To think I should get a lie in at the weekends?

[TATT22]

I’m the one who deals with night wakings plus have to be up much earlier than DH in the week so to my mind the weekend is the only time I can catch up on a bit of sleep - or AIBU?

I don't think you get to monopolise both weekend lie ins just because you've accepted an unfair situation where you do all the night wakings. If you both work Mon-Fri then you both deserve that break at the weekend, irrespective of the fact you have to be up earlier mid week. Get your DH to do some of the night wakings.

He can’t do the night wakes but fair enough, I’ll do tomorrow’s get up.

Can't why? Unless you have a bf newborn then I'm not understanding.

Sounds like you have made yourself a martyr now want to take the perks of weekends as a reward

YABU

I presume you’re breast feeding? Having both lie ins sounds fair enough.

SIL is doing all night wakings for their 5mo as she’s on maternity leave and she and BIL have decided that makes sense for them. She has Saturday and Sunday to lie in.

There are various arrangements you could make to ensure you both take on your fair share and get enough rest.

The obvious one would be you BOTH doing a share of night wakings and nursery runs during the week and EACH getting a lie in at the weekend.

Why ‘cant’ your DH help in the week?

You’re not answering: why can’t he do night wakes? What’s the reason?

He COULD do night and early morning parenting.

Your current arrangements aren’t working at all well for you. They’re also unfair.

Suggest having as much regard for your own health, safety and wellbeing as for his.

No, weekends should be one lie in each.

I have explained - BF. Plus DC gets upset if he goes in anyway. And he doesn’t always hear.

I don't understand why he should get a lie in at the weekends when op does all the night wakings and gets up earlier in the week and works?!

so if we did that that’s just two tired parents not one … I don’t want to wake DH just for the sake of things being ‘fair’ but I am permanently exhausted and I desperately need to catch up on some sleep

Why is it better to have one completely exhausted parent? Surely if you both took turns, you'd each get a chance to recharge every other day. Is there a reason he can't sort the kids out and do the morning nursery run? What does he do with all his extra time?

WHY can't he do the night wakes? If your child is in nursery then they are obviously not 100 percent breast fed.

Unless he has a health condition?

Or is it some man-whinging that 'DC wants mummy at night'

Unless health condition, you've married a selfish cockwomble there

Your child gets upset when your husband goes in because he doesn't ever go in (I breastfed my children to age 2 and 3). He doesn't wake up because he knows he doesn't have to.

Why doesn't he get up to help get ready for nursery?

Have you spoken to him about the unfair balance?

Why can’t he do the nursery run in the mornings? He doesn’t start until 8.30. That would at least give you less stressful mornings.

I’d still have to get her ready and pack the bag and the nursery isn’t far from where I work. Do agree things aren’t very equal but being realistic the main thing affecting me is being very tired, so it would be nice to catch up a bit at weekends. That’s not me wanting to monopolise weekend lie ins it’s just I don’t get longer than 3 hours sleep at a time.

YANBU - your DH gets a lie-in M - F!

But why would you have to get her ready and pack the bag? Your DH is an adult who should be able to do these things.

But why shouldn't he share the load in the morning?

Have you asked him about sleeping longer at the weekend?

You need to reset the balance while children are still young or you'll be doing everything forever. All school runs, all extra curriculars, everything at the weekend while he goes off to do his own thing. At home it should be 50-50.

@GiltEdges i know, in theory that would be the case wouldn’t it? But in my real world she’d go in with a knitted wool winter dress in May, no nappies and so on.

@CaptainMerica I must admit that’s how I see it.

How old is the child?

When you wake up at 6,do you then breastfeed again?

Why can't oh be getting up then to get baby ready?

Can you not pump so oh gives that at 6am,set alarm for him?

Just to stare - I don’t think you’re unreasonable AT ALL for wanting more rest, but I don’t understand why you’re running yourself ragged Mon-Fri while your DH rolls out of bed to log on to his laptop?

It seems this is a bigger problem than the weekends.

Ah, yet another one whose penis blocks their ears.

Poor afflicted menz.

That’s not a good enough reason. DC is a baby. It’s not DC’s choice which parent comes in to feed them. If they’re upset by which parent comes in, such is life.

As for the breastfeeding, why can’t you express? Failing that, why can’t DH bring the baby in to you, put baby on your breast, you both lay down together, then after baby has finished feeding, he gets up and takes baby back to their room and stays up with the baby until they fall asleep?

There is absolutely no reason whatsoever why he can’t do this.

It sounds like you’re making excuses for him and like pp said, making a martyr of yourself.

Nothing anyone can do to change this situation but you, I’m afraid.

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