DD school coat found with another DC name !!

[Highfivemum]

So my DD came home from school last year without her school coat. It was three weeks old and had her name on the inside of the coat and also I put her name in the pocket on a label. So two name tags. Went into school regularly spoke to teachers and the coat never was found. She had worn it twice so like new. Fast forward to yesterday and my DD mislaid her jumper. I went to lost property and collected her jumper and saw a school coat in he box. Very worn and dirty with a ripped sleeve. As I always do I looked in the coat and there was another child’s name written in the back but underneath in pale ink you could see my DD name that had been written over. I then checked the pocket and there was my DD name clearly still on a tag. The name of the DC was a boy in the same year as her ( the coats are unisex). I spoke to her teacher and she said oh never mind at least she has her coat back !! I was flabbergasted to be honest. This other mum whose child has been in the same year group since nursery at the school wrote over my DD name and gave her DS the coat to wear. Then left it now as it is ripped and badly worn and I am meant to be pleased. AIBU to feel like she has stolen it. ? I am not sure how to handle this.

How did she know that my DD was then without any form
of coat. ? No one knows what situation anyone is in. Stealing though is not the answer.

Let it go, she would just say she bought it in a jumble sale, that’s how some families live I’m afraid.

Tell the biggest gossip at the school gates and allow the story to spread. Keep the ruined coat as proof.

This. A decent coat for an 8 year old can cost £40. It was clearly pinched.

It well could be this boy did this without his parents knowing.

How could a child come home from school with a coat that wasn't his and wear it for the best part of a school year without his parents knowing? Where did they think the coat came from?

DD is pretty organised and doesn't generally lose things. One weekend (bitterly cold) we collected her from school and were going straight away from there, to visit family. She came out saying she couldn't find her coat(fairly new) I was pretty annoyed and it was really freezing. We had to buy another coat the next day while we were away, I bought a fairly cheap one a) because we didn't have much spare cash and b) because I expected the coat to turn up after the weekend.

It didn't turn up but around Easter, once the weather was warmer someone coincidentally "found" her coat. I felt sure someone had just taken it for the winter but couldn't prove it. But even more infuriating for you, OP that you KNOW who took it.

Definitely theft. She thought you’d never know. If that happened to me I would send her a photo of the name labels and state without emotion “On X date my daughter’s brand new coat went missing. I have now found it, ripped. My child’s name has been concealed and your child’s name added instead. However, there was a second name tag hidden elsewhere in the coat which still clearly shows my daughter’s name. Please explain.”

Personally, I would send it on the group chat so that all of the mums in the class can see what happened. I bet a lot of other missing uniform is with this thief and I bet she only ditched your coat because she’s stolen a newer one.

I'd go and ask the parents to pay for the coat they stole. Even if the child had taken it accidentally, there is no chance they wouldn't notice that their child had a different coat, and less so when they wrote his name in the label. If they had a problem with this, I'd make sure the conversation was loud enough for the gossipy mums to hear, then I'd let them know I'd inform the police (I mean, I wouldn't actually do that but maybe the threat would be enough). If there was still no payment, I would continue to bring up the conversation every time I saw them.

A child accidentally picking up the wrong clothes is one thing, but this is blatant theft and I wouldn't let them get away with it.

Seems this could be theft and I would feel pretty pissed off. This happened to my DC with a brand new hand sewn in label once - lost after a few wears. But never seen again.

However just wanted to add that my DC school used to sell lost property at the second hand uniform sale if not claimed. They would leave it all out in buckets in reception with a 2 weeks warning beforehand. They also used to give uniform bundles and coats out from stocks of donated uniform if someone new started at the school or to anyone who was struggling. Not completely outside the realms of possibility.

I think it’s probably been too long to raise it tbh but perhaps be really firm with the school if anything else goes missing.

I would avoid publicly shaming tbh, although it’s not ok if it’s been stolen, lots of people are struggling financially.

I’d post it on the year wats app without mentioning names but pointing out it didn’t set a good example to the children when their parents do this and theft is not a nice example to set

But surely the parents would notice it wasn’t their child’s coat when it went home?

I had similar when my son was about 6.

