Page 11 | DD school coat found with another DC name !!

Highfivemum · 2022-05-20T18:07:44+00:00

So my DD came home from school last year without her school coat. It was three weeks old and had her name on the inside of the coat and also I put her name in the pocket on a label. So two name tags. Went into school regularly spoke to teachers and the coat never was found. She had worn it twice so like new. Fast forward to yesterday and my DD mislaid her jumper. I went to lost property and collected her jumper and saw a school coat in he box. Very worn and dirty with a ripped sleeve. As I always do I looked in the coat and there was another child’s name written in the back but underneath in pale ink you could see my DD name that had been written over. I then checked the pocket and there was my DD name clearly still on a tag. The name of the DC was a boy in the same year as her ( the coats are unisex). I spoke to her teacher and she said oh never mind at least she has her coat back !! I was flabbergasted to be honest. This other mum whose child has been in the same year group since nursery at the school wrote over my DD name and gave her DS the coat to wear. Then left it now as it is ripped and badly worn and I am meant to be pleased. AIBU to feel like she has stolen it. ? I am not sure how to handle this.

2020nymph · 21/05/2022 11:15

When DS coat went missing it was assumed it was an accident and would turn up. Posted on the Facebook group and checked list property. He wore his waterproof coat for a few days and was freezing so I replaced it. £35 as it was the only coat I could find locally in his size. Money was tight and yes, I was pissed off that I had to go without as someone had stolen his coat. It was handed in in Spring when the weather warmed up.

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 21/05/2022 11:16

girlmom21 · 21/05/2022 11:08

@SlightlyGeordieJohn no I'm clearly not on the side of anyone who's stealing which is why I said the parent should be spoken to...

We clearly do have different morals. I care about the repercussions of adults behaviour on children

No you don’t, as you don’t want the action taken that will stop other children having their things stolen.

Original poster

Highfivemum · 21/05/2022 11:17

AlphaThree · 21/05/2022 11:04

I think it was stolen, but I wouldn’t say anything or let it drip feed back to the other parent.

If she had stolen it to sell on ebay then that’s one thing, but she didn’t she stole it for her child to wear. The child must have needed it, and yes yours did too, but people who are desperate will just do what they need to for their own kids.
I think in your shoes I’d just use it as one of those moments where you think “at least I don’t have to steal clothes for my children” and move on.

I wasn’t going to comment on my opinion of the parents Wealth as no one knows really how well off someone is. However from what I have seen over the last four years they are far from poor. Drives a newish car and the mum always looks modern in the latest trends. She is one of those who is always late for any event and last to pick up from school ( no idea if she works or not) I have just spoke to another mum who is one of my closet School friends who has a DS and she has said they are quite a well off family, so the poor idea doesn’t seem to fit. I think and don’t shoot me down that she is more a whatever is the easier option mum. To get a school coat you have to order and they do take a couple of weeks. Who knows though. I am beginning to think I will see if I can catch her on Monday.

OP posts:

grey12 · 21/05/2022 11:18

WatermelonSugarEye · 20/05/2022 19:10

It's theft surely.

Yes

Question is, how much did you spend on it and can you comfortably afford to replace it 🤷🏻‍♀️

If so, just tell your daughter to stay clear away from that child

If not, escalate it with the school

Original poster

Highfivemum · 21/05/2022 11:19

countrylifer · 21/05/2022 08:49

This happened at our (independent) school... some people are just chancers no matter how much money they have. In this case the blazer owner's mum had done the same thing - sewn a second name tape inside the inside pocket of the (stupidly expensive) blazer - and the second name tape wasn't noticed by the parent that had removed and replaced the collar name tape. All hell broke loose as original mum demanded she checked all blazers in person and found it on the other kid!

It is appalling. Yes I have always put my DC names in two places if not three in their clothes. It does help

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5zeds · 21/05/2022 11:22

I’m shocked at how many think this isn’t the teachers problem. What on Earth do you think school IS responsible for if it doesn’t include basic morals??!!! The child will have seen the amended name and has now been sent the message that this is “normal” behaviour. Of course it should be addressed.

Sleepingsatellite1 · 21/05/2022 11:26

5zeds · 21/05/2022 11:22

I’m shocked at how many think this isn’t the teachers problem. What on Earth do you think school IS responsible for if it doesn’t include basic morals??!!! The child will have seen the amended name and has now been sent the message that this is “normal” behaviour. Of course it should be addressed.

Wtf, really.

