To think I should get a lie in at the weekends?

[TATT22]

I’m the one who deals with night wakings plus have to be up much earlier than DH in the week so to my mind the weekend is the only time I can catch up on a bit of sleep - or AIBU?

@runnerblade95 i think the problem might be that things aren’t universal. I’m not sure what falling asleep breastfeeding has to do with anything, the fact is there is a child who won’t settle for her father and getting to the point where she will means things will get worse before they get better. Same with sleep training actually. And just now, I can’t.

Why does nursery bag need to be done in the morning?

you can’t complain about the situation if your not willing to make an effort to change it.

I’m not. I’m asking about lie ins and have accepted IABU, @Sirzy

Hence why I said it is possible to fall asleep breastfeeding. Not everyone falls asleep breastfeeding. 🙄

There’s so many things you can do to improve your situation op, but you seem to like being a martyr. You can’t take over the entire weeks work because everything your oh does is wrong, and then expect to have the weekend lie ins

OP I get your very tired. I’ve been there. I did 99% of the nights because I BF for about 18 months and it just seemed easier. And then DC was used to me and not her Dad.

I don’t think you said how old the baby is but I’m going to assume not tiny as you’re back at work. In your position I would seriously consider weaning off BF and especially night weaning. You’re exhausted and it’s clearly impacting your mental health. You need to be happy with it too.

But, there is absolutely no reason why you should be doing all the mornings in the week. Your DH wfh ffs, and starts at 8.30am. Why on earth is he not doing the nursery drop offs?

Given he seems to be able to sleep in until 8am Mon-Fri I’m inclined to say he needs to get up both mornings on the weekend. But the main issue you need to deal with is he doesn’t seem to be able to parent his own child. He needs to learn what to pack in the bag and what appropriate clothes to dress her in. If you don’t sort this now it will only get worse.

What I was suggesting in terms of falling asleep breastfeeding, is that with DH bringing the baby in to you and taking the baby back to their room when they wake up during the night, you don’t have to get up. All you have to do is get your breast out, and lay there. And even if you don’t sleep while the baby is feeding, you can fall asleep once DH has taken the baby out of the room.

DC crying and fussing with DH would last a matter of days, maybe a week or two tops, if you make the change from now. The longer you leave it, the less likely it is that DC will ever become used to DH in this respect. Which ultimately means that you will never get the break that you need.

Does you husband go out wearing winter clothes in May?

You need to sit down with him and have an actual adult conversation. He needs to do more. He needs to parent and honestly, you need to step back.

He will make mistakes. He will learn from them. You need to let it happen. if he doesnt learn then he is going to be useless for the next 18 years.

Let him mess it up. Let him collect her from nursery and be told off for not sending in nappies etc.

You need to step back.

Why don’t you leave out clothes for your child and do nursery bag before bedtime?

Or better still, tell her child’s father to 👍🏻

I'm not sure why there are so many people suggesting alternatives (expressing, changing your morning routine) to justifying saying that YABU to ask for the lie ins.

Weekend lie ins ARE your preferred solution to the current situation, so whether something else would work for others isn't relevant - having both lie ins seems like the least work to solve the current problem (until things change again) and I'm assuming your husband isn't suggesting an alternative so YANBU.

Look, if he was a decent man who really loved you, he'd be insisting on helping at night and making sure sure you got time to catch up on sleep at weekends. Because he'd want to look after you and make sure you're not exhausted.

I understand that it's 'easier' for you to do the night wakings but you need to seriously re-set the balance with everything else!

How tricky can it be for him to shove a few nappies and a change of clothes in a bag??? Just because he has a dick, doesn't make him incapable of basic care needs for his own child surely?

Hearing these sorts of things always baffle me.

But YANBU. You do all night wakings, get up earlier, get DC ready for nursery and then do nursery drop off before going to work, whilst your 'D'H has no night wakings, doesn't have to get DC ready for nursery, doesn't do drop offs. He just rolls out of bed and presumably sits at a laptop.

If he was half decent, he'd be insisting you get to sleep in at weekends.

