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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband taking only car on stag do

351 replies

Clego · 19/05/2022 15:55

My husband and I have a one year old, and he is due to go on his brother's stag do for two nights in June. It will be his second stag do of the year and the third time he has left me for more than one night to look after DS.

We live in a village and have only one car between us, which my husband bought. I did have my own car, but sold it as we used it so infrequently that I kept having to replace the battery.

My husband wants to take our only car on the stag do, which would leave me and DS car-less for the weekend (not great for emergencies and would leave me and DS house bound). I have offered to pay for a rental car for him to use, but he is insisting that he wants to take our car. My real problem is that I would have to move our very safe, but very heavy and difficult to install car seat into a rental car, just so he can take our car instead. Husband cannot fit the car seat as he's not very practical, and given that DS's safety is at stake, I'm not prepared to let him do a rubbish job of it.

Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to take a rental car so I don't have to fight with the car seat twice?

OP posts:
catscatscatseverywhere · 20/05/2022 15:20

He has to work out the other way of getting there. I can't imagine going away for a few days and leaving only car in the household in the airport parking lot etc. It's just selfish.

Chanel05 · 20/05/2022 15:23

Don't see the problem really 🤷‍♀️.

My dh is going on a stag in July and will take our only car for two days. Our dd will be almost 2 by then. We have a garden, park nearby and plenty of places to go for a walk. Doesn't bother me in the slightest.

LookItsMeAgain · 20/05/2022 15:35

Is there any reason why one of the others going on the stag couldn't collect your DH?

PrettyMaybug · 20/05/2022 15:39

Aquamarine1029 · 19/05/2022 15:57

You can't just plan ahead and stay home for a couple of days?

This. ^^ I find the poll result on here (and many of the posts) so bizarre. To not be able to do without a car for TWO DAYS in just unbelievable. Makes me wonder how some people cope with life to be honest. @Clego Get a grip. It's TWO days.

PrettyMaybug · 20/05/2022 15:40

@Aquamarine1029

You can't just plan ahead and stay home for a couple of days?

This. ^^ I find the poll result on here (and many of the posts) so bizarre. To not be able to do without a car for TWO DAYS is just unbelievable. Makes me wonder how some people cope with life to be honest. @Clego Get a grip. It's TWO days.

zingally · 20/05/2022 15:53

I don't think it is a big deal for you to be car-less for 2 days, over a weekend. What is this "emergency" you anticipate might happen? Has it EVER happened with your son before? and you thought "thank god we have a car!"

If, heaven forbid, there was a genuine emergency, you'd run to a neighbour, or call 999.

How on earth did people manage to raise children in a world before widespread 2-car ownership?!? YABU.

5128gap · 20/05/2022 16:21

Its not about whether the OP can manage without a car or not and it's become a smokescreen on here over the real issue. The fact is, with a little consideration from her husband she doesn't need to manage without a car. Literally all the man needs to do is either drive a hire car or Google how to fit a car seat and apply his learning, and everyone's happy. Do people genuinely think he shouldn't do this?

shewasa99 · 20/05/2022 16:37

I'm amazed. On the assumption you work full-time I am amazed you see a week-end with your toddler as childcare rather than an opportunity to have great fun together.

That said i think your DH should leave you the car, unless the train fare to the stag do is exorbitant.

AryaStarkWolf · 20/05/2022 16:44

Chanel05 · 20/05/2022 15:23

Don't see the problem really 🤷‍♀️.

My dh is going on a stag in July and will take our only car for two days. Our dd will be almost 2 by then. We have a garden, park nearby and plenty of places to go for a walk. Doesn't bother me in the slightest.

it doesn't bother YOU, it does however bother the OP...........

autienotnaughty · 20/05/2022 18:22

A, he finds another way to get there
B, he doesn't go
C, he takes the one year old

These should be his options

bellac11 · 20/05/2022 18:35

Lovemypeaceandquiet · 20/05/2022 07:08

This thread 😂 MN bias at its finest

What if the OPs post was this:

”I’ve not been able to do much socialising in the last two years due to the pandemic and having a little one just over a year ago. Finally life goes back to normal and a lot of my friends and family are getting married this year. I’ve already attended a couple of my friends hen dos, and there’s another one coming up - this time it’s my sister’s! It’s in another city so I’d have to take the family car, leaving DH looking after our one year old for two days. He says I should get a rental and leave our car with him in case he needs it… We live in a small village and he reckons he’d be stuck at home without an access to a car.

AIBU to think we don’t need to spend additional money on a rental and he should manage for two days?”

🤨

I can imagine!

bellac11 · 20/05/2022 18:38

JustLyra · 19/05/2022 23:35

The number of people calling it his car explains so much about why men get away with being dicks in relationships

Utter nonsense.

My car is MY car, not my OHs and I wouldnt leave myself without my own transport.

