Support thread for those hosting refugees and advice for those thinking about it

[Honeysuckle9]

As per the previous thread this is a thread so we can offer support to each other and also outline the things we should be thinking about before making this leap

But half of Ukraine speaks Russian, that's tens of millions of people! They can't just stop talking, and if they do speak another language, why should they switch because of Western prejudice? They've lost their cities and their homes, they shouldn't be asked to lose their language too.

Well you clearly live on a different planet to me. And a lot of other people hosting.

There aren't houses share properties in many leafy suburbs.

Given many have got jobs locally here, moving away out of the area isn't an option.

Theres no public transport.

Reasonably there are properties available to rent for people with 2.5 years left on a visa and given the mentality of locals here (eg: not racist). I do think they will get properties if they are working.

My best friend is a landlord. She's got several houses. She doesn't mind non British tenants as a rule because she's found them reliable / respectful of her property as long as they have a job. She's more bothered about employment status than anything else. Strangely enough she is married to an immigrant who had a nightmare with the home office. There's quite a few of them about... It might seem a strange concept but there are a fair number of people who don't mind giving people a chance. Cos they arent twats.

Brits can be twats. They can also be not twats. Same as Ukrainians. Funny that.

Your council sound pleasantly proactive l. I hope it all comes together.

It’s tricky. Obviously people cannot just switch language, and they shouldn’t have to, some may not even speak Ukrainian anyway and language is part of your identity. However, a traumatised child (whatever the reason) isn’t going to be logical either. It sounds like they need therapy and support. One bomb is traumatic, 1000 bombs are traumatic… it’s not always the amount of time or number of events that hit someone… maybe a single event occurred. I know a single missile near my house would have me running pretty fast personally, I wouldn’t claim resilience.

If you rent a room or rooms from a landlord who lives in the property themselves you are a lodger, unlikely to be credit checked a lot and don't have the security of tenants. But a house where the landlord doesn't live there will normally mean the occupants are tenants, get at least 6 months tenancy, 2 months notice to leave, etc. More likely to be credit checked (though that is up to the landlord). If there are 6 or more people either type should be registered as an HMO (though might not be at bottom of the market). Though councils can decide to license smaller shared houses with 3 or more people as HMOs if they want.

Yes, I imagine it wildly varies by area what the market looks like too. Some cross over with landlords there part of the week/ year for work. It’s not easy to navigate and a slog working through adverts.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11130697/Ukrainian-families-kicked-hosts-Whitehall-cash-never-came-1-300-homeless-risk.html

Theres an article in the Mail today, I’ll warn you that overall hosts are likely to be rather infuriated by notes like only a quarter of hosts intend to carry on past 6 months-like it’s a failing or was what expected.

It’s got some facts though that highlight the government failings. It’s particularly disgusting many hosts waited until June to get payments- expecting individuals to plug the gap. It was the same in schools, many schools spending extra on TAs, meals or therapy etc whilst as of the summer holidays receiving no funding. A tiny amount in an LA budget, but it’s a huge cost to a single household.

Much if the article is a little one sided regarding ‘evictions’, so a heads up to ignore it if you are stressed already. The tone is poor.

I’m not a host, but there was an interview on Woman’s Hour this morning with a host whose placement with a Ukrainian had gone wrong. I thought she gave a really good perspective. It will be on catch up

Thanks @Nightmanagerfan. Interesting interview as well with a neurosurgeon Henry marsh in the ST magazine. He has strong ties to Ukraine, took in a family and it clearly hasn’t gone well. He speaks of being disappointed in himself and I can strongly relate to that feeling. That sense that you thought you would have more fuel in the tank so to speak

I was just about to mention that article, I relate to the difficulties of space sharing.

Theres also articles today about Lord H asking to double the payments to £700

No doubt £700 would still be much cheaper than finding alternative accommodation for the refugees.
I do feel I'm being put under emotional pressure to continue hosting though from the council/government.
I also feel naive for thinking 6 months would be a magic bullet.
If we were sticking to 6 months I'd only have 7 weeks to go! That ain't happening though is it 🤷‍♀️

That was my first thoughts about the £700- cheapest option.
From the first article I linked I wondered if there was a disconnect between expectations, that they weren’t thinking ‘only 6 months’ ever.

Does anyone have a link to the Henry Marsh article please? I couldn't find it by googling. I have huge respect for the man.

