I’m so sorry to hear about your experience. I work in a postnatal ward and I wanted to comment on why these issues are so bad.
We find it very difficult to speak up to visitors, as managers often don’t back us up. We used to have posters saying not to abuse NHS staff (you will see them all over the NHS) you won’t see them in my ward because the boss removed them, saying that it might upset the partners/visitors.
I told a few fathers last week that the bathroom was for patients only and offered to show them the visitors bathroom. One tried to intimidate me and got in my face questioning me about what the difference is between the two bathrooms, shouting at me what is my problem. I politely explained the reasons why we need to keep the bathroom free for mums and also because of infection control. I was shaking though. The senior midwife did support me after I explained the situation to her luckily. The third guy just laughed at me. All of the doors have signs saying patient only.
Another guy got angry because the ward couldn’t accommodate his request. He somehow got into the ward and demanded that we do something for him (they were discharged the week before) we explained that we can’t do it unless they are actually an inpatient and started shouting at us all, apparently the NHS is shit etc. his demands were just ridiculous and he didn’t seem to understand how short staffed we were and couldn’t just do this thing for him. I also asked patients and husbands repeatedly last week that the husband doesn’t sleep in the bed. I just got laughed at and ignored multiple times. Either the new mum and baby were sat in a plastic chair while her husband was asleep snoring in the bed, or all three of them were in the bed. These are single beds for one patient. If the patient is more than a certain weight we have to order a special bed. ALL of our beds in the hospital are broken, we’re running out all the time and it’s no wonder.
The managers don’t back us up and there is a lot of victim blaming and bullying in the NHS. Even if we are being polite about things, the aggressive visitor/partner will always tell the managers that we were aggressive or rude and we can’t prove them wrong. The issue is (in my personal opinion) most of the partners are men, and most of the staff on my ward are women (in fact we only have 1 male staff member), these men don’t want to be told what to do by a woman. They can’t stand it, even if what we are saying is right. Especially because I look quite young, I find that the men try to intimidate me or boss me around. It’s ridiculous because they won’t try it with the older midwives because they are tougher and won’t take any shit. They are the ones you can complain to and they will back you up! The actual managers in the office won’t back us up, they don’t want any complaints going through that’s why.
We can’t say anything because all we get is abuse! I’ve been chased around the ward and cornered by a man and when I had a panic attack and had to leave work because not one member of staff helped me, I was given a warning at work, and sent on a conflict management course. I almost phoned the police as I felt so unsafe but I didn’t think I was allowed so I just grabbed my bag and left.
I genuinely feel sorry for every patient I see, I wish we could change the maternity wards to single rooms. It’s never going to happen though. Having single rooms would help so much, having more staff would help too, and having managers who support us would help. Most of it comes down to more money which the government don’t want to invest.