Postnatal Ward Hell!

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AIBU to ask if the postnatal word is actually the 7th circle of hell?

On a ward with 4 others. One has been scrolling through songs on their phone for the last two hours only listening to the first 5 seconds of each one. One couple have bought a tv pass and have the One Show on full volume, they are then making video calls over the top of the TV and rowing about why their newborn won't settle (because the poor thing is thinking wtf is all this shouting?). The poor midwives are so understaffed everything is running late, including everyone's painkillers which were due an hour and a half ago. I've had a c section and I'm absolutely boiling and for some reason the heating is on!

Maybe I'm just a grumpy old woman but I'm starting to lose my mind here! Why can't people just be quiet!

Quite.

Sorry, that was to @Womeninblack asking whether men would get the same treatment. It would be all over the news, a national scandal!

@DashboardConfessional sorry this happened to you too 💐

I spent 4 days there after CS and despite all the noise, full room of people,etc.- the worst was my midwife who used to come every single morning with terrible hangover. Her hands were shaking, she smelled like a pub 2am in the morning.

I agree.

I wonder how much these experiences contribute to development of PND and PNA. Dealing with this level of hell would be bad enough at the best of times, but in the aftermath of birth with all the shock of a new baby it's horrendous.

I'd be really interested in seeing a study comparing levels of mental health issues in women who were in post natal wards v women in private rooms/private hospitals.

On first reading I thought that she’d put the pillow over the baby’s head 😱

Who the hell buys a tv pass to watch the One Show??? 😂
Bless you OP, I wouldn’t have been able to keep my mouth shut.

I had DS no.1 in July 2013. If anyone remembers it, it was a bloody hot summer. To the point where I would stand in the garden and ask DH to spray me down with the hosepipe.
On the postnatal ward there was just me and a foreign couple who kept shutting the windows every time one was opened. It was so hot it was hell. I was eventually saved by a housekeeper with worrying social skills, who noticed what was happening, went over to them and shouted in their faces as if they were deaf and couldn't speak a word of English, " DO. NOT. SHUT. THE. WINDOWS." She even went over and mimed shutting the windows and wagged her finger at them. My saviour.

@Wordwatcher the answer is that every woman who suffers must complain and copy their mp.

With my first baby, the midwife didn't believe I was having contractions. She said "we can tell, you know". I was whisked off for an induction which went OK because I had a lovely midwife.l for that, thank goodness.

Sadly, the same cannot be said for the postnatal ward. I was bullied by one midwife who laughed at me for not knowing things and humilated me by discussing my medical issues in front of my family and the rest of the ward. She also loudly pointed out when I had put some make up on to make myself feel better. I was moved to a new room (not private) because I had high blood pressure, but then they were all really pally with the family next door to my bed, who didn't bother observing visiting hours and were really loud. The midwives were all standing around being loud with them all afternoon. Eventually, and this was after three nights of no sleep, I cried on a midwife saying I couldn't cope with the noise any more. The midwife seemed nice but must have told everyone because I was then ostracised by the other midwives for the rest of my stay, and even the lady who brought me meals was frosty to me. I was a new mum, alone, and had arrived for my induction bright and cheerful yet after the birth I just drew the curtain. I left the hospital with PND and a crippling inability to talk to new people. It was six wreks before I even went to a baby group. When I asked for a new bedsheet I was tutted at and told they were in the corner as though I should have known that and done it myself. I was told nothing practical, like that you were not supposed to walk around holding your baby, where I could get drinking water, where the showers were. I was rudely told to do skin to skin then ignored all day and I was too scared to take her off and sleep despite her being asleep. I mean, even a leaflet might would have been something...

Don't get me started on the breastfeeding support. I left the hopsital with ripped to shreds nipples and mastitis.

That feels better! It was 12 years ago. And still bugs me.

Both times I gave birth, the first time in the height of Summer no less the heating was on full whack. It was scorching but they said there was no way of turning the heating off. It was unbearable.

The couple opposite me left baby (who was hours old) to go to the cafeteria, they were gone for 3 hours! When they came back they were complexed as to why I was holding their poor baby girl (she’d been crying for a considerable amount of time)

The lady next to me tried smoking numerous times, outside the tiniest gap of the window and shouted at the mw when she was asked not too..

Could not wait to go home!!

Congratulations 🥳 hang in there!! Xx

They were a bit like that when ds1 was born. By the time I had dd I was much more confident and nearly 40 and had mastered the art of "are you speaking to me" with accompanying icy glare. There was a mother with her 2nd opposite me when ds1 was born and she took no shit whatsoever. I can still hear her saying to a stroppy midwife "I know I missed breakfast I was having a baby and haven't eaten for 24 hours - a Yoghurt is not sufficient - please get me some food" and "no I will not be going home this afternoon, I have had a long labour and have a two year old at home. I am resting here for 24 hours because I won't get any rest at home". The ward was pretty quiet tbf.

@Wordwatcher “It shouldn’t be hell yet it is for too many. How can this changed?”

you know the answer to this. If it were men, it wouldn’t be happening. It won’t change until women are in charge.

The causes of my stresses on the ward were all women. Midwife attitudes and belligerent new mums ignoring rules.

