AIBU to ask for money in postnup despite being a high earner?

[dillydally24]

I have been married for several years and am a full-time working mum of two (one toddler, one baby). My husband brought a lot of assets to the marriage (about £3m), the result of years of hard work. I brought assets too, but a fraction of that amount. Before marrying, I signed a prenup which left me with half the share of assets generated during our marriage. I am now asking to have that prenup replaced by a more generous postnup, as, if we were to divorce now, the settlement outlined in the prenup would leave me with assets of about £500k, of which about £300k would be my own savings. £500k is a lot, I know, but wouldn't be enough to buy a house in our local area where 4-bed houses cost £1.5m. I am asking for more, but my husband says I don't need it because my earnings have taken off since we married (I now make about £500k a year gross of tax) and I can afford to take out a big mortgage to make up the shortfall. AIBU to ask for more? I just want enough to buy a home for me and the kids without having to stress about a massive mortgage. He makes roughly the same amount of money a year as me.

No, I'd not be paying for childcare etc to offset the previous difference in a prenup. You are younger and haven't had the chance to save, so you need to pay less in order to do so.

Personally I want to know what you both do for work (misses point of thread completely).

So you think because you had kids, you should never have to have a mortgage?

Despite being able to afford one, you just don’t think you should?

have I misunderstood that?

Has your advice addressed whether you will be in a better position with a revised pre-nup or whether a pre-children pre nup that is clearly obsolete might leave you in a stronger position should you separate, OP? As your DP isn't keen, you may well crystallise a worse position with a new pre-nup that will have more weight now you have children and with equal earning power, relatively equal power.

Have had prenup and subsequent divorce in England, although in very much more modest circumstances. My legal advice was that a prenup needs to be renewed after any significant life event such as house moves, children, redundancy; and in any event should be revisited every 5 years - otherwise you drift back towards the same divorce terms as anyone else.

In the event we reached agreement without solicitors.

@Andromachehadabadday I think the OP is saying that as her and her dh have very substantial assets she feels it is fair for her to have a larger share of those assets than what is currently agreed in the existing prenup. OP, you are not being unreasonable to want to adjust the prenup. Of course the vast sums of money involved clouds some peoples judgement. In principle, I do think it is reasonable to to review the arrangements.

I genuinely don't understand why you are wanting to change the prenup when you're not planning to split up! How would you even bring this up with your DH?

Hi OP - I probably think you are being unreasonable to ask for his money that he had before you were married. Half of assets acquired in the marriage seems fair to me, will increase over time and takes account of the fact that one of you may do more at home allowing the other to earn more. Also if your salary has taken off since you married it doesn’t sound like you actually have been disadvantaged in your career by having your kids. You also could afford a house in your local area and would also get child maintenance and/or your husband would have the kids some of the time. What is your thinking for why you should have a claim on your husband’s pre-marriage assets?

How many kids you got then,,,think you might want to work on your maths. 😂

cant be bothered to type my own reply as im tired , but im pinching this good one as its what i agree with . the whole point of a prenup is he protects all the money he made before he meet you , i dont think you should be asking to have that cash included in case of a divorce no ,its just bloody greed

I'm confused. Your initial post said you've been married several years and have a baby and toddler. Later posts you say we haven't been married long and you talk about paying school fees. Which is it?

High earner working in finance comes to MN for financial advice.

You earn £500k but think you would struggle to buy a £1.5m house with a £500k deposit..?

I think you need some better financial planning than anyone on here is going to offer you…

Okay, maybe this is for real....... in which case I'd suggest that the OP consults with a divorce lawyer specializing in high net worth individuals. Even though she doesn't plan to divorce (yet), such a solicitor will be able to help her sort out what she thinks she wants and what she might realistically expect to get.

