DD school coat found with another DC name !!

[Highfivemum]

So my DD came home from school last year without her school coat. It was three weeks old and had her name on the inside of the coat and also I put her name in the pocket on a label. So two name tags. Went into school regularly spoke to teachers and the coat never was found. She had worn it twice so like new. Fast forward to yesterday and my DD mislaid her jumper. I went to lost property and collected her jumper and saw a school coat in he box. Very worn and dirty with a ripped sleeve. As I always do I looked in the coat and there was another child’s name written in the back but underneath in pale ink you could see my DD name that had been written over. I then checked the pocket and there was my DD name clearly still on a tag. The name of the DC was a boy in the same year as her ( the coats are unisex). I spoke to her teacher and she said oh never mind at least she has her coat back !! I was flabbergasted to be honest. This other mum whose child has been in the same year group since nursery at the school wrote over my DD name and gave her DS the coat to wear. Then left it now as it is ripped and badly worn and I am meant to be pleased. AIBU to feel like she has stolen it. ? I am not sure how to handle this.

This stuff happens in schools all the time. Someone else probably stole the boys coat and the mum asked him to get another one from lost anf found. My daughter is in secondary, so I had many years of this. Let it go. It's not a big deal.

Yes that’s what we all do when in need, steal someone else’s stuff 🙄

I wouldn't set any store by the school saying they had looked for it.

My elsest DC lost 3 school jumpers and 1 school polo within 3 weeks of starting reception. All labelled very well. Eventually 2 jumpers turned up and were returned but the third jumper and polo apparently couldn't be found.

Several terms later my childminder (and PTA member) fished both of them out of the lost property that was about to go on sale for charity and returned them to me. Anyone could have bought them otherwise in good faith and put their own labels in innocently.

I've bought stuff in the same school secondhand sales since and changed the labels and I'm always slightly anxious that it's not really secondhand.

Jesus. Glad I’m not one of those

Would the innocent boy’s demise cross your mind at all whilst doing it?

Whatever the story I don’t think it would be fair to name and shame the mother in any way as the child will get caught up in that and it’s not their fault. My son came home one day wearing a pair of school trousers with someone else’s name but as he didn’t have his own (which were newish) I had to assume that boy was wearing his so I just left it (private school so
i wasn’t going to worry about parent not affording trousers and he wouldn’t have gone home with none). We lost loads of items it was infuriating and lost property was a waste of time.

Exactly. There can be an innocent explanation for this. No need for drama or shaming.

Do you have a class whatsapp? I'd post in that that people need to be careful as there are CFs in the parent group who think its OK to steal other kids uniform, write their names out and rename it with their own kids names. Say you know who it is in case anyone would like to know and recommend that everyone in the class not only labels their clothes in a visible place but also writes names in permanent marker in sleeves/pockets and trouser legs to stop the thieves. I'd also write to the Head naming names and tell the Whatsapp that you've done this.

May not stop them but might make them think.

@Smartiepants79 Address it how?? Accuse another parent of stealing (months ago) with no way of being able to prove it??

the name is written over with the original name still on there, hope you are never called for jury duty.😅

Just a thought going forwards. Parents could tell the teacher to send a text or letter round explaining that a name must be written in childs belongings, such as coat, uniform and PE kit. Then voats etc are handed out by teacher one by one who checks the name tags. This wouldnt take too long really. 2 seconds per child whilst theyre lining up. it would ensure the belongings go to the right people.

When my eldest started secondary school, the school clothing shop suggested they could sew his name into the liner of his blazer and on all his pe kit. Individual letters embroidered rather than stitching a label. I agreed but was surprised when the games kit had their name visible on the outside of the tops and shorts… but reading this, I’m assume it is to try and stop this issue as you couldn’t quickly get the embroidery off and the name of who’s it was would be clearly visible to the teachers and other kids so you couldn’t swipe someone else’s kit.

This happened to me, although as a very young adult. I worked in a shop and transferred stores. First day at the new store and I was told to hang my coat up, at my old store we had lockers. I hung my coat (which was quite unique and sold out nationwide) and went to work, came back at the end of my shift and my coat was gone. Due to the look I doubt anyone else could have thought it was theirs but there was nothing I could do. A few months later I come into work and there is my coat hanging up. The pocket was ripped but it was definitely my coat and the thief had left their inhaler in the pocket with their name on. I went to my manager and did get my coat back, although ripped, but the thief's mother also worked at the store so it was all hushed up. The daughter left fairly soon afterwards but I couldn't believe the cheek, not only stealing something but wearing it back to the place you stole it from. Some people have no morals, but lesson learned and I never left another coat on the rack.

