AIBU to ask for money in postnup despite being a high earner?

[dillydally24]

I have been married for several years and am a full-time working mum of two (one toddler, one baby). My husband brought a lot of assets to the marriage (about £3m), the result of years of hard work. I brought assets too, but a fraction of that amount. Before marrying, I signed a prenup which left me with half the share of assets generated during our marriage. I am now asking to have that prenup replaced by a more generous postnup, as, if we were to divorce now, the settlement outlined in the prenup would leave me with assets of about £500k, of which about £300k would be my own savings. £500k is a lot, I know, but wouldn't be enough to buy a house in our local area where 4-bed houses cost £1.5m. I am asking for more, but my husband says I don't need it because my earnings have taken off since we married (I now make about £500k a year gross of tax) and I can afford to take out a big mortgage to make up the shortfall. AIBU to ask for more? I just want enough to buy a home for me and the kids without having to stress about a massive mortgage. He makes roughly the same amount of money a year as me.

Seriously, with those amounts involved get a decent solicitor.

To ask for more than 50% is unfair - it should be an equal split. Your kids won't suffer as I'm sure they'll be well taken care of by both parents and your respective family. You'll live in a gorgeous house regardless.

Are you thinking you might split up?

Yes I too am wondering if you are intending to split up?

OP knows the legal position which will encompass a least a nod to what's reasonable. Stealth boasts are boring.

Ignore the big numbers for a minute.....what has he been able to accumulate while you've been married?

Has your earning potential suffered as a result of being married or having children?

You note you have managed to save approx 300k and you would only get an additional 200k, does that mean that your husband has accumulated 700k to your 300k (so total household increase in assets of 1M and you each get half)?

If your career has not suffered from being married or having the children then I do see his point, it sounds like your salary would be sufficient to house you and the children in the manner you are currently accustomed. You would have a significant deposit and sufficient monthly income to cover the associated mortgage and bills.

I imagine that unless custody was split 50/50 you would also get a payment from him towards the children monthly, which I'm assuming wouldn't be tiny given the 500k per year salary (unless he is able to appear like he is earning less to the tax man somehow)?

If you are in England you would also be able to fight for a better distribution of assets as pre nups aren't legally enforceable, however I understand that bit is not what you're questioning.

So my answer basically depends on whether you've been in any way disadvantaged financially by being a wife and mother in order to facilitate his success.....if you have then I think you deserve more, if not then I don't think you do.

Oh give over, even at 50% tax and choosing private education, you will have more income than 99% of the population.

I think you are being ridiculous. If housing would cost £1.5m, using the 500k you would get as deposit/stamp duty etc you would need a mortgage of 1.1-1.2 million. On a salary of 500k that is just over twice your salary. Most people have mortgages between 4 and 5 times their annual salary. So in the event of a split you would still be incredibly comfortable.

As a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement has no standing in the uk with this amount of line I'd get a shit hot lawyer if you split and stop throwing good money at a non existent problem. If you divorce you'll be paying the lawyers plenty. Why pay them to draw up a contract with no legal standing? Why argue over an issue that doesn't exist? Forget the negotiations and spend the money on something that'll benefit you all instead

I think you shouldn't insist on a postnup because it seems too cold-hearted and like you are planning to divorce already. Also, given your earnings it does not seem like you will be left destitute by divorce. You would be arguing over 2 years salary not 20 years salary.

But do keep good records and if you did divorce you could try to challenge the prenup and get more. And make sure you save as much as possible of the massive wage to give yourself a good cushion in case work dries up.

I signed a pre-nup and the advice I received was to to review regularly and update with post nups as and when. Equally I was also told that once children were involved with no post nups the pre nup would be the starting position for negotiation but would not hold much ground.

In your case £500k in assets is bugger all, however your earnings on divorce would be considered and they are high so you are unlikely to get much of a share of you husbands assets.

I would personally get a post nup to protect my assets generated in the marriage up to the same level as my partner and then decide on an appropriate split after that. Would you be happy with that? I think women should receive some compensation for having the children in a relationship presumably you took some time off which may have adversely affected your career?