Alcibiade · 20/05/2022 20:21

orwellwasright · 20/05/2022 12:30

She's already said she uses the car to pick up her child from nursery. But women's domestic tasks are trivial compared to men's important ones like <checks notes> going to a stag do.

Show quote history

This is the problem exactly. For some in here, the institution of the 'stag-do' is so important that it outweighs the OPs need to carry out her domestic tasks (like picking up their child from the nursery). Can't help wondering if this is due to different attitudes in our society.

Some of us view a stag-do as just a man going out to have a fun time with his mates, getting drunk etc. But others in here seem to regard a stag-do as some sort of important occassion ('it's his brother's stag-do!!'), so important that the woman should understand why her man needs to be at this event and manage as best as she can for two days while he attends this important social ritual.

saraclara · 20/05/2022 20:26

bellac11 · 20/05/2022 18:35

I can imagine!

Show quote history

Exactly! I've been trying to think of a way to put this, throughout this thread, but you've expressed it perfectly @Lovemypeaceandquiet . The hypocrisy on mumsnet is quite stunning sometimes.

Clymene · 20/05/2022 20:43

I think leaving the parent looking after the child without a car when they live rurally is stupid.

I don't care if they have a cock or not.

I would love for @saraclara or @bellac11 to find me an example of their not so clever reverse on here. Because I know it doesn't happen. Women don't go away on 3 day holidays when they have babies and if they did they would be trying really hard to make up for the fact that they were leaving the penis person in charge and so falling over themselves to make it easy. They'd probably leave something in the freezer. They certainly wouldn't leave them in a rural location without transport.

I would absolutely love to be proved wrong.

yellowsuninthesky · 20/05/2022 20:49

There was a fantastic point made on another thread pointing out that women's and children's journeys (ie the school run) are seen as an inconvenience to important journeys like getting to work, social travel, driving to the airport etc

I've seen that on MN before but driving to a road near a school and leaving your engine running for 45 minutes is NOT an important journey.

However, I digress. Is the OP going to come back and say if her DH can use the train? And why the car seat doesn't use isofix?

Thebeastofsleep · 20/05/2022 22:06

I can't say this would bother me. We have 1 car and 2 kids both in carseats. The person who needs a car for the weekend takes it. Sometimes that's the person with the kids, sometimes that's the person without. A weekend at home is hardly that difficult.

Sound like you have issues with him going away, which I also think is unreasonable, but I suspect the actual issue is really you feeling unsupported overall, which is not unreasonable.

Hugasauras · 20/05/2022 22:23

Clymene · 20/05/2022 20:43

I think leaving the parent looking after the child without a car when they live rurally is stupid.

I don't care if they have a cock or not.

I would love for @saraclara or @bellac11 to find me an example of their not so clever reverse on here. Because I know it doesn't happen. Women don't go away on 3 day holidays when they have babies and if they did they would be trying really hard to make up for the fact that they were leaving the penis person in charge and so falling over themselves to make it easy. They'd probably leave something in the freezer. They certainly wouldn't leave them in a rural location without transport.

I would absolutely love to be proved wrong.

Well, I went away for two nights and took the car, leaving DH at home with 18mo DD in our village. I didn't put anything in the freezer either because he's capable of feeding himself and our child for two evenings as he's a 37yo man. No one died or starved. They went to the local park one day and he picked her up from nursery on foot the other day 🤷‍♀️ It wasn't even 'a thing'. I was going somewhere where having car was useful, they didn't need it for two days, so it wasn't even really a discussion!

Hugasauras · 20/05/2022 22:27

All that said, if it had really bothered either one us then we would have found a compromise that worked because it's rare that something like that would bother us. But it was a non-issue. DH is going to a wedding in October and might take the car. We will just have a weekend staying local, like we do quite a few weekends anyway.

We also got rid of our second car in lockdown because it was just rotting on the drive and seizing up. But our cars have always been totally joint, not his and hers, and used interchangeably depending on who was doing it.

Momicrone · 20/05/2022 22:33

So apart from picking up from nursery, you don't actually need the car all weekend?

Clymene · 21/05/2022 00:20

Right, so it wasn't a weekend and they didn't need the car. Not sure what your point is @Hugasauras?

Hugasauras · 21/05/2022 05:49

It was a Friday and Saturday night and I came home Sunday evening. Does that count as a weekend? Hmm

Hugasauras · 21/05/2022 05:53

And if you can't understand my point when it's literally exactly what you said 'a woman' wouldn't do then I'm not sure there's anything else to be said!

Hesma · 21/05/2022 06:07

I think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill, it’s one weekend!

BonnesVacances · 21/05/2022 07:18

Clego · 20/05/2022 06:54

I'm offering to pay for a hire car for him (we keep our finances mostly separate)

Why are you paying for the hire car when he's the one who needs it for the stag weekend? Genuinely don't understand this.