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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Support thread for those hosting refugees and advice for those thinking about it

1000 replies

Honeysuckle9 · 19/05/2022 13:31

As per the previous thread this is a thread so we can offer support to each other and also outline the things we should be thinking about before making this leap

OP posts:
MumEeeee · 15/08/2022 10:38

To expand. I missed a bit.

If people here believe that Ukrainians are here as asylum seeking refugees it fuels the attitude of expecting gratitude. Not that I don’t think people should be grateful to individual hosts- they should be very grateful. But the general idea of living like this is difficult, compounded by not a having a right to stay or make a life. You end up not living as expected of a refugee, making a life here. People thing you have things you don’t. People don’t imagine that they have the same problems
with UC as others, in addition to housing problems on top of claims. They think it’s the east life.

In my area there is a very active backlash already. Whilst there are certainly issues with many hosts, I think adding to the problem with presumptions makes it worse for those trying their best.

To explain why I’ve posted.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 15/08/2022 10:42

Flittingaboutagain · 20/07/2022 13:41

LaurelGrove rant away. I have no answers either but this thread and the wisdom of hosts further down the line is giving me strength and comfort.

I feel like I am suddenly parenting not only my own baby, but two young mums (and their children). I am finding the youngest mum does little hands on disciplining and I'm unsure how to raise this. At first I thought it was the culture shock, then the heat, then different parenting styles but the more we speak I see they don't know basics eg the two year old has no bedtime routine and is put to bed anything from 7-11pm. She has black milk teeth from so much juice and sugary food. She snatches and grabs and teases my baby all the time and the mum never stops her. I have started to say no X you must share and not snatch...every time but the mum says oh X doesn't understand you. No awareness that's a hint for her! I have also said no X you can't have adult food/drink if she indicates she wants mine.

But ultimately this isn't my kid! This is just a few examples from one of the family. I have no right to tell my guests if they can or can't give their kids (under 4) caffeine do I?!

They are not eating much at meal times and are snacking on very expensive treats (mostly gifts) we would usually save for the weekend/occasions. Today after seeing the baking cupboard has been emptied of chocolate I have directed them to the local shop (and shown them round it) for anything additional they want such as chocolate or crisps (we provide food for all meals and a variety of drinks and healthy snacks whilst awaiting UC). I don't know if they'll go alone or will just keep eating everything here!

She teases your baby all the time yet you feel you can’t do anything about that? So your own child is suffering as a result of your choices yet you’re not dealing with it? This is possibly one of the most sad and shocking things I’ve read on mumsnet. Your own children should be your priority, without hesitation. For your child’s sake, please put a stop to this.

RedToothBrush · 15/08/2022 11:26

Integration can be as simple as making the effort to get a job. Or trying to find housing. Even if it doesn't happen. Its about the effort. Saying that they cant do that isn't ok for whatever reason if they are living with a host. Not with the impact it has on the host. Its untenable. And it just highlights there is going to have to be an alternative solution sort.

DFOD · 15/08/2022 12:39

DFOD · 15/08/2022 09:25

www.gov.uk/claim-benefits-abroad

This link explains responsibilities and obligations. The claimant can continue to claim benefits when abroad on holiday - but they have to inform HMRC and Job Centre Plus that they are travelling temporarily otherwise it is fraud.

I have no idea how it works if you go on holiday / leave the country for the allowed 5 weeks claim the benefits that you are entitled to whilst temporarily abroad and then choose not to return to the UK at the end of the 5 weeks - I suspect that any benefits will stop only once HMRC have been in informed that it’s a permanent rather than temporary move.

My original post was for @Tulipomania

There is also some further info I have come across about going abroad whilst claiming UC.

Sorry it’s up to a month abroad at a time (not 5 weeks) but you are expected to be active on your specific “claimant commitment” - whilst away - eg actively applying for jobs / doing CV / etc full time for 35 hours a week.

