Support thread for those hosting refugees and advice for those thinking about it

[Honeysuckle9]

As per the previous thread this is a thread so we can offer support to each other and also outline the things we should be thinking about before making this leap

Maybe Have a look on Twinkl?

Thank you, yes twinkl have some free things thankfully

Host of a mum & toddler here, a month or so in. For those who won't provide food in the short term - how do you expect the guests to buy there own. The first payment of UC isn't for at least six weeks....we are cooking family meals which our guests are welcome to share. They have bought some specific items for their own use & have also cooked for us a couple of times. It's going to be necessary to be pragmatic I think...

I provided all food until our guest's welcome payment arrived then said we would provide basics while she found her feet. In reality I suspect I will continue to provide milk, eggs, bread, cereal, fruit and all the things you need for cooking (oil etc) as our kitchen isn't big enough for her to have her own. She usually eats with us at least once a week - I feel very awkward sitting down with the family without her. So although the agreement was that she would buy her food (she arrived with money from a job she had in Poland and we paid for her travel) that hasn't really happened.

Without UC it is not realistic for them to buy their own food. That is what the thank you payment could cover but no sign of it here after eight weeks!

Our guests for their £200 within days of arriving so we fed them those first few days and they've mostly bought their own food after that. I'd prefer that they share milk, bread, cooking oil etc as there isn't really enough space for separate versions and it causes wastage, but they seem to want to be independent. We take turns to cook dinner and DIY lunches

Anyone's guest looking for employment ? Ours applied for posts with Lidl/Costa as they'd expressed interest in taking on Ukrainians but no luck. She's waiting to hear from another company about another post specifically related to her old job in Ukraine, probably end of the week. Cross fingers it will be good news...She's said she'll return to ukraine if she hasn't got anything within 3 months. She wasn't in direct danger there - comes from odessa - but lots of sirens going off etc. She lost her job when the war started and moved back in with her dad. Not sure how I'll feel if that does happen..

I really hope she gets the job.

I am sponsoring (not hosting) three refugees who are still waiting to come to the UK. They are all trained in areas that mean they can set up as self employed. For example, the lady is a nail technician and has managed to bring some of her equipment and her partner is a builder/carpenter. They are also fortunate to have a car so he plans to drive for someone like Amazon initially. I know others who have taken on cleaning and dog walking jobs. I live in a holiday area so there is a big need for cleaning and it pays very well! The third person is a mechanic so I'm not sure whether a local garage will take him on but we sincerely hope so.

İ am starting to lose my head a bit now with it all.

I'm hot and bothered and tired of being cramped up in my tiny bedroom whilst the family get the run of the living room. I'm tired of the kids fighting and the 6 year old being so harsh with my 3 year old.
I'm tired having to eat upstairs to stop the baby trying to grab food from your hands. (Don't have a dining table unfortunately).
I'm tired of never having access to my saucepans and the saucepans not being washed properly so they're all going to need replacing when this is over.
I'm tired of the council doing nothing to help.
I'm tired of the washing machine being on every day, despite me asking for it to be on just twice a week.
I'm tired of my daughter being wound up by them all day long.
İ'm tired of having to hide toys in my room to stop them being ruined and therefore living in a junk room.
I'm tired of my things being broken or made dirty.
I'm tired of people asking me how it's going and looking at me like I'm an angel, when inside I'm so resentful all the time.
I'm tired of cleaning the kitchen only for it to be covered in crumbs all the time.
I'm tired of having to pretend to be busy when they ask me three requests a day of help, when all I want to do is meditate or watch TV or something and feeling guilty for saying 'no I don't want to' so making up excuses instead.
I'm tired of there being no support for hosts and even being made to feel unwelcome at the local Ukrainian support hub.
İm tired of having to chase everything they and I need.
I'm tired of calling the city and county council who keep passing the buck from one to the other about who is supposed to be rehousing them.
I got so sick of it all I snapped at the HSBC lady who said I had to sit on their computer and open the bank account for the Ukrainians myself, after having done every single other bit of paperwork for them, and after they refused to use a translation app.
I'm tired of them needing so much more than the average Brit. Oh the child has a sore throat, oh need medicine and a doctor's appointment, help me please. Oh the husband (who doesn't live with me but stayed the night and broke my only good knife) wants a car, help him find one please. Oh I have an online zoom English lesson in an hour, watch my kids. No I already arranged you a lesson with childminders included, you just didn't want to travel to a different town.
I'm tired of there always being something else which needs sorting and my home is still a mess because I have no time to keep on top of it.
I'm tired of somebody else taking charge in my own home and not having the language to deal with it.
İ'm tired of hearing a six year old who has been showered with activities and new toys whinge and moan about absolutely everything.
I'm tired of taking all the emotional strain of somebody else's worries and needs.

