To not tell baby’s name to stranger in park

[BilboBagBin]

NCed incase minute chance the guy sees this and can get info on us.

And sorry if this is unnecessarily long.

DD is under one. We went to shops and had picnic lunch in city centre park on way back. Park was busy as it was sunny today, plus has lots of paths used to walk through/cross through to high street, and is near the Uni.

We sat in shade of tree on grass away from but within site of main path. Some sunbather around etc

Am just minding my own business feeding the baby (DD tried cress for first time and was less than impressed) and enjoying spending mum/baby time together.

A young man, maybe twenty (without my noticing) had crossed the grass to us and asks ‘what is dear daughters name?’

Looked like a student with hoody and rucksack but would also describe as looking smart.

I was completely thrown by being approached and asked this out of nowhere and said something ridiculous like I didn’t want to have a conversation with him. (I meant I didn’t want to tell him her name but didn’t know how to phrase it) He very calmly replies “can I ask why that is?”

Again, was a bit thrown by being asked to justify why I didn’t want to speak to a complete stranger in the park (my brain was saying ‘Sarah Everard’) so I just said I didn’t feel comfortable. He looked a bit put out but seemed to accept that and left.

Its hard to put my finger on it but the whole thing just really put my back up. There are lots of scenarios in which I would talk to strangers/men in the park and even tell them DDs name but…

Things that felt off were:

No preamble. If he had made some kind of small talk about baby etc before asking for personal info I would have found it more normal.

He wasn’t with anyone, a child/woman/friends.

He had to deliberately come out of his way (presumably) to get over to us.

No reason given for needing to know baby’s name (comes under small talk I guess)

He was standing and I was sitting.

There was a MN thread a few months back about something like ‘have you ever been in the presence of evil,’ I wouldn’t go that far but that is the kind of thing it was like, just felt dodgy even though the guy didn’t do anything and appeared ‘upstanding.’ Maybe he would have gone on to ask me if I accepted God in my life or similar, who knows,

So UABU: I was rude to random guy in park and should have told him DDs name. (I wasn’t rude in the way I spoke to him but some people might consider not being willing to chat with a stranger rude)

or UANBU better safe then sorry

Felt like I had to keep checking behind me on way home.

Sorry to hear that@Fraaahnces I don’t understand why some men find the need to go out of their way to intimidate women going about our day to day lives.

Just to clarify, if I had been on the path and he had asked directions etc I would have probably tried to direct him as I don’t have a general problem with conversing with strangers under ‘usual’ circumstances.

This was my first thought

I made the mistake of talking to a young man in the street when he spoke to me and I had my toddler with me. He followed us and wouldn’t go away and started making creepy and weird comments. I really regretted being polite to start with. Don’t blame you at all for how you reacted

Nah it's weird. Different if he'd sat nearby eating and said aw she's so cute, how old is she etc.

But walking over and asking her name? Weird. Especially as student age men usually have 0 interest in babies.

Doesn't matter if he was perfectly innocent. It's your baby and your life and you're not required to talk to him.

@Trinacham

Any chance you could explain why the fuck your first thought was that this man is autistic

As others have said, they may lack social cues. I have experience of autism. It doesn't need stupid reactions for someone suggesting that. It doesn't mean OP was wrong to feel the way they did either.

Poor sad misunderstood men with or without autism do not go up to men of any age to do this sort of thing - it is always young women, and surprisingly or not they stop going up to lone women to enquire or "just make friendly conversation" once the women reach a particular age... Always listen to your instincts.

As others have said, they may lack social cues. I have experience of autism. It doesn't need stupid reactions for someone suggesting that. It doesn't mean OP was wrong to feel the way they did either.

If you have experience of autism you would find your own comment offensive

Or vulnerable people with social communication difficulties naturally tend to gravitate towards those who seem less threatening to them.

Perhaps they do @Dashdotdotdash , but women aren’t default support humans so we don’t have to make ourselves uncomfortable for others people’s benefit

Would it not have been simpler to answer 'Mary/ Tom'?
The world is full of people who are different to each other.

Not necessarily, because sometimes this post happens if you engage.

I made the mistake of talking to a young man in the street when he spoke to me and I had my toddler with me. He followed us and wouldn’t go away and started making creepy and weird comments. I really regretted being polite to start with. Don’t blame you at all for how you reacted.

