Permanent exclusion-how do I find a new school that will take an excluded child?

[Alwaystoblame]

Posting for traffic.
How do I go about finding my Dd a new school if she's been permanently excluded? How likely are good schools to take her on in year 10 with an appalling attendance and behaviour record? She's very bright and doing very well academically when are bothers to go to class and do the homework. Attendance in in the 60s for this year. Even when she dies go in she is late and/or truants classes.
I have 2 previous threads about the issues she's having but I wanted to ask specifically about new schools without getting detailed.

The FBI thing just sounds delusional. I can understand not getting on in school and the teenage delusion of being above it all, it's not for everyone and she'll grow up rapidly once she actually has to get a job. But that she thinks she can somehow get a job with the FBI.... I mean I don't know anything about how a Brit would go about getting employed by the FBI, but my suspicion is that even if you were extremely gifted with desirable skills/speak multiple languages and could pass GCSEs/Alevels with ease, it would still be extremely difficult to get the visa and get the job.

You apply for the school online as if moving school normally but also speak to the council and headteacher/ sometimes it's the head of year.
There should be an officer within the council that deals with excluded pupils. They were useless in my experience but yours may be useful.
I have just been through the same. With mine. There was a long wait until mine was accepted by the school, and they may be a little funny about gcse choices. Was off school for about 9 weeks and not sent a single piece of work.
They won't be sent straight to the referral centre, if only been expelled from one school.
The council has an obligation to provide education for your child in the same way as you are fined if they have poor attendance or take them on holiday during term.
Check your local government rules, so can quote them when you speak to the council.

I'm sorry, ignore the post above. It seems I'm late to the party here for want of a better word. Hope things are better for you op

Well, she's now finished school completely. Not that she went much at all this last year at 56% attendance. She missed one exam completely and missed half of another and was late for another one. School were impressed she turned up at all because at one time no one was sure she would.

Amazingly she was allowed to attend the leavers events and the prom. I was not involved in the prom at all and didn't get sent any photos until afterwards. I wasn't given the chance to buy her anything for her outfit or see her before she left. I was so upset about that. Her dad's ex, one of them, helped her get ready, took her shopping and bought her something.

Over the last few weeks I've had investigations into medical issues and was referred under the 2 week wait for suspicion of cancer. She didn't know this but she wanted to come here after I was recovering from a procedure and explained that I'd been in hospital.

During that waiting period she was arrested and is out on police bail. She doesn't care and her dad has done nothing to address this and how it came about. I had a thread about it. She has been bailed to the youth offending team and now has a worker assigned to her. I dropped everything when the police phoned me to go to the police station and be with her.

A couple of days ago she started calling me bipolar because I'd asked her a question she didn't like. Every time I don't tow the line she says I'm bipolar and essentially gaslights me. She's just like her dad in that respect.

She is desperately unhappy phoning her sister drunk crying about how horrible her dad is and how he's never around and puts his girlfriends first. When we speak about this when she's sober she denies how upset she was and says things are fine.

Social services are a useless waste of space as always. All they do is have a chat with her dad and believe what he says. They closed the case and then she was arrested and things are worse than ever.

I'm so glad school is over but goodness knows what she's going to do over the summer. Her dad has said she needs to get a job but she's on police bail so I'm not sure that's possible. She's not mentally in the right place for a job and wouldn't last a week. She'd not turn up or would be late. She has a place at college but I think she won't be able to do her chosen courses because the exams she missed and was late for are the ones she needs to do the A levels. I'm not sure she'd last at college either.

It's a complete and utter mess.

Sorry things haven’t improved, OP.

I feel quite depressed lately about all this. It's taking its toll. I don't understand how she's not on a child protection plan.

Why would she be on a child protection plan when her dad says everything is fine ? He's probably where she got the idea of saying you're bi-polar and social services are under so much pressure (to cut costs, not to provide solutions) that they take the line of least resistance ie not listening to you. Try contacting the NSPCC , the local children's law Centre or ask your GP about CAMHs. Try to engage with her youth offending team worker. You have to be listened to because you have parental responsibility. Most importantly , just hang on in there. Not easy with the constant rejections , hostility and risky behaviour but you're all she has at the moment and sooner or later she will realise that. 💐 and hugs to you

OP, I've read this entire thread and can see so many similarities with my DS, now 19. Social services, truanting, police, CAMHS, abusive dad, autism assessment that he declined when his dad talked him out if, the lot. He's at college, 2 years behind academically, but the last I heard he was thinking about dropping out. After an incident involving the police last year he went to live with his dad. I haven't spoken to him in over 6 months 😞 I just couldn't take the abuse any more. He's probably even more abusive now he's permanently with his dad, though, interestingly, he was very resistant to going to live with him, he had to be forced.

So, I can't offer any advice, just solidarity.

I've just read every post you wrote.

I'm a teacher, and I have seen kids just like your daughter come through the other side and put all the trauma and awful behaviour behind them. Most involve separated parents where they live with the parent that gives them the most freedom.

Would it be possible for you and your daughter to go on a ridiculously long walk with just the two of you? Find somewhere with no phone signals. It won't fix your relationship but it would give the two of you chance to talk without being able to run away.

