To lie to the midwives/health visitors about sleeping arrangements

[Butitssafe]

My fourth is a week old. Not my first rodeo.
I’ve done all my research and was really pleased that recent advice (ie lullaby trust et al) has changed in terms of not completely de-crying cosleeping and sharing ways in which to do
so safely.
I have decided to sleep with my baby in my bed at night following all this guidance.
However, I know trusts are slow to update policy/change culture etc and I’ve been asked so often about how she is sleeping and been told sharply so many times they ‘can’t recommend and don’t advise’ cosleeping that I decided, before she was born, that I was going to fib and tell them she goes down in her Moses basket (she has one for daytime naps etc) and that’s what I’ve been doing.
aibu?

@Butitssafe yes your unreasonable for lying! Your a mum who is confident your doing the right thing so tell them that. Lying suggests your doing a bad thing, but your not so be confident your doing the best for your kid

You know what works best for you and baby. You have also obviously done lots of research and made your decision from this.

They HV/Midwife just need to make sure you are fully aware of risks as I'm sure they meet some mothers that don't research. They explained to me safe sleeping for the Moses basket so it isn't just for cosleeping.

DD was actually put in bed with me by a mw when I was in the hospital..This was 16yrs ago,, I remember being given info on a safe sleeping position and it was seen as safe if you were breast feeding as long as you didn't smoke, drink or have unsafe bedding. I was given a leaflet on it, pretty sure it was issued by Unicef (or whatever the international charity was who were supporting bfing in hospitals at the time). There was a sleeping position that bf mums naturally seemed to fall into which protected the baby.

It's a shame women are having to lie now, which means women who need advice on this won't be getting it and the risk that if something does go wrong the woman will be pilloried for it.

Safe info changes constantly. She's ago in hospital babies were out in a nursery. It was safe to do sleep then changed to you could kill them, then promoted again. In a cot there were bumper cushions for years then all of a sudden they are a death trap. It's surprising really how many babies don't die when everything is out to get them

I’m surprised at this I thought co sleeping was all the rage these days.

Just follow the lullaby guidelines, Midwife's and health visitor s advice the lullaby trust it's even in red book.
No need to lie just make sure you do not smoke, drink or are on medication that makes you sleepy.
Rolling onto a baby causing death is a criminal offence so obviously they have to warn you of the dangers. In cases of SIDs they have to handover there records and they have to have talked about safe sleep.

When I had my last baby, nearly ten years ago, he was popped in naked beside my boob, and the two of us were left to it all night. Was brilliant! I don’t think it was ever asked or mentioned about sleeping arrangements.
congrats on your new little one.

Told my HV I we was co sleeping last week she said 'oh you have to do what you have to do don't you!' And that was it.

Ive always thought the key to health visitors was to get them out of the door as quickly as possible. Smile, nod, make all the right noises and good bye.

Mine never asked me.

I said I was cosleeping and was following the guidance to make it safer. I received positive or neutral replies from HV and MW, no negative responses. I don't see any need to lie about it.

Whilst you and I have read the safer cosleeping guidelines, I do meet mothers who haven't and are cosleeping in unnecessarily risky ways. I don't mind HV and MW asking some questions.

Yes, that's my plan as well. They're visiting me and newborn DD2 on Tuesday, and because any query I had when DD1 was little they just directed me to my GP for (even for things specifically in their remit), I plan on just nodding, smiling, and then never contacting them.

Not everyone is against it as you expect.

With my second I decided to co-sleep from the night we got home. I was in hospital for a few days and not doing well from the lack of sleep on top of everything else - when I mentioned to a nurse how rubbish I was at getting my newborn to sleep for even 2 minutes in the hospital cot she suggested co-sleeping (as I’d said that was my plan anyway). I honestly never in a million years expected to be co-sleeping with a newborn in the hospital bed with “permission”.

But how do they find out that you do already know the risks? It’s not patronising time wasting if the parent concerned hasn’t researched fully. If I were a HV or midwife I’d rather have an honest conversation. People generally lie because they know what they’re doing comes with a risk, albeit small, and they don’t want to hear that.

Don't think you'll see a HV tbh so don't even concern yourself. I had a baby during covid and no HVs anywhere to be seen.

MoiraQueen
Same here.

Yep. Like they do all over the world

There are sound reasons why cosleeping isn't a good thing, but you go ahead and lie to the health professionals who are attempting to care for you and your little one.

Oh come on Choufleurfromage.

What a crock of nonsense.

I'd say whatever you want.
My midwife actually told me to do it if I wished with my last. She said you can't spoil a newborn and they don't really notice until around 6 months so it's easy to transition to their own bassinet before then.

I did it for a couple of months before getting her used to her own bed. I don't like cosleeping in general. So a couple of months was more than enough and more out of convenience than anything. I'd not cosleep until the child decided they didn't want to any more at 15 or anything, I won't even have a child in my bed for a night for whatever reason, I need my sleep. But with a newborn that was the only way to get enough at the time.

🙄😂
What a ridiculous passive aggressive post.
Feel better?

My view is that it’s your risk to take. As long as you’ve done your research so it’s an informed decision. I would make that clear to them.

I actually tried to cosleep in the hospital and she was physically lifted out beside me with an exceptionally firm ‘no, we cannot allow that here’. My trust seems very United in this particular stance.

I think it’s understandable that they ask and check as some parents may have unsafe sleeping arrangements.

I’d tell her I was co-sleeping and direct them to the guidance from WHO or Lullaby Trust.

I understand why you have lied, but I don't think you actually need to.

I was admitted to hospital with a bad case of mastitis when my youngest was 2 weeks old. I was told very sternly by the nurse on the ward that I must put baby to bed in her bassinet once I'd finished feeding her (we were lying side by side to feed). I said "thanks for the tip. Good night" and had a decent nap with my baby, safe in the knowledge that I was bed sharing in an approved position.

There were a lot of times where I told midwives, nurses or health visitors, thanks but no thanks, with my second and third babies. If you say it confidently it's usually enough to stop the unwanted advice!