DD school coat found with another DC name !!

[Highfivemum]

So my DD came home from school last year without her school coat. It was three weeks old and had her name on the inside of the coat and also I put her name in the pocket on a label. So two name tags. Went into school regularly spoke to teachers and the coat never was found. She had worn it twice so like new. Fast forward to yesterday and my DD mislaid her jumper. I went to lost property and collected her jumper and saw a school coat in he box. Very worn and dirty with a ripped sleeve. As I always do I looked in the coat and there was another child’s name written in the back but underneath in pale ink you could see my DD name that had been written over. I then checked the pocket and there was my DD name clearly still on a tag. The name of the DC was a boy in the same year as her ( the coats are unisex). I spoke to her teacher and she said oh never mind at least she has her coat back !! I was flabbergasted to be honest. This other mum whose child has been in the same year group since nursery at the school wrote over my DD name and gave her DS the coat to wear. Then left it now as it is ripped and badly worn and I am meant to be pleased. AIBU to feel like she has stolen it. ? I am not sure how to handle this.

This. I'd make sure everyone knew. Shame the fuck out of that cheeky bitch.

I would have to say something. The parents think they have got away with it.

Right… my DC is 8yo, they would definitely notice if suddenly I handed them a new coat with another child’s name on the label.

@LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee

Right... so if you handed your child something you'd stolen/knew wasn't theirs, you'd be fine with your child being publicly shamed for it?

I'm a veteran of "hidden" naming as it is often the best way to sort a problem out. School also insisted on inch high nametapes which were sewn on the front of PE kit so it was clear that DC were wearing their own kit . Any DC without said name tapes was automatically suspect.

She could have bought it in the second hand uniform shop. We bought lots of labelled uniform items in the school's second hand shop. If no one collects property from lost and found, the school sells the items.

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I doubt a school would sell a coat that had a child's name on it.

It's not a cheap Asda sweater that's been lurking in a box for months, it's a coat. It would have been sent back to the child's class if the name was on it.

There would be uproar at my kids school if the were selling clothing that had simply been mislaid.

There are no two ways about it, the coat has been 'claimed' by another parent and relabelled but they were obviously too stupid to remove the evidence of the owners name.

No. I’d suggest my child announce to the class what the kid had done.

It's shit about the coat but - are you really a teacher?

The suggestion is to point out he stole the coat, not to kill him.

Why is someone concerned at what a thief wants?

I’m genuinely surprised at the morals being shown here, effectively suggesting that stealing a child’s coat is fine or that the thief shouldn’t be made to feel bad.

I wouldn't do anything to cause the child distress or ridicule from anyone, however that coat came into their possession the parent was the one who decided to steal it, label it and put it on their kids back everyday.

But I absolutely wouldn't let it slide with the parent, I wouldn't go in all guns blazing, but I'd make sure they knew what I'd discovered and that I'd taken the coat back.

This happened when my son was a similar age, label cut out at the neck of the coat that had his name in on an iron on label and the other child's name written in on the fabric in Sharpie. They didn't realise I had also named the label in the pocket. I only found out by chance as was in their locker room looking for something else. I knew exactly which kid it was and who the mother was. I took the kids wellies and crossed out the kids name and put my DS name over it, really obviously with the other kids name still visible underneath. Don't know if my DS ever wore them but hopefully it caused some confusion and she saw it and realised I knew. The kid was a horrible bully and the mum a cheeky bitch. Before anyone accuses me of being mean, this was a private school and there wasn't anyone there who was so hard up they couldn't have easily bought a new school coat. It was about ease as the uniform shop was a PITA to get to and wasn't doing online orders at the time.

Theft = taking something that does not belong to you
Theft = depriving someone of their property

It is theft, doesn’t matter how you justify it.

OP, in your shoes, I would put a very direct message on WhatsApp but not mention any names.

This situation may happen or have already happened to others so I just wanted to let you know:
DD lost her coat her school coat last year. It was only three weeks old! It was discovered today (x months later) in the lost property box in a very worn and ripped state.
It turns out that DD’s name had been crossed out and replaced with the name of somebody else in the class (I’m not going to say who so please don’t ask). The coat was undeniably hers as her name was also written in the pocket.
While accidents may happen in a busy classroom, may I suggest that we all check that children have brought home their own clothes and not classmates’. If you find something belonging to another child, please return it to the teacher or parent.
You may also want to label clothes in more that one place eg pocket, along the inside sleeve, wrist band etc. to make identification easier.