But even if you do update the pre-nup, how secure is it really? Local chap to here signed one as his future in laws provided the funds for the couple's home.

he has since been unfaithful, she has kicked him out but he has been told he can argue the pre-nup and expect some sort of financial compensation, mainly based on the property increasing in value and his input, and she will have to compensate him for his current cost of living when the matter is heard. (5 years time in the courts in the country where we live). Or so he tells me...

Personally if you are happy as you are in the relationship, I would keep quiet about it. As another poster said, pre-nup can be challenged if they haven't taken into account life changing events, and if you keep updating yours, it's going to be more current.

either or, I think you need legal advice on your financial position.

As others have said the pre-nup is merely starting position and you can negotiate better in event of divorce. I'd suggest it would be more in your interests NOTto update, it is only your husband who will benefit from greater protection. You'd likely be better with the legal premise of 50/50.I would DEFINITELY not raise this again with your husband as it suggests you are seeking divorce and may have him thinking to try to hide assets he is accumulating now.

I assume the school fees are for kids from a previous marriage.

OP, you may be earning 500k now but you might not be when/if you're looking at dividing assets so it's irrelevant in my mimd. You don't know what life will bring - you could have a chronic illness, have given up work because of the needs of one of your children or simply lost your job and can't easily find another.

You shouldn't sign a post nup (I think you know that!) but if you insist on doing so it is absolutely reasonable for it to include provisions to allow you to continue to maintain the children's lifestyle (in the same way that would happen without a post nup).

But why are you considering signing a post nup? Is your DH suggesting it? Please listen to your lawyer!

Oh I've reread and seen you're the one asking for the post-nup. Why? This is not in the best interests of your children if you divorce.

does this cover what you would get for the children or just your own share? Are you assuming the children would be with you?

Let's reverse it. You bring 3m to the marriage. Not unreasonably you want it ring-fenced and your husband agrees. Equally, you ring fence has savings that he brings with him. You agree to split any assets 50:50 if there should be a divorce.
You both work full time and bring in the same wage. You discover he's cheating and decide to divorce him. He says he wants a share of the 3m of assets you brought with you.
Would you give him a million or two?

I think when separating you should get back from a marriage what you put in it.

That can be financial assets but that can also be support of your partner or time spent caring for children instead of furthering your career (I don't think that's your case). And also kid-related costs after separation.

Since I don't think it can be reasonably argued that you sacrificed earning power/career, then I don't think it's reasonable to ask more from your husband's pre-marriage assets.

The one thing that could be argue is that if you have the kids full time after the split you also need a bigger house and childcare, but he'd have to pay CS, so you'd have to figure out if the amount in CS is not enough to compensate for your own increased costs.

If you have the kids 50/50 then you have the same costs re housing and childcare, so I don't think you can reasonably argue that you should get more than him from the marriage (i.e. your collaboration).

If you were in need and he was rich there could be an argument about him making a gesture for the sake of the kids, but that is clearly not the case.

In short the only reason why you could morally have a right to his pre-marriage assets would be if the marriage cost you or impacted you more than him.

Yeah Sounds like your career progression really suffered having a baby and toddler when you are earning £500k a year 🥱

There are people starving & freezing because of the cost of living crisis, you to put it bluntly are loaded & frankly greedy. There are bigger things going on in the world than how many figures you could get off your husband if you split up.

@Marty13 - this is broadly the standard legal provision except that allowances can be made to ensure that both parties are adequately housed etc and the length of the marriage/relationship is taken into account. By doing a post-nup, OP is looking to throw away those protections.

Yes she earns decently now and it would be hard for her to argue her career progression has been impacted. What happens if one child turns out to have additional needs and both OP and her DH can't keep working at this level because of the need to support the child, medical appointments etc? What happens if the OP burns out and doesn't earn enough anymore to get a mortgage in their current area? What if divorce is in 20 years time and assets have intermingled so it's hard to know what of the money DH brought to the marriage is still there? By signing a post nup she throws away her legal rights for the court to consider circumstances and is simply left with a 50/50 split of marital assets regardless of the impact on the children.