Parents won’t come round without the dog - but I have a brand new house, with a cream carpet

[rightonthemoney]

let me start this by saying I absolutely LOVE my parents dog - I was still at home when they got her, so I’m not completing detached from her!

Anyway, I’ve just moved into my first home with my partner, we live about 45 minutes away now from both sets of parents (the only affordable place left in our county.) My parents came round to see the house when we first got it, about three weeks ago, and I’ve invited them round to see the progress of it this weekend.

My mum said they want to come, but they’d like to bring the dog. I said they can bring her, but she’s not allowed on the carpet. I have a brand new home, with cream carpet. We have no pets or children, so it will stay clean, because I want it to. For reference, she’s a very hairy, smelly cocker spaniel. I’ve said the dog can come in the kitchen, but apparently that isn’t ok…

Anyway - they don’t want to leave the dog for hours on end, which is completely fair enough. However, they would be gone for four/five hours MAX. Plus, my 30 year old brother lives at home! I got frustrated with my mum and this is verbatim the text she sent: “I don’t want her to be alone. Minimum of 50 mins to you, and back so that leaves a couple of hours max at yours….simple, you come here 😊”

Am I being unreasonable?! Just the way she worded the text, expecting me to drive 50 minutes away because of the dog, even though I have invited them to mine. I don’t mind driving to them, but it’s the principle.

Am I going to spend my whole life only travelling to them because they have a dog? 🤦🏻‍♀️ Really needed to vent because I’m so angry!

It's not going to be the rest of the OP's life! Dogs don't live as long as humans, for starters. I think if you install cream carpeting throughout your home you need to accept you are going to limit your social interactions with others, dog or no dog.

I think if you install cream carpeting throughout your home you need to accept you are going to limit your social interactions with others, dog or no dog.

I think if you choose to have a dog and not have that dog leave your side ever, you are going to limit your social interactions.

Reading this thread I can see why reverses are popular. If OP had posted as her mother there would be hundreds of posts saying how selfish she is for wanting to bring the dog, it's a dog not a baby, etc etc.

Having said that, I'd just forget all this and make the drive to see them. My parents live the same distance away and rarely visit me, but I don't mind at all, it's no bother to drive to see them. It's not every day, just put a podcast on and enjoy the drive - and not having to clean up or prepare a meal for them.

Indeed.
Mumsnetters hate cream carpets.
Too many Mumsnetter dog owners fetishise dog ownership to extreme levels IMO.

There is nothing wrong in decorating and furnishing a house to your own taste.

I think MN has gone collectively insane on this thread. The dirty, smelly dog is allowed in her house. It's allowed in her kitchen. Just not on the carpet!! OP is absolutely not BU - her parents are!

Where are all the posters who freak out at people wearing shoes indoors? OP needs you!

I think if you choose to have a dog and not have that dog leave your side ever, you are going to limit your social interactions.

This is also true. But how unrelaxing to have to monitor all guests especially children for spills and unwanted staining potentials, for the sake of a carpeting choice. The OP is not Joan Collins.

What’s her issue with the dog staying in the kitchen? Maybe you can get a dog gate that would keep it in. I would NEVER take my dog to someone’s home who didn’t welcome him for whatever reason. It’s their home, their rules.

With you all the way OP. I can't stand PIL's enormous hairy black collie. They don't bath or groom it ("DDog needs the natural grease in its hair to protect it!") and they won't go anywhere without it.

We have the same rule as you (kitchen or garden) but the damned thing still leaves hair everywhere. If we put it in the garden while they visit it spends the whole time jumping at the glass doors and scratching.

Visits are unpleasant to say the least.

And you all just leave the dog jumping and scratching at the door? Nice.

The cream carpets and your new home mean a lot to you and that's not unreasonable. But likewise the dog means a lot to your parents and they may be thinking that the carpets will get worn in and/or they can wipe down the dog before it gets into the house. They also might not want to confine the dog to the kitchen for hours unless you can also eat there. I agree that I wouldn't expect my friends to host my dog or even ask but likewise I tend to meet friends rarely in their homes. Honestly there's two sides here and on reflection I actually don't think either of you are being unreasonable. One poster suggested meeting at your house, keeping the dog in the kitchen and then going out to a pub or something which sounds sensible.

