Daughter accused of bullying

[Pennyhill22]

My dd has been accused of bullying on her sports team. My DH is manager of the team. We have been told that she has been calling another team member names. Our DD denies it,the other parents are adamant she has said these things and have reported the issue to the club. I don't know what to do. My DD she hasn't said anything.

Noone needs to go nuclear and potentially risk the club not having a manager.

A manager who cares more about how things effect him and his 'standing' rather than dealing with homophobic slurs, isn't much of a loss.

I agree. The manager should be backing the child being abused on the basis of her sexuality even if the perpetrator is his own daughter.

“agree. The manager should be backing the child being abused on the basis of her sexuality even if the perpetrator is his own daughter.”

where did anyone say the other child was gay?

I think that family are believing and backing their kid, which is what OP and her husband should do, no one else will!

I'm all for supporting my dc, but there are two witnesses, one of whom is the dd's friend!

DD’s friend has said she doesn’t want to get involved, maybe because she knows it’s rubbish?

The friend had already said it happened. Christ, what are you struggling with?

Despite this child coming forward and saying they were being bullied, and that it was being carried out by the daughter of the manager, and despite her parents saying they were going to remove her, and despite there being two independent witnesses to the ‘homophobic slurs and more’, this child still doesn’t deserve to be believed, but instead be written off as making a bogus bullying claim? To what end would they do that?

And the poster that said:

No need for everyone to be so dramatic.

I know a child who attempted suicide due to low-level consistent bullying that wasn’t tackled. They were in junior school. There’s every fucking need to be ‘dramatic’.

Thank you for all the comments,just getting time to read them now. If my DD continues to deny the allegations and her friend is now saying that she doesn't want to get involved what will the CPO do. I know there is another witness, DH is not to fond of this girl or her father and has said she is not believable.

We have also heard that the parent of the child has told some of the team members parents what is going on. DH seems to think that they should not have done this as our DD has not admitted saying anything and it will give her a bad name. He thinks once parents hear what's going on they will question their own children and the other kids will just agree that they have heard something. The other parent has texted everything her DD has been called.

I think you need to calm down. People are allowed a different point of view.

Well, either your DD is lying or the other girls are lying.

I’m not sure any of the adults involved can ever be certain who’s telling the truth and who is not.

Involving child protection seems over the top 🤷‍♀️ I guess you just tell them that the girls are accusing each other of lies and you don’t know what really happened but have spoken to them all about respect? Maybe do an anti bullying session at the club?

If all the girls pile on to complain that Dd is a bully then weirdly that becomes kind of bullying- so confusing. On the other hand I do know one age 8 bully whose mum thinks she’s an angel and won’t hear a word against her.

🤷‍♀️

Whether or not dd's friend has decided they "don't want to get involved", you know that she has corroborated that comments were made.

The other girl's parents are fully allowed to speak about their experiences.

She’s a kid and kids make mistakes and say stupid things but the important thing is that they learn from them. You’re doing her no favours if you ignore this because of fact her Dad runs the sports team. It needs to be investigated and dealt with. If you don’t nip it in the bud now, what’s to stop it escalating and her finding herself in real trouble?

What would your husband be doing if this allegation was made about another child, and there were witnesses to multiple bullying slurs being used?

This is sounding worse. For you.

Acting upon it properly I expect.

I think on balance it is unlikely that the other girls would make malicious accusations against the manager's daughter. If anything her dad's role might make it less likely that they would report the issue.

Based on what you have said I would believe the other girls and issue a consequence to your daughter despite her denials, especially if she has form for being untruthful.

He thinks once parents hear what's going on they will question their own children and the other kids will just agree that they have heard something.

Really - when I've heard similar things and asked my kids I get it's all drama- they're equally as bad - I saw nothing and occaionally - yes I saw/heard something like that.

So I wouldn't assume that everyone is going to lie.

In fact I'd be very worried if everyone was likely to lie as I'm not so sure it's somewhere I'd want my child to be.

If your really concerned about a campging to influnce findings and whip up other parents against your DD and DH I'd suggest you need to talk things though with the club - see if they can offer reassurance.

DH is not to fond of this girl or her father and has said she is not believable

Seriously, stop now. You are not doing yourself any favours with comments like this.

Have you considered at all the possibility that you dd actually did say the wrong thing? Or is your family the only believable one in the club?

My DH has suggested the two girls and parents meet up and talk about it.

Do not do this. No good can come of it, and if your daughter has been bullying, the other child isn’t likely to be comfortable sitting in front of her and talking about it.

It sounds like your daughter has done something. Why not just say to the club that you have heard about the allegations and are dealing with your daughter appropriately? Just claiming it can’t be true isn’t enough.

Let your daughter know it isn’t acceptable, only she knows if it actually happened, but if you hear of it again the consequences will be harsh for her.

Now I’m starting to think that OP’s daughter is the real victim here. Perhaps dad could tender his resignation, it might make the club think twice if they face losing a key volunteer

I think it's fair to assume at this stage that your daughter in guilty.

I'm assuming from your post that your worried about possible consequences for your husband from this. As long as he has not been named as been complicit he is unlikely to face any section from the FA.
It will probably make things difficult for him on a local level though.

This is the other side of a post from a few days ago.....

Same poster but different name perhaps?

DH is not to fond of this girl or her father and has said she is not believable.

Wow, your DH needs to take a huge step back, before he makes things worse. He ought to step down from his managerial role too whilst is being investigated. Going by this sort of attitude, I doubt he will.

As others have said it's best this is investigated properly and independently of your DH.

I'm not saying your daughter did do what she has been accused of, but now that she is aware she could get into trouble she is less likely to admit to things. By way of an example I was bullied at school by a girl in my class for years (still no idea why as I didn't do anything to her) who consistently denied doing anything wrong and her parents took a "my child would never behave like that" stance. It was only once things escalated and I went home black and blue and my mum took photos and told the school that she was going to the police that the school finally took things seriously. At that point once properly investigated and with my injuries as proof the girl eventually begrudgingly admitted what she did.

I know there is another witness, DH is not to fond of this girl or her father and has said she is not believable.

This is exactly why the other girl's parents were 100% right to take it further; your DH has admitted (although I assume just to you) that he is not fond of this girl, and would not believe her. The parents need someone impartial to look into it. An impartial person should be fair, and they may even deem at the end that your daughter is innocent.

By the way - has your DH made his opinions known about this girl, and her father, before (to you)? If so, is there a chance that your daughter may have overheard, and possibly be repeating some of what was said?

I think it's fair to assume at this stage that your daughter in guilty.

I don't think it is fair to assume that - I do know of a few case where children have been bullied out of clubs (and yes other parents are then surprised child parents can't/ won't continue to volunteer) though it's usually because the child has SEN or isn't NT it’s rare and nasty but sadly does happen.

It's equally possible OP Dd has said something inappropriate - or has worse has been bullying.

The club could not have ignore a complaint of homophobic bullying - so it's being independently investigated.

OP DH may feel under attack but stepping back and letting the club follow procedures is best thing.