Friend seems annoyed at me for this, feel bad

[Thebreeders]

A friend works in the same industry as me. I was thinking of applying for a job where she works, apparently they needed somebody fairly quickly.
She said she'd put in a good word for me which I appreciated.
I managed to get an interview there which was supposed to be later this week.
My friend announced she'd written a reference for me which was incredibly nice of her, she was under no obligation to do so and I didn't expect her to at all.
In the end I decided not to go for the job. I felt I would be out of my depth, I haven't yet got the confidence to go for this role just yet.
I cancelled the interview with 72 hours notice.
I messaged my friend to say so, I felt nervous but assumed she'd understand I wasn't ready as it was a big step up and again I just didn't feel confident enough after consideration.
I'm hoping to reapply in a few months.
Anyway she read it and just sent a 'thumbs up' emoji, which is very much not like her, she normally writes very positive and sweet messages with smilies (i know that sounds a bit juvenile)
Haven't heard from her since.
I feel bad. I really appreciate that she wrote the reference, she must be annoyed but I don't really think I've done anything that wrong. I guess I didn't expect that reaction.

apparently they needed somebody fairly quickly.
She said she'd put in a good word for me which I appreciated
@Thebreeders I think this is the key part. The company stuck and need someone quickly. Your friend says - oh I know someone looking at that role, she's good etc. And then you pull out beforehand it is a bit of a "wtf" for your friend. I'm currently involved in recruitment in my workplace and it is tiring and we would be inclined to take the recommendation of an existing employee first

Exactly this. They need someone quickly, your friend has recommended you and written you a reference. It's very likely that you would have been given the role on her recommendation if they liked you at interview. You are a fool to give up such an opportunity. What makes you think a couple of months will make such a difference? You would have had your friend there for support as well. Your decision just doesn't make sense and she's probably exasperated with you.

I’d be annoyed you sound a bit flakey..

Cancelling a job interview after applying because you thought the job wouldn’t be suitable is a waste of everyone’s time. Your friend’s employer would have reviewed and discussed your cv, contacted you and blocked out time in the interviewees diaries in order to meet you. You should have read the job advert before applying. It definitely shows a lack of thought towards your friend and her company.

I’ve also worked in recruitment and definitely wouldn’t consider a candidate for a 2nd time if I’d invited them to interview previously and they cancelled without a very good reason.

I think you should ask your friend if she's okay, because your posts in here do seem abrupt, and perhaps you were like that with her.

I'm not talking about the posts you made when posters were going OTT as it was obvious why you were short with them, I'm referring to the first few in your thread.

Some of these replies are making me feel like I live in another universe from other posters!

The OP withdrawing from an interview (with a recruitment agency) reflects badly on her friend? Friend’s employer will be judging her because she has a ‘flakey’ friend who changed her mind about a job interview? Really?

In the world I live in, I don’t know a single person who would actually think like that. At most they might say ‘oh btw Friend, did you know your friend OP pulled out of the interview?’ and Friend might say ‘oh yes she mentioned, that’s a shame’ and then everyone would just get on with their days. Not leave a permanent black mark against Friend’s name for daring to recommend someone that didn’t work out.

If the company had a referral scheme then Friend might have been hoping to make a few quid from her recommendation I guess but otherwise I really can’t see what she has to be so pissed off about. If a friend messaged me saying they were pulling out of the interview I’d be replying to say ‘of course, hope everything is OK’, not just sending a thumbs up emoji which would understandably leave OP a bit anxious.

My company actively asks us if we know people who would be a good fit for the company, and if you suggest someone and they sign a contract and pass probation you get a bonus.

They would most definitely look askance at someone who recommended someone and wrote them a reference, and it would definitely reflect badly on the recommender.

You sound childish and rude, perhaps the company lucked out after all.

Which part would reflect badly? The reference-writing or if the recommendee went on to pull out of an interview?