Jumper went missing - he was in a class of only ten and his brother was one of them so a feat in and of itself! - we told teacher and she kept an eye out. Literally found it a week or so later when she checked labels and could see OUR label and this other kid's name over the top! Ours were those iron on ones and I had gone over it a lot so it kind of melted into it.

The other mum apparently went round saying we'd stolen her kid's jumper - I can't remember who told me that but I said the other parents were free to believe whoever they wanted but the facts were that his name was written on top of our label

Daft bint.

When I was at school I once went without a coat Sept-Dec because we couldn’t afford one. I walked to school: 3 miles. It snowed that year. I was very cold. Know what I didn’t do? I didn’t steal someone else’s coat.

I have no sympathy at all for this thief.

I remember rummaging in the lost clothes bin to try to find the cold lost in day 1 of the year. There was a mum there - actress (Hollywood films, not huge parts but still), very rich dad - and she was saying that she was just going to help herself to a nice one.

not impressed.

Do you have a class / year group whatsapp? I’d post a photo of the name label with a caption along the lines of “so happy to have found DD’s coat that went missing last year”

They've probably nicked someone else's new coat now so don't need yours any more.

Happened to me when I was a child. Lost a jumper, mum replaced it. A few weeks later I bought home the jumper of the kid that sat next to me by mistake. Mum about to return it until she saw the name tag of that child had been sewn over mine! The audacity!

If you had stolen a coat under these circumstances I would have had all the sympathy in the world for you. In a similar situation would you seriously not have sympathy, just because you had been through it too?

Same thing happened to my son in nursery, brand new school fleece ,and came home in a second hand washed out one it caused some ructions as the other parent insisted it was his sons but I think we got it back eventually, he's in year ten now so we got over it 🤣

I really wouldn't publicly humiliate this parent, not for their own sake, but because there could be comeback on a possibly innocent child. Give them a chance to respond to you and make the situation right. Message the parent privately and say you're aware of what's happened and you're giving them the opportunity to rectify this and didn't want to make a public issue out of it (hopefully they'll pick up on the possible consequences if they don't do the right thing).

No, please don't do drama at the school gate. Parents will talk about it, kids will talk so that boy can be in a very bad situation.
It happened for us at the nursery. My son lost his jumper, and after couple of weeks another boy came with it ( I was sure it's the same jumper cause I changed the zip, so definitely didn't buy the same from H&M). But I knew his mum struggling with money. That's not nice but knowing that boy feels warm with that jumper is enough for me.

I would probably post a picture or just a worded message on the class WhatsApp group saying:

Please can we all take care to check for names in clothes our children bring home. My daughter’s new coat has just been returned to her in a terrible state and with another name scribbled over hers. As I’m sure you understand I’m quite upset at this and hope that it was a genuine mistake this time.

ie. Got my eyes on YOU CF mum.

I'd probably show her the coat with the name in the pocket and ask her if she noticed either name in the coat. I'd not push it when she inevitably says no but it might make her think twice about doing it again.
I've heard of tags being cut out of sweatshirts so people started writing the name on the inside of the neck with marker.

I once had another parent turn up my door insisting DD had her DD’s item and held up a scruffy item insisting it was my DD’s one and asking for hers back because “DD’s age X one was new, she’d only had it a couple of weeks”

I happily went and got our one and showed her not only the name tag, but the fact it was an age size older than the one she had bought her DD because we are a very tall family with tall for their age kids whilst her DD was pocket sized! I felt for her that someone had swapped hers, I really did, but even though we were innocent I didn’t take kindly to the accusation.

I doubt if you confront the other DM you will get very far OP, she’s hardly going to cough up for a new one for you. The type of person who would do that aren’t likely to just roll over and admit it.

Are you sure that lost property that isn't claimed after a certain time isn't put into the second hand sale and the mum got it from there?

I have to say I never bought my DD a school coat as I thought it would be a nightmare if it went missing as would be loads of others the exact same.

Unfortunately there are definitely families who acquire items of uniform this way. My daughter's well labelled new coat vanished and reappeared on last day of term 2 years later, well worn but still with her name in 2 very visible places. Whoever had it, they and the parents knew it was my daughter's.
Another time I was looking through lost property and there was a grandmother rummaging next to me - I asked what her granddaughter had lost and she said "nothing but we could do with a summer dress to save washing (child's name's) tonight"
Bold as brass. Both parents well paid professionals.