Parents won’t come round without the dog - but I have a brand new house, with a cream carpet

[rightonthemoney]

let me start this by saying I absolutely LOVE my parents dog - I was still at home when they got her, so I’m not completing detached from her!

Anyway, I’ve just moved into my first home with my partner, we live about 45 minutes away now from both sets of parents (the only affordable place left in our county.) My parents came round to see the house when we first got it, about three weeks ago, and I’ve invited them round to see the progress of it this weekend.

My mum said they want to come, but they’d like to bring the dog. I said they can bring her, but she’s not allowed on the carpet. I have a brand new home, with cream carpet. We have no pets or children, so it will stay clean, because I want it to. For reference, she’s a very hairy, smelly cocker spaniel. I’ve said the dog can come in the kitchen, but apparently that isn’t ok…

Anyway - they don’t want to leave the dog for hours on end, which is completely fair enough. However, they would be gone for four/five hours MAX. Plus, my 30 year old brother lives at home! I got frustrated with my mum and this is verbatim the text she sent: “I don’t want her to be alone. Minimum of 50 mins to you, and back so that leaves a couple of hours max at yours….simple, you come here 😊”

Am I being unreasonable?! Just the way she worded the text, expecting me to drive 50 minutes away because of the dog, even though I have invited them to mine. I don’t mind driving to them, but it’s the principle.

Am I going to spend my whole life only travelling to them because they have a dog? 🤦🏻‍♀️ Really needed to vent because I’m so angry!

There are ways for a house not to be dreary that don't involve flooring you are worried about staining.

Like what? What will happen to her carpet over time? Are you assuming OP will have kids? How invested in the patriarchy are you?!

....seek professional help, I beg you.

I just think its hilarious that you won't eat or drink in the lounge because of a sodding carpet

To be fair, lots of people don't eat or drink in their living room, especially if they have a reasonably comfortable kitchen. Which I do.

Some of these answers are very 🤔. I like dogs my family has dogs, the dogs are not welcome in my house. If they want to come over they make other arrangements. The dog isn't part of her family it's her parents pet, who just happens to have a fully grown adult male who lives there that could potentially look after it. It's not even just about a cream carpet, if you don't own a dog, even the cleanest of dogs smell and leave fur. Annnnd excluding any and all excuses she said she doesn't want the dog on her new carpet. She's been accommodating by saying it's welcome to come but just can't be in the livingroom 🤷🏻‍♀️
Personally while is see the entitlement I'd probably just make the drive and visit her, saves the argument and your carpet. While you're there maybe have a word with your brother and get him to volunteer to 'dog sit' one day 😂

It’s her mothers choice how she lives. The mum has invited the daughter to her house. It’s not how I’d go about things but people are different. I’d take the dog and sit in the kitchen to keep both my child and dog happy. If OP doesn’t like her mums choices then she can make her own based on that. You can’t make others do what you want and if they’re not willing to compromise, there’s not much you can do.

As for who is more important, it’s not a competition. My kids and dogs both matter to me. I wouldn’t leave my dogs at home to visit my kids but there’s an alternative here, if OPs mum won’t take it, OP has devision to make going forward in his to handle it.

This is so bizarre to me. I cannot imagine a world where I would put my desire for a particular fucking carpet over the comfort and well being of my guests. Especially if the guests are my parents. Surely your possessions are the backdrop to your life, not to be prioritised over your actual life. They are meant to make your life easier not harder.

Dear God I know plenty of people who would not have a dog in their living room full stop, cream carpet or not. And my friends with dogs have NEVER tried to go to someone's house with their pets, they always leave the dog at home or with a dog walker. Your parents are very unreasonable.

I love dogs. I chose not to have one because I have ZERO interest in cleaning up after one.

I completely agree with you OP. We had a new house with new everything when we started out and I didn't want parents going everywhere despite not having a light carpet. I hare cleaning, have always had a shoes off policy (that goes down like a cup of cold sick with some people too) and basically do anything to avoid extra cleaning.

Tip on the cream carpet front - stock up on some white microfibre type cloths and make a spray bottle of diluted clothes washing liquid. It's great for regular spot cleaning and for those emergency spills. Stay away from usual carpet cleaner products - if they don't get the stain out they set it in. Oh and before tackling a wet spill use kitchen towel to soak up any excess liquid before trying to clean. Many years of cream carpet ownership in our house.