Original poster

Highfivemum · 21/05/2022 11:30

belltenthelp · 20/05/2022 22:09

I bought an item in a second hand sale, stuck my child's name over the top and then the previous owner demanded it back! It does happen.... I personally think much more likely to be a mistake than theft.

The lady who runs or end of term second hand sale knew about my DD coat. There has only been two since it went missing and she assured me no coats were in either sale.

OP posts:

DameHelena · 21/05/2022 11:30

grey12 · 21/05/2022 11:18

Yes

Question is, how much did you spend on it and can you comfortably afford to replace it 🤷🏻‍♀️

If so, just tell your daughter to stay clear away from that child

If not, escalate it with the school

Show quote history

How would staying away from the child help? The coat was presumably taken from a cloakroom or similar.

Original poster

Highfivemum · 21/05/2022 11:35

Nevergoingtobemrsjones · 20/05/2022 22:28

My mother used to do this

she worked at the school my kids went to and if she saw something she thought would fit now/grow into,she’d swipe it

i spent my life trying to hunt down the rightful owner-not always with success (I’d just shove it back in lost property)

I tried telling the teachers but they refused to believe me as ‘mrs never senior wouldn’t do that!’

she runs a beavers group and used to do the same with any lost uniform/anything the kids left-blank looks if parents asked after their stuff

she’s not right in the head-she’s minted but claims to be skint-she works with old people (a home carer) now and does the same to them

she wouldn’t dream of picking up the £10 note on the side,but will ‘forget’ to give them their change,accepts presents when she’s not meant to,fiddles her timesheets/petrol allowance if she can and when they die she’s first in,before family to pick over their stuff for herself-I’ve seen her do all the above

she once gave my (now adult) son some old man aftershave-yep,she’d swiped it from a gent who had been dead less than 4 hours,he’d got rushed to hospital and sadly died-she went back and let herself in-he was a hoarder so the bits she swiped wasn’t missed

the family worshiped her and kept thanking her for all she’d done-if only they knew!

ive tried reporting her again and got nowhere

ive seen her swap bargain bin stickers for full price ones-from tesco to charity shops,she’s helped herself to ‘free’ sugar,tea bags,coffee packets etc and will think nothing of helping herself from your fridge if she got a chance

shes a bold cf thief and although I’m nc with her now,I go so far the other way as not to be tainted by her-her blood in my veins and all that

its theft and I hope and pray she gets caught but her type never do

Reading this in shock. Must have been awful as a child. Best wishes to you.

OP posts:

Abraxan · 21/05/2022 11:59

BanjoVio · 20/05/2022 20:18

This teacher is gutless. They needed to call the parent/s, explain the situation, calmly state the fact that the coat cost X amount from Y shop and the easiest way to resolve it is for them to purchase a replacement.

This isn't the teacher's job.
OP can address the parent if they want to, OP knows who the parent is to approach.

Lady089 · 21/05/2022 12:04

It makes me wonder about some posters on here, suggesting a witch hunt, naming and shaming etc. What happened to good old fashioned, if you have an issue, speak to the person involved. Instead of all the bitchiness. Christ! Be an adult OP, speak to the parent.

Eeksteek · 21/05/2022 12:25

This is different - OPs situation definitely crosses the line - but I knew someone who went to lost property at the end of the school year and picked out un-named appropriate sizes of jumper etc, took them home and named them as her DC’s for next year. I’m broke and I won’t lie, I’ve considered it. I haven’t actually had the balls to do it, and she only does it with generic, unnamed stuff and claims it’s victimless. (I would never have considered it if not broke. I asked on local FB and got what I needed instead)

Kgiggl3s · 21/05/2022 17:59

I can't understand your disappointment with the teacher. What did you expect her/him to do? If a child has stolen, the teacher will resolve it. This was clearly the actions of an adult. Teachers are certainly not their to mediate between/scold/police adults. Did you think she/he would call the parent in and talk to them on your behalf?? When did that become part of educating children? You are an adult and have to take responsibility. Talk to the parent or even phone the police if that is what you choose to do instead of relying on another adult to make these choices for you.

NotAScoobyToBeSeen · 21/05/2022 18:09

Is there a class whatsapp group you can type a message into along the lines of 'if anyone has stuff that's gone missing over the last year, maybe have a look at lost and found as my dcs coat has turned up there after a year - it's not in great condition now so someone has made great use of it in that time' They probably wont give a shit if theyre the type to steal anyway though

Madreamigajefa · 21/05/2022 18:34

Either they also bought the same coat, theirs went missing and they think you're a cf and that this is his coat that you went and labelled, so they have labelled over it, or they are so brazen (the type who would have no problem causing a scene at a restaurant after putting something in the meal to get it free) that you may find they just attack your reputation and make a scene if you ever raise it. Maybe take a "dd in her new coat" picture next time you buy one she will be using at school and shove it up on social media if you use it so if it happens again everyone knows l without you pointing it out, or have a conversation in earshot of the people who you suspect (not their child) about how she loves her new coat? Or better still, add some small detail like a little applique to it that matches the style, so you can say next time "dd's coat is xxxx with a small rainbow badge by the hood to help identify it easily from others"?

