WIBU to ask why people are so weird about cry it out?

[Worried675]

OK, I know already how this is going to go and what views about this are on Mumsnet, but my question I guess is why people are so against cry it out methods? Recent research showed no differences in babies' behaviour/happiness/attachment etc. between cry it out and other sleep training methods. I'm always surprised by how strongly people are against it, especially as anyone born in the 80s or before probably were trained that way.

Enlighten me! Is using cry it out unreasonable? Why/why not?

Because you're completely ignoring a baby's needs and are teaching them that nobody will come when they need you.

I haven’t seen any research to suggest it doesn’t have a negative impact, I would be very interested to see the actual research you are referring to.

personally ignoring anyone crying, especially when that is their only way of communicating need, doesn’t sit right with me.

Yes it is unreasonable to use cry it out methods. I’m in my 40s and like you say, was most likely left to cry and I suffer from anxiety.
Someone will come along soon to link the actual research showing the links to crying it out and the stress levels in a baby’s hormones, there is a direct link to mental health issues such as anxiety. No, I don’t have a source, hoping someone has it at the ready for discussions such as this.

For me it just felt too awful to leave my dd crying away to herself, when I could stop it with a cuddle. First time parenting was so overwhelming, and I chose the easy route with sleeping.
Have you got links to the research you mentioned? Genuinely interested!

To me it's the other way around, I find it really weird to consider doing it 🤷

Because babies are crying for a reason, leaving them is incredibly stressful and unpleasant.
Do you actually have children OP?

It's cruel and unnatural. It goes against every fibre of my being.

I do know that my.mum did it with me back in the 70s and ended up crying herself because she hated it so much. Personally I just couldn't do it. If you think about how we evolved and how other higher mammals behave, it really is abnormal behaviour.

How would you like to be ignored when you're upset?

And could you please point me in the direction of this recent research?

What a strange thread. You don’t understand why people don’t want to leave their children sad and alone while crying themselves to sleep? Even if you decide it’s worth it overall surely you can understand the reluctance.

Also interested to see the research.

I know i was left to cry. It hasn't made me blasé about it. I have sympathy for how desperate I know my mother was when she made that choice, but I'm glad I managed to do better for my own babies.

I think it's an understandable choice when you've reached the end of your tether - we should have a village so we can catch up in the day! - but I think the people who do it pre-emptively with quite young babies, or who think it's no big deal, are being callous. It's a compromise, rather than an equally valid option, IMOM

I am not maternal at all, don't particularly like babies. DH talked me into it. It was physically painful to let DD scream and cry without consoling her. I genuinely wonder about people who can.

Flooding a developing babies brains with stress hormones regularly is not a good idea. I’ve not seen any new research to show that the prior research showing it changes the way the brain develops is no longer the case. A babies cry is designed to be responded to not ignored.

*IMO.

I was born in 1969 OP. Neither myself nor my brother were left to 'cry it out' and when I questioned my mum about this she said it wasn't at all the universal method you suggest, certainly not amongst her family or friends.

Because you are raising a child who will have attachment issues!!

Because there’s no need for it. Because part of choosing to have a baby, for me, means taking on all its needs and responding to them, whatever they might be. I would honestly have to lock myself in chains to stop myself from going to my distressed, crying baby.

Also I don’t think it’s fair on the neighbours even if you don’t consider all the above!

I'm also 80's born and definitely wasn't "trained" that way

Because there is a vast difference between ‘no evidence of harm’ and ‘evidence of no harm’.

Because so the so called CIO “studies” that have taken place are all massively flawed.

Because it goes against all natural instincts.

Because you wouldn’t leave your child crying alone in the day, so why is that ok at night?

Because I wouldn’t leave an adult crying alone at night, why would I leave a child, my own child upset and needing comfort?

www.bellybelly.com.au/baby-sleep/the-con-of-controlled-crying/

evolutionaryparenting.com/crying-it-out-supported-by-everyone/

I think cry it out is cruel because you literally shut the door and leave the baby to cry themselves to sleep

but controlled crying (ie Ferber) is different when you return in intervals and gives them the opportunity to fuss / cry for a few minutes at a time

It’s not ok to cause upset and distress to someone just because there’s no evidence that it will damage them later on. Why is it not enough that it makes them feel distressed in the first place?

Because it doesn't work!
DH got me to do it for 2 weeks. DS screamed for 2 hours each night, while I sobbed into the pillow and he snored unless I got out of bed. Compared to me dozing for 2 hours on DSs floor while he chatted. The original was far preferable, and what we went back to.

Because you don't get to stop being a parent just because it's night time? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Would you like to be left alone screaming yourself to sleep and desperate for comfort, OP?