Boys in girls changing at swimming

[TonksInPurple]

This is not a trans issue!

my daughter 11 attends swimming lessons at a hotel pool there are several parents who insist on helping there boys age 9/10/11 in the girls open plan changing room. The hotel’s suggestion is that my daughter and her friend change in the disabled changing room.
So the girls should be pushed out there own space. The boys have no additional needs but surely if they did they should use the disabled changing room.

I noticed it was usually mum with about 3 kids to wrangle despite dad being there too and he was happily in the male changing not having to supervise any children. In that situation send the boys in with Dad ffs!

This would make me angry too. When DH and I are out with DC together, DH takes him to the men's toilet/changing-room with him. Every single time. Because they're "boys". It's been that way since DC was no longer a baby in the pushchair.

This is a very good point, I’ve actually never seen it used by a family.

This is the reason men won't sort it out. And actively participate in keeping up the image of men being predatory. Because it absolves them of responsibilities. Leaves it all to the mum.

They don't want it to change they benefit too much from things the way they are

All children age 8 and above at DS's swim school have to change alone in their own sex changing room. DS goes into the boy's changing room. It's at a private pool though so there are no general members of the public there, just the other kids in the class.

This

I agree. Part of the reason we're having this discussion is because it's overwhelmingly mums who do the running around for children's activities such as swimming. Hence it's a much bigger problem for mums of boys (or both genders).

Though fathers can behave inappropriately as well. The number of men who think it is appropriate to accompany their daughters into the women's toilets/changing-rooms...😡. Much worse than having boys in there and they ought to know better.

So you were deliberately walking bra-less "for ages" in front of an unknown to you 11-year-old boy? Wtf is wrong with you 🤨

I have a daughter, but some people of this thread are mental

on*

Yeah its always NAMALT when you tell them bounderies apply to them

Yet when they can take advantage suddenly men are dangerous and their dd shouldn't be exposed even witg a father to protect her and of an age its appropriate that they attend whatever facility applicable to the sex of the parent

Which is it? Cos from.where I'm.standing it looks like you are using your dd to be a dickhead.

Not unreasonable at all.

I always remember my sister coming home from swimming extremely upset at about fourteen. She had been to the pool with her friends and when she had gone to get changed in a cubicle, there was a spout of giggling and she looked down to see two boys peering under the bottom at her.
My mum rang the leisure centre and they were very unconcerned and advised she lay a towel under the door (it was about a foot gap). Would never get away with that now but we changed pools.

DD goes swimming at our local leisure centre and it’s family, male and female. We go in the family area and get changed in a cubicle. That being said I put them both in onesies with their costumes on before hand and they put them back on after and they get straight in the bath when they get home.

Having boys in a girl’s changing rooms at the expense of their feelings of comfort is outrageous and as the mother of a son and a daughter he would be going straight to the boy’s changing room.

SEN or not SEN I actually don't believe any 10 or 11 year old boy would want to be seen dead in the girls changing room. 8/9 year olds maybe but by 10 no chance.

It’s best to drill down in these situations and ask lots of questions.

what if a disabled person needs to use the disabled facility? who will take priority - should the girls wait or the disabled person?

Depending on their answer you might want to enquire if
it is the policy that the hierarchy of needs is boys, then disabled, then girls? (and whether they are offering a discount to female members)
or
if they are aware of their legal obligations to provide facilities for the disabled (maybe they need to check with someone more senior to be sure)

Try and channel your inner preschooler and ask all the obvious questions.

Are you generalising that all men are a risk? yes, I clearly meant every man is a rapist and a paedophile! 🙄🙄🙄🙄

my comment was that as a group, men pose a higher risk of carrying out sexual abuse. would you like to prove me wrong? and I say this as a wife of a wonderful husband, mother to three boys, Aunty to two great nephews etc. THEY might never do anything wrong but that doesn't mean someone else's husband, sons or nephews won't. and that's more likely than someone's mother, daughter or niece.

DS is 12 and he genuinely wouldn’t care, he is exceptionally immature in that sense. I still wouldn’t dream of taking him into the ladies changing rooms though for the sake of his, and everyone else’s, dignity and privacy.

i think it’s really weird that no one seems to have any cobweb at all for young boys being unaccompanied in a room full of naked grown men?
If you wouldnt send your girl into that situation you shouldn’t expect people to send there boys in.
i also think it’s weird that people are treating 10 year old boys like sexual predators.

No one is tearing 10 year old boys as sexual predators @Ntsure. They are saying that girls deserve single sex spaces away from boys.

I wouldn't send my boy in there at 10, but that doesn't mean that I think it is suitable for him to get changed in the women's changing-rooms with 10 year old girls. It is for good reason that girls and boys start to change separately in upper primary school.

No one is accusing 10 year old boys of being sexual predators but they are quite capable of making 10 year old girls uncomfortable through staring, sniggers and silly comments. And vice versa too.

So what have you done about it?

Spoken to your local pool? Put a suggestion in the suggestion box?

Spoken.to your dh and got him.to take your son?

Picked a time its kids only lessons and no public?

Searched fir a pool that has a changing village ?

Packed a onsie and a towel so he can just pull it on and then you can go home and shower ?

Or just expected girls to sacrifice their spaces and solve the problem.for you?

So how would you know which ones are a risk and which ones aren’t? You don’t, so you are generalising that men are a risk to girls, boys and women, including your husband. It’s kind of odd that you say they MIGHT never do anything wrong, so you’ve already labelled them as potential paedophiles already 🙄🙄🙄🙄

9/10/11NT boys in girls changing rooms and getting dressed by mummy is ridiculous.

I had to have this out with our local swimming pool as I was NOT letting my 7 year old DS alone in a mens changing room after his swimming class. I don't agree with bringing him into the womens at this age anymore and he wouldn't want to. They don't have a family changing area. So now I go into the mens changing room with him and into a cubicle there.

Zeros F's given if any grown men in there have a problem with it

But this is the precise problem in these scenarios - as a parent, you DON'T know which ones are the risk (but a significant number are). Normally, in risky situations, you'd be there to supervise your children. But since mothers can't exactly go into the men's changing-room themselves, they can't even risk assess the situation. So you have to make a judgement - the risk is not insignificant, so is your DC mature enough to deal with it? If not, then as a parent you need to find another solution - either change swimming-pools to one with unisex/family changing, go ready-changed or get your son to change in the hall under a towel.

So how would you know which ones are a risk and which ones aren’t? You don’t, so you are generalising that men are a risk to girls, boys and women, including your husband I don't, so I don't unnecessarily expose my young children to grown naked men I don't know. And I don't expect anyone to want to expose their young children to my naked husband. That seems fair.

It’s kind of odd that you say they MIGHT never do anything wrong, so you’ve already labelled them as potential paedophiles already 🙄🙄🙄🙄 just combating they "you don't KNOW because no own ever knows". And Tbf, whilst I'd absolutely bet my life on it, whilst the kids all come into our beds in the morning, whilst I leave them home with him overnight, whilst I'd let me nephew care for them etc. we should all be aware that lots of other women felt they way once. If DS told me something had happened I would believe him over any one. But if I thought that was even a small risk, we wouldn't have a family.

Don't boys just need to get their trunks off and that's it? Why not just do it under a towel without going into the changing rooms at all? Shower at home. Job done.