I may or may not leak the name to the biggest gossip in the playground.

At my school, we had to embroider our initials on our PE kit. I think it was colour coded to year group as well.

I’d tell the story to the biggest gossip at the school gate.

She wouldn’t have got it via someone else by chance? When our DD left school her name was in all her uniform too, but I gave everything away and so it’s quite possible her uniform pieces went through other students to wear…

either or, I would speak to her about it and have the coat with you. Surely she will clarify how it came to be in their possession.

depending on what she says, I would taylor my reply around that.

Go to the mum and ask why is your sons name in my daughters coat. Show her his name over written and the label in the pocket, then say is she happy to steal and what lesson is teaching her child, then ask how is is going to resolve this theft

In the spirit of recycle, reuse, repurpose, which we always tried to teach our children, school staff would put the lost property box at the school gate once a term for a few days at pick up time and remind all parents to check it for items belonging to their own children. There would be a note to say that If items weren’t reclaimed after a certain time, they would be made available to anybody who would give them a good home and use them. Very often, expensive items wouldn’t be reclaimed because parents had simply already gone out and purchased a replica of the lost item. It was a good system and the lost property box would often contain donations of useful items to be passed on to whoever needed them.
Could this have inadvertently been what happened to your dd’s coat ?

I think just be careful about naming anybody.

At the end of every term we make unclaimed lost property available to everybody. People come in and take anything they want. If a child was repeatedly without a coat, we might offer them one from lost property. The fact that they left your name tags in suggests they weren't trying to hide a theft imo.

I'm amazed at the excuses made on this thread, I have 2 children age 4 and 6, I know exactly what their coats look like as do they. Their names are written in quite clearly too. If they suddenly appeared in a different coat I'd notice, you know the second I saw them walk out of school. If I found what I thought was their coat and noticed another child's name in the label I'd message to say "hey x has your coat, will send it back". I wouldnt write their name in it and claim it!! It did happen in nursery that my daughter came home in another girls shoes the same, I think the other girls were the next size up and newer. I didn't think oh I'll keep them as we'll need the next size soon I returned them as they clearly weren't ours. The mum hadn't actually noticed even though my daughter had Clarks sticky labels inside.

No one is so stupid/confused as to think a brand new coat belonging to someone else in the same class and so the same age must be up for grabs. If I went in lost property and saw something with a child's name on from one of my kids classes particularly a new looking coat I'd message the mum to let her know it was in there. I don't really think there's any other explanation here except for it was knowingly stolen.

You sound like you’re talking from experience, from the boy’s mum’s side 🧐

“demise”?

School or class FB page with a before and after picture. Say you’re trying to get in touch with the parent of X, who appears to have written his name over your daughter’s and ruined her brand new coat to boot. Say you’ll be on the playground for her to provide you with a replacement first thing Monday. Call her out, cheeky thief!

This type of thing bloody annoys me. All of our school uniform is labelled in obvious places so any inadvertent swapping should be noticed when it's in the wash. I always text the parents if we end up with someone else's kit, wash it and make sure it's returned.

I've taken to buying iron on initial labels from eBay for the outside of all my kids' sports kit. It's then obvious if anyone "borrows" it. I put it on the sleeves or the back of the shorts so it doesn't muck up team photos etc. The school head of sports asked me whether I'd had them professionally done (er no) as he wanted some.

Makes me feel a bit guilty as the clothes aren't as good to hand on to someone else second hand but they haven't gone missing at least.

What if the school donate everything that isn't collected to charity at the end of the school year? Your daughter's coat may have been lurking in a PE changing room or classroom for months and was out in the lost property box after you'd checked.
Or it was left on a bus or bench and found its way there.

Confronting the other parent for her to say 'but I bought it in the red cross shop' wouldn't be a great look

Even if a family is struggling to make ends meet, it’s still not fair of the parents to keep a child’s coat that doesn’t belong to their child.
The child who owns the coat might be from a struggling family themselves, and this might just tip the balance for their parents who might not be able to just go out and buy another coat straight away.