Husband mocking me, says I’ve changed for the worst

[redskyatmorning]

I have changed over the past few years in a way, yes. I was a meat eater but always fussy, never tried red meat or sea food, was funny with chicken so I decided to go vegetarian a year or so ago, I also cut out cows milk as I thought it was linked to my stomach pains and I couldn’t believe how much better I felt after a couple of months. I felt more energetic and my long term eczema all but went away. I gradually became vegan and got into nutrition, found it all quite interesting. From there I became interested in natural products, skin care etc. I started feeling at one with myself, and was looking and feeling the best I’d ever felt. I became interested in my health and got the family on vitamins and supplements. I even found my anxiety getting better especially after I started doing yoga too. I don’t harp on it all the time I just feel like I discovered a new interest in wellness and it improved my life a lot.

My husband was happy to get vegetarian with me, he offered I never pushed it on him. He didn’t go vegan with me but I never asked him too, I do only cook vegan but he’ll add cheese etc if he wants too, he’ll cook himself eggs. It doesn’t bother me and I don’t comment on it. The only change I’ve really pushed on him was taking vitamins which isn’t bad. He just keeps mocking me, saying I’m going full hippy and soon I’ll be in mandala print trousers and have dreads. Lots of little comments like that. I’m definitely not, at all, even though it wouldn’t be an insult if I had.. I just genuinely haven’t. Im eating healthier and I’ve got into yoga and skincare - big woop.

We were at my in laws over the weekend and they all commented on me being vegan, I just laughed and said I never thought I would either but I feel so good in myself since doing so. Sister in law commented on my skin (always had bad eczema on face) saying how clear it was and was that just from the diet change? I said it’s definitely had an effect, but that I had spent a lot of time looking into natural products and skincare routines and my husband interrupted and said “oh god who put a penny in you” I said she asked about my eczema being better, he just went off in this rant.. I don’t even know who you are anymore, natural this natural that, fucking boring, you’re becoming a complete hippy, gonna find yourself with a spliff soon enough, I’d rather you still have eczema and not be such a boring cunt.. his mum laughed. His sister said don’t call her that and he said I’m joking I’m just pissed you’re not a cunt love but it is fucking boring I stand by that, something along those lines.

I feel really hurt, it’s not like him to swear at me or call me names at all. Also he’s made me feel embarrassed to have these interests and like I need to hide them now.

He owes you a huge apology and even then I don’t think it would be enough to mean you shouldn’t dump the prick.

Someone who loves you would be so, so pleased your eczema has cleared up, your confidence is high, and you feel great. What a squalid, nasty, small minded little man he is.

You’ve outgrown him. He’s pathetic.

I have also found that some toothpastes can trigger ulcers for me. I stick to one brand now & keep a spare in on my suitcase etc so I also have a brand to hand I know is fine for me.

I also refuse to let my youngest use hand sanitizer when going out now as it made her hands raw, crack and bleed. She washes her hands when we go to doctor’s surgery or hospital. She has a special soap at school now. School were shocked how quickly the bleeding started when a new member of staff didn’t realise and insisted she needed to use the sanitiser.

I’m so glad you’ve found a solution to your eczema. Like other pp, your post comes across to me like your DH treats you with contempt. It’s the opposite of cherishing and nothing destroys love and trust like it. My advice differs depending on whether this is unusual behaviour for him & is therefore likely caused by him feeling unconsciously threatened in some way (still totally unacceptable behaviour from him but I would work on our relationship in this situation) or if actually you look back and realise this is the latest example of this behaviour - & may just have be more instantly obvious to you, as he’s actually said he would rather you had a painful, upsetting health issue - & he has pushed his belittling behaviour one step too far. If it is the second and he’s always treated you a little like this looking back with hindsight, then I suspect you’ll never not notice it now and I suspect it would be near impossible for him to change.

I can’t imagine my husband speaking to me (or anyone) like that. Your husband sounds horrible.

assuming you’re not a healthy eating bore, perhaps you have outgrown each other.

He was wrong to speak to you that way.

I'll be honest I often feel like saying something similar to some friends who are obsessed by their new vegan diet they constantly talk about it.

