Support thread for those hosting refugees and advice for those thinking about it

[Honeysuckle9]

As per the previous thread this is a thread so we can offer support to each other and also outline the things we should be thinking about before making this leap

Woth respect. Thats where all the bloody jobs are because there's a shortage of people who will take low paid jobs in better off areas, because working class can't afford to live there anymore.

Its bullshit. And just more excuse making that doesn't reflect the reality of life.

Which isn't excusable.

You are just arguing for fun? Or Repeating the statement? I can’t work it out if you are pretending you think I think it’s excusable or echoing.

Spoken with my husband a bit. He also thinks it’s maybe partly the narrative of the British being so rich that they can afford to support people without a care. There’s a story or belief still that the UK life is an amazing life of indulgence.
We’ve had some relatives with this view. They see we have a smaller house than them and second hand clothes etc, yet despite evidence it’s impossible to crack the British = rich belief. Visiting we’ve had expectations of shopping trips even, moaning about not finding things at home. They are our income but don’t understand living costs, particularly housing costs. Or that gas is expensive or the cost of childcare. It’s really an issue we’ve never really sorted out. We’ve had arguments with people with big houses. I’m almost zero contact with my mother in law now or my brother in law over this. I can’t explain the resistance to logic.

I literally just told you I didn’t get your point

@RedToothBrush I think @MumEeeee is really just being helpful and offering perspective here which is what this thread is all about. Help, support and perspective.

I’m certainly not trying to argue or even disagreeing with @RedToothBrush . I’ve said her guests sound lazy. It doesn’t sound fun and I said I’d give them a timeline to leave and see them gone. I’ve said that’s ok.

I genuinely don’t understand the above anger or even the tone of the last posts. I feel like I’ve said one thing and I’ve having a different conversation.

It sounds like there are a number of different issues and different people coming over - some with a very hard work ethic and others on some kind of jolly who may or may not think hosts are rich (when most aren't).
I know from communist days that things like childcare were made almost completely free and your house was provided for you too (even if it were just a small flat in an awful block) - it is a bit like North v South Korea differences - when people move from the North they think things will be better which on so many levels they are BUT South korea is one of them ost competitive hard working societies on the planet with children working all hours for exams for competitive universities and almost nothing is handed to you on a plate.

Anyway it sounds like people are mostly managing well on the thread above. Ukraine is currently doing pretty well in destroying bridges to Kharkiv - the biggest city Russia has taken such that 20,000 Russian troops may now be caught there so perhaps we can see off Russia and get people home.

At what point have I mentioned having guests?

You clearly are not reading very carefully.

Tags mixed up with DFOD.

1- why are you arguing
2- why are you so invested then?

1. im not arguing. You keep making excuses for things that aren't excuse worthy, and I keep pointing out that this thread is about hosts having problems not about centring Ukrainians first. All because you are reading what you want to, rather than what people are actually saying and you still want to beat hosts with that stick for not being understanding enough... Quit it with the gaslighting.
2. I don't have to actually explain why I am posting on this subject nor justify the details of my experience. I chose not to do so for my own reasons which is actually allowed - even on mn - strangely enough . Privacy and all that. This does not mean I have no involvement. I may have talked to a few hosts and guests over the last few months...

HTH.

@RedToothBrush your explaination is clear and as this is one of very few - if not the only- safe space for us actual hosts to discuss the things that we need to get off our chest so that we can carry on with the day to day business of hosting it’ll be helpful -in my mind at least-for host voices to be the ones that are amplified here. That isn’t to say anyone isn’t welcome to follow, lurk and post at times -of course they are and there are no thread police except MNhQ but it doesn’t seem fair to me that current non hosts determine or influence the narrative arc here as there are other spaces for that. JMHO✌

Here here @Atanyangle and I don’t see any gaslighting going on by anyone

@Atanyangle well if the actual hosts of Ukrainians stayed on the thread that’s her out, me in. Fair enough mine have been relatives I’ve not met before in some cases, a different visa. Many kind hosts here have hosted outside the Homes scheme even non family without payment.

