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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not tell baby’s name to stranger in park

175 replies

BilboBagBin · 24/05/2022 21:26

NCed incase minute chance the guy sees this and can get info on us.

And sorry if this is unnecessarily long.

DD is under one. We went to shops and had picnic lunch in city centre park on way back. Park was busy as it was sunny today, plus has lots of paths used to walk through/cross through to high street, and is near the Uni.

We sat in shade of tree on grass away from but within site of main path. Some sunbather around etc

Am just minding my own business feeding the baby (DD tried cress for first time and was less than impressed) and enjoying spending mum/baby time together.

A young man, maybe twenty (without my noticing) had crossed the grass to us and asks ‘what is dear daughters name?’

Looked like a student with hoody and rucksack but would also describe as looking smart.

I was completely thrown by being approached and asked this out of nowhere and said something ridiculous like I didn’t want to have a conversation with him. (I meant I didn’t want to tell him her name but didn’t know how to phrase it) He very calmly replies “can I ask why that is?”

Again, was a bit thrown by being asked to justify why I didn’t want to speak to a complete stranger in the park (my brain was saying ‘Sarah Everard’) so I just said I didn’t feel comfortable. He looked a bit put out but seemed to accept that and left.

Its hard to put my finger on it but the whole thing just really put my back up. There are lots of scenarios in which I would talk to strangers/men in the park and even tell them DDs name but…

Things that felt off were:

No preamble. If he had made some kind of small talk about baby etc before asking for personal info I would have found it more normal.

He wasn’t with anyone, a child/woman/friends.

He had to deliberately come out of his way (presumably) to get over to us.

No reason given for needing to know baby’s name (comes under small talk I guess)

He was standing and I was sitting.

There was a MN thread a few months back about something like ‘have you ever been in the presence of evil,’ I wouldn’t go that far but that is the kind of thing it was like, just felt dodgy even though the guy didn’t do anything and appeared ‘upstanding.’ Maybe he would have gone on to ask me if I accepted God in my life or similar, who knows,

So UABU: I was rude to random guy in park and should have told him DDs name. (I wasn’t rude in the way I spoke to him but some people might consider not being willing to chat with a stranger rude)

or UANBU better safe then sorry

Felt like I had to keep checking behind me on way home.

OP posts:
TempNameChangexx · 24/05/2022 22:36

Definitely trust your spidey senses !!

BashfulClam · 24/05/2022 22:39

I’d have made something outlandish up. I did that with my niece of people e asked her name. Floela! Zoflora Minkytin! Bake! Spangle!

MarmiteCoriander · 24/05/2022 22:41

Are you in Britain? Do you think the man was British? I ask, because some cultures can come across as being blunt and more direct in conversation than Brits do.

The only other, random thought I had was that if he was from abroad, maybe he left his young family there?

Either way, its still a very bizarre thing to ask outright to a woman in a park.

TabithaTittlemouse · 24/05/2022 22:42

Readtheroom · 24/05/2022 21:51

Maybe theyve got autism

That doesn’t excuse it though. Regardless op did the right thing.

SpaceJamtart · 24/05/2022 22:44

Yanbu to not tell him anything, you don't owe strangers information, especially if they are being weird.

I do tend to make up names when asked, initially because my children looked quite destinctive and I was a little paranoid, but later just because it can be fun to tell strangers that your baby is called Windeez

ChagSameachDoreen · 24/05/2022 22:44

Readtheroom · 24/05/2022 21:51

Maybe theyve got autism

Took a while!

TurkishBath · 24/05/2022 22:48

You were right to feel uneasy.

A previous poster mentioned “The Gift of Fear”. That book came straight into my mind when I read your post. I teach my daughters “It’s more important to be safe than to be polite” based on what I learned from reading that.

fluffycereal · 24/05/2022 22:48

I'm so fucking sick of every single shitty male behaviour being excused by 'maybe autism'

Fuck off. Just simply fuck off.

Fuckitydoodah · 24/05/2022 22:50

Definitely sounds odd. You did the right thing.