I'm vegetarian I manage to never discuss my diet in detail to anyone.

Sorry he is making you feel like that. One thing I have pondered on over the years is the "married men who have hit on me". I've always discovered ..due research that thier wives were glamorous, beautiful, really took care 1000% of Thier bodies .

They were all into pole dancing or mud wrestling or extreme health and fitness and all Thier husband's felt that the attention was put so much on these looking and feeling good activities that thier wives forgot about them. So the story goes...

Don't be too busy looking to good because while you are your husband is being busy somewhere else.

You don’t come out and say it but you come across a little insulting! I can’t say for sure obviously but I’m pretty confident that the possible first steps Op’s GP would recommend for improving mental well-being would include making lifestyle changes and resolving medical issues causing distress.
What the op is describing comes across as mental well- being rather than a mental illness, such as the one my parent has, where medication is an absolutely essential component of their treatment.

Just the coin comment.

His follow up comment was foul.

mumieone · Today 23:33

Sorry he is making you feel like that. One thing I have pondered on over the years is the "married men who have hit on me". I've always discovered ..due research that thier wives were glamorous, beautiful, really took care 1000% of Thier bodies .

They were all into pole dancing or mud wrestling or extreme health and fitness and all Thier husband's felt that the attention was put so much on these looking and feeling good activities that thier wives forgot about them. So the story goes...

Don't be too busy looking to good because while you are your husband is being busy somewhere else.

Seriously? Get over yourself.
Wellbeing isn't vanity.

😂loving your posts.

If anyone is a cunt it’s him. He sounds fearful that you’ve changed beyond his Level of understanding and he’s frightened he’s lost you.

I would agree he is feeling very insecure. His language towards you was disgusting and unnecessary and he should be apologising profusely.

Its very easy to say his insecurities are his to deal with (although indeed they are) but if you have been on this site a while you must have come across threads where after a number of years a man has started to show an interest in health, smartened up his appearance and joined a gym and then numerous people post that he must be having an affair. Can you not see that he may indeed be worried about this if you have suddenly started wearing make up and are feeling more confident etc.

That of course doesn't excuse the way he spoke to you, and he will have to either learn to deal with his insecurity or end the relationship. Or you may well decide you want such different things to him now that you wish to end the relationship

that's exactly what I intended to do with my post. I wanted people to feel how others feel when a spiritual wellness person talks to them.

He's threatened but I wouldn't be able to move past someone speaking to me like that in front of others. Horrible behaviour on his part.

I'm going to get trounced on for this but...I have to ask if it is possible that you are so enthused about what you have discovered that it, perhaps, takes over most of your conversation? Does every question (about your skin, for instance) get answered by a long discourse on the ins and outs of the products you use?

IF that is the case, then moderate your answers to something short and sweet. That may make all the difference. I "discovered" something years ago, and was so enthusiastic about it that I, all unawares, drove everyone nuts for some time until it was brought to my attention. It's a very, very human, and common thing.

THAT SAID, your husband is dead wrong for snarking at you about it, rather than calmly pointing out that you tend to go on about it a bit much. And if you are NOT going on about it a bit much, then he's a jackass.

Couple of things jumped out - one is that he maybe felt like he was a "good guy" in being with you when you had such bad facial eczema, and that now you don't have it, you've taken away his "saviour complex warm fuzzies";
and the other is Tall Poppy Syndrome. You've achieved something - you've sorted out your own eczema and other symptoms and are getting better and getting on with your life better - and he hasn't, so he's cutting you down because he feels like you're getting "above yourself".

I had a friend who wanted to give up smoking - the number of her smoker friends who tried to sabotage that was astonishing! - but it was because they were a) envious of her ability to do it and b) inwardly felt criticised by her doing something they weren't prepared to, so they tried to drag her back down into the bad habit so they felt better about themselves.

Too many people do this - it would be far nicer if we were more supportive! I think it's great that you've discovered the way to deal with your health issues, and bollocks to all the "it's not evidence-based" nonsense - if YOU feel better then that IS evidence that it's working FOR YOU. Might not work the same for others, but it might - and unless others try it, then they won't know. But if it DOES then that's MORE evidence, that it works FOR THEM.