*just to clarify it was the staff at HSBC who refused to use a translation app, not my guest.
I also had a nurse refuse to get a translation app out for them when I took them to the walk in centre and looked at me to do all the translating for her, even though I'm not a translator!

@Shelovespawpatrol Oh I am sorry this is how things are working out for you.

I don’t know what the resources are but I suggest you look to re house your guests. Reading your posts I don’t really think this is fixable

@Honeysuckle9 that's the thing, I was considering it after two weeks and we had our initial inspection at the same time. The lady doing the inspection said they needed two bedrooms and would have to be rehoused. That was two weeks ago. I've chased and chased. İt's supposed to be being sorted but it's all so slow.
I did have a feeling that we might not pass the inspection but when the guest contacted me to ask to stay here she said she was happy to be in one bedroom as the kids always sleep with her, and I didn't want to leave her in Ukraine and decided to go for a bigger family than originally planned (child and a baby instead of one child only) just to at least get them in the country and get them safe. I was also finding it quite draining trying to find a match and they were the only ones who were definite about wanting to come to my location and situation. She's lovely, I have no complaints about her personally. Just the whole situation about leaving us to do every single thing they need, making us chase them to get them moved and for payments etc. We haven't even had a well being check after a month or a school place for her daughter. Or her universal credit sorted yet as everything's so slow and they want so many forms of ID. İ didn't expect all the admin to drag out so long and take so long. I would just like to know what is actually happening, so I can mentally pace myself.

İ also don't regret taking in a bigger family to potentially be rehoused, because their area in the west is now suddenly being bombed.

@Shelovespawpatrol I think sometimes the match just isn’t a match. Maybe a single person would have been better for you. Who knows. It does seem though that your guest could be managing things better from her end

İ think I'm mostly aggravated by things like the car comment today. She said her husband was looking for a car and wanted my help to find one. But then recently when I asked her if she wanted to find a place with her husband, she said no, she was happy here. Even though the agreement before she came here, from her own words, was that she wanted to find a place to rent with her husband. So my logic would be that, if you have enough money saved for a car, you have enough saved for a deposit and first month's rent and can afford with his job to look for somewhere to rent. So it feels like they would rather stay here (or at their future host's home) for as long as possible just to make more profit, and not feel considerate of how this would make me feel.
So then I feel used, and don't feel enthusiastic about helping all the time. Especially as she also has a brother who was already settled here and hasn't helped with anything.

You do sound very overcrowded. Overcrowding isn’t just about having enough bedrooms, it’s too many of you sharing the same living area. It puts you on edge and makes dealing with all the other stuff harder.
Good luck with the council, I hope they manage to rehouse her soon as it is clearly not working.

We have better news - child benefit has come through. I think the application went off between 3 and 4 weeks ago.

Our guest had to declare his flat in Kyiv and there was a question about whether there are any factors which will have affected the value of the property….

Sorry, that was on the Universal Credit forms.

I've name changed for this reply for a number of reasons, but mainly because I'm in despair about some of the experiences hosts and refugees have had to endure when dealing with DWP and Job Centres.

I have hands on experience with some of the issues that have been raised when dealing with UC, National Insurance, Child Benefit etc.

There doesn't appear to be a consistent approach from Job Centres around Commitments and looking for/preparing for Work etc, However, inevitably hosts have no experience of the benefits system in the UK, as they tend to be concentrated in the 'leafy affluent suburbs' and it'll be the first time they've experienced the reality of government policy.

Please feel free to DM me if you need help & advice and I'll try to help where I can. But I would urge you to lobby your MP to agree a consistent approach across all government departments when dealing with vulnerable, and often traumatised people who have been promised sanctuary and support by the UK government.

Thank you @helpforukrainians , I have messaged you.

We are having a few issues with getting around. We live on the edge of a small town, bigger town with more resources is a 15-minute drive or 30-40 minutes by bus (takes a bit longer at the moment, with roadworks). There's also a cycle route.

Mum has now decided not to do the free English lessons on offer at bigger town as it takes too long to go by bus. This is stopping her doing other things as well.

