Boys in girls changing at swimming

[TonksInPurple]

This is not a trans issue!

my daughter 11 attends swimming lessons at a hotel pool there are several parents who insist on helping there boys age 9/10/11 in the girls open plan changing room. The hotel’s suggestion is that my daughter and her friend change in the disabled changing room.
So the girls should be pushed out there own space. The boys have no additional needs but surely if they did they should use the disabled changing room.

It’s labelled disabled/family.

Two years doesn't really change my point but I can repost the whole thing with 8 if that helps 🙄

The hilarious thing is one of the boys wears one of these towels to protect his dignity in the girls changing room.

Equally hilarious is that boys don't change with girls for school PE lessons by that age. Boys are expected to get changed for swimming on their own

It might say a lot about men, both in terms of the threat they pose and their awareness of that that would make them step back, not help etc, but as I didn't raise them, that's not on me. My concern is my 10 yo. Saying we'll it's ok for male 10 yos to be at risk cos the risk is from men so it's on men isn't really helpful.

Agree with 2

It might say a lot about men, both in terms of the threat they pose and their awareness of that that would make them step back, not help etc, but as I didn't raise them, that's not on me. My concern is my 10 yo. Saying we'll it's ok for male 10 yos to be at risk cos the risk is from men so it's on men isn't really helpful

Not helpful no - but the point I was trying to make (badly) is that girls shouldn't be made uncomfortable because boys consider themselves to be at risk (or the boys' parents do).

And that no-one who is not disabled should use the disabled facilities. That is not the answer to this particular conundrum.

I started competitive swimming at about the age of nine (20yrs ago), and I can assure you none of the boys in the club ever went into the girls changing rooms. The girls and boys were all capable of getting changed without our parents. It would not be 'cool' anyway

Obvs SN aside I fail to see why a mother needs to be in the changing room with their son.

Two years usually makes a huge difference in the child’s ability to sort themselves out!

As much as I understand the mums of boys, and how it maybe uncomfortable for them to be around older teens - that does not gives them an excuse to got to the female changing room
i know my 11yo would be uncomfortable changing in front of her peers.. and she pretty much walks naked on the female changing room in front of the other girls of her swim class… so it’s not an issue of her being uncomfortable with her body, just doesn’t wants to be naked about boys her age, and rightly so!
if there’s a disabled/family changing room then the boys should be there with their moms, if the issue is the mens room it’s not safe, then that’s up to the hotel, if the boys still need help (and no SN) then it’s up to their parents to get them sorted so they can change by themselves

This.

It's so easy to change for boys. Why the need to take them into the changing rooms? An 11-year-old boy wouldn't want to change in front of girls either.

@Justkeeppedaling op has said it's a multi purpose space but I suppose objectively it depends whether its NEEDS help which at 10/11 would suggest some additional needs. And if there's more than one I'd think that largely negates the threat issue.

this
the disabled facilities are there for disabled people. the misuse of them is appaling.

This is the parents problem to solve. There are options that don't involve making girls uncomfortable and raising boys to be yet another entitled man.

Not on at all.

What odd behaviour from you... Jesus

The OP has said that the unisex changing room is badged disabled/ family so the boys and their mums are entitled to use it.

What they shouldn't be doing is changing in the women's changing room

The cut off age for boys in women's spaces should be 8 IMHO. Any older than that and they're all too 'looky' for my liking...

We used to swim in a health club with similar arrangements (now we swim at the local pool which is all mixed so no issues). There were so many complaints that they enforced the 8+ rule.

Two years usually makes a huge difference in the child’s ability to sort themselves out! it doesn't change their risk of being abused and it doesn't remove the risk of them falling over, losing something, ending up in a not.

So much anger towards other parents on here.
Mothers of girls are upset because girls should not have to get changed in front of boys. Fair.
Mothers of boys are upset because they are worried about their children being naked alone in a room with strange naked men. Also fair.
Neither the mothers of boys or mothers of girls are to blame here. Open plan changing facilities are not suitable for families, and places that do not adapt to the needs of families are to blame. That's what needs to change. Choosing which sex gets put at risk/put in an uncomfortable situation is NOT the answer here.

The cut off is 8 at all my local pools. When my DS had lessons and then moved on to the informal swim club he had to get changed unaided in the male changing rooms. He had a diagnosis of ASD. He was nearly always last out of the changing rooms but he managed to get dry, dressed and bring all his belongings out with him. No way would he have wanted to go in the ladies changing room or have me go in the men's. There was no disabled or communal changing room.
Unless these boys have SN that mean they can't get themselves dressed unaided then they need to be in their own changing room and their mothers need to leave them to it.

I totally support single sex changing facilities.
However the problem (as ever) is men.
When my boys were small but too old to change with me I did worry about them in the men's changing rooms.
It does feel quite risky sending your small boy into a changing facility with strange men.
However my kids didn't want to go in the ladies and had strict instructions to leave (even if they weren't finished) if a man approached them and to stay together.

Completely agree with this. It's uncomfortable sending a small boy into the mens alone but it's the only option for us.

And if you're half dressed 6 yo falls over / gets in a tangle who do you think is more likely to help? An adult woman who people will assume is just being kind, or an adult male who people will side eye and wonder about?

ive never seen a policy say 6 it’s usually 8/9.

Two years doesn't really change my point but I can repost the whole thing with 8 if that helps 🙄

The point is two years does change it . Why the fuck would an 8 or 9 year old fall over or get in a tangle getting changed for swimming? These are junior school kids who regularly have to dress etc for PE and the like, they should be able to cope without an adult for 10 mins and manage. These boys probably fall over playing football and don't need mummy on hand then.

I'm quite surprised at boys who want to go in the ladies at that age. My kid is not yet 6 and has started to object to coming in the ladies loos etc with me now, he's not weird about nudity/privacy yet but thinks because he's a boy he should be going in the gents.

I agree it's uncomfortable sending them into the men's on their own. But that's the right thing to do

Every time this comes up, it’s always boys in the female changing. And I always think - when is it going to be fathers who take their kids swimming?

No need to pile on with individual examples of those that do - if it were 50/50 then these threads wouldn’t always be about boys.

OP, I’d tell the swim school and the location that you don’t want boys over 8 in there and any parent who needs to be with an older child should be the one changing elsewhere.

(I pick 8 because that seems to be the usual age stated in changing rooms)

I take my dd to swim.lessons every week. There are some dads who go too. They don't go in the male group change with their sons though. The dads seem happy to send their kids in by themselves.

This seems like a problem only the women face. Not saying they should not consider There to be a problem.. just wondered how aware they are that their husbands and partners don't put equal consideration into their sons safety.

for the one saying 9/10/11 boys are not a threat - yes BUT they are making my daughter uncomfortable and you are teaching your sons that their rights trump over right our daughters.

Please bring this up with the pool management whether it’s because your son struggles or to you men are a possible threat to your son THEY need to provide appropriate spaces. Don’t just take over womens spaces please teach your sons that. Or even teach them to protect themselves and independence. By over riding this your telling our girls their voice is silent and the boys need all the spaces.