You can apply to extend the one month limit for extenuating circumstances but this would need approval by UC and if not approved payments beyond the first 4 weeks would not be paid.

If you stay longer than a month and are not eligible for UC - your claim isn’t cancelled so can still return to U.K. and claim on return without having to reapply and wait 5 weeks again for funds to come through.

There is no limit on how many one month breaks abroad you can take each year.

The most important thing is that the claimant informs HMRC and/or Job Centre before they travel - otherwise it’s “fraud”.

Tulipomania · 15/08/2022 13:30

Thanks DFOD. Lots of useful info.
I should have been clearer. the family is returning permanently to Ukraine, therefore all benefits etc should stop immediately.
I want to ensure that they notify the right people.

Sellie555 · 15/08/2022 13:58

The mother is off work today and busy cooking in the kitchen…which I’m absolutely fine abou

i Just popped some chicken in the air fryer for part of my lunch: I’m currently following a calorie deficit so am strictly tracking my calories

she just came into the lounge with a plateful of some kind of potato fried things, swamped in sourced cream and said proudly ‘lunch for you!’

bless her heart, I smiled and said thank you…I tasted it and it was fine but my god it was so greasy 🤣…..

my dog was very happy with his extra meal!!!

DFOD · 15/08/2022 14:14

MumEeeee · 15/08/2022 10:20

It’s important the difference if you are either in the position of using the visas or have loved ones.

Thats why I’m trying to inform people. Some of this thread has got a little nasty with presumptions. All nations have problem groups and issues, but it’s not typical. Many are working. It’s fine to talk about problems and problem people, but some of this is crossing into ‘Ukrainians are awful’ presumptions. They are like British, some are awful- most are decent like us

@MumEeeee This thread was support for hosts - to share tips to iron out issues to achieve harmony in the home for everyones benefit etc. and it has been an invaluable support to show cultural differences, common issues and how best to work together and manage expectations better on both sides.

Or even just to vent petty stuff in a safe online space if that is enough to get you all through another day.

The hosts are people in our society who have stepped up with positive intent and gone over and above by opening their homes and hearts at a time of crisis and atrocity when 99.9% of people couldn’t or wouldn’t extend that level of generosity (but supported directly in many cases by family, friends, communities and local government)

I have no regrets doing that, would do so again for a family in need and my family are really nice polite people - so I have no issues with practical living etc.

But for some of us are it has become apparent that our guests are at best disingenuous and at worst duplicitous.

Mine presented as something totally different and I now feel that I am inadvertently complicit in exploiting the benefit system here.

There is no reason why the three healthy mature professional women with perfect English (and no children) in my home are not working.

Alongside the fact that other families (including other Ukrainian refugees and those from other nations) are slogging away on minimum wage, trying to raise a family from food banks, trying to survive the cost of living crisis and are paying tax from their hard earned and inadequate wages to fund my three to swan around to galleries, eat out and take two holidays whilst on benefits is just so fundamentally and morally wrong IMHO.

I feel hopeless and powerless here as it’s not for me to police their “claimant commitment” but I can see right under my nose what’s going on.

I also don’t want to be exposed to the council trying to emotionally or financially blackmail me with “mediation” or increased funds to stay beyond 6 months……equally I don’t want to be coerced into making them “homeless” - I just want them to be productive or to move on.

I did not enter this to have to confront this situation in my own home.

MumEeeee · 15/08/2022 14:30

I’m not addressing hosts like you DFOD or your situation, of course it’s not ok.

Its some of the other ‘facts’ being bandied about or generalist comments. Certainly not your personal situation. As I said- every nation has people who take the piss or even scam, Ukraine isn’t immune or full of saints.

MumEeeee · 15/08/2022 15:32

I personally haven’t been a fan of the scheme for the reasons you’ve given. It’s allowed people not in immediate danger to be hosted by people who weren’t really prepared or shielded from abuse. They thought everyone must be a ‘refugee’, but potentially they could receive someone nearer to what the host perceives as an economic migrant. No checks were made in that respect and individuals bore the costs, not the government. It’s messy and I foresaw issues frankly. People were wonderful and caring to offer their homes, but I don’t think really they always had the full picture. People thought they were helping refugees, and have found out the exception was to support people through a scheme to largely get them into work. It’s going to go a bit wrong in many cases.

DFOD · 15/08/2022 16:19

MumEeeee · 15/08/2022 15:32

I personally haven’t been a fan of the scheme for the reasons you’ve given. It’s allowed people not in immediate danger to be hosted by people who weren’t really prepared or shielded from abuse. They thought everyone must be a ‘refugee’, but potentially they could receive someone nearer to what the host perceives as an economic migrant. No checks were made in that respect and individuals bore the costs, not the government. It’s messy and I foresaw issues frankly. People were wonderful and caring to offer their homes, but I don’t think really they always had the full picture. People thought they were helping refugees, and have found out the exception was to support people through a scheme to largely get them into work. It’s going to go a bit wrong in many cases.

The irony here is I would be delighted if they were economic migrants - there are thousands of good jobs nearby - even if they worked part time - staff shortages are one of the reasons we are tipping into recession.

I am part of a large immigrant community to this country (arrived as a child) and that experience of grafting is core to my values. I appreciate that a refugee experience is totally different (trauma, hope to be temporary etc) but I have seen many many impressive Ukrainians get stuck in alongside others locally who need to not work as caring for young children or are emotionally vulnerable - so there are no unreasonable expectations IMHO.

RedToothBrush · 15/08/2022 16:54

MumEeeee · 15/08/2022 15:32

I personally haven’t been a fan of the scheme for the reasons you’ve given. It’s allowed people not in immediate danger to be hosted by people who weren’t really prepared or shielded from abuse. They thought everyone must be a ‘refugee’, but potentially they could receive someone nearer to what the host perceives as an economic migrant. No checks were made in that respect and individuals bore the costs, not the government. It’s messy and I foresaw issues frankly. People were wonderful and caring to offer their homes, but I don’t think really they always had the full picture. People thought they were helping refugees, and have found out the exception was to support people through a scheme to largely get them into work. It’s going to go a bit wrong in many cases.

Bully for you, for being so perceptive.

How EXACTLY does that solve the problems that are now in existence though?

There's always a smart arse.

But unless hosts took the gamble then the 'genuine' cases would be up shit creek. How do you resolve those who are abusing the system though?

There needs to be better mechanisms for this.

And yes, revokation of visas for those who 'go on holiday' back to Ukraine absoluetely should be on the list, in order to effectively protect the genuine cases here. Its not really on, if they are seeking shelter in anyway from a host.

Not only this, a number of hosts have pointed out their guests have been claiming UC. You can't just 'go on holiday' and still be looking for work in all seriousness. And there is the risk that they will return to Ukraine and continue to claim as a previous poster is clearly worried about.

I certainly know a few hosts who are really uncomfortable with their guests, actively doing things that they feel are in the realm of benefit fraud whilst living with them. Which I think its pretty reasonable given its a criminal offense. It puts hosts in a really difficult position, with someone they may have built a personal relationship with and certainly have a financial arrangement with. They don't want to be complicit in any way nor be forced to report it. Penalties for benefit fraud are a fixed penalty fee, a loss of benefits completely, prosecution and a criminal record. A criminal record, risks the loss of a visa (Note: if Ukrainians are NOT on a refugee visa, then deportation is in theory a possibility - especially if the conflict finishes before the end of three years. It would be much easier in legal terms). All of these would have an impact on a host either directly or indirectly.

The whole thing about UC is the clause about being actively seeking work. Hosts, are being put in a position if they know that their guest is doing fuck all to meet their commitments. I know of some who have applied for jobs for their guest, purely because they are worried about the implications of their guest not doing it. This is not a small amount of work. It puts a huge amount of stress on hosts.

Ignorance of not understanding the UC rules isn't going to give an adequate legal defence.

