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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Permanent exclusion-how do I find a new school that will take an excluded child?

635 replies

Alwaystoblame · 27/05/2022 14:10

Posting for traffic.
How do I go about finding my Dd a new school if she's been permanently excluded? How likely are good schools to take her on in year 10 with an appalling attendance and behaviour record? She's very bright and doing very well academically when are bothers to go to class and do the homework. Attendance in in the 60s for this year. Even when she dies go in she is late and/or truants classes.
I have 2 previous threads about the issues she's having but I wanted to ask specifically about new schools without getting detailed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 07/06/2022 13:54

No, nothing yet except there is another meeting soon with Dd and her dad because he wasn't at the last meeting. It's still all my fault of course. Dd is taking no responsibility for her behaviour and her dad thinks she's blameless too.

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Ellie56 · 08/06/2022 14:05

Take a leaf out of their books and refuse to accept anything is your fault. Don't enter into any discussion ; just use the broken record technique - "No, it's not my fault." "No, I don't accept that." "No, it's not my fault." "No, I don't accept that." Ad infinitum.

And let them get on with it.

Johnnysgirl · 08/06/2022 15:38

Alwaystoblame · 07/06/2022 13:54

No, nothing yet except there is another meeting soon with Dd and her dad because he wasn't at the last meeting. It's still all my fault of course. Dd is taking no responsibility for her behaviour and her dad thinks she's blameless too.

This is just nonsense, though? You must know that it isn't actually your fault; you really are still far too involved in this situation that they won't actually allow you to influence.
Step back and let them sink or swim without you. How can you be blamed if you've just done what they've asked you to?

lucysnowe2 · 08/06/2022 16:06

Hey OP, hugs! You may find it helpful to get in contact with families in similar situations. Do you know about Yvonne Newbold and VCB? If you're on facebook, I highly recommend her page

www.facebook.com/Yvonnes-Newbold-Hope-1381185878717389/

and the VCB page

www.facebook.com/groups/421839288150939/

you will find there are people there going through exactly the same thing! they can offer advice and are completely accepting and not critical.

MidwichCuckoo · 08/06/2022 18:27

I wonder what she said to the new schools in her email to them. I imagine they will ask for info on her from her last school before offering a place.

Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 08/06/2022 21:56

Update: she is having a trial/managed move at the school she emailed. It's all been discussed (without me) and that's what has been decided. My worry is that without intensive support she will be here again in a years time and mess up her exams and have to redo them. Not the end of the world I know.

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MidwichCuckoo · 09/06/2022 00:19

Let's hope she doesn't bully or attack anyone at this new school.

Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 09/06/2022 07:31

The school she is going to is not a good one. The ofsted report is quite damning. There have been 5 HTs in 10 years which seems excessive. The school she is at now is one of the best locally and I think she will have one heck of a shock at the new one and that's exactly what she needs. Away from bad influences and out of her depth she might start making better choices about how she conducts herself and her attitude in general. I hope she will keep her head down and get on with her education now. Her friendship with the worst influence might end. She'll have no one to skip classes with and won't have the backing of any other bullies in her dreadful behaviour. No one I've spoken to that ones her at primary can believe how she has been behaving. They have been shocked and can't believe that lovely little Emily (not her real name) could behave like that. Her victims will breathe a sigh of relief now and be able to relax and get on with their education without her bullying them. The teachers won't have her disrupting classes. It's a good thing all round.

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MidwichCuckoo · 09/06/2022 11:01

Fingers crossed 🤞

Johnnysgirl · 09/06/2022 11:54

Alwaystoblame · 09/06/2022 07:31

The school she is going to is not a good one. The ofsted report is quite damning. There have been 5 HTs in 10 years which seems excessive. The school she is at now is one of the best locally and I think she will have one heck of a shock at the new one and that's exactly what she needs. Away from bad influences and out of her depth she might start making better choices about how she conducts herself and her attitude in general. I hope she will keep her head down and get on with her education now. Her friendship with the worst influence might end. She'll have no one to skip classes with and won't have the backing of any other bullies in her dreadful behaviour. No one I've spoken to that ones her at primary can believe how she has been behaving. They have been shocked and can't believe that lovely little Emily (not her real name) could behave like that. Her victims will breathe a sigh of relief now and be able to relax and get on with their education without her bullying them. The teachers won't have her disrupting classes. It's a good thing all round.

