To not know how to fix my life?

[trilobiterevival]

Some very basic details. Self employed, quite niche, business earned a lot over the past 20 years but slumped around covid and hasn't got back up. Like a massive drop in earnings. Maybe never will. Outside of this I am largely unemployable.
Relationship, LTR (no children), might be coming to an end, am currently living with him whilst I was finding new place but got stuck here. Not a good place, he won't move, so I will have to go alone. So I have no legal, current address. This makes it difficult for me to do a lot of stuff (renew passport, etc).

I'm used to getting by, earning a good amount, but am stumped for what to do. I could keep pushing the business, and it might recover, but there's no guarantee. My skills are not really transferable. Over the years I did manage to save a good deal, I am now dipping in to that and it is so stressful and my quality of life has taken a nosedive.

So my LTR isn't in good shape, small family and friends live at a distance, I would have to rent, and I am nearly 50.
I wake every day and feel my life is stuck, that I am 'living wrong', that I am letting my life pass me by. This stress has led to me picking at my skin and making it bleed. I know I am lucky to have my savings but that's ALL I have. DP isn't interested in moving, changing things, although we are very close and love each other, it's just not making me happy long term. WHen I discuss things with him, he either seems offended (as if he blames himself) or he tells me I am creating my own problem (!). As if it can all be fixed if i just look at it differently. Now, I have read Eckhart Tolle, but FFS.

I know we make our life choices, and I made mine. I didn't want to own a home and planned to travel in middle age, lol, but hey ho that is on hold right now! I am the only member of my family who lived a bit 'alternatively' (no kids, mortgage), so they don't get it. I think they just used to wonder why I didn't become a teacher or a psychologist or something. So this is the bed I made, I am fully responsible for it, but feel very stuck. I feel that if I had been in a relationship where the guy shared fully with me (home, plans, etc) it might have been easier, but this is never going to happen with my DP, he loves me and will do anything for me, and he allows me to be exactly who I am, but there's no drive to throw it all in and share everything, and this worries me about the future.

Can I turn this around? How could I find a new career, from scratch at my age? Or perhaps I am better sticking to my existing business and working to repair it? I would be paying rent so can't afford another degree, but might be able to push something less expensive. My existing degree won't do much for me now. I feel awful each morning, when I wake to see where I am, and how I don't know how to unstick myself from a lifestyle that is making me ill. And it's not like the UK is thriving is it? It's never been more expensive to live alone, to get by.

And even though the deadline has passed, it can't hurt to get in touch. Nothing ventured...

This is exactly what I would have said (but Duck said it better).

It WILL get better. You just need to take action. One step at a time.

Just a thought - perhaps you could top up earning by doing craft fairs selling paintings and possibly other ''arty'' things like decorated wedding invitations, cards, gift boxes etc. Saw video how paper and card craft items like these can be made with dye cutting machines which are not expensive. You may also get other work from people you might meet at these fairs. Also, if you feel very insecure, when you leave - tell your partner you think you both need a few months ''break'' from each other. There is no point in burning your bridges if there is any possibility you may need to return.

I also think you should get a car and start driving again - presuming your license has not expired.

@trilobiterevival how are you doing? 👋

A huge thank you to everyone, I thought this thread had slipped off by now.

Some really good links and advice. It has really helped me to put my thoughts into motion and altered my attitude to lingering on with him.

I would stay friends with him, so no bridges to burn really. He knows I have to leave, so whatever new start I make, it would be largely without him anyway. It has been like living a half life for too long, and he knows this.

I am planning to put some money into checking out a few different areas. Just been reading the 'dying towns' thread and kept my eye on which places I might want to avoid! I do seem to like the bustle of toursity areas for all their faults. I am currently trying to decide where to point to first. A bit stuck between cumbria and shropshire. I am not really ready to leap somewhere ive never been without more security/car first.

The art related ideas are appreciated. I have lost my confidence a bit and need to put more work into that.

How are you? I hope it’s going ok. So sympathise with the being stuck thing. I am too, and I guess it’s our thinking and it’s soooo hard to see from the inside. Good luck!

I too hope things seem a little less bleak than they did a week or so ago.

Some really good advice - I read the entire thread.
Don't know the area mentioned earlier by Anon but I was intrigued to look at Rawtenstall and saw this. Unimpressive from the outside but freshly renovated inside with brand new central heating and space for an office..and a new start?
Spot the botanical prints on the bedroom wall!
www.zoopla.co.uk/to-rent/details/56171260/

@trilobiterevival do look at the cottage @lobeydosser has posted its lovely!!