To not tell baby’s name to stranger in park

[BilboBagBin]

NCed incase minute chance the guy sees this and can get info on us.

And sorry if this is unnecessarily long.

DD is under one. We went to shops and had picnic lunch in city centre park on way back. Park was busy as it was sunny today, plus has lots of paths used to walk through/cross through to high street, and is near the Uni.

We sat in shade of tree on grass away from but within site of main path. Some sunbather around etc

Am just minding my own business feeding the baby (DD tried cress for first time and was less than impressed) and enjoying spending mum/baby time together.

A young man, maybe twenty (without my noticing) had crossed the grass to us and asks ‘what is dear daughters name?’

Looked like a student with hoody and rucksack but would also describe as looking smart.

I was completely thrown by being approached and asked this out of nowhere and said something ridiculous like I didn’t want to have a conversation with him. (I meant I didn’t want to tell him her name but didn’t know how to phrase it) He very calmly replies “can I ask why that is?”

Again, was a bit thrown by being asked to justify why I didn’t want to speak to a complete stranger in the park (my brain was saying ‘Sarah Everard’) so I just said I didn’t feel comfortable. He looked a bit put out but seemed to accept that and left.

Its hard to put my finger on it but the whole thing just really put my back up. There are lots of scenarios in which I would talk to strangers/men in the park and even tell them DDs name but…

Things that felt off were:

No preamble. If he had made some kind of small talk about baby etc before asking for personal info I would have found it more normal.

He wasn’t with anyone, a child/woman/friends.

He had to deliberately come out of his way (presumably) to get over to us.

No reason given for needing to know baby’s name (comes under small talk I guess)

He was standing and I was sitting.

There was a MN thread a few months back about something like ‘have you ever been in the presence of evil,’ I wouldn’t go that far but that is the kind of thing it was like, just felt dodgy even though the guy didn’t do anything and appeared ‘upstanding.’ Maybe he would have gone on to ask me if I accepted God in my life or similar, who knows,

So UABU: I was rude to random guy in park and should have told him DDs name. (I wasn’t rude in the way I spoke to him but some people might consider not being willing to chat with a stranger rude)

or UANBU better safe then sorry

Felt like I had to keep checking behind me on way home.

I think your first sentence screams utter paranoia to me if I'm honest.

I don't think you were rude though.

Wow, OP this has freaked me out! I was out having a picnic with my DC today and a random man (maybe around 60, hard to tell) also went out of his way, approached us and said "it gets dark here at 7pm". It was 10am. I just smiled and nodded but I kept looking all the time whether he was returning and it really rattled me.

I had numerous inner alarm situations in my life and that alarm was always correct. Let's just say that I always regretted not listening to it and every time I did listen to it, I had a major feeling of relief, I know I avoided something potentially awful. Always, always trust it. It's there for a reason 💐

Agree re personalised clothing for children too, a very bad idea IMO unless it's pjs or loungewear worn at home. I never buy this sort of stuff exactly due to safeguarding as someone else mentioned up the thread.

While I agree with PPs about trusting your gut etc your first line NCed incase minute chance the guy sees this and can get info on us. is quite a… mad worry OP.

@PurplePansy05 how spooky! So sad that even out with DCs women aren’t able to feel totally safe themselves or for safety of their children

You’re probably right

YANBU but it can be good to make some other excuse just in case a guy kicks off. Not that you should have to of course. But I understand you were caught on the hoof and didn't know what to say.

I did say it to a bloke who was chatting me up or something once and it was quite satisfying, but that's different as I wasn't doing it to defend myself, it was with others around etc so I had more of a choice, where as you were defending yourself and your LO.

So sorry you had this experience. xx

Probably innocent, but it is NEVER unreasonable to err on the side of caution and safety where your children are concerned!

I always politely brush off any random man who approaches me in public. I don’t care if they

have lost their puppy and want me to help find it
want directions
want to tell me to smile
need their bus fare home
want to practice their English
are lonely
miss their family at home
are autistic
are foreign
want to sell me something
want a conversation
whatever

Any genuine man with a genuine reason would approach another man / group of men or at least a male/ female couple. He would not approach a woman alone or with children.

If I’m in a busy place there are always other men around for random man to ask. If I’m in a quiet place then it’s even more troubling for him to approach me, he has already broken all sorts of social rules by doing so.

So it’s a hard no from me.

I realise of course that this will bring down the wrath of the handmaidens here.
“But what about the poor men, you will hurt their precious feelz ”
they will cry as they wring their hands. Like I care 🤷‍♀️

It could be autism if they are missing ordinary social and conversational cues but it could have just been creepy behaviour. The autistic people in my family wouldn't dream of going up to a complete stranger though and asking them the baby's name.

Wish men approaching women in public would just fuck off.

Ugh this would have made me get that horrible stomach dropping feeling where you feel panicky and hot in an instant. Horrible. Sorry you had that happen

I'm autistic and this may not be considered quite PC to say but if he was autistic and approaching you I think you'd have probably picked up on other cues - lack of eye contact, "stimming" hand gestures, tone of voice etc. Not all of us do all these things of course but if you had no reason to believe he wasn't neurotypical odds are he isn't autistic. And even if he is, it explains asking your baby's name right off the bat but doesn't really excuse not being able to take no for an answer.

Can’t believe anybody would say UABU. This sounds incredibly weird and creepy.

As someone with autism I find this a bit offensive 😂😂 we don’t understand social ques as well as “normal” people do that doesn’t mean we go up to vulnerable women and intimidate them asking them about baby names???

An example of something an autistic person might say: when In conversation with a friend talking about there babies appearance and you might point out a mark on there head or something (then realise in your head oh shit that was probably inappropriate)

I suspect he was simply someone with social communication difficulties.

Do young men with 'social communication difficulties' often strike up conversations with men their age or a little older?

I think not.

Totally not unreasonable. You did the right thing. Sorry you had this experience in an otherwise pleasant sounding day.

Love this.

@GenderAtheist - I want to put your posts on t-shirts and give them to my daughters.

No, yanbu that is fucking weird.

The only time I ask unknown children their names is when I'm trapped by them and they try to talk to me. Like in a lift or a restaurant, just filler crap.

For him to randomly come up to you like that is weird as hell!

Also, can we move away from the 'man does random intimidating thing so he might be autistic' thing.

There is nothing in the OP to suggest he was autistic.

You should have given him your sweetest smile and offered to share your lunch with him while having a deep and meaningful discussion about your babies name and names in general while keeping your tone light and playful.

Joking before anyone starts foaming!

Seriously though op, you did the right thing. Always trust your gut and if needs be, move to where you feel more comfortable if the man persists with his unwanted attention.

I think the next man a man asks me for directions / change for the bus, I will ask him to ask a man.

Oh no Yanbu at all. I’ve made lots of small talk about DS with strangers over the years and literally nobody has ever asked his name. They ask how old he is, what’s his favorite things etc but never his name. I would find that a very strange question from any stranger and wouldn’t answer it.
He sounds creepy and entitled, he has no right to any explanation of why you wouldn’t share baby’s name, most people wouldn’t even be so cheeky to ask out of the blue.

I mean, that can lead to s whole lot of racism, but OK.