Mangojuic · 21/05/2022 18:36

I had exactly the same thing, only the coat was unique & really adorable, granny made it. It disappeared after PE and another child came in wearing it insisting it was theirs. The woven name label had been cut out so it was our word against theirs and we lost.

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 21/05/2022 18:39

Lady089 · 21/05/2022 12:04

It makes me wonder about some posters on here, suggesting a witch hunt, naming and shaming etc. What happened to good old fashioned, if you have an issue, speak to the person involved. Instead of all the bitchiness. Christ! Be an adult OP, speak to the parent.

Why? They are a thief, why dirty yourself dealing with someone who steals from children?

SpangleSparkle · 21/05/2022 18:55

Hmmm, it might not be as clear cut as it seems.
I run our school uniform second hand shop. All lost property is put in a box in the hall. The children are reminded to check it for any lost property and the parents can come in and check it as well during the term. Anything unclaimed comes into the shop to he resold to raise money for the school.
Could this have happened in your case?

SpangleSparkle · 21/05/2022 18:57

Oh sorry I just reread that you had already checked about this

BerkyWithTheGoodHair · 21/05/2022 19:12

Cryingintherain99 · 20/05/2022 20:14

I would be fuming too.
The only thing I can think of is that the coat turned up several weeks after your dd lost it and was taken to lost property.
At my DC primary school they wait so long for lost items to be claimed and then put them on tables in the hall for parents to look through/ take anything they desperately need (uniform/ coats), so maybe something like this happened?
Did you notice the boy wearing the coat soon after it disappeared?
I agree though it shouldn't have just been dismissed like that.

It would still be a bloody stretch to think this could be true if it wasn't for the fact that OPs DDs name is still legible now under the Thief's Childs name so it would have clearly been Beth Smiths coat when it was procured nicked

Original poster

Highfivemum · 21/05/2022 19:25

Kgiggl3s · 21/05/2022 17:59

I can't understand your disappointment with the teacher. What did you expect her/him to do? If a child has stolen, the teacher will resolve it. This was clearly the actions of an adult. Teachers are certainly not their to mediate between/scold/police adults. Did you think she/he would call the parent in and talk to them on your behalf?? When did that become part of educating children? You are an adult and have to take responsibility. Talk to the parent or even phone the police if that is what you choose to do instead of relying on another adult to make these choices for you.

I in no way blamed the teacher. I was shocked at her response. I didn’t expect her to do anything but to be happy that I had found a now useless coat seemed not appropriate.

OP posts:

Changechangychange · 21/05/2022 19:25

Tulips21 · 21/05/2022 00:26

I would do this!
Its not the same but my DD has recently lost a school branded cardigan- The school tried giving me a jumper of diff size and with a name of a previous pupil written inside- bizzare.My Ds lost a brand new school hoody, they tried giving me an old one ,dirty and faded, a size bigger and again name of a diff child ( A girl) name on tag.
Ds Hoody was found but not the cardigan.

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DS’s school did that! Two jumpers lost within one week of starting reception, and because of covid restrictions they wouldn’t even let me on site to look for them.

But they did give me a ratty jumper a size too big with somebody else’s name in (nobody in his class), which I assume they fished out of the big pile of donated uniform they keep on a table outside the school office.

Original poster

Highfivemum · 21/05/2022 19:26

SpangleSparkle · 21/05/2022 18:55

Hmmm, it might not be as clear cut as it seems.
I run our school uniform second hand shop. All lost property is put in a box in the hall. The children are reminded to check it for any lost property and the parents can come in and check it as well during the term. Anything unclaimed comes into the shop to he resold to raise money for the school.
Could this have happened in your case?

If you see my replies this was not possible.

OP posts:

Lady089 · 21/05/2022 19:30

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 21/05/2022 18:39

Why? They are a thief, why dirty yourself dealing with someone who steals from children?

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And how is a witch hunt going to change the fact the person is a thief? You don’t need to tell school gossips or start a witch hunt, approach the parent and talk to them about it, you don’t need to involve the whole school and include parents and teachers.