentially pervy men. They should also get rid of the 24 hour visiting I can promise you we all hate it! Strict visiting times should be brought back. Another thing is no matter how abusive the father is, security won’t get rid of him because “he’s the baby's father and has rights”

In my opinion if you want to protect those rights then don’t abuse NHS staff. Hospitals are far too lenient and I would be happy to have a camera attached to me all shift so that the evidence can be shown. I’ve got nothing to hide, I see that supermarket workers now wear them as well as police officers. A big petition needs to be done on all of these issues, I don’t want to start one myself due to the issues I might face from management but if I ever leave the NHS then I will be doing a petition of my own.

Courante · 28/05/2022 08:25

That sounds awful OP Flowers Congratulations on your baby - hope you can leave soon and but this behind you!

I was in for four nights - the first couple of nights were fine - clean, no selfish people, no issues at all.

The last two were awful - a combination a couple of really selfish women arriving (loud phone calls at 5 am, constantly talking, bragging, watching TV with no headphones, visitors hiding behind the curtains at non visiting times but constantly whispering in a really irritating way etc); dirty (e.g. used sanitary towels just discarded rather than using the bin); hot (the weather but it didn't help!) and seemingly a change of staff to ones who hated their job...

PortalooSunset · 28/05/2022 08:34

When I had dc2 (Cs), the following morning another mum and baby were moved into the bed opposite. We smiled and exchanged pleasantries.
And then her baby started to cry. And cry.

And I heard her on the phone saying the baby wasn't due a feed for another 3 hours and that she was doing controlled crying because it had to learn. At a matter of hours old.

If I could have I'd have walked over there and picked the poor little thing up myself 😢

Undertheash · 28/05/2022 08:35

xorymum · 28/05/2022 07:22

I was out on the PostNatal ward after the birth of my DD who died 2 hours after birth. It was full of babies crying, naturally.

I was sat there in silent tears (H not allowed up cos of Covid), and Bounty picture lady popped her head round and said 'Right! Where's little one then? Time for a picture now or should I come back later?'

I burst into tears. She quickly removed herself and didn't question me further Sad

Absolutely horrific 😞 I’m so, so sorry for your loss and that you had to experience that 💐

Jalepenojello · 28/05/2022 08:39

They are horrid OP, I hope you’re out soon. I had a difficult birth with my son and had to stay on the ward for 5 days and it put me in such a dark place I would thinking about just leaving my baby and walking out. They put me in a private room for the last day but then discharged me. Was supposed to be there a week but they needed my bed…

SomeCleverUsername · 28/05/2022 08:39

My first (8 years ish ago) I was in for 3 nights (5 days) post section, no particular issues, he had very mild jaundice and it had been a particularly brutal delivery but we didn't really need much medical help in those 5 days. My second (7 years ish ago) was a planned section and we were out within 24 hours.

SomeCleverUsername · 28/05/2022 08:41

SomeCleverUsername · 28/05/2022 08:39

My first (8 years ish ago) I was in for 3 nights (5 days) post section, no particular issues, he had very mild jaundice and it had been a particularly brutal delivery but we didn't really need much medical help in those 5 days. My second (7 years ish ago) was a planned section and we were out within 24 hours.

Sorry, that was a reply for the person who said they didn't know many people who had to stay in with c sections

SlowHorses · 28/05/2022 08:44

@Takemetothemaldives

I was thinking about body cams type that you could just press when needed so interesting you say that. I guess the constant threat of people making a complaint would go away or quickly be refuted when there is video/audio footage.

Undertheash · 28/05/2022 08:44

The thing that amazes me is, who ARE these selfish idiots?! Honestly how can there be so many? Come on people, own up, because you can be damn sure there’s an abundance of them on MN, there must be.

If you find it acceptable to blast music/ videos out of your phone without any earphones, play your tv at top volume at 4am etc etc, can you tell us why? Are you really that dense that you don’t realise how irritating and rude that comes across to other people?