You say that, however that isn’t how your attitude towards your cream carpet comes across! I’m sure you’re right and wouldn’t berate anyone, but it would still be nerve racking as all hell as a guest, for me anyway or if I came with kids.

Curious, wherever you lived before, were parents and dog visiting you there and going in the house without restrictions?

No. They are.

It's a dog, not a family member. You don't share blood with a dog, or a rat, or a bunny.

I'm not sure what permanent damage you think will happen to the carpet in a couple of hours visit?! I've had my dog for 2.5 years and there has been no difference made to the carpet in that time. If ddog is a big shedder then of course Hoover after they have gone but unless she comes in directly after running or rolling in wet mud I don't see what damage can be done (although even mud can be cleaned)

My dogs are family, in fact they’re better than a lot of my family. 😂

My friends children are adopted. No blood shared but very much her family so this was a stupid, offensive comment. HTH

As you can tell by my username, dogs are a big part of my life. I have several, I’m a vet, and I’m not particularly houseproud myself. My daughter and her partner are not particularly keen on animals and are in the process of buying a house, currently renting. I have never even asked if I can bring the dogs when I visit because it’s not necessary and I know they don’t want me to. They don’t choose to live with animals, I do. We both respect the other one’s decision and comply with the other one’s lifestyle under their roof. I wouldn’t expect them to ask me to shut the dogs away when they come here, unless there was some safety reason, but they say what goes in their home. You have been more than reasonable, and if I spoke to my daughter the way your mum has to you about this, she would simply tell me not to come if I considered the dogs to be more important than her!

There are some ridiculour over reactions on this thread. A dog is a much loved family pet. I get that, but the sense of self entitlement some dog lovers have is bonkers. I have had dogs, cats and guinea pigs, but I never felt the need to take them with me everywhere I went.

IMO @rightonthemoney is entitled to put whatever colour flooring in her house that she wants. The comments about not feeling "comfortable" in a house with light coloured carpets are just silly. I don't wear shoes in the house because I find slippers more comfortable, so how can one be uncomfortable about a carpet colour?

That is a very sensible and measured response @moredogsthansense. I agree with you.

When did people get so weird about dogs? I swear when I was a kid (90s) people just left their dogs at home/in the garden.

I went to a wine bar last night and someone had brought their dog!

People are getting weirder about dogs @Classicblunder. Our local pub welcomes dogs so there is usually a dog or two in the pub.

I think some of it is because too many dogs have/have had unsuitable owners, and there are far too many unscrupulous breeders selling to them. We then end up with a lot more owners owning a rescue dog that has been traumatised and can't be left. When I was a child all dog owners had to have a dog licence. I imagine this would be far to difficult to police these days.

I just can't get over that leaving the dog with a 30 year old man is being seen as leaving it alone!

I have a dog. I love her very much. I also work so 3 days a week she goes to a dog sitter. Leaving a dog with another adult isn't leaving them alone.

(I'm busy trying to get dh round to the idea the dog needs to be getting used to being left for a few hours at a time as frankly too many friends have cats so we cant turn up with a dog! More than 4 hours id pay someone to pop in, but not if the house contained a 30 year old adult...)

@Throughabushbackwards
You have my sympathy. Same position, would not know how to broach it. It's hard to even visit around theirs because the dog smell is so strong, so many hairs.

My friends children are adopted. No blood shared but very much her family so this was a stupid, offensive comment. HTH

"Not all women get pregnant, but only women can get pregnant"
"Not all families share blood, but only families [of the same species] can share blood"
They did not try to offend you. 😑

We have a few friends and family with dogs but if they come to us they know they will be asked not to bring their dogs with them as we have indoor cats (and DH loathes dogs anyway). Some accept it and other relationships have either waned or we meet elsewhere.
Your house, your rules! Meet halfway between your homes?

Why are some dog owners so tone deaf about their dogs?

I adore cats but I don't expect everyone else to love them.

@WildNights

Why on earth wouldn’t you leave your dog to visit your kids?

people really pander to their dogs. Walk the dog, feed it, etc and then leave it for a couple of hours - will be fine

what happens if your kids were to move away to another county or something? Would you just never see them cos of your dog?