Boys in girls changing at swimming

[TonksInPurple]

This is not a trans issue!

my daughter 11 attends swimming lessons at a hotel pool there are several parents who insist on helping there boys age 9/10/11 in the girls open plan changing room. The hotel’s suggestion is that my daughter and her friend change in the disabled changing room.
So the girls should be pushed out there own space. The boys have no additional needs but surely if they did they should use the disabled changing room.

Local Authority safeguarding guidance says that boys aged 7+ should not be in the female changing rooms.

I work in a school and when we take the DC swimming at age 8/9 they go into individual cubicles with doors that lock. We have a couple with mild/moderate SN and they manage perfectly well.

So no, those boys shouldn't be there.

. I know women and girls deserve their own spaces but please just try and see that it’s not so clear cut and I understand why parents bring their boys into the womens

The thing is it is clear cut WOMEN AND GIRLS DESERVE THEIR OWN SPACE - End of story.

There are no buts.

If you do not feel that your male child is ready to cope with the male changing rooms alone then don't send them in alone - but do not inflict them on females as though it is their problem to solve. It is not. Maybe these boy mums should just take them into the boys changing room and accompany them there and see what reaction they get.

Boys who are not able to use the male facilities aged 8 and above by themselves for whatever the reason are their parents problem, they are their facilities problem BUT THEY ARE NOT THE UNRELATED FEMALES PROBLEM. Stop making them think they are. No wonder we live in a world with such entitled men!!!

(As you can see this issue really annoys me!)

Obv I'm not saying it's OK for boys to be in the girls changing room, but I do think it's a different issue this way round

Not only are men more likely to be sexual abusers, they also know we know that so are much less likely to help out a half naked kid that needs help. I'd worry much more about a 5 yo boy getting dressed than a 5 yo girl because women are more likely to be helpful

Exactly!

The disabled changing room is for disabled people.
woukd you be happy for your children to get dressed alone in a room with men? Probably not, so why on earth do you think the parents of boys would be happy with that.
a 9/10/1/ year old boy in a changing room with their mum isn’t a threat to your kids

Given men are more likely to be sexual abusers, can you imagine any reason other than the fact the boy Mom's are pathetic and want to raise pathetic man-babies, why Mom's might be more wary of sending their 6 yo son alone into a changing room with a naked male stranger than a Dad might feel sending their 6 yo daughter into a changing room with a naked female stranger?

And if you're half dressed 6 yo falls over / gets in a tangle who do you think is more likely to help? An adult woman who people will assume is just being kind, or an adult male who people will side eye and wonder about?

This is why there needs to be family style with cubicles. 10/11 year old boys may well be interested in looking at what 10/11+ year olds girls look like under their clothes. That curiosity might be normal but that doesn't mean those girls should be expected to put up with it in what should he a safe space! You might be happy with them staring at you whilst you get dressed, pointing and giggling but are yu honestly saying you'd expect your 11 daughter to be OK with it too?

I agree the best solution is that there should be cubicles.
i definitely don’t think the solution is to tell parents of boys that they have to put their young boys in a situation where there is a very real possibility that they could be sexually assaulted though.

a 9/10/1/ year old boy in a changing room with their mum isn’t a threat to your kids

YES THEY ARE!!!

Not in an immediate sexual way perhaps but in the way it impacts our GIRLS.

It teaches them to think that they are not entitled to body privacy and autonomy because that adult over there thinks its fine for their 10yr old boy to stare at them whilst they are getting changed - the adult has not challenged it so it must be OK right?

It teaches them that they have no right to separate spaces from predatory males - because the males needs takes priority.

STOP MAKING GIRLS LOWER PRIORITY THEY DESERVE TO BE SAFE AND COMFORTABLE TOO!

i definitely don’t think the solution is to tell parents of boys that they have to put their young boys in a situation where there is a very real possibility that they could be sexually assaulted though no one is going to force a parent to send their son off alone though. But as his Mom it's my problem to solve.

So either disabled quickly with door unlocked and leave if its needed by someone who has a disability

Or towel over trunks pool side, slip on shoes on, coat over the top and into car

Different venue

Complain and make a point of changing discretely pool side

Etc

The cut off is 8 in all the pools around here but it's never enforced. Boys as old as 11 are often in the womens changing rooms, which forces my daughter into a cubicle

Last time one came in I happened to be changing too and went around bra-less for ages and another woman (a kind feminist stranger!) joined me. The boy stayed in the main changing 🙄 but started hiding behind his oblivious mum. Hoping next time he will be less keen to come in.

Tried asking staff to enforce but they're minimum wage teenagers.

The boys should be using the disabled changing room if they are unable to change on their own. They should not be in the women's changing room

So you tried to make a CHILD feel uncomfortable by purposely showing them your breasts that is really really fucking weird behaviour from an adult. Jesus Christ

Only if they are disabled. The disabled facilities aren’t there for people who don’t have a disability.

If the boy doesn't want to see naked females @Ntsure, he shouldn't be in the women's changing room. Or are you suggesting that women cover up so to avoid upsetting boys who shouldn't be in there at all?

The advice I was given was by email, I often stay in the car so I’m often not there with my daughter to raise it.

Well I assume they must be disabled @Sirzy. My autistic dyspraxic child had school swimming lessons from the age of 8 and got changed on his own.

If they're not disabled, they should be in the men's changing room. Or am I missing something?

that isn’t what I’m saying at all but I think you know that.
Using your adult naked body purposely to intimate children is weird. It’s not the same as seeing something getting changed is it? If it’s done purposely to intimate a child it’s very veryweird behaviour.

The mums should be looking for a pool with unisex changing facilities if their sons can't get changed on their own by age 8/9.

Disabled facilities are for the disabled. People with disabilities shouldn't be forced to wait for able bodied people.

Mum going to the mens would be better than using the disabled but it's not fair on the boys changing there.

The hilarious thing is one of the boys wears one of these towels to protect his dignity in the girls changing room.

ive never seen a policy say 6 it’s usually 8/9.

I think the issue is in the intent.

"I always walk laps around the changing room bra less to let them air. Often other women will join in. This one time a boy who'd previously been staring at my daughter noticed and his behind his Mom"

"we normally get dressed discretely but this one time there was a boy there who shouldn't be and my daughter didn't like it so I took off my top and started walking laps, encouraging other women to join in, shaking our breasts whenever we were facing him"

The boys shouldn't use the disabled facilities if they're not disabled (what if a disabled person wants to use them?)

At 9/10/11 the boys are perfectly capable of getting themselves dressed. If there's an issue with boys being alone in a men's changing room (and not with girls being alone in a women's changing room) well:
A) that says a lot about men
B) the hotel needs to do something about it.

At this pool it’s labelled disabled/family.