Stop enabling his lazy, immature behaviour!

No one thinks the OP is unreasonable for wanting a lie in.

What is unreasonable is her lazy husband gets all the sleep he wants, every single day and clearly doesn't give a fuck his wife is on her knees. People are saying that it shouldn't have got to this point and if the OP is going to stay with her husband they need to talk and he needs to step up or she'll be on her knees for the next 18 years.

Absolutely spot on

What on earth would happen if you were ever hospitalised? He needs to learn how to parent his own child, and if he fucks things up in the process with forgetting nappies etc, let him learn from this like pp says. It doesn’t have to take up more of your time in the process. Just tell him once what needs doing and then step back - no micro managing, just let him crack on with it whilst you get some rest. He might just surprise you

I'm with those who say that DH should get LO ready in the morning, pack the nursery bag and drop them at nursery.

Yes, he'll get things wrong, but he needs to learn. If he doesn't do it and figure it out now, he never will. And you'll be doing 100% of the morning routine forever more.

My husband forgot something in the nappy bag once (can't remember what it was now). He had to run back home with DD in a pushchair. He never got it wrong again.

If he was half decent, he'd be insisting you get to sleep in at weekends.

Exactly. My DH is half-decent (not even joking, he’s a wanker most of the time) but even I get a lie in on the weekend.

You need to put your foot down, OP.

We do split weekends even when I was breastfeeding and up in the night.

Then on the day my DH sleeps in I will try to nap in the afternoon if I’m tired.

I still think DH needs a lie in once a week too, it’s hard having young kids / working and playing who is more tired is a bad game to start. Just admit your both tired and could both do with a lot more sleep.

As a short-term fix, both of you need to address your exhaustion until you feel like a fully-functioning human being again. That means -

• You get the whole weekend to rest/blob out/chill, not just a lie in. DH brings the baby to you to feed, but otherwise he deals.
• During the week, if your DH really is incapable of doing a night waking or packing a nursery bag, he does everything else. You come home, dump baby on him, say "When's dinner ready?" and, straight after you've eaten, get 4-5 hours of uninterrupted sleep until midnight, during which time he's in charge.

After you've started to feel human again, you sit down and agree a sensible split of childcare and household chores. You have a serious discussion with your DH about why he is incapable in respect of certain aspects of basic parenting and how he is planning to fix this.

I think you are getting a very hard time on this thread. You are completely reasonable to expect lie ins at the weekend. Yes, I agree with many others, that your OH needs to do more and there may be things you could do to streamline your morning routine, i.e. get nursery bag ready the night before, clothes out the day before etc. But when you are so sleep deprived I appreciate its not quite so easy to implement this. May have been better to post this on a more gentle section.

Ok but then you are part of the problem for enabling this useless. He is able to dress himself appropriately but can't extend his brain further to his child? He is able to hold down a job, yet can't use his brain to work out logistics with his child? I work pt with a primary aged child and have plenty of time over my dh, but I still take my lie in one day a weekend.

Please tell me that, if you’re even having sex with this man, that you’re at least doubling-up on contraception.

You see this all the time on Mumsnet- “my husband does nothing with our three children, he’s never once gotten up during the night” and you have to wonder why, when seeing how shit he was with the first one, the decision was made to add more children to the woman’s workload.

I would take in turns - you Saturday, him Sunday.

But as you have to do night feeds you should get to go to bed earlier and he does the tidying, getting stuff ready for the morning etc in the evenings.

As he’s WFH I assume he does all of the cooking?

I was you, all childcare plus weekends plus working. Believed H when he said he couldn’t cope. Utter madness. Took us a long time to get over and nearly wrecked the marriage. So I’m afraid you need to be proactive. Minimum one proper lie in at weekend - different room, no ‘questions’ about clothes etc and he needs to get the bag ready the night before. If he forgets the nappies let him have it - OMG I can’t believe you did that etc. A womb is not a baby clothes selecting device. If you don’t want to change nights don’t (although I don’t agree with you that’s your call) but you can change days.

No, @Mally100 . Actively trying for another. I like having children.