I agree with the above. As someone in a senior position who interviews when a position arises, pulling out months before because you felt you couldn't do the job would instantly put you at a disadvantage. It sounds too much like you lack confidence. Personally, I'd prefer someone who admitted it would be a new and challenging role for them, but they were up to the challenge if we provided support for them. Providing the interview went well, they'd have as much support as they needed if they were the best fit for the role. I know that a lot of fellow execs in my organisation also frequently hire on recommendation, so that would have likely gone in your favour too.

The OP does lack confidence. She said that. Companies do what work best for them, they don’t tend to tiptoe round their employees. If the company penalised her friend for this then I think the OP has been correct in following her instinct and not going through with the interview - which would have been a much bigger waste of everyone’s time.

I can see why she's annoyed. OK you didn't ask her to but she went out of her way to help you by putting in a reference, that will have backfired on her and made her look unprofessional as in their eyes, she recommended someone unreliable

I do plenty wrong but personally, when I realise I've upset someone I reflect on it and apologise if I care about them.

Regardless of whether or not you agree with someone's reasoning for being upset, they feel how they feel and you can't argue with or change it. Your feelings are your feelings.

If you wanted to salvage your friendship you'd be taking on board the comments and maybe seeing things from a different perspective instead of behaving so defensive and immature.

FWIW I wouldn't bebnothered at you cancelling the interview but who knows if this is all you've done to upset her, you seem adamant it's not that bad a thing to be upset over so you might well have done something else to upset her and not realised. Nobody knows but her so probably you should have an open conversation with her and let her tell you how she feels.

Which part would reflect badly? The reference-writing or if the recommendee went on to pull out of an interview?

Recommending someone who pulls out of a planned interview.

I hope she didn't praise your humility in it.

The catty little comments and sniping here from posters is really cringy. And they have the cheek to tell someone to grow up

I think this behaviour was self-centred and ungrateful. I hope you apologise to her.

Self centered and ungrateful to change your mind about a job LOL

Oh I think that’s really unfair and not at all reasonable.

I’ve worked at companies with referral schemes too. You’re encouraged to recommend former colleagues and professional contacts, but you can’t possibly be expected to know everyone’s personal circumstances and what else they have going on in their lives. The person you refer could pull out of an interview for all sorts of reasons, personal or professional. If companies are going to turn that into a black mark against the referer then nobody would ever want to risk referring anyone!

Companies where I’ve seen this have always made a real point of stressing that anyone you refer and the outcome of their application won’t be seen as a reflection on you, and not to be put off referring people because you’re worried about that.

Of course it's not.. I'll explain a little further for you...

It's self-centred and ungrateful for an OP to start a thread, only to listen to the answers they agree with and be sarcastic and obtuse with those they disagree with. Self-centred because OP seems to have no empathy or ability to put herself in her poor friend's shoes. Self-centred to then only seem to want to whine about why the friend isn't acting in the way that the OP would like. OP needs to remove head out of own arse really.

Right? What planet do some of these posters live on?

It was an interview with an agency. OP cancelled with plenty of notice. That really doesn’t make her flakey or unreliable or a terrible friend. It would have been far worse to press on out of embarrassment and then quit after a week in the job!

Twas ever thus!

YANBU, the application and interview process is for applicant and company to decide if they’re right for each other.

72 hours is more than enough notice to cancel an interview.

YANBU, these threads always attract people who think women should accept and be grateful for any old jobs.

Companies where I’ve seen this have always made a real point of stressing that anyone you refer and the outcome of their application won’t be seen as a reflection on you, and not to be put off referring people because you’re worried about that
That's an incredibly odd thing for them to stress.
Of course it reflects on you if you recommend someone who turns out to be terrible. Your judgement is immediately compromised.

It’s always been a referral scheme where I’ve worked, not a personal recommendation. People can put your name down when they apply to say that they heard about the job from you, then if they’re successful you get £500. If they’re not, no harm done. It’s meant to help get the word out and reduce the cost of paying agency fees to find potential applicants.

Oh, right, so it's just a money saving exercise.