Understanding that once you have entered into a hosting arrangement, hosts are almost in a symbotic relationship, where they are exposed to abuses which have a huge impact on them and coming up with solutions for the hosts, rather than just repeatedly telling hosts that they are a) bigotted monsters who hate all ukrainians b) should suck it up because obviously over half of all Ukrainians are traumised and stop being so cruel and inconsiderate of their feelings because the financial and legal implications to you as a host are irrelevant c) should have seen it coming and only have themselves to blame for finding themselves in a shitty situation even though they have gone to extreme efforts to actually help someone.

Traumatised refugees have to find work and housing in other places simply to survive. They can't just hide in a bedroom and refuse to do anything because they are depressed. This is just taking the piss. The idea that hosts should just tolerate it is a nonsense. Especially if it has a negative impact on them in any way.

Its like there is a default stick to beat hosts with, because 'poor ukrainians'. Most hosts are the antithesis of the right wing bigot who hates foreigners and thinks benefits should be cut to everyone. The very act of hosting really does put them in a very different part of the political spectrum to that. It would be nice if thats actually recognised on a thread intended as support for hosts.

I've said it before, but hosting does seem to be a real hiding to nothing. Sometimes they need it stressing that, no they aren't bein unreasonable and reassured that its ok to stand up for themselves and not be a doormat for behaviour which takes advantage of generousity. This is not expecting ukrainians to be continuously grateful. Its about expecting them to take responsibility for themselves. And yes, that might be more difficult because they don't have permenant status, but it doesn't take away from the point that they just have to get the fuck on with living in the country they are living whether they like it or not. Being on a ukrainian visa and having refugee (or humanitarian status) by its nature means a loss of choices in life. This may need to be spelt out bluntly by hosts. However, its still an opportunity thats better than being in Ukraine in many respects. If they feel its not, there is the option to return to Western Ukraine...

As I've also said, part of the problem with the UK in particular, is the number of Ukrainians who didn't come from battle hit areas so actively did have other choices available to them. Its a relevant point to many hosts, who are stuck with guests who aren't making efforts.

Suggesting solutions for hosts rather than berating them, would be actually helpful.

HTH

MumEeeee · 15/08/2022 17:27

RedToothBrush · 15/08/2022 16:54

Bully for you, for being so perceptive.

How EXACTLY does that solve the problems that are now in existence though?

There's always a smart arse.

But unless hosts took the gamble then the 'genuine' cases would be up shit creek. How do you resolve those who are abusing the system though?

There needs to be better mechanisms for this.

And yes, revokation of visas for those who 'go on holiday' back to Ukraine absoluetely should be on the list, in order to effectively protect the genuine cases here. Its not really on, if they are seeking shelter in anyway from a host.

Not only this, a number of hosts have pointed out their guests have been claiming UC. You can't just 'go on holiday' and still be looking for work in all seriousness. And there is the risk that they will return to Ukraine and continue to claim as a previous poster is clearly worried about.

I certainly know a few hosts who are really uncomfortable with their guests, actively doing things that they feel are in the realm of benefit fraud whilst living with them. Which I think its pretty reasonable given its a criminal offense. It puts hosts in a really difficult position, with someone they may have built a personal relationship with and certainly have a financial arrangement with. They don't want to be complicit in any way nor be forced to report it. Penalties for benefit fraud are a fixed penalty fee, a loss of benefits completely, prosecution and a criminal record. A criminal record, risks the loss of a visa (Note: if Ukrainians are NOT on a refugee visa, then deportation is in theory a possibility - especially if the conflict finishes before the end of three years. It would be much easier in legal terms). All of these would have an impact on a host either directly or indirectly.

The whole thing about UC is the clause about being actively seeking work. Hosts, are being put in a position if they know that their guest is doing fuck all to meet their commitments. I know of some who have applied for jobs for their guest, purely because they are worried about the implications of their guest not doing it. This is not a small amount of work. It puts a huge amount of stress on hosts.

