Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should get a lie in at the weekends?

251 replies

TATT22 · 21/05/2022 08:55

I’m the one who deals with night wakings plus have to be up much earlier than DH in the week so to my mind the weekend is the only time I can catch up on a bit of sleep - or AIBU?

OP posts:
ChoiceMummy · 21/05/2022 10:45

TATT22 · 21/05/2022 10:43

Oh, I think I can be. TTC is three times a month for fifteen minutes. It’s really not some sort of weird all night long session all month.

Ttc when breastfeeding isn't ideal though as is being pregnant when already pregnant.

And ttc if results in a pregnancy is going to surely just add to the whole sleep deprivation.

Midlifemusings · 21/05/2022 10:46

Who gets up the with baby in the morning and looks after baby and gets baby to childcare?

I am assuming if you are leaving early for work, DH is getting up and looking after the baby?

If he isn't and you get up with baby and get her ready and take her to childcare while DH sleeps in and then gets up for his 830 wfh, then you definitely deserve a lie in on the weekends.

Theeyeballsinthefuckingsky · 21/05/2022 10:47

OP of course you’re not being unreasonable but it doesn’t matter what any of us think does it?

have you had the discussion with DH? How has he responded?

Original poster
TATT22 · 21/05/2022 10:47

Fair enough @BrunoMadrigal , I have accepted this but people do want to keep telling me how badly I’m failing at life.

OP posts:
SagaNorenLansrimMalmo · 21/05/2022 10:47

Just get a divorce. You’re rid of the lazy man child, he’s forced to parent and you get regular time off…

thesausagebros · 21/05/2022 10:48

Onwards22 · 21/05/2022 10:23

I would take in turns - you Saturday, him Sunday.

But as you have to do night feeds you should get to go to bed earlier and he does the tidying, getting stuff ready for the morning etc in the evenings.

As he’s WFH I assume he does all of the cooking?

Why would you assume he does all of the cooking because he wfh? I wfh, but actually do work, the full day, probably more and harder than I did in the office, I certainly don't have the time to be preparing dinner during working hours.

He maybe should be cooking, however not because he wfh..

MargaretDaykin · 21/05/2022 10:48

TATT22 · 21/05/2022 10:43

Oh, I think I can be. TTC is three times a month for fifteen minutes. It’s really not some sort of weird all night long session all month.

Oh dear. See you back here next year whining about how you’re exhausted and your DH doesn’t help with your two children as if it’s a surprise. No idea why you’re even posting when nothing is going to change for you and you’re actively facilitating a useless man baby @TATT22

CandyLeBonBon · 21/05/2022 10:48

TATT22 · 21/05/2022 10:34

I think the problem is the thread has taken a turn of ‘this is how it should be’, since I’m the one living it I know it won’t be, so I’m focusing just on trying to get as much sleep as possible - which will not be achieved by forcing DH to tend to the baby at night or by insisting he sorts her for nursery.

The above really isn’t meant snappily and have read it back and worried it looks like it. My only focus just now is trying to get sleep. Everything else will have to wait.

Then I'd give him a choice of: either a) get up earlier in the week and pack nursery bags (presumably if he holds down a job he's capable of asking what needs to go in the first few times if he's not sure) and he gets one lie-in at the weekend or b) you carry on as you are but you get both weekend days as a lie-in. Tell him to pick one.

lancsgirl85 · 21/05/2022 10:48

I have a thread running about how exhausted I am from 5.30am get ups with my 13 month old. But on the days DP isn't working early shifts and I'm also off work, he insists I have a lie in (it's usually only possible on 2-3 days a month when our work schedules allow for it, but still, he will insist i lie in if I can). He is also capable of packing a bag of what she needs for the childminder. Granted; he may occasionally mismatch a top and leggings. But no nappies in her bag? Never. That's utterly incompetent. I'm actually astounded by that. Surely you have to try to be that useless?

1963andbewildered · 21/05/2022 10:48

Is this thread a wind up ?

Original poster
TATT22 · 21/05/2022 10:48

You know @ChoiceMummy , how about you do what you want with your body, and I’ll do the same with mine?

OP posts:
Original poster
TATT22 · 21/05/2022 10:49

1963andbewildered · 21/05/2022 10:48

Is this thread a wind up ?

Go on, tell me your thoughts. Why would it be a wind up?To be clear I have asked about one specific thing - lie ins - it’s everyone else who has started to tell me that I should be adding to my awake time at night by getting DH to do it.

OP posts:
CloudPop · 21/05/2022 10:50

Sonia your husband refusing to allow you to have a weekend lie in? Does he had a lie in and you have to get up and see to the baby?

CloudPop · 21/05/2022 10:50

So is your - not Sonia!

Sumtimesiamgreen · 21/05/2022 10:51

Speak up now! It will only get worse, he has got the best deal atm. You need to sleep 💤

Original poster
TATT22 · 21/05/2022 10:51

No, not refusing, but I was going to ask him if we could do this going forward.

OP posts:
CloudPop · 21/05/2022 10:52

Because if that is what is happening, it is clearly unfair.

NerrSnerr · 21/05/2022 10:53

If you're exhausted OP why not tell him now, tell him to take the baby out for the afternoon so you can sleep/ rest or do whatever you need. Start it now.

CloudPop · 21/05/2022 10:53

I think it would be an entirely reasonable ask

Beelezebub · 21/05/2022 10:53

YANBU about the sleep but you’re focusing on the wrong thing.

You wouldn’t be this knackered if you listened to what everyone else is telling you.

I would be willing to be in 5 years time when bf has well and truly stopped you will STILL be this knackered because you will still be doing all the life admin/mental load because you’ve insisted on enabling his ineptitude.

Learn from countless women who’ve been there before you.

It feels insurmountable now because you’re on your knees through exhaustion, but choosing to leave the elephant in the room won’t make the situation any easier, even if you get your lie in. (Probably because you won’t get a lie in, which will just feed the ever-growing resentment)

GlmPmum · 21/05/2022 10:54

We both work full time and tend to take it turns if little one wakes in the night. Then at weekends we take it in turns again.

happypineapples · 21/05/2022 10:54

TATT22 · 21/05/2022 10:51

No, not refusing, but I was going to ask him if we could do this going forward.

If that's what you want to do, I wouldn't be asking, I'd be telling.

Partytoddle1777 · 21/05/2022 10:54

your allowing him to be shit. He can learn how to pack the nursery bag show him what she needs ? How old is your baby? Why don’t you pump and let him do the feeds for half the night. If he doesn’t wake up nudge him and make him go to her ? You could share the nights and take it in turns getting up at 6 and then both have a lay in at the weekend?

CloudPop · 21/05/2022 10:55

It would also be beneficial in other ways as he would get used to dealing with her needs in the mornings, meaning he'd be more likely to step up at other times. Which he is going to have to do when no 2 comes along

Original poster
TATT22 · 21/05/2022 10:56

@Beelezebub I did a lot wrong but the problem is that putting it right now would make things worse before they hopefully got better. And right now, I can’t. I do have a plan going forwards but it will have to wait until the end of July when I’ve time off work and am less run down. Right now, I know my own limits and I can’t.

OP posts: