AIBU to ask for money in postnup despite being a high earner?

[dillydally24]

I have been married for several years and am a full-time working mum of two (one toddler, one baby). My husband brought a lot of assets to the marriage (about £3m), the result of years of hard work. I brought assets too, but a fraction of that amount. Before marrying, I signed a prenup which left me with half the share of assets generated during our marriage. I am now asking to have that prenup replaced by a more generous postnup, as, if we were to divorce now, the settlement outlined in the prenup would leave me with assets of about £500k, of which about £300k would be my own savings. £500k is a lot, I know, but wouldn't be enough to buy a house in our local area where 4-bed houses cost £1.5m. I am asking for more, but my husband says I don't need it because my earnings have taken off since we married (I now make about £500k a year gross of tax) and I can afford to take out a big mortgage to make up the shortfall. AIBU to ask for more? I just want enough to buy a home for me and the kids without having to stress about a massive mortgage. He makes roughly the same amount of money a year as me.

Lol. Prenups. If it's that important to you get proper legal advice fgs.

Why are you saving more than him?

You know that prenups don't count for anything in English law?

First world issues. Get proper legal advice.

Are they his children?

Read the room...

Read the room dude. People here have actual problems. Renegotiating the division of your massive wealth is not a mumsnet problem. Speak to your financial advisor, surely you just have one with that income?

I've had legal advice - obviously I shouldn't sign a postnup. This is not about the legal position. I want to understand if what I'm asking for is unreasonable.

a lot of our problems are first world problems as we live in the UK. The OP is just asking for advice about a personal problem, unless mumsnet has a definitive list of what we are allowed to ask about, then you’re being pretty rude.

Don't worry, you'll probably be ok to buy a house on your wage. It might be tight but you may be able to get a small terraced house on shared ownership or something. 🙄

The problem of how to divvy up your £500k salary and your husband's £3m in assets is not something that many people are going to care about resolving for you.

Ohhhh some bitter ladies on here..... don't be so rude. Ignore if you don't have any nice advice to give.

OP, I don't really think prenups stand up in court in the UK. They may be taken into consideration but a court will overturn it if they feel it's now unfair or no longer serving its purpose. You now have children so I imagine that would be taken into consideration. I don't think you're in the wrong for asking for more but I wouldn't push it as a court would grant you what is fair anyway, and hopefully you'll never require the prenup unless you're unhappy in your marriage?

well yes, but that’s not really the point. The prenup was made pre-children by the looks of things, so there needs to be a better provision for the children now. In most cases the children mainly reside with the mother, so why should she have to foot all the cost and large mortgage when her husband wouldn’t. It doesn’t matter if the assets are £100k or £100m, it should be reviewed on the situation post break up and who has the main childcare responsibilities. But as another poster says, prenups aren’t usually unbreakable so her advisers should advise correctly.

I'm just wondering how you even have this conversation in a happy marriage. "Oh by the way hubby can we renegotiate our pre-nup... pass the milk..."

Absolutely!

Thank you for views so far. I know I am tremendously fortunate and that this is a "first world problem", but I genuinely am in a muddle as to who's in the right here. I'm not interested in the legal position (I've had plenty of good advice on that). I just want views on whether I'm being unreasonable to insist on more.

I'm afraid I'm not following the situation. You earn £1m per annum between you, but if you were to split now you'd be entitled to half the assets earned during the marriage which is £500k?

I think that with your joint income, you are in a very fortunate position. Surely you could quickly build up assets and investments which would leave you very comfortable if you were to split. And you'd retain your earning power too.

It sounds as though it would be fair to revisit the pre-nup. But I'm not sure if it would be healthy for your marriage to request a post-nup.

Is there a reason this is bothering you at the moment?

Are you planning on splitting up?

Eh? How has a bloke as wealthy as him and a woman with an income like yours generated so few assets during the marriage? I don't understand how there would be so little in the pot in the event of a split.

YABU
500k of assets and 500k a year is enough to buy a house at 1.5m . The money your husband earned before the marriage is ring fenced . All seems fair to me.

He's right

Annoying thing on divorce is it penalises the one who saved the most.

If it bothers you, spend more so that you're equally saving! If you are going to constantly tot up based on how much you have saved, you will drive yourself mad

You will both want what is best for the kids I would hope and that may mean he helps contribute to a house

i have more in assets and earn more than dp.

I don’t see why his pre marriage assets should have to be available to you. With your income you can increase what you would get on split, substantially, in a fairly short period of time.

You agreed the terms you married in. If You want to change those terms discuss it. But if I were him it wills make me reconsider the marriage. I would suspect you see a split on the horizon and now decided you want part of, what we agreed would be separate.

If you know the legal position, then you would know it really doesn’t matter anyway.

But how is this conversation even arising?

Are you planning on separating or divorcing?

In which case just do that.

Whilst I understand pre nup particularly before children I honestly can't imagine a single scenario in which a happily married couple with children would have this conversation.

We haven't been married that long. Also, our effective income tax rate is 50% and our expenses are high - mainly childcare and school fees.