Ignorance of not understanding the UC rules isn't going to give an adequate legal defence.

Understanding that once you have entered into a hosting arrangement, hosts are almost in a symbotic relationship, where they are exposed to abuses which have a huge impact on them and coming up with solutions for the hosts, rather than just repeatedly telling hosts that they are a) bigotted monsters who hate all ukrainians b) should suck it up because obviously over half of all Ukrainians are traumised and stop being so cruel and inconsiderate of their feelings because the financial and legal implications to you as a host are irrelevant c) should have seen it coming and only have themselves to blame for finding themselves in a shitty situation even though they have gone to extreme efforts to actually help someone.

Traumatised refugees have to find work and housing in other places simply to survive. They can't just hide in a bedroom and refuse to do anything because they are depressed. This is just taking the piss. The idea that hosts should just tolerate it is a nonsense. Especially if it has a negative impact on them in any way.

Its like there is a default stick to beat hosts with, because 'poor ukrainians'. Most hosts are the antithesis of the right wing bigot who hates foreigners and thinks benefits should be cut to everyone. The very act of hosting really does put them in a very different part of the political spectrum to that. It would be nice if thats actually recognised on a thread intended as support for hosts.

I've said it before, but hosting does seem to be a real hiding to nothing. Sometimes they need it stressing that, no they aren't bein unreasonable and reassured that its ok to stand up for themselves and not be a doormat for behaviour which takes advantage of generousity. This is not expecting ukrainians to be continuously grateful. Its about expecting them to take responsibility for themselves. And yes, that might be more difficult because they don't have permenant status, but it doesn't take away from the point that they just have to get the fuck on with living in the country they are living whether they like it or not. Being on a ukrainian visa and having refugee (or humanitarian status) by its nature means a loss of choices in life. This may need to be spelt out bluntly by hosts. However, its still an opportunity thats better than being in Ukraine in many respects. If they feel its not, there is the option to return to Western Ukraine...

As I've also said, part of the problem with the UK in particular, is the number of Ukrainians who didn't come from battle hit areas so actively did have other choices available to them. Its a relevant point to many hosts, who are stuck with guests who aren't making efforts.

Suggesting solutions for hosts rather than berating them, would be actually helpful.

HTH

My family have been involved, I’ve hosted a flow of cousins, nieces and aunts on the family scheme.

I think you are wrapped up in a combination of self-righteousness and a need to prove yourself correct to the point it’s moving to hatred. It’s no simple ‘us’ and ‘them’ and taking that voice with me doesn’t help anyone either. It just fuels upset. I’ve said I’m aware of issues, I know there are some who are even scummy. You are in anger cherry picking bits to get angry over. But:

-Hosts being wonderful people doesn’t mean it’s a good scheme in itself, nor does it mean I shouldn’t criticise the flaws of the scheme. Great people, bad situation to operate within.

-other refugees being treated like shit in the uk neither fixes the situation nor creates an obligation to atone for their struggles.

The solution to a massive extent is:

  • stop getting so emotionally involved beyond what’s necessary. Take practical steps to end the relationship if it’s abused or a concern. beyond your house isn’t your worry, disengage emotionally from theoretical worries
  • stop getting angry at ‘Ukrainians’ or abusing the system. You can pick a race or nation from anywhere and do this.
  • stop acting like the kgb informant and don’t take the burden of a duty reporting people to the state and let the system do its job. They won’t be able to either show at appointments to claim or provide income or something, it’s probably not even much faster chasing after the and checking. It’s stressful and pointless ultimately, makes no difference really to anyone. For all you know they could take a massive loan and return home never to pay it. It’s out of your control, accept it as unlikely and forget.
what I did hosting on the family scheme:
  • gave timelines and some support finding rooms to rent in shared houses. explained that this was the only option
  • gave meal times I’d cook and when I didn’t, and a shelf in the fridge and cupboard for their food
  • really tried not to apply my morals to their lives and not engage in some conversations or things I disagreed with. For example they asked a question about UC I told them to discuss it with an advisor.
  • asked around in Facebook for job leads in English. They popped up in construction and hospitality and childcare easily, in situations where language wasn’t an issue. You don’t have to do this, but it was a language barrier sticking point.
I’m still not angry over it. Not perfect, it’s been difficult but the above helped. I have the feeling though, haven’t given the practical advice I used you will either be angry about it that I’m wrong or think I’m having a go at people. I’m not.