Goodluck, prenups/postnups are really unpleasant and emotive to deal with.

Surely if you earn 500k a year, you would know about this topic, and you'd also be able to pay for actual legal advice from a good solicitor, not resort to free advice from people that may not be knowledgeable.

This isn't a stealth boast, it's a bored person lying

Rumour has it you can get a decent three bed semi for under £400k in most towns. Less than a year's salary for you. You only need to worry about paying the mortgage if your head's so far up your own arse you've forgotten what's normal in life.

Who are you paying the school fees for if you have a toddler and a baby? Just send them to state school and buy a nice house using your income?

Why do you feel now you're more entitled to assets he earned pre-marriage than you did before? If it's because of children, then did you not anticipate having children when you made the pre-nup?

I doubt "I can only buy a 4-bed house in an area where they cost £1.5m" would cut it in terms of determining 'need' as plenty of women (and men) have to downsize or move areas after a divorce and, given your salary and the potential assets you'll be left with, you're hardly going to be on your arse.

So really, you're asking - is it unreasonable of me to ensure I don't have to compromise my standard of living if we divorce? And I think - yes, it is. Being a couple has its financial benefits, which you will no longer have. Them's the breaks (and in your case they're pretty good breaks).

Oh for goodness sake, its a public forum people can post what they like. No need for your sarcasm.

Not sure why you care whether MN thinks you’re BU or not, other than to brag about how rich you are. You’ve had legal advice, follow that.

When dividing finances in a divorce it's relative to the assets and earnings in each particular case. The fact that yours are very high in this marriage shouldn't dissuade you from an equal share on divorce for a long marriage with children. Why get married in the first place if you aren't prepared to share finances?

My understanding is that pre/post nups have to be updated every five years or so to be relevant in court as circumstances change. Personally I wouldn't agree to any further agreements and wouldn't allow any pressurefrom the party that benefits. If the marriage is ending the court will decide what's fair.

It just seems a little weird to be so bothered about what you’d get if you split up when you’ve signed a prenup and got married fairly recently.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. Having DC changes the situation. Assuming you will be primary carer, their interests need to be taken into account and I think this means a renegotiation of the prenup

Assuming no significant debt, 22k net per calendar month, 3k nursery/private school fees in total, 2k pension, 4k train to get into work.Leaves 12k , 6k for monthly living and 6k services a 1.4m mortgage

Isn’t your husband worried about the fact you now want to renegotiate? Screams “I’m looking to leave” to me.

So you’re earning far more than him? How much is he earning?

Wow so much bitterness on this thread. I don't earn anywhere near £500k a year but I don't begrudge anyone who does and they are not responsible for the cost of living crisis.

I think if I was in your position OP I'd get some proper legal advice on this. Totally understandable you want to protect yourself should anything go wrong and the first thing everyone on MN tells someone who's getting divorced is "get all your ducks in a row" so you sound smart enough to be considering things now just in case.

Hmmm… I’m a single mum earning £14k a year… how many f*s should I give 🤣🤣🤣

I don't want to leave my husband. We have our problems but we've been through a lot and love each other. All I want to know is whether it's crazy to ask for more than our prenup provides for. It's not a question of whether I can afford to service a mortgage on a house after we divorce, but whether I should have to. After all, I wouldn't need to live in a house at all if I hadn't had two children (I'd be happy in a one-bed flat if it was just me). While my income is high, I live in fear it won't always be so. I work in finance and things can change quickly. There's also the fact that I have contributed significantly more - both emotionally and in time spent - in creating and supporting our family at home. This has likely come at the cost of some career progression, but that's hard to prove.

Fucking hell. No idea why people are posting just to be a dick. If it doesn’t apply to you then don’t post, surely? Some people have more assets and their issues will be related to that. Get over it.

I don’t think it’s reasonable to touch his pre marital assets, but you can hammer out the finer details as to child residence, allocation of money for housing, school fees etc in the event of a split.