Or if it’s people who have professional experience, it’s me who stays.
Why is she the thread police? I looked back in the thread and she just knows a lot of people in her area- she says in her first post.

Anyone reading the above, I posted a lot and I’m sure you don’t have time to read it all. It’s a flat lie I’m not making excuses or I made any. I’ve agreed there is a problem with the scheme and many people being hosted. I’ve explored a bit why there are issues and offered practical advice. I’ve stayed a few practical facts. There is no excuse for abusing the kindness of hosts. For example I suggested in one case people were ‘lazy and entitled’, that’s hardly an excuse.

Its also a flat lie I think hosts shouldn’t be able to moan.

I have only provided, with evidence, a few corrections to ‘facts’ like school dinners having a special refugee fund (it’s after a UC claim like anyone else) or explained the mechanisms of travelling on a visa factually, without my moral option on what should happen.

The above poster has been angry from the set off and pretty rude. I’ve really tried to be reasonable but I’ve been called tone deaf, that I can’t read, an excuse maker and it’s really too much for no apparent reason. I will not engage with them. But I REALLY advice people to get second advice or Google things rather than relying on facts here.

I’m looking to host again an uncle I haven’t met before (yes male, I know…). I’m worn out frankly and not enthusiastic, I’m not someone championing stopping people moaning. I have been pretty upset at points, but got through.

With respect where did i say i wasn't hosting?

I just chose not to discuss what i am or am not doing. Cos its none of your fucking business.

Its the utter rudeness of certain posters ive taken real except to as well.

If I misread anyone else by the way in tone can I genuinely apologise now.

I am properly properly lost in how and why this thread has gone like this. Genuinely lost. Please don’t take offence.

@MumEeeee Im hosting and you haven’t offended me. Some posters may have an agenda and I would ignore that. Actual hosts are looking for discussion, perspective and support, which personally I think you offered.

Hosting doesn’t make you an nice kind person in the same way that coming from ukraine doesn’t make you perfect. Hosts and guests are all dealing with this

As mentioned previously I volunteer for a Ukrainian charity.

Many have head back to Ukraine for a fortnight for medicine, family visits, or dentistry through Poland.

It's impossible to get a dentist here.

Their health system puts ours to shame. We survive through the pharmacist and only visit a GP if the pharmacist cannot help.

They're entitled to 2 weeks paid holidays as long as they inform the local social welfare. All benefit claimants are entitled to two weeks off job seeking per year.

Unfortunately we have had to delete posts by fellow Ukrainians advising that the social welfare won't check unless claimants informed them prior to leaving therefore you can visit Ukraine for up to 8 weeks.

Typical Ireland the government do things arse ways.

If you are referring to me having an agenda, thats way out of line. Really not true.

Thank you for reassurance. I keep rereading my posts for where the offence was and I genuinely apologise if I offended anyone as it wasn’t the intention. I read the whole thread back last night. I’m aware that in type though it’s easily done and I may inadvertently come across in a way I didn’t intend and if anyone felt I was judging them I didn’t intend to- sorry if I did.

MumEeeee

There was a post from you in the last couple of pages claiming that some of the posts (hosts) were making nasty comments and you wanted to "inform us". I definitely felt this was an unnecessary criticism especially as at that point it wasn't even clear if you were a host yourself or what your own personal agenda for posting here was.

I and others have definitely been using this thread to vent, check out our expectations and/or seek advice on how to respond to difficulties. I don't think any hosts have been nasty.

Sorry if I said that in that phrase. I did not mean hosts but our wider community here. We’ve had a school petition against ‘special treatment’, social media is getting worse and I’ve lost some friends who no longer associate with me on the basis of how they now perceive me because of my heritage. I also believed another poster was a host here who was making very generalised comments that went a bit far beyond the ‘this is my problem’. I apologise if I made you as a host feel uncomfortable. I think initially I came across this thread and was a bit upset also and maybe unclear. Sorry.

I see my post here you refer to. I generalised the thread and many posters on a few posts. I see your point.
I didn’t mean to come across as I did, but I see the issue. Apologies.
By ‘inform’ I meant inform people of the facts around visas and refugee statutes solely, but it’s wrapped up in other posts and comes across badly.