I haven’t done as much for people I’m related to as some hosts- I’m saying it’s ok to step back and it’s not the host’s obligation to attempt to fix the impossible. I think people need to hear than and not have the ‘refugee’ guilt when it’s misplaced.

MumEeeee · 15/08/2022 17:44

Also some things in here are very very relatable
-leaving things on the hob forever, overnight and heating. It’s disgusting and meant I couldn’t cook. I nearly went mad. Practical: I eventually got a charity shop saucepan and put it in ‘their’ cupboard after asking nicely too many times.
-smelly food in the morning, particularly 6am bacon cooked so high it stunk. No. Also grease over the cooker from this. Total ban and ignored the sulk.

People are far far more direct in Ukraine. No hints, no gentle talk. That’s maybe. Direct short sentences. Do not ever cook bacon before 8am. Ever. No. This is a rule. No. It’s cultural. That’s the only thing I can also think of l. Don’t speak always and presume the British way is clear. Very direct. Move things. Be firm and don’t stew.

MumEeeee · 15/08/2022 17:46

In March also. Heating the house. Clear agreed thermostat number and times. If they walk around in a sleeping bag for two weeks they’ll honestly adjust and it’ll move on. It’s easier than a never ending heating war in the long run.
Put a post-it on the thermostat if needed.

MumEeeee · 15/08/2022 17:50

DFOD · 15/08/2022 16:19

The irony here is I would be delighted if they were economic migrants - there are thousands of good jobs nearby - even if they worked part time - staff shortages are one of the reasons we are tipping into recession.

I am part of a large immigrant community to this country (arrived as a child) and that experience of grafting is core to my values. I appreciate that a refugee experience is totally different (trauma, hope to be temporary etc) but I have seen many many impressive Ukrainians get stuck in alongside others locally who need to not work as caring for young children or are emotionally vulnerable - so there are no unreasonable expectations IMHO.

I also arrived as an older child. I don’t hold different views.
Just to be clear my above posts aren’t to you.
I relate to the ‘grafting’ but I think in recent years Ukraine has changed a lot. There is more of a looked after generation emerging, like people moan about ‘millennials’ here. I imagine some of the UK millennial generation would act the same abroad in this situation. In every country there are some

Honeysuckle9 · 15/08/2022 18:07

@MumEeeee All of that advice is very helpful. From my and many other hosts point of view, the issues aren’t really cultural but around working or rather not working. The same way I have little time for an Irish person who decides to live off the state and not work, I have no time for a Ukrainian person who arrives and does the same and, after 5 months, I won’t have a young woman spending her days sitting around my house whilst we all work. She has to move on and I have no guilt about that now, Ive been really clear. I have however found her a rental. How she manages it is up to her

OP posts:
MumEeeee · 15/08/2022 18:11

Honeysuckle9 · 15/08/2022 18:07

@MumEeeee All of that advice is very helpful. From my and many other hosts point of view, the issues aren’t really cultural but around working or rather not working. The same way I have little time for an Irish person who decides to live off the state and not work, I have no time for a Ukrainian person who arrives and does the same and, after 5 months, I won’t have a young woman spending her days sitting around my house whilst we all work. She has to move on and I have no guilt about that now, Ive been really clear. I have however found her a rental. How she manages it is up to her

I totally agree

MumEeeee · 15/08/2022 18:15

I personally had quite significant cultural issues. I presumed being born there and related it would be easier (though some I’d never met before in hindsight, being here), but we struggled to relate. It was part of the work thing. Me having paid taxes/ fought for my share to them landing on ‘free money’ with no emotional link or feeling of responsibility.

