Parents won’t come round without the dog - but I have a brand new house, with a cream carpet

[rightonthemoney]

let me start this by saying I absolutely LOVE my parents dog - I was still at home when they got her, so I’m not completing detached from her!

Anyway, I’ve just moved into my first home with my partner, we live about 45 minutes away now from both sets of parents (the only affordable place left in our county.) My parents came round to see the house when we first got it, about three weeks ago, and I’ve invited them round to see the progress of it this weekend.

My mum said they want to come, but they’d like to bring the dog. I said they can bring her, but she’s not allowed on the carpet. I have a brand new home, with cream carpet. We have no pets or children, so it will stay clean, because I want it to. For reference, she’s a very hairy, smelly cocker spaniel. I’ve said the dog can come in the kitchen, but apparently that isn’t ok…

Anyway - they don’t want to leave the dog for hours on end, which is completely fair enough. However, they would be gone for four/five hours MAX. Plus, my 30 year old brother lives at home! I got frustrated with my mum and this is verbatim the text she sent: “I don’t want her to be alone. Minimum of 50 mins to you, and back so that leaves a couple of hours max at yours….simple, you come here 😊”

Am I being unreasonable?! Just the way she worded the text, expecting me to drive 50 minutes away because of the dog, even though I have invited them to mine. I don’t mind driving to them, but it’s the principle.

Am I going to spend my whole life only travelling to them because they have a dog? 🤦🏻‍♀️ Really needed to vent because I’m so angry!

I’m wondering this as well

A dog should slot into your life and lifestyle. Not you constricting your entire life around the dog

I’m here! I don’t allow people to wear shoes in my house.

i have a close relative who will not visit me because I don’t allow her dog to sit on my sofa and as the dog sits on their sofa they worry they dog will be confused if he can’t do it at mine

I think you are being unreasonable. You can always hoover and use carpet cleaner after your parents leave if it's necessary. Family (including the dog, which you say you like) is more important than a carpet that you already intend on replacing down the line.

Correction.

Her parents are being unreasonable - dog could come in house and stay in kitchen. Job done. But her parents don’t want that.

Hence they are being unreasonable

I really don’t see how anyone could argue against that?!

@MooseBreath

why should she have to faff on with hoovering and carpet cleaner when the dog could just stay in the kitchen?

YANBU. It's your home you're entitled to your rules. Draw a line in the sand. Don't be drawn into discussion. Just say that's a shame. Maybe another time brother could look after dog for you.

Yanbu it’s your house and if you don’t want a dog there that’s fine. I’ve never had a dog visit my house and I never intend to…. and I have 2 young dc and messy carpets!

people can choose whatever rules they like for their own homes without justification.

Well unfortunately many dogs don’t just slot in, some to past fuckwit owners abusing or neglecting them and regardless dogs require some effort. And what most people feel is slotting in is leaving them alone for 8 hours a day. Looking after a dog well requires not leaving them alone for hours like what many people did years ago, thankfully. The 80s and 90s were pretty bad for neglectful parenting and pet ownership, lots of feral kids and dogs. Thank fuck most seem to realise that was a bad thing.

Totally unreasonable of her not to come to see you because you don't want the dog there.

Totally unreasonable of you to be so invested in the care of a carpet.

So EIIBCU. Everyone involved is being completely unreasonable.

We have a new mumsnet acronym. 😂

Well your mums Aibu would be my daughter values her cream carpet over my dog!

it’s a straight forward case of dog v cream carpet.

I am a dog person so…

I’d opt for the carpet every time in this situation. Because OP is not saying parents cannot visit just that if they bring the dog the dog stays in kitchen.

Its a kitchen, not an inferno!

In what way does this represent a hardship to the dog?!

if parents cannot abide that, and put their dog over their daughter then it’s their loss!

FFS, some people - talk about pampered pooches!

Family (including the dog, which you say you like) is more important than a carpet that you already intend on replacing down the line

That might be so, for some. But it doesn't mean the dog has to be allowed on the carpet. That's just daft.

Well your mums Aibu would be my daughter values her cream carpet over my dog!

You can value a dog more than a cream carpet, but why does the dog have to
be allowed on the carpet if you value that also?

Exactly! Dog will be fine in kitchen. OP’s carpet preserved. Everyone happy.

the only person being difficult is OP’s mum

I have dogs but I'd never had kids in my home. My house, my rules. My dogs are trained, friends' kids: I don't know. So I won't take the risk of having them over and them spilling stuff, touching/breaking things, leaving hand prints on surfaces, etc.

Enjoy your cream carpet - and if your parents want to see your home again, they can leave their dog with your brother. I adore our dogs but would absolutely leave them for a couple of hours to visit someone who will not have dogs in their homes.

As the owner of 2 dogs, YANBU. I hate people who treat their dogs like people and then don't understand why they have such unbalanced pets who can't be left alone.

My own dogs aren't allowed in my own living room during the day (not because I'm precious) but because it means my toddler can play without the dogs getting involved and my dogs can snooze without being terrorised by a toddler. They're in the dining room/kitchen and can see us in the living room as it's separated by a baby gate.

Your suggestion of keeping the dog in the kitchen when they visit is entirely reasonable. Is there any chance you can socialise in the kitchen when they come? Obviously this depends on the layout of your house and whether your kitchen has enough space.

I don't think people remember what it's like to have something that's brand new and yours. You just want to look after it and that's absolutely fine, your feelings will dampen towards the carpet over time so I'm not sure why people are suggesting that you're being unreasonable.

If I were you I'd just call my mum and say "we'd love for you to come and visit and I know you hate leaving X, I'd love to see her too but I just want to keep my carpet as nice as possible for now so can we keep her in the kitchen for now". Do you think your parents are more put off by the drive time and using the dog as an excuse?

It might even be worth suggesting a walk when they arrive with the dog then putting the dog in the kitchen for a rest. If not, I'd just keep inviting but keep your boundaries clear and say "no worries, I'll come to you then" if they won't budge.

Good luck and enjoy your new home!

I mean this in the nicest possible way, but I really think you should get some perspective. It's a carpet. It is just a carpet. Surely your parents are more important.

I don't know the size or layout of OP's kitchen. It could be effectively crating the dog for however many hours they are visiting. I just think family relationships are more important than a carpet.

Not all dogs are the same. I had a dog who could be left 5 hours and be absolutely fine. My current dog is a breed known to need company and would struggle to be left alone 5 hours. If I took them somewhere and left them in the kitchen knowing I'm next room, they'd probably be confused and cry to come to the sane room.

Ultimately, it's OP's choice not to have a dog in her living room and for her parents not to leave the dog for that length of time. Maybe they can come when all can seat in the garden.

In my case, I'd be happy to give my dog a bath and not let it down before coming in, but my dog also doesn't shred so yes, I'd think it was quite unreasonable to then say no, if the issue was the carpet.

YANBU at all. I tolerate a family member’s dog coming with them because I have hard floors but there’s no way on earth they’d be bringing it if I had a brand new light carpet.

@Dis626

surely OP is more important to her parents than a dog not being allowed in someone else’s living room for a couple of hours of it’s life 🤷‍♀️

@MooseBreath

dog would survive. Or it could just stay out in the garden. Probs happier out there. It is an animal after all

Obviously our dog lives here all the time. All our carpets are cream, still immaculate after four years. Wipe its paws and hoover after it’s gone.

You genuinely think OPs kitchen is the same size as a crate.

JC MN is batshit sometimes.