Support thread for those hosting refugees and advice for those thinking about it

[Honeysuckle9]

As per the previous thread this is a thread so we can offer support to each other and also outline the things we should be thinking about before making this leap

Has anybody's guest found work in languages? My guest is a translator/interpreter, speaks English and Russian fluently and high level of German. Based in NW England.

Lady down the road was an English teacher in Ukraine. She's got a job at the local high school helping with the Ukrainian kids there.

She's in danger of making herself intentionally homeless.

You might want to have the discussion that she doesn't get to pick and choose. She will have to suck up something because you simply aren't going to let this continue.

This is why having a fixed date for her to go is really important otherwise she'll mess you about.

hassle, how frustrating. I understand that she may not appreciate the housing situation here but I hope the council can explain to her how lucky she is. My guest understandably wants to remain local but I can't see how on £23k a year she's ever going to afford to rent in London (not least because three of the four other people she is looking to rent with are claiming UC and not working). I've taken to sharing news stories about the London rental crisis and the cost of living. She'd leap at the chance of a free fully furnished home!

@hassletassle With just 3 days left I would be strongly advising your guest to grab the accommodation offered with both hands! She will have a strong case for taxi and school bus. Its all doable!

@BerthaBetty I'm confident there is translation work out there, your guest needs to pump herself out to agencies, academia, online, media and treat job hunting as a full time job in itself.

With the energy price cap announcements rocketing to 80% in October and a predicted further 50% in January, I have decided to re-evaluate my own timeliness for my Ukrainian guest stay. This is after a lot of thought and anguish because it hasn't been easy living with them. Im sure its hard for them too. Partly because I feel I should try to stick it out the full year to help them out and partly because I need the £350 money which will be swallowed up by utility bills. I've asked from my guests a £100 a month goodwill contribution that will pay for some sundries and firewood. Their end date will be end of Q1 next year and I've communicated we will review after Christmas to see if we are all happy to continue.

I've explained the energy crisis to them,I've explained I will be spending more on my energy bills than food and mortgage combined.

They've not reacted well, I think they feel frightened and they feel I am rejecting them. They keep asking if they have done anything wrong. I've done it like this because i feel its fair they have a long notice period a they have a child, they need to kick themselves into action in finding a suitable place to live long before their daughter takes GCSE exams next Summer. And I've suggested to the mother she needs to find work full time. Get two jobs if you have to. This was only meant to be temporary but the realisation of being on their own two feet without me is like jumping off a cliff for them.

It's good that you have done that, and made the point she needs to get a job.

I think there are many Ukrainians who think Brits are rich and can just carry them indefinitely and have absolutely no awareness of the cost of living in this country.

The fact that its only NOW that the penny is dropping that they have to take responsibility for themselves is telling. Getting a leaving date should not feel like a cliff edge if they've been taking responsibility for themselves throughout.

Thanks @RedToothBrush i completely agree!

Quick update - the council have offered accommodation in two large towns in the same LA area but much further away from my area - she seems keen and doesn't really care which part of the county she is in as long as it has amenities/jobs . She wasn't given much info about the nature of each accommodation (self contained , one room etc etc) so she has asked for it. She has savings and UC so could take time to find a job......

Fingers bloody crossed again! Thanks so much for all of your support everyone.

I've spoken to my guest about contributions and we've agreed on £50 a month from October. It will cover what extra I spend on things like washing powder, toilet roll, milk etc and make a small contribution to utilities. My big relief is she's just found a full time job, Monday to Friday during the day. Up to now she has been doing some weekend night shifts in a pub. I rarely go out at the weekends so was dreading the increased heating bill from heating the house during the working week. It will still be ouchy but at least I don't have to worry about that.

@hassletassle out of interest, what kind of housing is offered by your council to your guest? Is this social housing? Does your guest have to pay rent there? I was under the impression social housing was really hard to come by and there was a bidding/queue system in place.

@LaurelGrove very sensible!

@CookieDoughKid it's through the sponsorship scheme. The self contained one was like an annexe on the grounds of a larger (very posh) house. She has now been offered another one actually inside the largest town in our local authority area.

This is two bedrooms and independent bathroom which form one floor of a large house, they would basically have the whole floor to themselves and only need to share the kitchen. They would also have their own door to enter the property… 20 minutes walk from a school (on pavements) that has breakfast club and after-school club with pretty long hours… 10 minutes walk from the centre of the town, shops, hotels, all manner of places where she could find work. This is also through sponsorship scheme.

I'm waiting today to hear that this is going ahead. The council have offered her one previously that turned out to be no longer available…I have firmly told her (assuming this is available / sponsors want to go ahead ) that she won't get anything better than this and she's in danger of making herself intentionally homeless if she rejects this.

Fingers Crossed Hassletassle. It does sound like your council really have tried to help your guest out. So kudos to them .

I had no idea how difficult it would be to share my home.)

I think my time hosting will be ending soon. My guest is 18 year old student - and since arriving in June has returned to Ukraine twice already (for dental work, and surgery? ). I have spoken with the council and it is likely that she has breached the terms of the hosting. If she had not gone the second time then she'd still be able to claim UC and my hosting payment wouldn't be affected.

Overall though I feel like I am not a 'host'. Just a base. I don't think she has any intention of ever settling and/or working here. So when she returns from the next trip we will have to make some decisions.

As some previous posters have said we went into this in the hopes of helping someone who needed refuge. i.e. to make a new start in a safe place.

Tbf I don’t blame anyone for returning to Ukraine for dental work rather than suffering the lack of care here. My guest had months of pain before she could get to see any dentist at all - NHS was never going to happen - and it’s not clear that the work she has scheduled, after another painful month’s wait, will cost less than flying back temporarily would have done (the possibility of that never came up as she has 3 small children but for a single person it might make sense).