@DesdamonasHandkerchief We luckily have a rental solution but to be honest I really felt 6 was my absolute limit

@Catslovepies It’s the Sunday times so I would think behind the paywall. I had the paper

‘I thought illness is what happened to patients, not doctors’

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/bece3934-196b-11ed-abb3-33f6138e136a?shareToken=76199e9e0fd9a3de7beb4c2f52f7d538

Night thanks for the link www.thetimes.co.uk/article/bece3934-196b-11ed-abb3-33f6138e136a?shareToken=76199e9e0fd9a3de7beb4c2f52f7d538 I am so sorry to learn he has terminal cancer - I read about his when he wrote his first wonderful book about medicine. That was really interesting for all kinds of reasons, not just Ukraine.

Thanks very much @Nightmanagerfan

Does anyone know if you can claim the £350 sponsor contribution and then use it to rent a property for your guests? As I was thinking if it goes to £700 then it would be feasible to pay deposit, first months rent and guarantee for 6 months in many areas - top up if needed? Would this be allowed?

My understanding is you can use the thank you payment in any way you want. It's been months and we still haven't had our first one yet.

As an update, our guests have opted not to complete the housing register the council link worker sent to me because they still intend to go home on the belief the invasion will be over and Ukraine will have triumphed. It is stressing me out but I am trying to let it go for now and revisit it in a month when they'll have just over two months with us left. No movement on the job application front either and the JC staff continue to accept I don't speak good enough English as the reason. They have been provided with details of weekly classes and intensive classes taking place every week day but there is always some reason not to go. I am shocked at how easy it is (in their case) to evade apply for jobs.

For our council, and many others, they will pay the deposit for anyone on the housing register as homeless if they agree to go into private rentals. Some the first months rent too- if that’s useful to know. Worth asking.

Would you intend to save the £700 up for a few months?

While you can use the payment however you want, the accommodation where you house your guests gets inspected by the council so I would think you would need to make sure you inform the council if you are moving them to different accommodation. I don’t see why that different accommodation
needs to be owned rather than rented though.

You can use the payment however you want but our local authority (actually, the Refugee Council who provide services to them) have been clear that we should not be giving money to our guests. They see it as an unhelpful barrier to independence and contributing to an already unbalanced power dynamic. That's not a "you must not", but rather a "please don't" of course.
I do suspect that if thank you payments increase hosts may well start to think about how to use it to ease the transition, though, regardless of power dynamics!

What kind of person replies 'aren't you worried she'll steal your husband' and 'you're getting paid for it though aren't you' when it comes up in conversation that you are hosting a Ukranian guest?

It has really upset me.

That's the second time I've been met with a reaction like that. All the other times the responses have been kind, helpful and empathetic.

Email I just sent to local council

Hi,

Could someone please call me to discuss our hosting arrangements?

I am really struggling and very burnt out. We have some issues regarding me being expected to provide free childcare, and our guests not being able to live independently due to our rural location (no childcare, no after school clubs, very poor buses). I had expected that our guests would have started to live a bit more independently by now, and made it clear that I could only do certain things (which are well above and beyond what I should be doing) until June 2022…. I am still doing all of these things and it’s far too much, it’s unappreciated and exhausting.

Yesterday was the straw that broke the camel’s back when XXXX finished work at 1400, but didn’t come home till 1700 (leaving me with her child and my own two exhausted young children after school/pre- school) without me agreeing to this. When she finally came home it was clear she had been shopping! This is not the first issue of this type that we have had. I have tried to be clear about boundaries but still end up doing far too much, mostly because I care about YYYY (child). The issues with have described are just to give a flavour of the sorts of issues I continue to have despite multiple discussions with XXXX.

XXXX and YYYY desperately need to be housed in a town. XXXX doesn’t drive and needs access to amenities and services not provided in (OUR VILLAGE). She needs childcare now, and needs to be able to walk between things.

I had said to XXXX that they could stay with us until the end of this year, however I had not counted on being a free childcare and taxi etc for this long. Or just how thankless it would be, or that I would feel taken advantage of.

XXXXX is in a much, much stronger position now than she was in May when they arrived - she now has ZZZZ visa and recourse to public funds, universal credit , child benefit etc. Because of my support she has been working consistently and has some savings. She is familiar with the wider area and has some friends and networks.

I have spent a huge amount of hours offering practical support , advice, form filling, driving them, looking after YYYY etc to get them to the point they are at now.

XXXX is registered with (housing association) and has a silver priority pass, but I’ve no idea how many properties she has applied for or how long the lists are, because she doesn’t seem to want to tell me. I have suggested to her several times that she should also consider other options.

Please believe me when I say I am approaching breaking point. I need to reduce the amount of (unappreciated) support I am giving, particularly with childcare, but this doesn’t seem possible until they live in a town. My own two children as very young as I have said, and one of them has increasingly challenging behaviour.

I need someone to provide advice about options going forward, with urgent effect.

Thank you,