All you can do is keep letting her know you love her and keep offering her support.

I'm sorry it's still so tough.

The fact she's sat most of her GCSEs is really good. Take that as a plus point.

The arrest is obviously really bad. Do you know how she feels about that? Hopefully she's scared and that could be the kick up the bum that she needs to change direction.

Stay strong. At least the pressure is is off regarding school attendance now.

Perhaps she'd be better suited to a job or apprenticeship for next year. Something that interests her. College can come later when she is ready to go back to education.

Thank you for your post @Soopermum1 I'm sorry you are in a similar horrible situation.

Dd won't see me unless it's for a favour so I could r do anything with her on her own. I'd love to but she'd either not turn up or would spoil it somehow.

Her dad would call me psychotic and she's settled on bipolar as her insult of choice. She doesn't even know what bipolar is. She thinks it's equal to me being nice but then refusing to take her shit if she's being nasty to me. Having boundaries equals bipolar.

It's really affecting my mood and I'm normally pretty upbeat even when things are tough. I can always find something to laugh about or see the lighter side or dark honour but at the moment I just can't.

I'm relieved that there'll be no more calls from school about her. I doubt she will put me down on her college details so I'll not be contacted about any drama there either.

Would she be able to get a job with her behaviour record and being on bail?

@Alwaystoblame
Sorry to hear about your health issues.
You really have been through an awful lot.
I hope you have some help to help you recover. Please look after yourself.

Tell her that, happily, calling you bipolar isn't insulting, because she clearly doesn't know what it means.

I hope your health problems are sorted out?

Would she be able to get a job with her behaviour record and being on bail

Schools won't stop someone getting a job - they won't talk about her behaviour record if asked for a reference, they'll just say when she attended. They might say her attendance was patchy, though.

Otherwise it depends what she has been arrested for (not seen your other thread) if she is charged and if she is found guilty. She needs advice about whether to accept a caution if it is for a violent crime as cautions don't go away. Different employers do different levels of criminal records checks and the fact that she was arrested can show up. So it may affect her in the future but it won't affect every opportunity, and eventually it will be spent and only be relevant for something like teaching. And even then it may well be disregarded.

@riesenrad theft from a vehicle. Multiple items to sell on but keep some too. I don't think she's even sorry. She's certainly not bothered about it.

GCSE results on Thursday and I'm dreading it. She's asked me to go with her to get them. I think some she will have done ok or possibly well in but some not at all. History she missed a third of the marks because she missed the 1 out of the 3 exams. She was late for another subject and missed half that exam. She still has a place at college regardless of her grades but it depends on what she gets as to what she can do. I'm not sure how I'll react if she dies as badly as predicted or more importantly how she will react. My reaction will be up for scrutiny for the rest of her life no doubt so I need to be careful. I have a face that talks for me without me being aware though so it's going to be difficult to get it right and not upset her if it's bad news.
She's already said that starting college will ramp up her anxiety so I'm expecting lots of absences past the first couple of days. She didn't go to the taster day they ran.
I've no idea where the police investigation is up to. She's working with the youth offender team but I'm not sure if it's doing any good.

What an amazing Mother you're OP.

I've been following your posts.

Sending you warm wishes. 💐

Best of luck for Thursday @Alwaystoblame

If you were pleased no matter what she got would she kick off still? I hope for both your sakes she has pulled something out of the bag!

Honestly Always. I don't think there is anything wrong in telling her you're disappointed for her if she doesn't do herself justice in her exams. She will know herself she is capable of more and ithere is no harm is her knowing that you believe she is capable of more as well .

I'll be glad when the results are in.

I found out yesterday that she didn't attend her police station appointment to answer her bail so that's not going to look good.

She's definitely involved in drugs and using them.

She was signed up to a programme run by a local group working with school leavers to improve their mental health, employability, social skills etc with workshops, outdoor activities, day trips, workshops etc and she didn't turn up to that either.

It feels like a waste of time trying to help her because she's not interested in anything to help herself.

Her dad remains utterly useless. There have been zero consequences for anything. She stole a family heirloom from his house and tried to pawn it earlier this month and there's been nothing done about that either.

I'm pissing in the wind.

It does sound that she is beyond your help Op. some people just are.
Maybe one day she'll mature and change but it seems fairly certain that jail time will be in her future . Who knows maybe it could be the making of her . Either way there is literally no more you could have done for her , you have nothing to berate yourself over. You need to remember that.

She's here and upsetting the apple cart already. Not even half an hour in! I'm
Biting my tongue as best I can until the results are out of the way. Where's the Valium...😩
Where did my baby girl go? Not in an all grown up and proud mam way but an ashamed way and I feel ashamed for feeling like that. I love her dearly but dear Lord she's put us all through Hell these past years.
This thread is such a support to me and I appreciate all the replies.
Tomorrow will be an emotive day.

My word @Alwaystoblame you are one strong woman. Hope you get a decent nights sleep - will be thinking of you tomorrow. 🌹

How is this a helpful, or relevant comment...

Fight for it. Appeal if they say no. A major benefit of being assessed is that she will be seen by an educational psychologist.
They may be able yto find a better setting (neither PRU or mainstream)