Boys in girls changing at swimming

[TonksInPurple]

This is not a trans issue!

my daughter 11 attends swimming lessons at a hotel pool there are several parents who insist on helping there boys age 9/10/11 in the girls open plan changing room. The hotel’s suggestion is that my daughter and her friend change in the disabled changing room.
So the girls should be pushed out there own space. The boys have no additional needs but surely if they did they should use the disabled changing room.

What about other young lads without a parent who might feel vulnerable with a woman walking in and out?

I don’t have a dh so that wouldn’t be an option.
We use the family cubicles, because they have them at the pool we go to.
but my 8yo boy does come into the womens toilets me still.

Well why can't girls get their cozzie off under a towel pool side?

I mean I don't think they should have to, they should be able to use a changing room safely.

But it's another "well why should the boys be allowed privacy, a shower, comfort, it's not like they're girls so why does it matter"

This is also mental. A grown woman should not be going into men's changing rooms!

Why would you deliberately do that?
Bu all means speak to the mum but it's not the 11 year old child's fault that their mum has brought them into the changing room ,for you to parade around bra less in front of them on purpose is frankly just weird.

Because girls have long hair and wear swim suits that are harder to get off discreetly

I take my 7 yr old DS to our local pool for lessons. After the lesson he's capable of drying and getting dressed but there are no family changing rooms or separate disabled so he comes into the ladies. I'm not comfortable with him going into the gents changing alone, I don't know who is in there with him and I can't go in to check. He gets changed in a cubicle, I don't see the issue.

I agree that as a parent you would be uncomfortable to send your son into a room with naked men. BUT why should my daughter be put in the same situation being UNCOMFORTABLE with her peers from her school (who have to change in a separate area at school) changing (in a more vulnerable situation than at school as they are dressing out of swimmers)

She was old enough at 10 to change herself but asked me to stay with her because she felt uncomfortable with the boys (even though
they where with their Mums) in the changing rooms around her. I want her to grow up independent and strong except at that moment she felt uncomfortable and in a vulnerable place and needed me. Family changing rooms take this at least away. Though sadly even when we changed to another swim school that had family changing rooms the mothers still didn’t use them as they had Dads in helping younger aged children change and they didn’t want their sons in there either :(

no one is saying they sexual predators but my daughter doesn’t want to get changed around boys…Your removing her right for independence and allowing your son his right to prioritise over hers - they both equal but she is meant to just accept it. That’s not fair or right.

My son has long hair, so is he entitled to a changing room? Because that obv matters more than his towel falling down pool side and him flashing the whole pool his bits.

I'm torn with this as yes they can absolutely dress themselves, however I would be a little concerned about sending my 8-11 year old to change in a mens public area alone.

My severely autistic 12 year old son would be completely oblivious tbh but I wouldn't take him in for his sake.

I personally do find boys a lot easier. Mine wears a wetsuit, not just trunks, but even then it's unzip and pull down to waist, changing towel over the head, wetsuit off, pants and bottoms on, changing towel off, t-shirt on. Then a quick rub dry of hair and ready to go.

I don't have a girl so can't compare but when we've been with friends it does look more faffy and takes much longer to get the hair dry. I suppose if you had a long-haired boy, it would be similar.

And why should a boy be made to get dressed under a towel in a hall?
The answer isn’t sacrificing one’s privacy for another, it’s having suitable changing facilities for adult men/women, girls/boys, unisex/family changing cubicles. So you have a choice where to get dressed. We’ve never had this problem anyway, as we have always gone to the local pool where we have access to cubicles.

but on the flip side parents of boys could say you are prioritising your daughters comfort over the SAFETY of young boys from being assaulted in the mens changing room.
what exactly should mums of boys do in this situation? If the only changing rooms are male and female. Send them in unaccompanied to the mens putting them at risk of being sexually abused? Or are boys not allowed to go swimming?

what exactly should mums of boys do in this situation? If the only changing rooms are male and female. Send them in unaccompanied to the mens putting them at risk of being sexually abused? Or are boys not allowed to go swimming?
Many other solutions have been suggested. Bring them ready-changed, change them in the car/carpark/hall under a changing-robe, get them to change poolside. Or change swimming-pools to one with unisex changing rooms.

Towel over the head is your answer but also why is it less embarrassing than flashing a dressing room full of girls/women?

more embarrassing*

My son wouldn' t use the male showers as alot of the men were showering naked at the gym.He came home and showered. He was 15 at the time, so how on earth can a lone parent be expected to send a young male in mens changing room on his own. ?

@Ntsure not at all I think there needs be spaces for mothers and sons. All children need to kept safe it’s the right thing to do.But instead of saying (not all) men stop being a risk to young children and fixing that we asking girls to submit to fix the issue - why should they have to?

At the moment girls have no choices …boys get mens changing rooms, female changing room and the family changing room …she gets none.

the argument constantly swings both ways - girls stopping swimming because they don’t have space to change.

At what point to we make it fair for all is what I’m asking - like I said even with family changing the mothers still being their sons into the female changing rooms :(

And why should a boy be made to get dressed under a towel in a hall?

Because it's the least worse outcome. Girls are entitled to privacy in the women's changing-rooms. And that means boys above a certain age have to get dressed somewhere else. And yes, parents of boys are likely to choose pools with appropriate changing facilities if that is an option, so it's only really an issue where this isn't an option.

I don’t know if girls/women would be comfortable getting dressed in front of other women/girls anyway, the answer is cubicles for all. I hated having to shower with other girls at school, so the logical answer is a cubicle.

Why are people acting like seeing a male naked body will scar young boys and girls, but seeing naked girls and women is completely acceptable for both sexes? So male bodies are taboo, even for very young children, but it’s okay for 10/11 year old boys who are often very aware of what sex is and very very curious about women to be in a room full of naked women? It doesn’t make sense.

The hotel needs to sort it out, you should complain and keep saying the word “safeguarding”. Ask for their policy in writing, and make a formal complaint.

Our swim school is extremely clear that children under age 7 change in the changing room that is the sex of the parent and children age 7 or above get changed in the changing room that matches their sex. This may mean the 7 year old changes alone, which they should be able to do by then. If parents don’t like it they can’t yse the pool.

The last few hotels I stayed at all had a similar policy to our swim school. In one hotel where the pool access was via changing rooms I was stopped by staff and very specifically told my 7 yr old could not even walk through the girls changing room, he had to go through the mens on his own.

Your hotel sounds crap and misogynist. Girls wanting privacy is a disability is it? What about disabled people who might actually want to use their own room?

It doesn’t make sense. The people making such policy are so naive.

When my son was six I used to take him into the ladies changing room at the pool. He became very interested in breasts and kept pointing and giggling at some of the women! One time he even got an erection there 🙈 I don’t want to be talking about this on the internet, but I’m sick of everyone pretending that boys don’t react to the sight of a naked woman. It starts very young.

It's not nice for anyone and it shouldn't be the girls who have to make space, but at the same time, young boys are also vulnerable to predatory adults so I fully understand parents not wanting to send primary age and young secondary age children into an adult male changing area unescorted.