I’m having an ELCS soon and after reading these responses am dreading it. As ‘snobby’ as this is going to sound (though I really couldn’t give a fuck, I don’t think having basic social etiquette standards is snobby) I’ve already been given a taste of the type of people I’ll be on a ward with everytime I’ve been for a scan at my local hospital. Exactly the same in the antenatal ward waiting area as it sounds like it is on the postnatal wards. Every.single.time it’s been people screaming and shouting at each other from across the room and 1/2 the room blaring out videos, music and video calls from their mobiles with no headphones and no fucks given. I remember our first visit for our dating scan, it was like being in a zoo and they all looked and acted like Vicky bloody Pollard. DH turned to me and said ‘Why is there no one normal in here, why do they all look and act like they’ve come from the Jeremy Kyle show?!’ It was so apt. They were running an hour late and it was pure torture having to sit and listen to all of the phones and music and screaming and shouting. I’m honestly not going to be able to do days of that.

Seriously, where are all the ‘normal’ people having children who have some degree of social etiquette and haven’t been dragged up?!

Moonlightdust · 28/05/2022 09:00

This brought back memories 🙈 With my first I was in between 2 noisy couples. I was young, (only 23) and had been in labour for 24 hours with a difficult birth. I was so exhausted and clueless re breastfeeding but after the whole day in the ward I couldn’t face staying in overnight. The blood on the toilet floor, the endless noise and crying, my curtain being whipped back constantly with dads walking by with my boob hanging out - I hated it all. Somehow I persuaded them to let me go home.
With my second I had no choice but to stay for a couple of days. Luckily I was in the end bed and had access to a window - it was a boiling hot summer without heating on! It was a better experience as I felt more relaxed this time but the lady’s baby next to me did not stop crying once. A very high pitched cry that couldn’t be eased. I did worry if it was ok. The mum continually (and very loudly) repeated this droning sound “ah-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na” to get the baby to be quiet. After 24 hours of it I thought I was going to go insane!🤪

xorymum · 28/05/2022 09:01

Louise0701 · 28/05/2022 07:54

@xorymum that’s appalling!!! Why was the bounty woman even there during covid and the the hell were you on a post natal ward????

Well exactly. I was on a Post Natal ward instead of a private room because they were full so sadly I had to go there Sad

StridTheKiller · 28/05/2022 09:04

Stepping Hill maternity wards were utter cattle trucks 9 years ago. I would go private if I were to churn another out.

katepilar · 28/05/2022 09:07

Sounds like hell. I really feel for you. Loud rude and inconsiderate people is the worst hell for me. Do you really need to be there for medical reasons? Hope you manage to get out very soon!

Charlavail · 28/05/2022 09:08

When were men allowed to stay over? I had a baby on 2017 and in 2022 and it wasn't allowed either time? Must have been a relatively short (but irritating) window.

Charlavail · 28/05/2022 09:10

Sorry (Please get an edit feature) if there was a thread moaning about men being on the ward in general you get droves of comments about why certain posters cannot possibly be without their DH but expect others to go without.

Fifi0102 · 28/05/2022 09:15

Had to stay in for a week after DD was born she got jaundice. Im happy to say I caught the shits and got placed in isolation in our own side room. I never thought I'd say I was happy to get the shits 🤣

Moonlightdust · 28/05/2022 09:25

My SIL lives abroad. Private healthcare of course but I was so envious of her 3 births all in a large luxurious room with flowers, windows and own bathroom.

ancientgran · 28/05/2022 09:33

Takemetothemaldives · 28/05/2022 08:24

One good thing about my hospital is that never ever have any of the patients had their curtains open. Every single curtain is closed and we announce ourselves at the curtain so that you know we are entering first. Very rarely I get a woman who likes her curtain open but she is usually being monitored during pregnancy and isn’t breastfeeding or anything.

I could never ever understand why any trust would force women to have their curtain open??? That’s just traumatising being watched in your most vulnerable state by potentially pervy men. They should also get rid of the 24 hour visiting I can promise you we all hate it! Strict visiting times should be brought back. Another thing is no matter how abusive the father is, security won’t get rid of him because “he’s the baby's father and has rights”

In my opinion if you want to protect those rights then don’t abuse NHS staff. Hospitals are far too lenient and I would be happy to have a camera attached to me all shift so that the evidence can be shown. I’ve got nothing to hide, I see that supermarket workers now wear them as well as police officers. A big petition needs to be done on all of these issues, I don’t want to start one myself due to the issues I might face from management but if I ever leave the NHS then I will be doing a petition of my own.

When I had mine it was standard to be in for 7 days after your first baby. As I said earlier the ward was run strictly by the Sister. It was a large Nightingale ward and curtains were generally kept open so the midwife at her desk could keep an eye on everyone but the curtains would be closed for any examination or if breastfeeding (it wasn't encouraged) and visiting time was strict, 45 minutes every evening, twice on Wednesday and Sunday, no children on the ward.

Mums mixed we'd sit and chat, experienced mums would give advice and talk about their experience. Babies went into a nursery at 10 pm and stayed there till 6 am so everyone slept plus compulsory quiet time/nap after lunch.

It seems so old fashioned but lots of it actually worked really well.

DangerouslyBored · 28/05/2022 09:46

ancientgran · 28/05/2022 09:33

When I had mine it was standard to be in for 7 days after your first baby. As I said earlier the ward was run strictly by the Sister. It was a large Nightingale ward and curtains were generally kept open so the midwife at her desk could keep an eye on everyone but the curtains would be closed for any examination or if breastfeeding (it wasn't encouraged) and visiting time was strict, 45 minutes every evening, twice on Wednesday and Sunday, no children on the ward.

Mums mixed we'd sit and chat, experienced mums would give advice and talk about their experience. Babies went into a nursery at 10 pm and stayed there till 6 am so everyone slept plus compulsory quiet time/nap after lunch.

It seems so old fashioned but lots of it actually worked really well.

Show quote history

Sounds like a wonderful set up

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/05/2022 09:49

Takemetothemaldives · 28/05/2022 07:55

I’m so sorry to hear about your experience. I work in a postnatal ward and I wanted to comment on why these issues are so bad.

We find it very difficult to speak up to visitors, as managers often don’t back us up. We used to have posters saying not to abuse NHS staff (you will see them all over the NHS) you won’t see them in my ward because the boss removed them, saying that it might upset the partners/visitors.

I told a few fathers last week that the bathroom was for patients only and offered to show them the visitors bathroom. One tried to intimidate me and got in my face questioning me about what the difference is between the two bathrooms, shouting at me what is my problem. I politely explained the reasons why we need to keep the bathroom free for mums and also because of infection control. I was shaking though. The senior midwife did support me after I explained the situation to her luckily. The third guy just laughed at me. All of the doors have signs saying patient only.

Another guy got angry because the ward couldn’t accommodate his request. He somehow got into the ward and demanded that we do something for him (they were discharged the week before) we explained that we can’t do it unless they are actually an inpatient and started shouting at us all, apparently the NHS is shit etc. his demands were just ridiculous and he didn’t seem to understand how short staffed we were and couldn’t just do this thing for him. I also asked patients and husbands repeatedly last week that the husband doesn’t sleep in the bed. I just got laughed at and ignored multiple times. Either the new mum and baby were sat in a plastic chair while her husband was asleep snoring in the bed, or all three of them were in the bed. These are single beds for one patient. If the patient is more than a certain weight we have to order a special bed. ALL of our beds in the hospital are broken, we’re running out all the time and it’s no wonder.