She could have bought it in the second hand uniform shop. We bought lots of labelled uniform items in the school's second hand shop. If no one collects property from lost and found, the school sells the items.

@Highfivemum

I don’t think I could just “let it go.” I’d take a photo of the coat, print it out, and write “I know it was you, Fredo” at the bottom and mail it to the woman anonymously.
If for no other reason than it would let her know that she hadn’t got away with it after all.

I’m another in the camp of before confronting a parent, or making PA WhatsApp posts, to just consider if there could be an innocent explanation. The lost property sale is an obvious one. Or a MOP could have found it left somewhere and given it to a charity shop?

Ok, so chances are it was a CF parent admittedly, but just discount the possibility before you make an arse of yourself?

It is terrible but very common. At my DC's school -They don't let parents into lost property anymore because some parents just pick up random coats, jumpers, skirts etc and pull out name tags and write their own childs name in it.

Honestly - this.

This is deplorable. Who steals a coat from a child? She has no idea your financial situation and could very easily have left your child without a coat. Leaves you to wonder did she 'lose it' in the first place?

We only buy cheap school coats/bags for the children for this exact reason. It was rife at my primary school and I could name the girl in my class who was renowned for it (ironically came from perhaps the wealthiest family and was spoilt rotten at home).

I detest thieves, truly unforgivable behaviour.

That is annoying. The coat is knackered now. I would let it go myself.

I would just ask her when you see her if she can explain how it happened - she might have a perfectly valid reason.

Again... this.

Well.... yes...

The teacher should have told the Mother she was no longer welcome. She tried to steal property from another child in her care. That is unacceptable and whilst unfortunate for her child, actions have consequences.

I would do this!
Its not the same but my DD has recently lost a school branded cardigan- The school tried giving me a jumper of diff size and with a name of a previous pupil written inside- bizzare.My Ds lost a brand new school hoody, they tried giving me an old one ,dirty and faded, a size bigger and again name of a diff child ( A girl) name on tag.
Ds Hoody was found but not the cardigan.

Theft is rife in schools unfortunately. Coats, blazers, PE kit, football boots. I even had my own brand new coat stolen at my child's primary school. Put it over the back of my seat at the school play. Never saw it again.

I’m a teacher and you would not believe the things that literally vanish off the face of the earth on a daily basis. A brand new coat went missing from the coat pegs outside my class at the start of the year and the poor boy was in tears knowing his mum wasn’t going to be happy but he had genuinely hung it up there when we came back to class.

I fully appreciate how infuriating it is for parents when things go missing, although I also think some parents seem to think their child is the only one who attends the school. They act as I’m just there to follow their child around for the entire day. I’ve to make sure he eats his sandwiches (report back on how much he ate), put his shoes on for him at P.E, brush his teeth for him after lunch, sort out the argument he got into at lunch time because someone looked at someone in the wrong way, put his homework into his bag and a letter he claimed not to have yet but was given yesterday, oh and educate him (forgot that bit). All the while trying to do this simultaneously for the other 32 children in the class, as well as photocopy, mark work, plan, make assessments, tidy up, wash hands (on repeat) and get a mouthful of my own lunch at some point in there.

Just making the point that when you approach a teacher about lost property (from a year ago) at the end of the day, this is priority number 1005 on their list, no matter how lovely they are and how much the genuinely do care. I think a lot of people forget how much of an impossible task it is!

I’d say given this isn’t something another child has done to your child and is obviously the parent who has taken the jacket and changed the name (after possibly a genuine misunderstanding on the child’s part), I’d contact that parent directly to highlight this if you want to do something about it. Even try to make the message sound nice but clearly acting confused as to why this had happened to your child’s jacket. I’ve seen parents in my area even posting it on the local Facebook groups when there’s issues with lost property. You could do that but not mention the child’s name, just say what has happened and how disappointed you are that someone would have done this

A parent at a school I taught at was having an argument over a child's coat. Another parents claimed it was their child's. Teacher trying to mediate. Parent 1 then said turn the right sleeve inside out then, and there written in Sharpie was their child's name. Apparently she has 'hidden labelled' after her oldest had the same thing happen. Also shoes /trainers had names inside, so easily checked.