Daughter accused of bullying

[Pennyhill22]

My dd has been accused of bullying on her sports team. My DH is manager of the team. We have been told that she has been calling another team member names. Our DD denies it,the other parents are adamant she has said these things and have reported the issue to the club. I don't know what to do. My DD she hasn't said anything.

Something about this whole thread seems odd...
The most likely scenario =
The 2 have squabbled then are telling their respective parents a story slanted to show they did no wrong.

Are you friends with any parents of witnesses... see if they can gently find out anything.

A Threat of child protection oven one incident of name calling seems either the parents are OTT or it was so serious its the reason one or both of the children are not telling the truth.

Good luck

I’m actually going to have to step away from this thread. I’m finding it a bit triggering. I was horrifically bullied and fuck all was done. I still feel the damaging effects now, as an adult. As I said earlier, I know a little child in junior school who tried to taker heir own life. I mean, fuck…

The hideous attitude of the OP and her vile, good-for-nothing husband, trying to work out how to let his daughter get away with it and discrediting one of the multiple child witnesses by saying he doesn’t like her and she’s a liar, is frankly, shameful. And he should be precisely nowhere near kids.

It’s not hard to see where the daughter gets her homophobic, bullying nature from.

Frankly, I hope someone recognises the club from the shitty behaviour of the H and the limp-dick mother and take action themselves.

It saddens me to say this but we have spoken to our DD this evening. She was still denying it. We told her there were witnesses and that she would not be in trouble for telling the truth. We told her that this was her last chance otherwise the club would get involved and it would be very serious.

She has admitted calling the other child names but said she didn't mean to be mean,she just thought it was banter.

Ops daughter and her parents don't seem like victims to me.

I’m sorry OP but I think you might be the only one who is surprised by that.

What consequence(s) will you now enforce for her behaviour?

So she's not really denying it then.

It was just banter is a common excuse bullies make.

She’s lying. Punish her for fuck’s sake.

Fgs op all of your posts are about whats going to happen to our standing in the community and my poor dd

she said the other girl didnt sya anything horrible to her yet you still belive your dh when he says this girls a liar-can you see how ths looks

he ignore the complaint doesn want it to go higher and all your worried about is if he gets the sack-the other girl shold not leave the club your dh and dd should

This thread makes me really sad. Everyone is a victim in this situation.

The Dad and the OP's daughter are not victims. He shouldn't be training young people with his nasty attitude and the dd needs a time out to think about how "banter" can be perceived as bullying. Would she accept someone calling her those names?

What on earth is she doing that she thinks homophobic slurs are banter. She needs removing from that team for the sake of the rest of the children.

sorry missed the update

im fed up o f this banter bollocks calling someone names isnt banter in any sense of the word

it was only banter why cant they take a joke-yo9u should pull her out now

Very interested to hear about her punishment. Your h owes the other girl lots of sympathy for his DD's nastiness and prolonging this situation.

You know that he should suspend his dd and ask the other girl to return right?

@Pennyhill22
You seem to be more concerned about how things look for your dh and dd rather than the situation as a whole, and are already convinced that others are lying and your dd is the victim.

Take responsibility, teach your dd to take responsibility for her actions and own up if she did indeed call names on more than one ocassion.

Does the club have a code of conduct? I am sure that respecting others and not name calling, or undermining others is part of it. If your daughter has breached the code of conduct, then she should apologise and accept whatever sanction is dealt to her.

Teach her integrity rather than worming her way out of a predicament by blame shifting and minimising.

x post

Homophobic slurs are never banter. What kind of stuff is she watching to think that's ok?

You told her she wouldn't be in trouble. So you can't go back on that or she won't tell you anything again. You can make her apologies to the other girl in front of her parents. Without the saying it was banter bit. She needs to have that toe curling moment and learn the lesson that banter is a 2 way street and joking around is only funny if both parties find it.

Me too!

In a way the OP’s dd is a victim for not being brought up properly and being taught by her parents to face the consequences of her actions. Kids make mistakes, it happens, but it’s so important how it’s dealt with to prevent future occurrences.

OP ALL children have the potential to bully. Please don’t think your dd would never do it. Now is the perfect opportunity to teach her and come down hard. She needs to know there is zero tolerance for name calling and bullying.

Thank you for coming back with the truth of it, OP. Obviously your DD knows it wasn't banter, but this is probably the best that you're going to get from her at this point.

But that doesn't mean that you have to treat this as if it WAS banter. You need to treat it as what it was, and tell her that the banter excuse cannot be part of her apology or any consequences.

If she thought it was just banter, she wouldn't have been lying through her teeth about it. She'd have put her hand up to screwing up in social skills terms a long time ago.

Bullying is where one person takes advantage of a position of power to demean another. I think the power imbalance between these girls has been made very plain.

She needs to face consequences. Ones she cares about.

She says banter - everyone else says bullying.

She was grounded for lying and has dug a huge hole she is not going to admit it now

I think chances are everyone else is right.

escalate it and let others deal with it - point out to her if she said it - owning it now and aoologising etc will be easier than a referrral to the police for a homophobic slur etc

I agree

I hope you're teaching her that homophobia is never banter. Doesn't sound like you're taking this seriously. I'd be beyond furious if my DS behaved this way.

Good on her for owning up.

She will need to take responsibility for her actions and do what she can to make things up to the girl she bullied. Something like taking a period of time out from training and matches in order to give the other girl a chance to recover her confidence, some personal work on empathy and a heartfelt apology. A true apology should seek to redress balance, so she will need to make herself vulnerable to the other girl, maybe by sharing one of her own insecurities. You speak of punishing/not punishing, but this is neither - it is the natural consequences of her actions which you can enforce kindly but firmly. Meanwhile your DH can use this opportunity to do some work on banter/bullying.

This can all be turned around. Be open and honest and own the fuck-up. Be proactive about fixing it. People will respect you for it.

With bendmeoverbackwards