She has an NHS dentist - took me a lot of hard work to get her on the books of a local practice, but she went for an examination and has appointments lined up for the numerous fillings. She was unhappy though that the fillings wouldn't be white 🙄

I've got to be perfectly honest Planker, if she's gone back twice for dental work in those circumstances and is breech of her visa then I wouldn't blame you for telling her not to come back and informing UC too.

For another perspective on fillings-A lot of Eastern Europe are terrified of our amalgam fillings, it’s not a colour thing. Dentists there will tell you they are toxic and remove them if you are treated there. It’s a type of filling that often crack the teeth (they have to be wide at the base as they don’t stick to the teeth) eventually and dentists will advise you about mercury being toxic. I think the UK is now fairly unusual in doing them still. If you’ve grown up with medical professionals saying something is dangerous to your health it’s unlikely you’d be reassured in having them done.

I’m not saying this to fully explain away all behaviours, I’m just noting it as a reason many non-UK people won’t do their teeth here. It’s a big thing abroad in many places British Dentistry- it’s annoying though she’s let you waste tim on NHS hunts.

My 3 are a week into their fortnight holiday in Ukraine. Due back next Tuesday. I have enjoyed the space and hoping that the break will focus their minds on next steps - ie getting a job and independent living or returning home if it’s safe to do so. I will try to resist asking Qs around their plans as I end up getting frustrated with the obfuscation and lies. I just need to hold tight to the bit that I can control which is the end date and signpost to alternative accommodation. I am impressed that PP guests had various options of independent self contained accommodation. I doubt that is the case in London.

Maybe it’s also part of wanting to go home, and edging towards it? Maybe she’s a bit homesick and moving towards the decision? Has people pushing her to stay in her family and is conflicted?
Of my family who came here the ones who came alone didn’t stay long. My sister in law lasted 15 days! They realised it wasn’t a life really and moved internally to safer areas in Ukraine in the end, once the initial fear went and they had clear heads.
I’d imagine more and more will start to make fresh starts that are more stable with longer term prospects as the war becomes longer and they settle into a new normal. I would imagine many thought it was a short term plan.

@hassletassle OK thanks for the explanation. In that case it doesn't sound like social housing then.

I'm British and really want my amalgams removed. My dentist has worked all over Europe and says white fillings are offered in other European countries as standard especially in Sweden.

She said the question of whether Amalgams are dangerous is an ongoing argument among dentists, with some dentists she knows refusing to have them themselves. She would herself would never have them.

In my case exactly what you said @MumEeeee . She informed me that the tooth would be damaged as they were too deeply embedded in the tooth and they would like crack and fall apart. In fact I have a very thin crack already in one tooth with the amalgam.

If I was from Ukraine and had the choice, yes, I'd go back and get them done.

Apologies if this has already been covered on the thread.
My guests (mother and toddler) are keen to move out into housing funded by universal credit. They can rent a 2 bed flat for £1200 and say they can get financial support to cover most of the rent. The Mother has a job cleaning and she has also saved 3 months worth of rent since arriving in April. There is also a plan to bring the grandparent over to help with childcare and save on nursery costs.
We are helping her secure a property by arranging viewings and providing references. It has now also come to light that she needs a guarantor. Whilst we are supportive of her living with us for as long as she needs,we are reluctant to be guarantors on a rental property - not sure
if this is unreasonable but it feels
a Massive ask! However I am not sure how else they will get a property so i feel slightly torn. Can anybody offer advice on how they have overcome this barrier? Feels
like it will impact a lot of refugees . ..
.

CambridgeGirl - I don’t know the solution but you are absolutely not being unreasonable in not wanting to be a guarantor and if anyone tries to make out you should then they are being very unreasonable indeed.

I have been pondering the fact that so many guests seem to be heading for moving out into the home of another host and I really don’t think this is what should be happening in many cases. It just kicks the can down the road. What I really think there should be is some kind of Ukraine lodger scheme to give an obvious next step towards independence, which would make guests less dependent but still make the most of the fact that there are people who wouldn’t normally think of letting out a room to a lodger but would like to help.

I think that if people thought it was an indefinite ukrainian lodger scheme you'd have less people take it up as something to do. I think hosts generally see themselves as a stepping stone to helping with a future not an interim thing which is nothing more than a stop gap if that makes sense ( I think this probably won't make much sense to people 'outside the bubble'). If people wanted to go down that route they'd just take in a lodger minus the hassle especially in the context of going into this winter.

I think its really about this concept of taking responsibility and making the most of an opportunity that particularly creates a tension between people who actively want to give an opportunity and are willing to take initial responsibility for someone else. Its about there being an unwritten social contract, and if someone taking that place doesn't come with a mindset that fits with that, you are going to have problems.

I think some councils are willing to act as guarantor. I'm sure some hosts will be willing too. BUT this is again about trust building and having a good relationship with a host. Unless you have an exceptionally good experience and you ultimately can afford to write off the money if you get shafted, you'd be a mug to consider it. If you have a guest who has taken massive liberties and has unrealistic expectations, theres no way you'd do it, if you could call the council and say 'we are ending the arrangement'.

Another six month arrangement begs the question of what happens at the end of that?

There isn't going to be an endless line of brits willing to volunteer for the scheme and to help someone who has had a year to sort themselves out. In that time you should have been able to get a job AND accumulate a nice amount of savings having lived with someone rent free for that long.

This is a finite amount of sympathy in terms of willingness to host before it turns into actively crossing the line into being a CF.

I have to say, people taking on a guest for a second six month term are perhaps going to inherit even more of a issue than those who did it for the first as there won't be that 'trapdoor' at the end, and that would be the thing that might make many reconsider.