To think I should get a lie in at the weekends?

[TATT22]

I’m the one who deals with night wakings plus have to be up much earlier than DH in the week so to my mind the weekend is the only time I can catch up on a bit of sleep - or AIBU?

The responses on this thread are insane. I can't believe so many posters clearly don't understand what it's like to have a BF baby who still feeds at night. Yes, children in nursery are on solids or could have expressed milk, and any parent could conceivably go in and soothe them at night - but the one with boobs is going to do a much better and faster job of it, and everyone will get more sleep if they take on that role.

OP, I'm in a similar situation in that my 15mo still wakes 1-4 times a night, and I feed her back to sleep. I do all night wakes and have done since she was a few weeks old, when I stopped needing DH to pick her up for me (I had a section). She doesn't "need" the milk in the night, but it's the best tool in my kit at the moment (and obviously, a tool that DH doesn't have).

The difference is that I get a lie in any morning I want, weekend or not, because we've always done it that way and DH thinks it's only fair that he gets up at 5.30, or 7 or whenever DD wakes, as I've been up in the night and he hasn't. I normally take an extra 45mins - 2hrs, and then they bring me coffee in bed when it's my wake time. Some days if she hasn't been up much overnight I prefer to get up with them.

So no, YANBU. Your DH needs to step up, at the very least on the weekends but tbh, every other morning as well.

Why ask for advice if you're so sure you know more than everyone on the thread? You respond like a child. You didn't think anyone would want to marry you. You think we all think feeding children is like feeding cats (which is rude, by the way, and that's what frustrated me, seeing people take time out of their day to help only to be dismissed and patronised). When we suggest things to do and ask further questions you hear it as "do as you're told". Interesting.

@EthicalNonMahogany I asked for advice re the lie in. I was told I was BU. I accepted this on page 2.

I did not ask for and do not want feeding advice, TTC advice or advice on who goes in at night.

@elfran you are spot on in saying that the problem is that OP is not getting any support to meet her baby's needs (which are reasonable needs).

Ditto 🙄

@runnerblade95 , you’ve been desperate for a row on this thread from the start, for some weird reason.

I accepted quite happily and courteously I am BU. What I am not accepting is bossy officious nonsense which will make my life ten times harder than it is.

I did not ask for and do not want feeding advice, TTC advice or advice on who goes in at night.

Urm. But the advice given regarding feeding is in relation to you getting a lie-in/more sleep on the whole.

YOU mentioned TTC. Not us. And since this is an open forum, we are allowed to express our opinions on you TTC.

Again, the advice given regarding who goes in at night has been given because you’re requesting a lie-in.

What is so difficult to comprehend?

A few people said you were BU on page 2, OP, because they thought the overall balance was unfair and that asking for lie ins wasn't a good solution. A couple more didn't get the back story that your DH otherwise does fuck all so they thought you were BU. You are not BU to ask for 2 lie ins. that's what the thread says. HTH.

@runnerblade95 , you can ask about or answer whatever you like, but you can’t be surprised when people don’t take your amazing advice when it isn’t wanted or needed.

fair enough @EthicalNonMahogany . I think that would be a good point to leave it, as I’d hate to contribute to your frustrations.

Oh bless you. You think I want a “row” with you on a public forum? I promise you OP, if I wanted a row, I am more than capable of starting one. But I don’t. I actually wanted to help you.

But as plenty of pp’s have said also, it appears that you don’t actually want the help/advice or if you DO, you’ve made it abundantly clear that you are not willing to take ANY of it.

I hope you find your answers either here or elsewhere. Good luck OP.

"bossy officious nonsense" aka "The stuff we've all done in the same situation as you that made our lives easier"

bwahaha

😂😂😂

Then why create the thread in the first place?

As I said earlier, I agree with pp that this thread is looking more and more like a wind up the more that you reply.

So as I said, good luck to you OP.

How old is yhe baby?

Then people might be able to help with practical advice

Again, DITTO. 🙄

Bwahahaha? How old are you?

You do realise what you’re saying isn’t rocket science, I presume? It’s the first sort of thing you try.

As I have said, I am not planning on leaving things like this for the foreseeable but right now is not a good time to insist on DH going in, and resulting in a screaming child.

and @runnerblade95 tbh anyone who comes out with nonsense about expressing or about falling asleep BFing is not really filled with sage advice as they may think. You have already been deleted on this thread precisely because you’ve got pissy when corrected.

Yes, christ, @runnerblade95 we get it. Anyone who tells me I’m a fucking idiot, can’t parent, no fucking wonder my child doesn’t sleep and by the way who would TTC with THAT you’re going to agree with.

I get it. Now, can we fucking leave it? People cracking up laughing while I’m desperately trying to preserve my sanity for a few weeks is really not what I need.

I’ll save you the trouble.

Yes, Op, YABU. Maybe if you weren’t ugly, fat, pathetic and thick, you’d have attracted a better sort of man. I am more attractive than you, younger than you, cleverer than you and therefore got married and my DH helps.

You, on the other hand, look at the fucking sorry state of you. YABU to think you could breed. How dare you have the tenacity to want more than one child.

<runnerblade95> THIS.

There. Now back the fuck off.

Oh and just let’s have one final one. Bahahahaha. Look at that ugly fat lumbering shit, thank fuck I’m not her. Bwahahahaha.

Absolutely we can leave this right here.

Best of luck, OP.

Well that escalated since I last posted!

OP, I think the overwhelming response hasn’t been critical of you. It’s been mostly along the lines of ‘No, YANBU to be knackered. Anyone would be with a DH who did so little to support you in parenting’.

I’m sorry if that is upsetting. But it’s pretty obvious.

I’m in a similar position to yours tho we shared the mornings. Some mornings I do it myself and some dh.

howeved the nights are mine as I’m still bf my 4yo child and he’ll blank refuse anyone at 3am that is not me. Everyone manages to sleep properly

since my son was born I get up with him on Saturdays. My dh gets up with him on Sundays (and some mornings myself as I can’t go back to sleep anyway ).

at least we know that one of the days we will manage to sleep

so op no I don’t think you are being unreasonable. Maybe instead of 2 days in the weekend I’d say have one of the days.

OP, I've skim read the thread, which now seems to be spiralling.

Ultimately if you want to get out of this situation, you have to change something. Whether that's some frank discussion with your partner, or managing your child differently. Sleep deprivation is really tough but it's in your hands whether you tackle it or not.

Btw tho I do think that you’ve to let your husband prepare her for the school. He might get the wrong clothes. My husband has sometimes sent my son in my loved frugi clothes. But at the end they’re just clothes. If they end up broken it’s not the end of the world

I don’t mind the way you have said that, it’s the posts with the sneering undertone which make it my fault that get to me. And I miss stuff @TheKeatingFive so definitely not having a go here but I have said I will be dealing with it. But right now really isn’t a good time for that, for all sorts of reasons.