I imagine that's the only reason they agreed to take her.
Sorry, but she's had her shot at a decent school, and still doesn't even understand how badly she fucked it up.

angstridden2 · 09/06/2022 12:04

If it’s a rough old school she’ll meet girls who are way tougher than her...... she may gain a bit of empathy for those she has bullied and be too afraid to do it herself.Might work out for her.,.

Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 09/06/2022 13:10

At the moment she is feeling proud as punch that emailing the school has got her a place in one of the top schools Hmm She hasn't even been to see the school. Current school have said she doesn't meet the criteria for a PRU but I'd have thought she would. They just don't want an expulsion on their record I think. I don't think this move is right for her because she won't get the intensive support she needs but it's not my choice and it's Dd that needs to make this work now.

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Ellie56 · 09/06/2022 13:28

So a managed move rather than being excluded?

Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 09/06/2022 13:43

That's my understanding but I'm amazed that she hasn't been expelled and amazed that another school will take her.

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Johnnysgirl · 09/06/2022 13:47

At the moment she is feeling proud as punch that emailing the school has got her a place in one of the top schools
I don't think a managed move will be orchestrated on her say so alone, somehow.
Sorry if this sounds rude, but she really doesn't come across as remotely bright?
Unfortunately.

Legofigure · 09/06/2022 14:03

Alwaystoblame · 09/06/2022 13:43

That's my understanding but I'm amazed that she hasn't been expelled and amazed that another school will take her.

Managed moves are often used as a way to prevent permanent exclusions.

OhmygodDont · 09/06/2022 14:08

Shipping her off to the sink school so it’s not on there record. Then the sink school can expel her if she acts up as they have nothing to lose. Harsh as that sounds.

MidwichCuckoo · 09/06/2022 14:09

Does a managed move mean she'll go back to the old school if the managed move doesn't work out?

Ellie56 · 09/06/2022 14:27

MidwichCuckoo · 09/06/2022 14:09

Does a managed move mean she'll go back to the old school if the managed move doesn't work out?

I was wondering that too.

Legofigure · 09/06/2022 14:36

Normally if a managed move fails the pupil returns to the home school, although if the behaviour hasn’t changed (and the MM failing would suggests it hadn’t) they are then likely to be permanently excluded.

rainbowmilk · 09/06/2022 15:01

I feel sorriest for the kids she's bullied, having it hanging over their necks that she might come back. It doesn't surprise me that the school has wimped out, unfortunately. Not much has changed since I went to school! The problem is that being given infinite chances when they are clearly not warranted is fuelling the fire that she's special and consequences don't apply. Really not great for her, long term.

MidwichCuckoo · 09/06/2022 16:23

I think schools are penalised by ofsted for exclusions so might not be the school's fault.

Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 09/06/2022 18:15

Dd is currently allowed at her existing school until the transfer. I can't believe what I'm hearing. How can they let her attend when she was suspended with a view to expelling her? Not that she's bothered to go in this week and has been marked as unauthorised absence. School leadership has gone massively downhill imo.

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Johnnysgirl · 09/06/2022 18:17

Stop blaming the school, when she hasn't even bothered to get her arse in there Hmm

Original poster
Alwaystoblame · 09/06/2022 18:21

I'm blaming the school for being so soft on her and for not communicating with me as I haven't had a proper update from them despite them promising to ring. The HT was going to call me on Monday but didn't. Then someone else was ringing yesterday, then today, but nothing. It's shit. And I'm angry on her victims' behalf that she'll be back in school with them living in fear again. They should be breathing a sigh of relief not worrying. The arrogance and entitlement radiating from dds calls and texts is shocking.

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