Friend seems annoyed at me for this, feel bad

[Thebreeders]

A friend works in the same industry as me. I was thinking of applying for a job where she works, apparently they needed somebody fairly quickly.
She said she'd put in a good word for me which I appreciated.
I managed to get an interview there which was supposed to be later this week.
My friend announced she'd written a reference for me which was incredibly nice of her, she was under no obligation to do so and I didn't expect her to at all.
In the end I decided not to go for the job. I felt I would be out of my depth, I haven't yet got the confidence to go for this role just yet.
I cancelled the interview with 72 hours notice.
I messaged my friend to say so, I felt nervous but assumed she'd understand I wasn't ready as it was a big step up and again I just didn't feel confident enough after consideration.
I'm hoping to reapply in a few months.
Anyway she read it and just sent a 'thumbs up' emoji, which is very much not like her, she normally writes very positive and sweet messages with smilies (i know that sounds a bit juvenile)
Haven't heard from her since.
I feel bad. I really appreciate that she wrote the reference, she must be annoyed but I don't really think I've done anything that wrong. I guess I didn't expect that reaction.

Fgs .op wake up . She stuck her neck out for you whether yku wanted her to or not . She will look foolish to her firm now because she had faith in you and you bailed . Her judgement looks off to her colleagues and boss .

And you're wondering why she hadn't heaped praise upon your flakey decision making ?

You appear completely oblivious to what she actually tried to do for you .

Don't apply there again . You could have just interviewed after all that and then decided .
I'm not surprised she's pissed off with you and she sounds nice enough not to tell you .
You took the piss .

Well I wouldn’t expect her to put in another good word if you reapply.

HOWEVER - going against the grain here - you said they needed someone quickly, I’m wondering if your friend saw a chance to get herself some brownie points at work by finding someone (you) at short notice. Did you feel a little bit hustled by her into something you weren’t ready for? If so, well done for standing your ground.

Only you know whether you’re a flake or someone who wasn’t going to be steamrollered.

She really, really didn't risk her rep at all. They're hardly going to fire her are they. If they do think badly of her then what sort of company is that. It's through an agency anyway not through them.

If she's done a reference saying you're ideal for the job, and then you've pulled out because you don't think you're up to it, that maybe makes it look like she has poor judgement.

But anyway, the thumbs up emoji isn't negative - she might just have been in a hurry. If you haven't heard from her since, have you contacted her? Perhaps just message her to say thanks again for the reference, and sorry you got cold feet, you just think the opportunity just came a little bit soon for you.

Sorry no, there's no point going to an interview for nothing. Anyway people really doing their best to try and make me out to be terrible. The overuse of the word flake is getting tiring.

You aren't getting it . Why the post if you're so sure you are in the right ? Forget it . Move on

Why ask if you’re being unreasonable if you’re then just going to deny it??

My interview wasn't even with the bloody company directly it was with the recruitment agency

I've aplolgised to her, told her I appreciated her help. I'm moving on now anyway. Thanks again

It matters not who the interview was with . She had faith that was misplaced. That reflects on her .

Maybe she’s just a bit disappointed then as she thought she’d be working with you?
She really hasn’t reacted in an awful way. You haven’t done anything massively wrong… neither has she. All she’s done is send a less than exuberant message. Reads like mild disappointment to me. Don’t build it up to be something bigger in your head, she sounds like a lovely friend and it’s not worth making a mountain out of a thumb up.

You only like one reply, the one that makes you feel better. If a friend I thought was decent applied for a role I would put in a good word. If the rescinded the application I woukd be frustrated as that woukd reflect poorly on me. If you knew she put jn a good word you shouldn't have bailed.

She used a bit of her capital at work. You did not ask her to do it. She may be disappointed but not necessarily upset with you. Least said, soonest mended. Wait a bit and then message her on a different subject.

You've put her in an embarrassing position at work. She's vouched for you & you've pulled out. You may not have explicitly asked her to, but you said you were applying at her work place. 'Hint hint'. If you hadn't wanted a bit of help, you could have applied through the agency without telling her.

it's weird to pull out, yet think you'll reapply (elsewhere) in a couple of months. A couple of months won't make a big difference to whether you're right for the job or not.

mind you, with your attitude on this thread, it's probably just as well for your friend that you have pulled out.

she text you 'thumbs up' ' (not the emoji Ud have sent you). She's not 'not talking to you' she's probably busy and not in the mood to pander to you when she's annoyed with you, give her some space.

It could be her kicking herself over putting herself out for you to end up flaking, or she could just be a bit disappointed that you aren't going to end up working together/same place.

Either way, neither of you have committed a horrid offence, and she sounds like a good mate- don't let an awkward emoji cause any bad feeling

Well she looks like an idiot in front of her colleagues because she recommended someone as perfect for the job who turned out to not even want it. So yes she is annoyed. Sounds like a miscommunication between the two of you but you shouldn’t have let her recommend you unless you were certain that you wanted the job.

But she hasn't said that she's annoyed? I think you need to work on your self esteem a bit

I think a thumbs up emjoi is fine as a response to what you said. She’s probably very slightly put out/ taken aback and the thumbs up is simply an ‘oh. ok, fair enough.’ type message. If she’d said ‘That’s the last time I’m doing you a favour!’ or ‘Seriously, what?!’ Then I’d think her reaction a bit OTT, but she hasn’t said that at all. You’ve not done anything awful, just mildly annoying, she’s responded perfectly normally to that. Did you expect an ‘oh I completely understand, no problem at all!’ message, really? You’re talking like she’s blown it out of proportion- and I’d agree if she actually had, but she’s not said anything bad at all!

Am I being unreasonable?

yes

no i’m not!

You've obviously never written a reference then. It takes quite an amount of time and effort to write a proper reference.

@ATadConfused
I don't see it as such a big deal - it happens that people change their minds.
It's not as if they spent time interviewing the OP and rejected other candidates only for her to back out.

I would never try to influence interview processes that friends were involved in one way or another. As a matter of principle. It's between them and the interview panel. If the interview goes badly or the candidate declines the job (or, worse, accepts the job and is not up to it) then I risk looking silly. Also, nepotism is not cool. It's up to the interview panel to decide if the candidate is fit for the job or not. It's not for me to seek to influence the process and thereby unfairly prejudice the other candidates. I would want my employer to genuinely select the best person for the job. Not my mate.

So, you've done nothing wrong, your mate probably shouldn't have involved herself in the process, although I am sure she meant well. You shouldn't have to apologise but if showing a bit of contrition means that you patch things up, it'd be well worth it.

Not before the interview. I don't see what is to be lost by going for the interview. I can decide after the interview if I don't want to take the job or if they don't want to offer me the job but either way it's interview experience.

Also, what did you expect her to write?

She vouched for you and you showed yourself to be a flake.

You have probably annoyed the agency, too.