The managers don’t back us up and there is a lot of victim blaming and bullying in the NHS. Even if we are being polite about things, the aggressive visitor/partner will always tell the managers that we were aggressive or rude and we can’t prove them wrong. The issue is (in my personal opinion) most of the partners are men, and most of the staff on my ward are women (in fact we only have 1 male staff member), these men don’t want to be told what to do by a woman. They can’t stand it, even if what we are saying is right. Especially because I look quite young, I find that the men try to intimidate me or boss me around. It’s ridiculous because they won’t try it with the older midwives because they are tougher and won’t take any shit. They are the ones you can complain to and they will back you up! The actual managers in the office won’t back us up, they don’t want any complaints going through that’s why.

We can’t say anything because all we get is abuse! I’ve been chased around the ward and cornered by a man and when I had a panic attack and had to leave work because not one member of staff helped me, I was given a warning at work, and sent on a conflict management course. I almost phoned the police as I felt so unsafe but I didn’t think I was allowed so I just grabbed my bag and left.

I genuinely feel sorry for every patient I see, I wish we could change the maternity wards to single rooms. It’s never going to happen though. Having single rooms would help so much, having more staff would help too, and having managers who support us would help. Most of it comes down to more money which the government don’t want to invest.

It sounds as if managers should relocate their offices to the wards. Then they could see the crap for themselves and back you up. Or get security guards on post natal wards to send the fathers home.

Hoping you’ll get out soon op. I tried and failed for a home birth and was ambulanced for hospital. My time on the post natal ward was awful too. The food trolley was at the far end and we were expected to walk there. Dh and I hadn’t thought to take my crutches but idk if they’d have helped so I slowly shuffled toward the food area, dragging dd. I didn’t yet consider myself disabled so didn’t tell anyone I could hardly walk. The midwives chatting, ignored me. Luckily the lovely lady serving the food saw me and brought me a meal and a drink. The physiotherapist at the hospital had previously told me not to allow myself to be discharged after birth. So I waited for someone from the department to do the rounds and she flat refused to listen and wouldn’t allow an appointment. Full face of make up and patronising as hell. As soon as she was gone, I got myself discharged.

ThreeLittleDots · 28/05/2022 10:14

With respect, I don’t think it’s helpful to say ‘well most people can just discharge themselves

I didn't actually say those exact words, but when someone says "I HAD to stay an extra night as thems the rules here" this is plainly wrong.

Anyone can (and often do if they know they can) discharge themselves if they feel up to it, if the ward environment and care is unfit for purpose.

notacooldad · 28/05/2022 10:18

We used to have posters saying not to abuse NHS staff (you will see them all over the NHS) you won’t see them in my ward because the boss removed them, saying that it might upset the partners/visitors
What the hell.
So many wrongs. The first being that a poster is needed to tell people not be abusive but then taking it down if in case potentially abusive people get upset st being told not to be abusive!!
What kind of fucked up world we live in!

ThreeLittleDots · 28/05/2022 10:26

There should definitely be a campaign for massive investment for single room pn care

NumberCurtains · 28/05/2022 10:34

Yanbu. THE HEAT. Why in the ever loving name of God THE INSANE HEAT????

It's always been the same apparently. I remember an elderly lady I worked with asking which hospital I was giving birth at. When I told her she started telling me about her experience 30 years previously and how she had never forgotten how unbearably hot it was. Told me to take cotton nighties, a fan and face spray. I thought she was being a bit dramatic but nope. Honestly, it was completely unbearable!

With my second, I went into labour while I'll with fly.They were so concerned because my temperature and heart rate was so high - they kept encouraging me to drink more but honestly, in an environment like that how the fuck was I supposed to get my temp down? Grrrr.

Add to this snoring partners, terrible food, blood drips left in the shower, overflowing bins, medication rounds that clashed with meal times and it was hell.

And wtf is up with having to take care of an entire other person when you haven't slept in 36 hours, had major abdominal surgery, suffered a massive pph and are up to they eyeballs on morphine???? How is that safe? Fucking hell. The absolute pampering my partner got recently after abdominal surgery. He wasn't even expected to take care of himself!

Unfortunately I was the one with the baby who screamed all night (until the midwives took her away for a few hours so everyone could get some sleep). 😅

We need private rooms, decent pain relief, time to rest and proper help.