Friend seems annoyed at me for this, feel bad

[Thebreeders]

A friend works in the same industry as me. I was thinking of applying for a job where she works, apparently they needed somebody fairly quickly.
She said she'd put in a good word for me which I appreciated.
I managed to get an interview there which was supposed to be later this week.
My friend announced she'd written a reference for me which was incredibly nice of her, she was under no obligation to do so and I didn't expect her to at all.
In the end I decided not to go for the job. I felt I would be out of my depth, I haven't yet got the confidence to go for this role just yet.
I cancelled the interview with 72 hours notice.
I messaged my friend to say so, I felt nervous but assumed she'd understand I wasn't ready as it was a big step up and again I just didn't feel confident enough after consideration.
I'm hoping to reapply in a few months.
Anyway she read it and just sent a 'thumbs up' emoji, which is very much not like her, she normally writes very positive and sweet messages with smilies (i know that sounds a bit juvenile)
Haven't heard from her since.
I feel bad. I really appreciate that she wrote the reference, she must be annoyed but I don't really think I've done anything that wrong. I guess I didn't expect that reaction.

Yeah go on, I'm a huge flake. Terrible unreliable person. This is getting very tedious now. Congratulations on having done nothing wrong or ever changed your minds ever. Have a medal

you showed her boss that her judgement is off

i don’t blame her, especially with your refusal to see the other side here, that must be frustrating for her

I have written references and no i didn't annoy them but really not sure why I'm wasting time writing back to such black and white people who are determined to paint me as some villain.

I can totally understand her being mildly annoyed and disappointed. Never said that I didn't. But some of these replies are absolutely ridiculous, and I think they're deliberately written to try and cause trouble

They want you on here to agree with absolutely everything they say even if they're trashing you. They hate it when someone stands up for themselves

Are you this defensive towards your friend?

She sent a thumbs up and you’ve got yourself in to this state.

She’s your friend, ask if she’s okay. That’s what friends do.

You’ve made her look a bit silly I suspect as she probably put a good word in.
pulling out of an interview for anything except an emergency is extremely flakey.
I would be really annoyed if you were my friend

Not towards here no, just towards some of these ridiculous posters but to be honest, they're really not worth the effort. Probably sat at home, bored and desperate to get reactions out of people

Nah, it isn't. It's called life. Interview isn't a court summons

No wonder she's not talking to you. You have a serious attitude problem.

Dear oh dear. How old are you because your replies are extremely immature. My 12 year old would shout that ‘everyone hates her and she’s a crap person’ when criticised.
Assuming you are an adult, have a hard look at your behaviour. You have behaved in a pretty unreliable way and have jerked around the company and your friend. You seem to think this is completely normal going by your responses here.
Take a long hard look at yourself and for gods sake grow up.

apparently they needed somebody fairly quickly.
She said she'd put in a good word for me which I appreciated.
@Thebreeders I think this is the key part. The company stuck and need someone quickly. Your friend says - oh I know someone looking at that role, she's good etc. And then you pull out beforehand it is a bit of a "wtf" for your friend. I'm currently involved in recruitment in my workplace and it is tiring and we would be inclined to take the recommendation of an existing employee first.

You are of course entitled to withdraw, no one is saying you aren't, but to understand why your friend might be a bit deflated by the process might be a good idea.

Recommending someone for a role is not something I would do lightly.

I’m not surprised she’s not talking to you, your failure to acknowledge the work she’s put in and how this could make her look to her employer speaks volumes. No, it’s not life or death, but she put herself out for you (and you allowed her to do so) and you basically were like “meh don’t really want it now”. Your excuse was quite lame tbh and your attitude is very blasé.

But she may have put in a good word for you. It doesn't look bad on you, it may reflect badly on her

After reading all the replies, I must have missed the one where You say You will apologise to her for being a dick, Cause surely you have said that .....somewhere?

This is why I never recommend anyone for the job, harsh but worth it.

I think people are making a mountain out of a molehill!

I interview people regularly. A candidate backing out does not phase me. In fact, I am glad they figure out it's not right for them before I put any effort into interviewing them. It saves me a ton of work and stress. Changing jobs is a massive deal, not to be taken lightly.

If this happened to me, as a hiring manager, I would hardly register it. I don't even look at references for someone until after at least 3 interviews (phone, in person, then with my team) and have decided to make an offer.

I don't understand why the OP is getting such a hard time on here. It's not like she didn't bother turning up to the interview, which would have course been unacceptable. She cancelled with three days' notice.

I've been interviewing for jobs recently and have had to cancel two with less notice than that because I was offered another post. Would it have been better to turn up knowing that I had no intention of taking the job?!

OP, your friend might be annoyed with you, she might not. If you're worried about it, why not just pick up the phone/message her and ask. It was good of her to recommend you of course, and no doubt you have thanked her. But you have to do what's right for you.

It reflects badly on her. And it comes across that you either

do not understand or accept that

or you don’t care

both which reflect badly on you.

It’s fine you withdrew your application and it’s fine you didn’t ask for the favour. But she did one for you because she IS your friend and she IS believing in you.

she’s miffed, an apology/explanation will fix it. It’s not a big deal in the scheme of things but you do sound very closed to the idea she did a good thing and it back fires on her. She may be embarrassed at work.

As someone who recruits, I would interview someone who came recommended. If an interviewee pulled out suddenly because they didn't feel they had the experience, I'm afraid I wouldn't interview them again in a couple of months. It doesn't really show that person is reliable for starters. Also, I doubt the agency would be willing to represent them again because it also reflects badly on the Agency too.

Your friend has been nice in trying to help you - even though you didn't ask, she put her professional reputation on the line. You've apologised, she has not been that forthcoming with her responses - I think you need to respect that. Give her time and reach out to her again. I'm afraid the ball is in her court and not yours.

You are absolutely right - you are allowed to change your mind and an interview is not a court summons. But your actions have consequences, and you have to accept that - even though you may not like the lack of response from your friend and the responses on this thread.

I assume you must have been expecting her to respond with "Oh don't worry/It's OK/It's fine/It's perfectly understandable etc" - and she hasn't because she probably doesn't genuinely feel that way right now and is not prepared to lie or save your feelings.

Alternatively, it may be that your friend genuinely doesn't care or see it as a big issue like you, and hasn't had the time to reassure you. In which case, you can ask her and clarify.

I'm hoping to reapply in a few months.

Good luck with that. You're going to need to explain why you cancelled on them at such short notice and convince them that you're not flaky.

Rightly or wrongly some people do feel it's their reputation on the line when it comes to a friend entering / interviewing for / approaching their workplace and they help out in any way and it goes tits up. They feel their bosses will question their judgement.

You've apologised. You did what you felt you needed to. She'll either forget about it or she won't. You can't influence that.

If you were my friend I wouldn't be cross. I'd feel bad that you had this crisis of confidence and I'd want to help you.
Hopefully she'll feel the same way.

I think there is a lot of overreaction on here.

Recruiters don't care if someone attends an interview, it's only annoying if it's very last minute, or if they don't have many applicants and you seemed really good on paper. People are really overestimating how much people care! The agent might be disappointed too as it's their commission that is at stake but no doubt they will find another suitable candidate.

OP is also overreacting, to the original thumbs up from her friend and also to the reactions on here. I think you feel guilty and that's why you are inferring your friend is not talking to you.

However, if you don't think you can do the job there's no point wasting peoples' time. I have also pulled out of an interview at a similar point because of a crisis of confidence (though didn't have anyone to put a word in for me so wasn't messing anyone I knew personally around).

It makes her look an unreliable judge of people, which won't be good for the general perception of her within the company.