DFOD · 15/08/2022 18:50

MumEeeee · 15/08/2022 17:50

I also arrived as an older child. I don’t hold different views.
Just to be clear my above posts aren’t to you.
I relate to the ‘grafting’ but I think in recent years Ukraine has changed a lot. There is more of a looked after generation emerging, like people moan about ‘millennials’ here. I imagine some of the UK millennial generation would act the same abroad in this situation. In every country there are some

Everyone in my house works full time - including my 15 year old who is on the long summer break between GCSEs and A Levels. My other one currently works 12hr shifts in a care home full time now as Uni holidays and part time during term time.

We are financially comfortable but my kids still graft as do ALL the middle class millennial kids of my wealthy neighbours in my (hard earned) very affluent area. I agree with - @Honeysuckle9 work shy claimants are not appreciated no matter what class or creed, local or immigrant - I expect in any society.

MumEeeee · 15/08/2022 18:53

I guess I’m less middle class but round here there’s certainly a lot of non working teens and jobless

DFOD · 15/08/2022 18:57

MumEeeee · 15/08/2022 18:53

I guess I’m less middle class but round here there’s certainly a lot of non working teens and jobless

Sorry that was not a boast - I am not middle class (my kids are) - it was just a point about expectations and work ethic not being connected to amount of money or comfort in the home.

MumEeeee · 15/08/2022 19:04

It’s also about area. I don’t know working teens here. Part time and care home work is largely adults, in particular immigrants and jobs are fought over. Less so in construction and hotels or more skilled jobs. There is a fair amount of poverty, long term unemployment etc. Some Ukrainians may be the same. Not working as a teen or in general is a huge deal in some areas, but the norm in some. It’s like taking a child from a hackney estate to the Home Counties and expecting them to slot in.

DFOD · 15/08/2022 19:11

MumEeeee · 15/08/2022 19:04

It’s also about area. I don’t know working teens here. Part time and care home work is largely adults, in particular immigrants and jobs are fought over. Less so in construction and hotels or more skilled jobs. There is a fair amount of poverty, long term unemployment etc. Some Ukrainians may be the same. Not working as a teen or in general is a huge deal in some areas, but the norm in some. It’s like taking a child from a hackney estate to the Home Counties and expecting them to slot in.

That’s not an accurate characterisation of my guests though - 3 mature, wealthy, professional, women with access to thousands of jobs in London - choosing not to 14 loooong hot weeks in.

Sellie555 · 15/08/2022 19:32

DFOD · 15/08/2022 19:11

That’s not an accurate characterisation of my guests though - 3 mature, wealthy, professional, women with access to thousands of jobs in London - choosing not to 14 loooong hot weeks in.

@DFOD honestly you’re a saint for putting up with this!

as you know, my guests are are extremely hard working. One is a hotel cleaner (was an accountant in ukraine), so a massive change for her. She hates it but is super focused on just trying to earn as much money as poss

the 19 yr old is working as a receptionist and she is basically giving all her earnings to her mum to look after, In preparation for them to move out and rent somewhere. I can’t imagine many 19 yrs old girls being willing to give every penny they earn to their mum; this just goes to show their work ethic and how conscientious they are to make a life for themselves.

the 13 yr old basically just studies a lot. She has decided to learn Japanese and Spanish during these school holidays!

they would be absolutely ashamed to know that there are Ukrainians staying with hosts and have not bothered to find work. It’s just absolutely not their world. But also goes to show that there are all sorts in the world, regardless of nationality ❤️

MumEeeee · 15/08/2022 19:36

DFOD · 15/08/2022 19:11

That’s not an accurate characterisation of my guests though - 3 mature, wealthy, professional, women with access to thousands of jobs in London - choosing not to 14 loooong hot weeks in.

They may just be indulged and lazy 🤷‍♀️

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