DD school coat found with another DC name !!

[Highfivemum]

So my DD came home from school last year without her school coat. It was three weeks old and had her name on the inside of the coat and also I put her name in the pocket on a label. So two name tags. Went into school regularly spoke to teachers and the coat never was found. She had worn it twice so like new. Fast forward to yesterday and my DD mislaid her jumper. I went to lost property and collected her jumper and saw a school coat in he box. Very worn and dirty with a ripped sleeve. As I always do I looked in the coat and there was another child’s name written in the back but underneath in pale ink you could see my DD name that had been written over. I then checked the pocket and there was my DD name clearly still on a tag. The name of the DC was a boy in the same year as her ( the coats are unisex). I spoke to her teacher and she said oh never mind at least she has her coat back !! I was flabbergasted to be honest. This other mum whose child has been in the same year group since nursery at the school wrote over my DD name and gave her DS the coat to wear. Then left it now as it is ripped and badly worn and I am meant to be pleased. AIBU to feel like she has stolen it. ? I am not sure how to handle this.

Actually, how desperate would a mother have to be, to steal another child’s coat for their own dc. I would let it go, for this reason. But yanbu to be angry and upset.

Thank you for all your replies.
I have a great relationship with the teacher as she has been a teacher there a long time. In no way did I expect her to do anything. I was just commenting that I was flabbergasted with her response. As a teacher myself I am inundated with lost items. It doesn’t mean it is acceptable to have them stolen.
As I know this is theft then I will speak to the mum on Monday if I see her. Just to say I was surprised to find my daughters coat 8 months after she lost it with her DS name on it. I am sure she will deny knowledge. My point is maybe she will think twice about doing it again. The ironic thing is my DD who has desperately wanted a school coat was to worried to get another (my DB offered to buy her one ). She is a worrier unlike my other children and thought it was go missing again. The sad thing is she was with me when I found her coat and is now convinced that someone will steal all her stuff! Thief’s do not realise the impact they have , not just the money side of it.

Please read my comments.

Apart from the financial loss, the principal here needs addressing, she knowingly stole it, which part of that is acceptable to you to ‘let it go’? 😳

I’m with @Lavenderlast
but would write direct and say you’re reporting it to the school unless the cost is reimbursed by x date. No excuse.

YANBU this is happening with all my sons clothes at nursery and other parents not bothering to return them when they clearly know they aren’t their own child’s. I’d take the coat and speak to the parent atleast you know which thieving tramp it is!

Ok that makes more sense. Obviously it is a rubbish situation and you have every right to feel annoyed. I'd imagine the teacher just didn't know what to say and was just trying to be positive, which given your frustration at the situation was not well received. Hopefully you can get this sorted in some way.

Not particularly desperate in my experience……more lazy and entitled. I’m not making any assumptions about this particular case, mind, as I don’t know the circumstances. But I got so fed up with this kind of thing constantly happening when my kids were at primary (fee paying and generally very comfortable families) that whenever they ‘lost’ an item, I’d just go through lost property and replace it with an unnamed equivalent item.

So because HER child apparently needed a coat, OP's child can then suffer and be cold? Is that what you are REALLY saying? Thief's child needs are the prime importance??!

Wow. That is top of the "enabling" comments I have read.

(Yes, I have read all the OP's comments and know the thief doesn't appear poor, more like lazy and used to getting away with thieving)

In no way did I expect her to do anything. I was just commenting that I was flabbergasted with her response.

I agree that the teacher was very cavalier in her response, as the coat was in a terrible state; far worse than you’d expect from a coat worn for 8 months, it is now May so the coat isn’t needed at the moment, and your DD may have outgrown it by next winter so, it is in fact now useless to you. ’Never mind at least she has her coat back’ doesn’t quite cut it really. Not sure what an appropriate response would be but that definitely isn’t it!

Defo this! Would feel sorry for the boy but the mom needs to know you know!