BilboBagBin · 24/05/2022 22:51

MarmiteCoriander · 24/05/2022 22:41

Are you in Britain? Do you think the man was British? I ask, because some cultures can come across as being blunt and more direct in conversation than Brits do.

The only other, random thought I had was that if he was from abroad, maybe he left his young family there?

Either way, its still a very bizarre thing to ask outright to a woman in a park.

I’m British and he was British 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Scabbyknackers · 24/05/2022 23:00

You did the right thing OP, approaching you and opening with that was very unusual, as was his persistence. Maybe there are underlying reasons but you don't know that and it doesn't mean you should have reacted any differently just in case.

PurpleButterflyWings · 24/05/2022 23:04

fluffycereal · 24/05/2022 22:48

I'm so fucking sick of every single shitty male behaviour being excused by 'maybe autism'

Fuck off. Just simply fuck off.

This ^^ Or if the man is over 55, 'it's probably Alzheimer's.' Hmm And if a man is a cunt to his wife, and treats her like shit, and is moody/difficult/aggressive, then 'he is probably depressed....' Hmm

The level of rage I feel when I see and hear this kind of shit, is off the charts...

@BilboBagBin YANBU. You did nothing wrong. You owe that man fuck-all.

DashboardConfessional · 24/05/2022 23:04

I'm trying to imagine keeping a straight face while telling someone my baby was called "Spangle" 😁

Steamoutmyears · 24/05/2022 23:08

You were quite right if you felt concerned. You don't need a reason not to engage.

I think he could have been perfectly nice but you know that already. He didn't do anything wrong in total, nor did you, it's a sad world in many ways.

BashfulClam · 24/05/2022 23:14

DashboardConfessional · 24/05/2022 23:04

I'm trying to imagine keeping a straight face while telling someone my baby was called "Spangle" 😁

You have to keep a really straight face as if you’ve just said something normal like ‘Jessica’ but the look on their faces ‘oh…er lovely!’

CherrySocks · 24/05/2022 23:23

He was being weird.
None of the young men I know of would approach a random woman with a baby out of the blue a) at all and b) open a conversation by asking the baby's name.

clpsmum · 24/05/2022 23:24

Readtheroom · 24/05/2022 21:51

Maybe theyve got autism

Wtaf??? Somebody acts really weird and "maybe they have autism"

WatermelonSugarEye · 24/05/2022 23:30

Oh FGS, another thread where a few posts in people are recommending that book "The gift of Fear".
I bought it, don't bother, it's repetitive nonsense.

lameasahorse · 24/05/2022 23:36

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Fraaahnces · 24/05/2022 23:40

This is so familiar… I’m pleased you didn’t tell him because it’s “polite”. Listening to your intuition is valuable. I think there are a lot of us out there that wished we had in the past.

BilboBagBin · 24/05/2022 23:45

Thank you @Fraaahnces I hope nothing terrible happened to you Flowers

OP posts:
DressingGownofDoom · 24/05/2022 23:45

'Balonz'

PurpleButterflyWings · 24/05/2022 23:50

DressingGownofDoom · 24/05/2022 23:45

'Balonz'

I love both your response, AND your username! Grin

Imaginary · 24/05/2022 23:53

WatermelonSugarEye · 24/05/2022 23:30

Oh FGS, another thread where a few posts in people are recommending that book "The gift of Fear".
I bought it, don't bother, it's repetitive nonsense.

Wow, and who are you to make that verdict? An expert I presume?
Just because you didn't like it doesn't make it "nonsense".

saleorbouy · 24/05/2022 23:59

It may have been completely innocent encounter but if you feel uncomfortable then you don't need to disclose any information to strangers.
I hate personalised clothing for this reason, it gives strangers a familiarity with children that they may misconstrue as someone they should know and trust.
Don't overthink the situation, you reacted as you felt it required. Maybe he will reconsider trying the same encounter. I agree its an odd way of starting a conversation when you don't know each other.