Try to find out from your DH why he's so threatened by your "new you" - does he object to you being improved from what you were? And if so, why? If he can't come up with anything sane, then he's just being a petty arse and you may have to reconsider being with him long-term, if he's just going to resent you being healthier.

I do know from my own situation that my DH finds it a little tedious that I have some dietary restrictions (that have also improved my life a Lot) - and every couple of years will ask me if I've "got over" the issues yet - but mostly he just gets on with it, and I don't get called a "boring cunt" by him. It does affect him to some extent as it limits restaurants we can go to, but that would be the case anyway as I don't like spicy food, for e.g. He has plenty of opportunities to eat out with work, so doesn't miss out entirely! On the other hand, he wouldn't want me to suffer the after effects of eating the wrong things, so accepts the way things are 99+% of the time.

So the OP should continue to eat and drink and endure eczema so she doesn’t break the bond with her husband? That’s not kind.

My partner doesn’t drink these days but I don’t mock him for it. I’m trying to introduce more vegetarian options into our diet though the teens are resistant. But we try to support each other, though he’s definitely the better person of the two of us.

OP needs to have a series of conversations about why he resents such positive steps for his wife. It’s unlikely but if all they had in common was the pub and meat-filled dinners, there’s a lot of work to be done or a separation to negotiate. He needs to apologise and mean it.

Hi I’m also vegan. I also don’t go on about it. Why is there always the assumption that we do? There’s a lot of negative shite on this thread.
Anyone who talks to you in the way your husband did is abusive. I can’t believe people are excusing it. There is no excuse. None at all.
Sometimes men feel threatened when their partner starts to show some self belief and self confidence, when they previous lacked this. Some men prefer women to seem weak and “inferior”. I’m not saying this applies to your husband, as I don’t know him. But it might be worth considering rather than the “oh boring vegan” explanations.

Well done OP, great outcome from changes you've made. 👍

Is you DH feeling a little left out? His behaviour was unacceptable. Period.
And it wasn't a joke, it's what he meant to say and was deliberatrly said to hurt you. I assume this type of outburst hasn't happened before, so...

Can you talk to him about it honestly?

How hurt you felt, but that you're worried about him. The qyestions like why the outburst, what's wrong... This might need to be a conversation in small portions so it doesn't get out of hand.

Good luck x

They are still having the shared experience...going for a meal. She's just not having meat.
How on earth does that mean she's not participating? Does participating mean that she has to eat meat?

You and your DH share a big plate, but many people don't share a plate of food when they go out, they each order what they want from the menu and it's not a big deal at all.

Pretty weird that walking the dog and stopping to get ice cream is such a bonding moment for you that it just wouldn't be the same if he didn't get one too. What about if he got a vegan ice cream from the same stall that you got your regular one from? 🤔Would that ruin the bonding moment?

You've got Romesh Ranganathan to thank for that!

I have lots of vegan friends who are....vegan....and?! But he totally fits the stereoptype.

"Romesh, what do you think about the current situation in Ukraine?"
"Well as a vegan....."

He does it all the fucking time and he feeds the stereotype. Sadly there really are people who define themselves by their specialness, my son did it for a while when he came out (he has since gone back in again so who knows?) "Well as a gay man....." when the question had no relevance to his sexuality. But sadly the stereotypes are louder than the people just happily getting on with their lives, so they become what everyone thinks of when referring to, in this case, Vegans.

Sorry for you that you had kids with this piece of crap. It’s never too late to raise your standards and not tolerate being treated like this. No need to justify yourself, explaining your conditions and diet. The issue is the bloke.

Pretty weird that walking the dog and stopping to get ice cream is such a bonding moment for you that it just wouldn't be the same if he didn't get one too. What about if he got a vegan ice cream from the same stall that you got your regular one from? 🤔Would that ruin the bonding moment?

You can get dog ice cream as well so the dog can join in the bonding

Oh my word, I’m so sorry he spoke to you like that. There’s no justification for that kind of unprovoked disrespect, least of all from your husband.
good on your sil for standing up for you

Yes but the poor dog probably wouldn't enjoy it if the husband choose not to get an ice cream of his own.

WALKIES RUINED 😂