Or vulnerable people with social communication difficulties naturally tend to gravitate towards those who seem less threatening to them.

Do you honestly think the OP is so dim she would not have picked up if your fantasy description of the man she encountered was the case? He was a man who made a beeline for a young mother, one of the most vulnerable groups of women for a certain kind of man wishing to take advantage, who was sitting on her own.

I really don't think all other inhabitants of the planet, whether a male of any age or females over breeding age, are "threatening" and this fellow was too timid to approach them and make pushy enquiries.

I also doubt such a "vulnerable" man would then try to force this woman to engage once she has verbalised her reluctance to converse with him, in the cold-blooded manner he did.

But even if he was this man you fantasise, no woman is a one-woman drop-in centre, social worker, quasi-mother, or conversational practice partner.

@10HailMarys

"The chances are that he was perfectly harmless and just completely lacking in social skills. Statistically he was extremely unlikely to have any sinister motive."

So there was a chance that it wasn't perfectly harmless? Then the OPs response was perfect. As said women and particularly those with babies have a right to dismiss anyone else's feelings when keeping themselves safe. As for the statistics, who gathers them? The same people who used to gather the rape statistics? How do they gather them? Because most women have faced aggression when they haven't 'been nice' when they've had uninvited interruption to their day/night out, from all sorts of types of men.

"Or vulnerable people with social communication difficulties naturally tend to gravitate towards those who seem less threatening to them."

As a woman over 50 I'm a lot less threatening than any of my DD's, yet it's my DD's who get random men trying to engage them in conversation. There's lots of women over 65 who'd happily have a long chat, yet don't get picked by these lonely men.
My, my DD's (and most of her autistic friends) autism makes it painful to talk to strangers, to the point some have had melt downs before asking for help when missing a train etc. What about young autistic women who stop going out because of street harrasment? Why are they thrown under a bus?

Sure. Except we don't know whether he approached anyone else. But he wasn't dangerous, was he? He didn't force, or try to force her to do anything. He said two short sentences to her, and left when OP made it clear she didn't want to engage with him

I also doubt such a "vulnerable" man would then try to force this woman to engage once she has verbalised her reluctance to converse with him, in the cold-blooded manner he did.

Over the top much ??

I too came on thinking it was someone asking on supermarket etc. I actually did this yesterday as everytime I walked past a baby in a sling in a lidl she kept smiling at me so ended up saying hello and asked name. Parents were nice and chatty. You def did the right thing as seemed strange he came over.

Any chance you could explain why the fuck your first thought was that this man is autistic

I'm not the person who posted that, but that was my first thought too, and my reasoning was that I used to know an autistic boy who often asked babies' names, including asking the same parents more than once (some of them were not very nice about it). Different autistic people are fascinated by different things and this just seemed to be one of his.

Having said that, there is no reason why the OP should have given her baby's name, or continued the conversation, if she didn't want to. It is just one of several possible explanations for his behaviour, some of them innocent, some of them not so innocent.

Well I don't find it offensive that i recognise typical autistic traits. Not all of us are snowflakes🙄 why is it offensive exactly?🤔 in my experience autistic people have approached me when they are curious about me and want to make conversation, as a stranger. They seem to find it easier than neuro-typical people. I don't necessarily see that as a fault so I fail to see why that could be offensive to suggest. Could be right, could be wrong - we're never going to find out about this guy and his intentions. OP isn't in the wrong to feel uncomfortable, as I've already said.

I’m surprised by all the responses and that I seem to have caused a debate. Thanks everyone. I can’t say for certain he wasn’t vulnerable but he was smartly dressed (think smart student attire)

If the first, or even second thing he said to me was that he needed help then I would have given directions, rung police etc

I need to get my lines ready too because this has happened by creepy MEN mostly. At the park, across the street from the apartments on my way back from the 99 cent store. Not "how is your day" good morning but straight to how old is the baby and what is their name?! I froze in panic and not wanting to go there but replied like a dummy and a coward and I regret it. Twice I felt like that by random men in public. Sick of it. It feels harrasy and disgusting. I need to watch that movie The Sound of Freedom because I have a feeling I won't hesitate to brush them off next time.

Definitely sounds like a chugger. Classic opening conversation. YWNBU OP. It really bugs me when people invade your private space and make you feel uncomfortable. Especially when they try and reel you in thinking they are genuinely wanted a friendly conversation.