Sadly teachers now don’t get involved they just don’t want to get involved so they just leave it. They know the upset it will cause with parents so they step back. I know I used to help out at schools as a volunteer I saw this a hundred times over. There’s no point in saying anything now as the other parent won’t thank you for bringing it to their attention so I understand your frustration.

thanks for advice all. Just to clarify we don’t have a school/class WhatsApp’s so can’t write it on that.
I am going to try and speak to her Monday and see what she says. From now on not only will I write my DC names in a few times I will also embroider something on the front making it not as easy steal-able

It's not at all surprising to hear that well off and/or private school parents are stealing clothes instead of buying them. You don't become or remain wealthy by spending money (or having morals)!

Before you approach her you need to be sure. At our school they sell any uncollected items from lost property at the second hand Sale. (they do send reminders to come and collect/check lost property for about 2 weeks before the end of term then have the sale the next term) Do your school do similar.
I've brought a few things there and then write my DS's name over the previous name as I assume that the item has been provided for the purpose of the second hand sale.

If you read my comments you will see this wasn’t possible

Happened to us too, Reception year. DS had a brand new pair of M&S school trousers, marked with sewn-on name tape and biro on the label. They disappeared in a three-way swap at PE, he came home with unmarked but already tatty trousers, we returned them to his classroom and asked the teacher to ask around about his named trousers. Never saw them again, until last week of the school year, when they miraculously reappeared in his drawer, with both knees ripped out, manky washed-in tissues in the pockets and the name tape still sewn in
I have my suspicions about who 'borrowed' them for an entire year (and I'm sure she was able to tell herself she was just borrowing them) before returning them when they were basically unusable, as DS had told me who he was changing next to and that boy's mum was pretty awful. How you can use something with a name in for a whole year, notice the prominent name tape every time you do the washing etc, is beyond me. But hey. I stopped simmering about it after about three years.

I have my suspicions about who 'borrowed' them for an entire year (and I'm sure she was able to tell herself she was just borrowing them) before returning them when they were basically unusable, as DS had told me who he was changing next to and that boy's mum was pretty awful.

Yes borrowing is what they must tell themselves as, hey look I’ve now returned them. That way they can convince themselves that it isn’t stealing. But, of course it’s bloody stealing!

Well, legally if there is "no intention to permanently deprive" - it's actually not theft 😂

I think this happens a lot.
My cousin had 2 foster kids, when she said she was taking them at the weekend for pe kits and school coats, the older child who was 7, said not to worry they always got them from school and went on to explain that they took pe kits and coats from either the hooks or the lost property, then nanny would cut out the labels. It was said in total innocence.
Not a dig at foster kids at all.

Well, legally if there is "no intention to permanently deprive" - it's actually not theft 😂

I doubt if we’d be involving the police in these circumstances, but these thieving families are certainly permanently depriving other children of wearable garments.

This has happened to me a couple of times with PE kits. They go to school in brand new tracksuits from M&S and return in faded old ones from Asda that are usually a size too small. The teacher couldn’t do anything about it so I just had to suck it up. I’d be extremely angry if it happened with something even more expensive like a coat! I feel your pain, the Mother of the child who stole and ruined it clearly has no shame.

I had this.

Posh prep school, wealthy child had taken my daughter's sports top home. Her parents had sewn her label over ours, both still visible on inspection, hers brazenly on top of ours.

I was a teacher in the school, with just about the only children who couldn't afford new stuff. This child's brother was in my class.

No apology but a year of very awkward pick-ups and parents evenings. 😂

I would defiantly ask the other mum outright why she did it and why she thinks it’s ok

Update.
Saw the mum at afternoon pick up and even though I hate confrontation I spoke to her. I was polite and non accusing. The convo went along the lines of
“my DD new School coat bought from school shop went missing last September. We looked everywhere and spoke to staff but never found it, and on Friday evening I found it all torn and dirty with your sons name written over my DD”
her response was this.
“My son didn’t have a school coat, he has never had one he wore his older brothers green one. “ !! Then she walked off.

I spoke to my school Friend who knows the mum and DC better than me as she has a DS and she said that’s a load of crap he was wearing one”
well miffed but I suppose I can do no more.