We have offered her the use of a car and would pay for the insurance but she is used to driving an automatic and doesn't want to learn to drive a car with gears.

We got her a free bike but she doesn't want to use it as she says the gears don't work properly. DH has offered to fix them. We do live at the top of a hill.

She is a lovely person, very smart - can find her way around easily with google apps etc - and I'm finding it a bit frustrating that she won't be a bit more adventurous. Her English is very flaky (I think she thinks she's better than she is) and she gets confused with her tenses, words like give/receive, leave/come etc which gives rise to lots of confusion. Lessons would really help,

She somehow makes me feel bad for living in an area without good transport - although the reality is that we are 10 minutes walk from an excellent bus route with 3 buses an hour (Ok sometimes one gets cancelled) which could take you to 2 mainline train stations from where you could get to anywhere in the country! Far better than most people in this rural area.the country. It's just a bit slow.

I am in East Sussex and just wanted to let people know the things we have found out /received / still waiting for .. to help our guest.

I met my guest in Poland. She was volunteering at a large Ukraine Aid centre. I explained that I was happy to host but v rural. That I have a car my daughter drives that I will insure for her too.. however as geared would
Need to practice.. (along side other side of the road. )
I applied on return to uk on first day of scheme. Visa application 25/03 and granted on 15/04. Arrived 12/05 as wanted to finish her volunteer placement.

Biometric applied for, day after arrival. Interview 05/06 granted on 15/06. Due to arrive tomorrow.

Uc claimed day after arrival. Processed after verifying passport at Job centre. Had to take her here every week. All a bit of a nonsense as she isn't job ready yet. Job centre is 20 miles away (2 nearer ones having closed) and it is not realistic to expect someone to spend £14 return getting to a Job centre (3 buses) and back for a 15 minute meeting.. so have managed to persuade them to do over the phone until she is confident to drive that far.. second visit to verify bank account..

£200 welcome payment took 3 weeks to get sorted.

UC first payment received 17/6

Called Red Cross and they send a 6 month pre-paid Sim.
A stage coach bus pass turned up last week. Free for 6 months.

Also last week someone delivered a laptop. Not requested - just arrived at the door with a reconditioned Dell from East Sussex county council. .. I have called and asked them to collect it. My lady has a Mac book and this needs to go to someone in need.

A bit 🤔.. at this. Am worried that many will except and flog them.. or give to others.. seems very reckless.

However - NOTHING from the council about host payments except regular emails saying they are 'about to start' .. and we 'will be contacting shortly' .. this has been going on over a month .
Still no DBS result despite completing council form on day scheme opened and completed second form on day she arrived.

Still no home visit . My village friends all in same boat. I find this deeply worrying. That people could now of been in unsuitable or damaging environments for nearly 2 months with no regulation..

I would of thought that welfare and safety - not to mention host payments (some of us are not wealthy large home owners and the additional costs are really affecting our l incomes) should of come a long time before laptops ?

Has anyone actually received a host payment yet ?

Our first host payment came last week (guests arrived 1st May).
Your council sounds a bit rubbish tbh. Our £200 came within a few days (guests arrived on Sunday of a bank holiday weekend, they collected it on the Friday) and they pulled their finger out with home checks, staff working evenings to get them done in advance.
I quite agree these things are more important than laptops! We arranged one through a charity called Reboot.

This event might be useful to some www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/supporting-ukrainian-refugees-a-marathon-not-a-sprint-tickets-369239985737?aff=odeccpebemailcampaigns&utm_source=eventbrite&utm_medium=ebcampaigns&utm_campaign=7562979&utm_term=ctaeventcard&mipa=ABIdvVtv_8K_vRFrKJNfM3Mv2eb7qWmLYDO03Xy3raQGUfeLKVh1ad3IsA9ejV7hKmDSA52sju28FlcSQ8uPABOSjDi0tlMX84OfBizCOunUFduy3RgQWBdTLSCsCU8MNhhcSkylJW5Npt48h5MySSPdjup9_jdISaMTNqpLOPn9CO9XXl_hh5A98qxh3HlqLwxW8O7ACAr1iIztIET1y9ys4ke5C5SLxHNPN29FDoEYhhD02-GM6xT_wdOQbeZjzslDfj6aa3bQ8fVFg4On49c-ha5-21E5rQ

Thank you that looks really relevant.

I'm amazed that in 7 years you've not found a solution for this. Fence panels are around £30 each so hardly a fortune.. couldn't you just knock up a few if it's bothering you so much?