• parents dog

People are really intolerant to how others choose to live aren’t they. 😂

I wouldn't want the dog to visit, in this particular situation, but YABU to have a cream carpet in the first place.

Dear God I know plenty of people who would not have a dog in their living room full stop, cream carpet or not

I agree, I certainly wouldn't. Plenty of dog owners just can't get their heads around it.

You are framing it as they are choosing dog over you but it seems you are choosing carpets over them. It’s perfectly reasonable for you to set your boundaries wherever you want. It’s also fine that they set theirs

In a nutshell.

When your sibling brings your nephews over, she's going to be on pins too. I had friends who had an immaculate house and cream carpets. After the first couple of visits with my (very well behaved and careful) daughters, I made every effort not to go again, and found reasons for the friends to come to us whenever possible.

Does anyone recall the Hyacinth Bucket episode where her friend was too scared to pick up her cup of tea in case she spilled a drop? It was like that but with little kids.

Long term I do think people will be reluctant to visit and OP will have to decide if her carpets are worth that.

But I also think OPs mum should make an effort, at least this time to see what they've done in terms of decorating. It’s a new house and it’s kind to go and see progress, wouldn’t most parents want to see their children’s houses in this situation. The dog can be in the kitchen, once OPs mum has had a look around, they can sit in the kitchen with the dog.

YANBU (and I say that both as a dog owner and lover). It natural for you to want to keep your new home 'nice', especially at first. And especially with a lovely new cream carpet!

My family are all exactly the same. No one comes to visit without bringing their dogs.
slobbery hairy muddy smelly dogs. If I have my parents and my aunties/uncles I can end up with 3/4 additional dogs in my house

My house is pristine, and I purposely got a non hairy not very smelly dog, who is bathed regularly!

it’s drives me a bit crazy
but they’re so lovely and accommodating themselves and nothing would ever be too much to make me feel welcome in their home
So it’s not worth hurting their feelings

i clean my carpets regularly, and always do at least a mini clean as soon as they leave
I also decorated each room in wipeable paint

Expecting to be able to bring a pet Into someone else’s home is ridiculous.

I wouldn’t agree to do all the travel either. If she can’t be bothered to get a dog sitter then that will just mean 1/2 the number of visits. Making arrangements so you can leave your house from time to time is just part of having a pet.

I do not get people who aren't willing to leave their pets for a reasonable amount of time.

I adore my cats - they are my babies - but I don't ask if I can bring them with me to places.

They are probably quite happy to get some time away from me 😆

Cats are nothing like dogs. Cats like their own territory, dogs like their humans.

I just can't get my head around placing a higher value on a carpet... a carpet... one of the dirtiest, most impossible to clean things you can put in a home...

Over a living breathing being you profess to 'love'.

Its your home, its entirely your choice, but if you make it clear to family members that your carpet, and keeping it pristine is more important than the dog, they will extrapolate for themselves that its more important than say, human visitors who might muck it up, people who may spill, children etc.

Have your carpet.. and go visit your family in their homes. Problem solved eh?

It’s your home, it’s your say. Don’t bend to other people’s needs (within reason) otherwise they don’t respect boundaries. The dog will be perfectly fine with your adult brother

But she hasn't. The parents are the guests and they are allowed on the carpet. Having their dog in the OP's kitchen, in its own familiar bed, is in no way making the guests less comfortable. Saying this as someone with dogs and cats who go everywhere in our house. I wouldn't expect them to have the same freedom to wander around someone else's!

@rightonthemoney

i remember my mum using this on me for 18 years, until I moved out:

MY HOUSE, MY RULES

Did your mum ever say that to you? You could remind her of it.
I for sure wouldn’t spend the rest of my life going to their house. Over a dog or cat or anything.
And I know someone who lost a dog and refuses to allow one on their property, period. Not in the house, drive or in their very large garden. Not even a paw. 🙄

is so bizarre to me. I cannot imagine a world where I would put my desire for a particular fucking carpet over the comfort and well being of my guests

Dogs are not guests! No dog is welcome on my wood flooring either. Who is making life choices around a dog, that's not even theirs??