I do think part of the problem is the conditioning of women to be "nice" and "polite". I think some of the very brusque staff rely on it. You also, I don't think, get any advice in classes (we did NHS and NCT) about that stay on the ward. Such as the amount they say you need to wee before you can go home. Not knowing what the process is can make women feel more insecure.

As many of the complaints seem to relate to midwives and nursing staff I find this hard to believe. Some posters have commented that during lockdown things were much calmer, maybe there is no need for a constant stream of loud visitors, of fathers hanging around all day and night. If we were to go back to a more controlled programme of visiting, fixed hours, set numbers of visitors , would new mothers be happier?

I hated the ward.

I was on with 4 other women. One was ok but the other three gah! A twice Jeremy Kyle guest for DNA, a woman who let her older kids run absolute riot with a husband who ate her dinner and all her snacks, and a woman who just sat listening to loud music, even with headphones you could make out the words. Oh and she snored like a freight train.

The worst though was the cow who came round and turned the TV that I’d paid for. She thought I was watching it via dodgy means. When I proved I’d paid she refused to give me my money back. 😡

And much like my experience in the early 80s. In for 5 nights after each of my three straightforward births. Shown how to change, bath, feed babies (nappies and baby gowns all provided for the duration) even though we’d all had free NHS antenatal classes for weeks beforehand. We had pelvic floor exercise classes daily, and the cleaners would be in early doors every morning - the ward was spotless. Lights out at 10 and babies all in the nursery, but brought to us quietly for feeding in the night then wheeled back. One hour visiting per evening - 4 visitors max per bed, and I’m sure anyone disturbing other mothers would have been told to leave. No TVs, music, phones (apart from the pay phone in the day room). We had an enforced nap mid-afternoon, lights out, lying on our stomachs. A matron who challenged any nurse not busily doing something to go and check whether any of the “ladies” needed anything. A bottle of Guinness every evening on the NHS. And when we left, we were wheeled down to the entrance holding our babies accompanied by a midwife who’d wave us off! By the time I had my third I could choose between a 3 day or a 6 day stay. I chose the long one for a rest and my lovely mum and dad moved in to take care of things at home.

Now I feel like an ancient relic of a different age. And so angry about the horrific and totally unacceptable lack of care experienced by so many of you.

you know the answer to this. If it were men, it wouldn’t be happening. It won’t change until women are in charge

this is a maternity ward though, where staff are almost exclusively female, and usually right up to ward and departmental management.

the most common complaint is the female staff treating women in labour like shit. Not believing them when they say they’re in labour, not responding to call, treating women like they’re an inconvenience.

yes maternity wards are horrifically understaffed and that probably is due to male managers, but they’ll be a couple of management layers removed from the shop floor.

so in this case I disagree. The m/w and female staff need to start the changes, basic civility and respect for their patients to start. Then growing some spine and managing visitors.

i had mine in the era with strict visiting hours, and it was stuck to. It was the female staff who made me feel like I was an utter pain asking questions, wanting to breastfeed, eat, even leave.

the female m/w who didn’t believe I was in labour, that didn’t believe I was in such severe pain so early- and as a result missed the foetal distress that nearly killed my baby.

even the female paed who came and took my baby for tests while I was asleep. The sheer horror of waking to find my baby gone, not being informed of what tests they were doing, not even lip service to consent.

in fact the best care I got was from a student m/w and a male care assistant- neither patronised me or assumed they knew more about me and my body. They listened and tried their best.

Not only postnatal wards. My husband was seriously ill in a cancer ward and there was a patient opposite him who was mostly asleep/unconscious every day had 6 visitors from about 10 am to 10 pm all eating food, chatting, laughing. It was against the stated rules but no-one did a thing about it. I think it depends on the sister in charge of the ward.

The couple opposite me left baby (who was hours old) to go to the cafeteria, they were gone for 3 hours! When they came back they were complexed as to why I was holding their poor baby girl (she’d been crying for a considerable amount of time)

You picked up a strangers baby without their say so?

She was effectively left to babysit, why the hell shouldn't she?!

DS1 had low blood sugar and needed a top up feed with formula every hour or so. Midwife would get me to try and feed him first and then cup feed. Basically I was awake all night.

Woman in the next bed snored so badly that every time a different midwife/nurse came in they would check on her because she sounded like a drowning warthog.

The next morning she complained that she hadn't had a minute's sleep. I thought the midwife was going to dislocate her eyeballs from rolling them so hard.

Woman then had seven visitors who nicked my chairs and shoved them right back through the curtain. Post section I was having to climb over the other side of the bed, round the cot and squeeze past the door every time I needed a wee. Thankfully DH saw the way things were going and got me moved to a nice quiet room that afternoon

@Johnnysgirl exactly, thank you!

@xorymum I think you’re missing the point a little. Her baby had been crying for 15/20 minutes at that point and was incredibly mucusy. I’d called for the mw but no one came, what was I meant to do, sit there while the baby choked for gods sake!

Thankfully DH saw the way things were going and got me moved to a nice quiet room that afternoon

genuine question, why did it need your DH to get you moved? Could you have asked yourself?

just musing why as women we don’t, or don’t feel we can make out needs known, and why we need a man to come along and fix things for us.

are we making things worse by accepting this treatment rather than standing against it?