To lie to the midwives/health visitors about sleeping arrangements

[Butitssafe]

My fourth is a week old. Not my first rodeo.
I’ve done all my research and was really pleased that recent advice (ie lullaby trust et al) has changed in terms of not completely de-crying cosleeping and sharing ways in which to do
so safely.
I have decided to sleep with my baby in my bed at night following all this guidance.
However, I know trusts are slow to update policy/change culture etc and I’ve been asked so often about how she is sleeping and been told sharply so many times they ‘can’t recommend and don’t advise’ cosleeping that I decided, before she was born, that I was going to fib and tell them she goes down in her Moses basket (she has one for daytime naps etc) and that’s what I’ve been doing.
aibu?

@Intrigueddotcom

Are you going to use them?

I've already said most of them.

Sleep train, make dad take a turn, or ask another relative to help. If you cant avoid bed sharing put the baby back in its own bed.

At this point I'm having to ask why me think bed sharing is not safe is bugging you quite so much?

Oh you tease @Topgub
you’re keeping the goodies to yourself!

My “babies” haven’t worn nappies in ten years (sob)

I cant remember @BasicBinaryBltch

Id need to look it up again but I dont think the age of the baby mattered

Thats another contradiction though I suppose.

Folk claiming they're super aware of where the baby is at all times and also getting 8 hours solid sleep a night.

I always loved the 'safe bed sharing' advice that you shouldn't ever bed share if you were overtired

🤣

On the second night in the MLU with DD1, she was sleeping in the bed with me. A midwife said the the most peaceful nights was when the babies were in with the Mums. She didn't spend a full night in her cot until she was fifteen months. Co-sleeping was by far the safest option, or else there would have been a serious risk of me falling asleep while driving or quite possible smothering her. At nearly eighteen she wears this as a badge of honour quite happily knowing what an horrific sleeper she was then .

I’ve lied before about co-sleeping and a baby that liked sleeping on it’s stomach (did have a movement mat beneath). Do what works for you. I declined the HV for the 3rd baby.

My first HV was really supportive of cosleeping and gave me some leaflets and congratulated me.

The second time around I lied, because i wanted the woman to hurry up and leave and didn't take to her. When I said he sleeps in a crib next to my bed she replied "good because we don't like cosleeping." She said quite a few other things that would have had me in a panic first time around that were just rubbish. Cosleeping is so beneficial but there's no point wasting your time discussing it with them.

I already answered a similar point. Essentially I'm saving them an unnecessary part of their job: warning me of the risks of bed-sharing and/or telling me how to do so safely. I've no need or wish to go over it, because I'm already informed, so I choose not to.

That’s fair enough but they’re not patronising you, they’re doing their job.

And that is exactly why people lie.

@Butitssafe on an individual level the decision to lie sounds like your best option shame you feel you can't just decline a visit.

on the whole though, it's a shame people are lying because if people were more honest & they knew the actual numbers of co- sleeping they'd have to reassess the %age risks.

Ask them why in countries that always pre give co- sleeping is normal that there’s no cot deaths.

I think you do what works for you as long you do it safely. I put my daughter in her own room from around 4 weeks old, I did not tell the HV.

The decision to tell parents about safe sleeping is made by the Department of Health, not individual midwives and health visitors. Don't shoot the messenger.

Health visitors are so annoying! Whatever you say to some you get it wrong.
I learned after my first (and tears and stress down to them) to just nod and smile. If they ask about sleep arrangements then yes, Moses basket.
There are side by side cots now that are widely sold but I bet these old busybodies still whinge.
Just let them bask in their self importance and do what feels best for you. As long as you are following all the guidance then good for you

I just told mine I understood the risk, I don't see the reason to lie to them
They are only doing the job as they are told to by the rules they follow
Just be polite but firm, this is what I'm doing, yes I have researched it, yes I am aware of the risks

Health Visitors are Registered Nurses, some are also Registered Midwives. All health visitors now have a degree in public health and upon completion of their training, they are qualified nurse prescribers. Health Visitors work closely with GPs, who value their expertise in child health. Health Visitors are able to refer babies and children for a range of health appointments, without referring to a GP.

I started this thread genuinely wondering if I was being unreasonable to fib, and haven’t read anything that’s made me think I am, so thank you to all for the contributions!

They wont recommend Co - sleeping in the event a parent smothers their baby accidentally. If they were to recomemend it & something happened they'd be sued

I think this is the best thing to do.

I lied but I’m pretty such my health visitor new anyway and told me to have a look on the lullaby trust for safe co sleeping tips lol

I absolutely agree. We had been referred to child protection services because we didn’t trust the maternity services (due to very badly managed miscarriages). We cleaned the house to the T and put the Moses basket next to the bed. She was happy and finished her visit by telling us how important it is to read to our DS. (I work in higher education and felt the great urge to reference her statements)

Sounds to me like health care professionals are damned if they do, and damned if they don’t

Completely agree with you. This thread is a complete eye opener ffs

Mine are all in their 30s but I’d co-sleep again, and in your shoes OP I’d do the same.